Okay, so I had grand dreams of participating in February's Nablopomo. I had every intention of posting every day. Truly I did. It just wasn't meant to be.
For starters, Dr. T doubled my dose of Lyrica in an attempt to stop the raging fibro flares I was suffering through in their tracks. He was also hoping to prevent any future flares. So far, it seems to be helping, which means it's also knocking me out shortly after 9am, 3pm and 9pm for about 3 hours or so every day. Eventually, this will taper off until then posting is rather difficult because I have real life "Mommy" things to try and get done in those few short hours before my next dose. Blogging, unfortunately, just seems to fall to the side with all of the sleeping and Mommy-scrambling.
Had I known ahead of time that I would be doubling my dose I wouldn't have tried to take on Nablopomo this month. Oh well, lesson learned I suppose. Besides, there's always March, right? (lol)
1. What do you read when you are sitting on the toilet?
Whichever book I'm on in whichever series I'm stuck on and re-reading repeatedly.
2. Do you pee in the shower?
Uh...ew!
3. Do you always wash your hands after you use the toilet?
Yes, I do.
4. Do you allow someone to come into the bathroom while you are using the toilet?
Cleo is usually in there with me. Sometimes Elliott Richard or Emmett John will be in there with me, although Elliott Richard won't be permitted with me for much longer. Then Rob is in there with me when we're getting ready for bed at night. Yeah, after 3 kids you kind of lose your sense of privacy. (lol)
5. Do you clean your shower in the nude?
Nooooo...???
6. When you use the toilet at someone else's house do you go through their medicine cabinet and/or their bathroom cabinets and drawers?
No, I think about it but I'm always terrified that they will hear me opening the cabinet or drawers. So I leave them alone.
7. For the Men...Have you ever left the toilet seat up on purpose to irritate the woman in your life?
Last I checked, I was a woman so this doesn't apply to me.
8. For the Women...Have you ever fallen into the toilet because someone left the toilet seat up?
Yes, I have. The worst was when I was pregnant with Mr. Emmett John and I fell in at 3am. I was a seriously angry pregnant woman!
9. Do you courtesy flush?
Butt, of course. (lol) Ha ha ha, I made a funny.
10. Do you light a match or a candle or spray an air freshner when you are finished pooping?
Yes, I doo. (lol) That one was a total typo but still a funny one. =) 11. Have you ever fallen asleep on the toilet?
Again, I think I may have dozed off while pregnant with Mr. Emmett John.
12. What is the strangest thing you have ever flushed down the toilet?
I'd have to say tampons off the top of my head. There's just something about tampons that seems a little...odd to me. I don't know why. I know their purpose, obviously, since I use them monthly and all. They still strike me as odd and kind of freak me out. (lol)
I stole this from Jennifer over at BPD in OKC. I would say if you want to play along head over there and steal it from her but that's silly. Instead, I'll link you to the blog that she got it from Monday Mayhem. So head over there. Copy the questions. Answer them. And add yourself to Mr. Linky. =)
I've been on my Lyrica for quite a few months now with pretty good results. So I was hopeful. I was hopeful that we had a dose right off the bat that was going to work. I was hopeful that my days of sobbing and crying wishing for death because of a fibro flare were behind me. I was hopeful that maybe when I saw Dr. T later this month he would give me the OK to begin physical therapy, something he won't permit me to do until we have my pain under control for a while with medications. My hopes have been dashed.
For the past few weeks now I've been having a few minor flares here and there. Nothing major by any stretch of the imagination. Certainly nothing I needed extra medications to manage. I just needed to take things a little slower on those days. No big deal. Then there was this past week. I have felt as if I've been run over by a train of teamsters, beaten to a pulp by the best boxers known to mankind, set a flame and left a flame for no other reason than to watch me burn and finally my very badly abused and battered shell is taken and repeatedly crammed into a a very small space (like a coffee mug, or a play dough container, ice cream container etc).
I've been taking my medications but I don't think it's helping at this point. I think the ever colder temperatures and the added stress of Mr. Emmett John's hearing tests and possible hearing loss is just shoving me over the edge; past a point where the Lyrica at my current dose can help me.
Hopefully, Dr. T's office will call me back from the message I left yesterday and let me know what they think and want to try. Because I can't take many more days of collapsing onto the floor in tears and sobs while I ugly cry because I'm in so much pain.
I have decided that for the month of February I will be partcipating in Nablopomo, National Blog Posting Month. It started out as only November was for Nablopomo but now, well, now any month can be a Nablopomo Month. =) Now I don't how long or insightful all of these posts will be but I'm definitely going to see if I can't post once a day for the whole month. (lol)
Things are looking a little crazy at the moment. The blog is in a bit of upheaval. Please excuse it all. It occured to me the other day as I was organizing my files that my photos of Rob and the boys were outdated. Well Elliott Richard's and Emmett John's were from Christmas time but honestly they were just placeholders until I could find some that I truely liked. You're all probably wondering who the heck "Henry James" is...I need to post about him. It's coming. With a few other posts I'm working on. For now, just know that things that appear off kilter but I'm working it. =)
I took Mr. Emmett John to his Audiologist appointment on the 20th, whatever day that was. I can't remember anymore. You'd think I would remember that day. I feel like I should. I feel as if it should be etched into my brain forever:
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010 @ 3:00pm: Emmett John's world officially closed off forever.
Emmett doesn't like to have his ears messed with. Even to have them checked by Dr. H for a run of the mill ear infection I have to hold his hands down with one hand while I hold his head against my chest with the other hand. He hates it. So when she tried to put the little things in his ears to see if his eardrums even moved, forget it. The different and smaller little things to actually test whether or not he can hear sounds, not a snowballs chance. In stead she tried a rather crude method.
Emmett John sat on my lap with a little round tub of rubber beads to play with. The Audiologist Assistant (?) sat across from us to watch Emmett's face for startle reflexes and various reactions. The Audiologist left the walk-in-freezer...er sound-proof room and went on the other side of the little window. Then she began calling out to Emmett John through the speakers. She started at a whisper and increased her volume until she finished up screaming. He didn't flinch. He didn't move, startle. Nothing.
It took literally everything I had in me - everything good and bad and indifferent - to not react and accidentally tip him off.
Then when he wasn't responding at all. It took all those things not to tip him off and not to fall apart.
I was beyond devstated. My baby couldn't hear her. She moved on to the beeps because A) she has to and B) sometimes it seems as if he can hear loud, high-pitched cell phone ringtones. She began at a whisper and slowly increased the volume with the lower tones. Nothing doing. Then she switched to the high pitched tones. Again with the whisper slowly increasing the volume. Nothing doing. At one point she turned these monkey noise making toys on that sat in boxes above the speakers. He reacted to those and we all went wild. Then she said she wasn't comfortable marking that he reacted to the noise because he could have seen the lights out of the corners of his eyes.
My heart broke again.
In the end, she said that if Dr. H had not already been recommending the ABR she would insist upon it. His OAE had not shown any clear results expect that she felt comfortable saying that he is at least suffering from moderate hearing loss. She said that he cannot hear at 45 decibles, which is human voice. She then went on to explain that there is a very slim chance that he can hear at 65 decibles and above, which is a screaming human voice. However, she is absolutely comfortable saying that "he cannot hear at 45 decibles and suffers from at least moderate hearing loss".
I've been working on teaching myself basic American Sign Language with a website so that I can try and communicate with him in some way. He has to have something. I can't imagine what it must be like to not be able to hear anyone. Not be able to convey your needs to anyone. It's no wonder he's been walking about pinching and hitting and all out screaming for ages now. Rob and I spoke to Dr. H on Wednesday at Gavin's 10 year check-up and we also feel certain that nearly all the appointments where I drug Emmett John in to the office saying "He's fussy, won't sleep, just screams and pulls at his ears." he was pulling at his ears because he was likely losing his hearing and we didn't know it. If only I had followed my mother's instincts all those months ago! I wonder what may have turned out differently.
Anyhow I can't do anything about it now. What I can do, what I am doing is learning ASL so that I can communicate with Emmett John, at least until he picks it up as well. I'm not very good and I don't know very many signs. Emmett John seems tickled pink that he can understand though. He signed his first word the other night, Daddy, which was HUGE! I'm teaching Rob what I learn as I go along. I try and teach Gavin and Elliott Richard, too. Gavin wants to learn as much as I have to teach him. Elliott Richard flat out refuses to learn. He just keeps yelling at Emmett John in stead.
It seems that every time we start to find some semblance of normal around here...I don't know why we try.
We can't get in for his ABR test until March. Dr. H tried to convey to the lady that he would like Emmett John's case expedited. She got snippy and told him that the 25 children ahead of Emmett John would like their cases expedited as well but it doesn't work that way. Emmett John will just have to wait. Dr. H then asked that Emmett John be put on a cancelation list and she tried to make it sound all horrible - like I would decline because of short notice or something. Clearly she doesn't know me - well, obviously but you get my point. So now I have to wait for her to get off her high horse and call me with an appointment because she wouldn't make it with Dr. H's office because "that's not how I do things!" ARGH! Like things aren't complicated enough? I need a chick on a power trip?!
This whole situation is just making me sick. My fibro meds aren't nearly as effective any more. I'm having migraines all the time. It's just crazy. And because I'm the ASL one in the house right now, Emmett John is my shaddow. Never mind Henry, my new dog, whom you know nothing about, thinks that being supportive translates to being under foot where ever I go. Elliott Richard wakes up at 3am lately. Heck, even Emmett John has been waking up at 3am for some God awful reason! I don't know why he does it because unlike Elliott Richard, he's clearly not bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to go. He's just a great big fuss pot looking to make my life a living Hell - totally uncool.
My Mom is actually worried that I'm going to snap under all of the stress I'm under right now. I'm not sure if I should feel flattered that she cares so much. Shocked because she's managed to see through my facade so quickly when I've known other far longer and they're still in the dark. Or offened because she seems to think me so fragile. (lol)
Oh well, that's all we know on the Emmett John front. I didn't intend for it to be so long. Sorry about that. Oh, and by the way, if I ever refer to him as MJ it's just a carry over from signing. We've found that MJ is easier for everyone to sign (especially quickly for some of us) than EJ. So just make a mental note: MJ = Emmett John. =)
Yesterday I took Mr. Emmett John for his 18 month well-baby check-up with Dr. H. Tomorrow I will take him to the Audiologist to have his hearing tested. Physically, he's doing well. He isn't sick. Motor skills are right on track. He's still channeling Jack-Jack, which is absolutely exhausting. I honestly don't know how he does it. One minute he's right next to you then he's gone and there are 6 of him everywhere! On the bright side, his constant movement doesn't seem to be having any effect on his growth...
The Stats
Head Circ: 48.8cm (75%)
Length: 35.25in (98%)
Weight: 26lb 1oz (41%)
I spoke with Dr. H about my growing concerns about Emmett John's lack of language. He doesn't talk, period. He babbles, which basically means he makes the noises that don't pertain to anything. For Emmett John, MaMa doesn't hold any signifigance for him towards me. Neither does DaDa, BaBa or any of the rest of them. He just says them.
He doesn't seem to hear us either. Our house is set up in a circle - front room (living room), hallway, kitchen, dinning room - all in a circle. The other night Emmett John was sitting on the couch in the front room and I snuck around so I was about 2 feet behind him then I clapped. I clapped so hard my hands instantly turned red and I moved Emmett John's hair. He didn't even move. He didn't startle, flinch or anything else. We call out to him from across the room and he doesn't respond. Loud noises, quiet noises...it doesn't matter because he doesn't seem to hear any of them. The only ones that he sometimes seems to hear are high pitched cell phones.
I mentioned his complete lack of a startle reflex to Dr. H when Emmett John was about 5 months old. At the time though, he had so many other things going on that we needed to figure out that it was lost in the shuffle. Plus his hearing test at the hospital when he was born so Dr. H felt that the "wait and see" approach was probably best. I allowed myself to be poo-pooed into silence and ignored my mother's instinct. Here we are 13 months later.
Tomorrow we are going to the Audiologist for his first hearing test, the OAE. It's the regular hearing test to see if he can hear at all. After that Dr. H has referred him to the local children's hospital for the sedation hearing test, the ABR. He is also referring us to Help Me Grow for early intervention. Help Me Grow will help us to get started with Speech Therapy, Sign Language classes so that we can communicate until we find out what is going on and even there after. He's also referring us to Gavin's Developmental Neurologist so that he can be evaluated for Autism.
Dr. H said that Autism is on the bottom of his possibilities list; however, with the family history via Gavin and the significant speech delay he wants to be sure that all of the bases are covered. That way if he does happen to be Autistic we have early intervention in place, whereas Gavin was unable to benefit from those services. I agree with Dr. H, I don't think that he's Autistic. I think he's deaf. However, I will feel better knowing. Especially if the hearing tests come out a-okay.
I'm not going to lie here guys, I'm terrified for my baby.
Gavin has been a complete and total champ today. I wish I knew more about hearts. How they work. What a heart echo is *supposed* to look like. What a 12 lead EKG is *supposed* to look like. I wish I knew more about Marfan Syndrome. Does he really need another "Syndrome" on top of everything else?!?! How is that even fair?!?! I did some reading about Marfan Syndrome the other night. I stopped after reading that until recently the average life expectancy for a patient with Marfan's Syndrome was 32 years old. I wanted to run away when we told the nurse about the *Deme's genetic aortic dissections and the first thing she said was, "Ah, undiagnosed Marfan's Syndrome." *And she wrote it in his chart!!!* I don't want it in his chart! I don't want him to have another syndrome! So far today he's had an EKG and an Echocardiogram. I couldn't tell anything about about either test while they happened so everything looked bad and very horrible to me. So I stopped watching. Elizabeth Gorski
We are on our way to the pediatric cardiologist with Gavin. We've recently learned that his biological paternal grandfather and his biological paternal aunt both passed away of dissecting aortic anueisms (sorry about the spelling and lack of links I'm on the road), which is genetic. Gavin's heart is already special because its flipped and I forget what's that called at the moment. So now we're on our way to pediatric cardiologist - who got us in today during a phone call Monday morning if that gives you any indication how serious this potentially could be.
Please pray.
PS The title is how Gavin describes his heart pain. I thought it was given the seriousness of the situation. I wanted to remember it. Elizabeth Gorski
I'm done being sick.
I'm done being the downfall of our household.
I'm done being the reason nothing gets done.
I'm done being the reason everything falls apart.
I'm done being treated disrespectfully.
I'm done listening to how my illness(s) are the reason nothing gets done.
I'm done getting yelled at for over-doing it.
I'm done getting yelled at for not helping.
I'm done being treated like a second class citizen in my own home.
I'm done.
I have always been a journal-er. I've had a diary since I was 8 years old. I'm not one to necessarily write every single day. There have been times when I have gone for weeks and even months without writing. The more my children seem to mulitply and the older they get, the more this holds true. I've said it before and I'll likely say it again, I prefer my pen and paper journals to the blog. I love the fact that the blog reaches people. Whereas my journals simply sit unread. At the same time I love that my journals sit unread. I love that they are written in my handwriting, which will help serve as a window into my thoughts should my boys ever decide to read them. I also love that no one reads my pen and paper journals. I can write whatever is going on and not have to worry about grammar or spelling or hurting feelings or being misunderstood. It's my space. Plain and simple. So my question is this: How much is too much?
There are some things going on at the moment. Some of you are aware of them. Most of you are not. (Thank you to those of you who have been a huge help during all of it.) If I am being honest with myself, part of me wants to blog about these things. Part of me does not.
Can you tell the difference between these two boys? =)
Here...allow me to help you.
The gorgeous little boy (Good observation there Jessica!) in the top two pictures is a happy diaper-wearing 3 year old.
The gorgeous little boy in the bottom two pictures (Despite the horrible quality of the pics.) is a happy potty trained, underpants wearing "Little Boy" 3 year old.
(The "Little Boy" is very important because it was apparently our tripping point on potty training.)
Well, Christmas has officially come and gone. There are now...what, 364 days to Christmas 2010. Or something like that. Thank God! No offense to Jesus or Mary or anything but I'm telling you what...every year the Holidays get more difficult to survive.
I had everything planned out this year. I was going to start preparing just after Halloween so that I wasn't running around like a chicken with my head cut off come Christmas Eve. It didn't work. I didn't get any of the gifts made that I wanted to. I didn't get the kids all figured out etc so I could help them create their gifts for everyone. My Mom was the only one who's gift was completely finished in time to give to her. And I was running around up until 30 seconds before she came in the door to get that wrapped etc.
But it's not just the prep work. Or the decorating, which I can't even manage to find a way to get done anymore. It's all of it. It all seems so complicated. Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not a Scrooge by any means. I just noticed this is all.
Take toys for example. You have the gifts that Gavin and Elliott Richard received, which were taped in and twist-tied in. Am I the only one who thinks this is complete and total overkill? But I digress...their gifts are protected with the strength that I thought only Fort Knox could offer. Then you have Mr. Emmett John's gifts. Most of his gifts were what I affectionately call "Old School" toys. He received the pull behind telephone, the shape block sorter and the little "bed bug bopper". None of those were taped or twist-tied. You opened the box and pulled them out. End of story.
Heck even if you compare video games! When I was a kid, the Nintendo was the "in thing". Everyone either had one, knew someone who did and/or wanted one so badly they could almost taste it. True, by today's standards the graphics are horrid. However, the controls were easy and straight forward. Up was up. Down was down. You get the idea. Nothing was overly complicated. Now there are 3 different major systems with beautiful graphics in their own right. Each specializes in a different type of game genre. And each seems to have their own unique way of making the controls complicated.
Sorry to be all doom and gloom, I'm just over-whelmed from all the running and buying and wrapping and the going and visiting and whatnot. I still think it holds true though - things have gotten far to complicated over the years. At times, I really do feel that it's almost complicated simply for the sake of being complicated. But that's just me. =)
Aside from taped and twist-tied to death new toys (more pictures to come tomorrow), the Cheerios are doing well. We are exhausted and well-fed. We had a blast with family. And now we are all attempting to recover. Except the boys seem perfectly content to stay hyper and completely bouncing-off-the-walls. (lol) Our Christmas was beautiful and everything a Christmas should be. And we hope that you and yours had a very Merry Christmas!
After Gavin and Elliott Richard work us up for presents, we got ready and went to Grandma and PaPa's for Christmas Breakfast. Here's some of the family hanging out, drinking coffee and chilling while breakfast is finished up. (FYI we ate 45 eggs!!!!! OMG)
And of course, what is any picture montage without group picture of my Baby Boys - Daddy (not a Baby Boy), Elliott Richard and Emmett John. Emmett John had lost his patience for waiting for the 45 eggs by this point. (lol)
Presents!
After we after a huge breakfast prepared by PaPa and Aunt Kate, which was absolutely delicious! Then the guys did the dishes so Grandma wouldn't because she had to be at work at Noon. Once we were fed and cleaned up, it was time for presents!!!! =) lol
I took this picture of the bow on Jenna's gift because it was just the most adorable bow I have ever seen! Grandma made it herself too. And she says I'm creative. Pfth.
Family...ah who am I kidding...MORE PRESENTS! =)
Here's Mr. Gavin opening one of his gifts. He's always so serious. =) But even with very little sleep and so much going, he did really well.
Family Time
Elliott Richard loves this Pokemon game that Grandma and PaPa got him. There are little marbles and Pokemon cards. You shoot the marbles and they hit these triggers which causes the cards to *pop* up. Anyway, he adores it and Grandma was brave enough to play a few rounds the "Elliott way". Gavin was just kind of chilling and watching.
Relaxing
Here's Aunt Jenn kicking back and reading her gift, The Postcard Secret book. (Or whatever it's called...I'm too tired to go looking for it.)
Passing Out
After breakfast we all went our own ways for a bit, then we met back up at Aunt Carol & Uncle Rick's house for lunch/dinner (so what is that called? Linner?). It was huge and delicious - turkey, cheesey potatoes, brocolli cheddar rice casserole, salad, stuffing, ham and a whole bunch more. It was so, so, SO good! Some of us wished we could pass out afterwards with full bellies surrounded by family. Then there were a few of us, *cough* Kate *cough*, who did. (lol)
Just a quick Christmas 2009 at Home recap in photos...okay, sadly these are the only photos I took with my cell phone. The rest are on my camera and I haven't had the chance to pull them over yet. Thoes will come tomorrow. =)
Elliott Richard and Emmett John just after we decorated the tree.
(If you look carefully you can see that we only used candy canes to decorate this year. That way if they fell off and broke there wasn't any harm done; we could just eat the carnage. =) Also if you look again, you'll notice that the candy canes only cover the top half because I was trying (in vain) to keep Emmett John from stealing candy canes.)
Our sad little yellow "golden star" on top of our tree.
Elliott Richard kept asking so sweetly for a "golden star" to put on the top of our tree. Unfortunately, the ecomony being in the lovely state that it is we just couldn't get one this year. So I made one...sort of. I made this one, which isn't gold and it fell apart the day after I took this picture because the glue gave way. No matter. For a day or so, I was able to give Elliott Richard the star he wanted. =)
Okay, at least as far as the Boys are concerned. I might have a few things for others left to pick up. But the main things are done. Now the gifts that need created by the Boys, yeah, let's not go there shall we? (lol)
I can't believe Emmett John is 17 months old now. Time is going by way too fast for me. Geez, in 11 days he'll be 18 months old. I can't believe everything that has changed with him. Everything he's been up to.
His nickname has taken some interesting and unexpected turns. What used to be small and cutsie and bug based, is no more. (lol) Although I'm not sure why I'm so surprised. If you remember I went through the evolution of my Boys nicknames a while ago and it's crazy what happens. Mr. Emmett John now goes by either Jack-Jack or Indy, which is short for Indiana Jones because he tends to get into/find dangerous and troublesome situations. Jack-Jack is from the Disney/Pixsar movie "The Incredibles". And just for the record, dangerous and troublesome are entirely accurate descriptions.
(Okay, so while I absolutely adore my layout but it isn't exactly the widest layout ever in existance. If you really need to have the "volume control". Or the option for "full screen". Or the entire *waves hands frantically in the air*RIGHT SIDE OF THE CLIP! Then fine! Just double clip the movie or click RIGHT HERE to watch it on YouTube. If you really want to be that way.)
Anyway, moving right along. (lol)
Since I've brought up his dangerous and troublesome activities, I feel I should let you in on his new "Kid Tricks". Which aren't nearly as dangerous as the actual Jack-Jack, by the way. Let's see...what our Jack-Jack's been up to lately? He runs and sometimes I swear there are more than one of him (hense the "Jack-Jack" nickname) because one second he's climbing the back of the couch - like the flat back, not the cushion to back. But then as soon as he's there, he's on the stairs and then *BOOM* as up the stairs and down again. Then *BOOM* he's pushing Elliott Richard on a push toy. It all seems to happen within seconds and I swear there are more than one of him and they all move at super-human speeds!
He loves to play "tag". He'll play with just about anyone. With Maggie Sue. With Elliott Richard. With Rob or I. The catch is that most of the time we aren't playing. In fact, Maggie usually doesn;t even realize that she's playing tag. (lol) Basically, he chases her from the living room to the dinning room. Once there he "sqees" and runs away! Maggie hears him "sqee" and assumes something must be wrong, so she follows in hot persuit. And so goes the game of "tag" according to Emmett John.
The other "kid trick" he does that I just love, is when he point to you and runs. Every once in a while he will stand up and look around trying to decide who he wants to be held by. Once he decides, he'll point both index fingers at them "horns of a bull" style and run as fast as he can at that person with a huge grin on his face. I just love it. (lol)
I know I'm a horrible slacker mother right now. I'm not keeping up with what the kids are doing. For the most part, Emmett John is right on track. For the most part. There is just that one little thing. That one nagging little bit. Well, okay maybe it's a big bit. I can't decide.
He doesn't talk.
My gut. My mother's intuition. My inner-me. The inner-mommy. They all say that this is a Big, Huge, Waving, Warning, Look-at-Me Red Flag. Then I have well-meaning family members who tell me that Uncle Rick didn't say his first word until he was 2 and 1/2 years old. Uncle Rick is a wonderful, very intelligent man. He's one of my favorite uncles. Heck, he's Elliott Richard's Godfather so clearly he isn't a slouch in my book. And no disrespect to Grandma Gene but Uncle Rick isn't my Emmett John. I wasn't her. I don't know what her inner-mommy was telling her. I only know what my inner-mommy is telling me.
Problem is that even Dr. H is on the "everything will eventually be okay" train. First, he said "if he doesn't talk by 15 months then we'll worry". But Emmett John technically talked by 15 months. He said 2 different words. He said "cookie" maybe 5 times and "cracker" 1 time. He's never said those words again. He understands when we talk to him. He doesn't talk back. You can see he's clearly frustrated. Our faces bear the marks of his frustration. He's a pincher. Yesterday, he and Elliott Richard were standing at the baby gated enterance to the kitchen talking to me while I made snack. Well, Elliott Richard was talking. Emmett John wanted to talk. You could literally see it in his face but he couldn't get it out. Finally, he became so frustrated with the whole situation that he screamed and reached out and pinched Elliott Richard's face all in one swift move. It breaks my heart!
Now don't get me wrong he communicates some. He babbles. He makes what I call "pitch noises", which is where he does like the Tim Allen in "Home Improvement" guy "Arrrooo" thing at different pitches. So it isn't that he's mute because he isn't. He just doesn't speak in words or sentences. We've also heard that it could be because he's the youngest, perhaps we are speaking for him so he doesn't need to speak. We don't and he does. At times Elliott Richard will say, "Emmett John says..." and finish the sentence with some silly little 3 year old hilarity but very rarely to we actually speak for him.
In an attempt to communicate with him, some how I've been trying to teach him Baby American Sign Language. I only know a few words right now. But it's a start. I'm hoping that it will help Emmett John once he learns the signs for himself and he is finally able to tell us what he needs or wants. He "said/signed" his first word yesterday though, which was a pretty big deal around here. He signed "Daddy" to Rob. Then I asked him if he wanted to "sleep with Daddy" or "movie with Mommy" and he went with me. He went to the living room. Now when we sign to him, we say verbally what we are signing so he puts 2 and 2 together. In my experience, and it may just be wishful thinking, he seems to understand the conversations better this way. Only time will tell, I suppose.
I just hope he is able to finally find a way to communicate so he isn't frustrated any longer. It is one of the saddest things in the world to see your baby struggle that way. Knowing he has something to say. Seeing that he is trying so hard to say that and getting so stuck that he ends up striking out in anger when he can't. Something has to change for him very soon before this mama gets angry and starts to lay the smack down.
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Thursday, December 10, 2009 12:22:00 PM EST
And since I just received another one I'm going to have to do something. I just need to decide what that something is.
Any advice? (From someone other than the spammers.)
Its been a while since I've posted (sorry about that) but I felt like posting an "I Don't - Wednesday" today...and away we go!
I Don't Wednesday #6: KetZchup
I Don't ... Know why I haven't posted in so long.
I've started ketZchup posts but they are all so long and unfinished and the longer it takes me to finish them - the more behind I become. I hate being behind like this. So they are still waiting to be finished.
I Don't ... Know why I don't just start from the here and now.
You know...Say, screw the postS waiting to be finished and move on. To Hell with those damn wanna-be posts!
I Don't ... Know why I just wrote that "I Don't" because I do know.
I Don't ... move on because for starters, I'm suffering from some serious OCD. Secondly, someday I will publish this blog. Someday it will be added to the other journals I have that chronicle my life. And to cut those things out would be to remove large sections of my life.
As it is, I'm already not blogging HUGE, GINORMOUS parts of my life over the past 3 to 6 months because it has been made quite clear to me that if I chronicle those happenings:
A) I would be using MY BLOG against others. You know, because that's why I started it. Revenge. Spite. Viva la Revolution! And all that jazz. *insert eye roll here* B) I would be hiding behind MY BLOG even though the thoughts, feelings, expressions, etc that are/have been/would be covered (if I were to cover said taboo topics) have already been shared privately (via emails and a very few phone calls) with the parties involved. So I'm not hiding behind anything. But whatever. C) I would be discussing other people's lives and that isn't right. Nor is it fair.
Now I have not had a single complaint about my blog from people - except for a few loons who felt that I was being unkind to my dead-beat-dad exhusband once upon a time. So I stand corrected - by myself - that I have had a few complaints over that past 2 years or so. That being said, in case it has escaped anyone, I tend to discuss other people's lives on a pretty regular basis - when I can find time to blog that is. I discuss my own and those of my family (ie Rob, husband; Gavin, 9 year old son; Elliott Richard, 3 year old son; Emmett John, 17 month old son; Maggie Sue, nanny-dog; Cleo, cat). I discuss my sister, Trisha, my Mom, Mary. (See Mom, I'm posting again. lol) I discuss quite a few people. Yet no one else is screaming unfair. But don't worry ... I think I have come up with a way to discuss what I want without further pissing anyone else off. Hhhhhhmmmm........I'll have to think about that some more.
Anyway, I digress.
I Don't ... Believe how quickly the month of December is flying by!
I had it all planned out so that the boys could do our usual traditions - make ornaments, make Christmas gifts for Grandma & PaPa and now for Grandma Mary (who they are beyong super excited to include to the traditions this year!) etc. Plus there are Godparents to consider. Then while I get the gifts together for the 3 boys. I'm also putting together a group gift for the boys. Plus a few surprises. I've had it all figured out, planned out and ready to go on paper since mid-October.
I was so sure I had it all figured out. Then I forgot to take my Lyrica for 1 flipping day! Which has thrown me off by like 3 days! So I'm back to not being able to drive again; so unhelpful right now!
I Don't ... Know how to care for Gavin effectively all the time.
Sometimes its a breeze. Sometimes I see the damage others have done to him before the legal system finally got a clue. Before I finally got a clue. Sometimes that damage is more than I can deal with and I know that they knew what they were doing - whether they deny it now or not. Sometimes I wish for the chance to interrogate them about it, with the chance to only get honest answers and then smack them all silly in the end. Sometimes I wish for a winning Lotto ticket, too. None of those things is going to happen.
I Don't ... Know how to raise Gavin his way.
Elliott Richard his way. Emmett John his way. Without making any of them feel singled out. Without damaging any of them.
I Don't ... Know how to survive anymore.
Surviving is usually the only thing I know to do. It comes naturally. After a lifetime of various rings of my own personal hell. Surviving is as natural to me as breathing. Lately, I can't seem to remember how.
I have been trying to figure out how to reach out and find you. I know you are going through something very profound. I can't and won't pretend to understand how you feel and where you are. I know you feel so many different emotions and I can see all the pain and fear in your eyes even though you try to hide it from the rest of the world. I wish there was something I could do to help carry this burdon. I feel absolutely helpless. I know how hard it is for you to trust anyone anymore and rightfully so. You have lost a great deal or rather a great deal has been taken from you. Over the years you have learned not to trust anyone. You have been forced to put a wall in order to survive.
I have found over the years that I am paying a price for what others have done. I was hurt because I thought that after 10 years and everything we have been through I shouldn't have to prove myself.. I'm sorry it took me so long to understand...But I get it now...
Lizze, I only saw the doors you still had closed and I missed all the ones you have opened for me. I'm so sorry I didn't see it sooner but I see it now...
I am writing this because if I try to say this it will never come out right. Sometimes speaking isn't enough. You know I prefer to talk but I think this is a better way for now.
I love you so much. I want to thank you for opening all the doors you have. I understand how hard that is to do. You once told me you have let me in farther then anyone else. At the time I didn't think it was enough.. I want you to know that I didn't understand then. I'm truly honored to be where I am even if there are still some closed doors.
I need you to understand that I am here and I believe in you. I know sometimes you are feeling your way through the dark but you aren't alone. I will be here even I just sit outside the door patiently waiting until your ready open it for me.. I think I will quit while I'm ahead.
I have been listening to this song for a while now and I think it says most of what I have been trying to say....I think it fits us pretty well... Especially the refrain....It's 4am now so I am hoping this will make sense....
I love you,
Rob
I'll sing it one last time for you Then we really have to go You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done
And I can barely look at you But every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here
Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder And we'll run for our lives I can hardly speak I understand Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes Makes it so hard not to cry And as we say our long goodbye I nearly do
Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder And we'll run for our lives I can hardly speak I understand Why you can't raise your voice to say
Slower slower We don't have time for that All I want is to find an easier way To get out of our little heads
Have heart my dear We're bound to be afraid Even if it's just for a few days Making up for all this mess
Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear
Seriously, I've always had some strange "talent" for attracting crazy and insanity. Usually more crazy than insanity. Mostly stalkers. Some abusive exs. This time I've managed to get both insanity AND stalker. Clearly I haven't lost my touch. Yay, me. (That was sarcasm, btw. In case you're new to the blog.) Oh, and the best part? He's my cousin who I haven't seen or heard from in about 5years. Yeah...nice,huh?
Lizze
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A good Terrorist is cute and unassuming. This one is all cleaned up and ready for bed.
Terrorists are leary of letting go and having fun, especially when there will be proof of it later. Like pictures for example.
Slow to trust at first, the spirit of the 3 year old finally won out over the Terrorist. :)
Just Elliott Richard and I goofing off a bit...letting off a bit of steam before bed. Sometimes it's great having a tiny 3 year old Terrorist in the house. Of course, there are still plenty of moments when I'd like to ship him off - like just now when his playing with the "tiny ball" (trackball on my blackberry Ruby - yes, I named her but she's a post all by herself) while I was typing this post which placed an entire sentence worth of letters scattered about the rest of the post. *sigh* Ah well, the fun definitely out weighes the other stuff. (lol)
Gotta run! My Terrorist is frantically waving "The Cat in the Hat" with an angry pout on his face. This could get ugly...
Lizze
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I have been putting a "water mark" via Photobucket on my photos - both new and old. I am trying to keep these from taking too much away from the pictures themselves; however, at the same time I am trying to make it so that the pictures cannot be copied from my blog and printed out for personal use.
Again, I'm sorry for the generic nature of my "water mark". I will see what I can do to make it more professional and less intrusive in the future. For now, I have to work with what I have.
1. Tell us a story when you got jealous. I hate to disappoint you but I'm not the jealous type. Just ask Rob; it drives him crazy.
2. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My past and the effects it has on me. I hate feeling like a different person, or less than a person, or an incomplete person because of what I've been through and what I've survived. I wish I'd never been through anything at all. I wish there had never been any trauma to survive.
3. Who do you mess with the most? My hubby, Rob. My sista, Trisha. - for fun Myself, the head games I play with myself are by far the cruelest.
4. Do you have any special talents? What are they? Some say I'm a good writer. Others say I'm an okay artist. Pretty much anything creative seems to be my "thing". If you ask me, I guess my "talent" is surviving. Most shrinks agree that not a lot of people could survive my life.
5. If you could have a secret fling that no one would ever find out about, would you? Nope. It's wrong but if that isn't reason enough for you...See #3.
6. What's the furthest you've been from home? Florida and Texas.
7. How many Saturday 9 player's blogs do you typically visit? I try to visit each and every one of them - unless the link is broken. I only comment when the mood strikes me though.
8. Some great bloggers lose their "mojo" and quit blogging. Could you see that happening to you? I go through phases. Sometimes I blog multiple times a day and it still doesn't feel like enough. Other times it feels like too much to blog once a month or when something major happens. So I just roll with the punches and go where the wind takes me. That way I don't get completely burnt out and give it up altogether because blogging is important to me. I blog to keep a record of our lives for my boys since I can't really write very much anymore.
9. What's the biggest mistake you've made so far this year? Honestly, I've made too many to listen them all. Let's go with...not keeping appointments when I should have. Not speaking up when I should have. Not pushing for what my sons needed. Not taking better care of myself. Yeah, that'll do.
6 Things (Good or Bad) That You Credit Your Mother-In-Law For
1.) Rob. Does he have flaws? Absolutely. So do I. But he is a wonderful man, husband and father due in no small part to how she and Dad G raised him.
2.) A large chunk of what little sanity I have left. She's watched the boys for free - more often than not on a moments notice - so that I could go see my therapists over the last decade. Thanks to her whatever sanity I have left is due to her generosity.
3.) A lot of the inspiration and motivation I have to create my greeting cards. When the mood does strike, it's mostly thanks to her and Rob that I am able to do anything about it. A lot of my supplies were her's at one point. My magazines and such came from her as well. She's always been very supportive without being pushy of my creativity.
4.) The health and in part, the existance of Elliott Richard and Emmett John. Not because of Rob. When I was pregnant with both boys, she helped take care of Gavin and then both Gavin and Elliott Richard. She helped take care of me. She helped in so many ways that without her it would have been so much more difficult to have made it to the end.
5.) Two words: free babysitting. Yup, it's the one thing that no all grandparents do and/or believe in. But Grandma G loves it and helps out with it whenever she can. It's a Godsend and has helped us out of a jam - especially at the last minute - more times than I can count.
6.) Love, compassion and understanding. She gets me, which isn't something a whole lot of people can say. She knows that I like my privacy. She can tell when I'm having a bad fibro day better than just about anyone. She remember what foods I like, which I don't. My favorite drinks. It's like I've been her daughter forever; not just 8 and 1/2 years. She is one of the best people I've ever had the honor to know and I love her.
(Between you and me World Wide Web, I may have been robbed the first time around, but I won the Mother-in-Law Lottery this time!)
If you would like to join in the fun of the Small Talk Six just head on over to Momdot.com and grab the topic and the graphic. Enjoy! :)
1. The crickets sing, me to sleep on chilly fall nights.
2. Be true to yourself wherever you are, in whatever you say and whatever you do.
3. I want to get far away from the insanity and drama that seems to find me.
4. Every day of Fall, I wake up in pain; someone please, tell me this was a dreamnightmare.
5. But as for me I choose Edward, Twilight and OME.
6. As for me, I come from a place few have been to and no one understands.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out with Rob and Trisha, tomorrow my plans include sleep and recovery and Sunday, I want to take the boys trick or treating!
I don't ... eat liver and onions. I know I tried it once and it didn't taste horrible. It's just the idea more than anything else. Ick.
I don't ... eat peanut butter. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich will cross my lips only very rarely. I do eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, especially during the holidays because they always taste better then. But peanut butter is gross. There is just something about it...the smell, the texture. No thanks.
I don't ... eat Burger King. I don't know what it is about their food but I don't like it. It smells good from a distance. The closer I get; the worse it smells. I just won't eat it.
I don't ... eat cookie dough ice cream. Cookie dough alone? Yes. Ice cream of just about any other flavor (within reason)? Yes. That particular flavor? No. It spells complete sugar overload for me. I can't stomach it. I'm getting queazy just thinking about it.
I don't ... eat spaghetti with sauce. When I was pregnant with Elliott Richard, pasta with sauce was one of (if not the big) my food aversions and it just carried over. Now I struggle to be in the house when Rob makes it for dinner for everyone else. It just turns my stomach. I used to be able to eat at least pasta prepared different ways without the red sauce; not anymore. I can't even eat that since my pregnancy with Emmett John.
I don't ... eat chicken noodle soup. Campbell's chicken noodle soup is okay. But honestly, even that is pushing it. Rob loves chicken noodle soup, especially homemade chicken noodle soup. So he makes it quite a bit and when he makes it; he makes a lot of it. But I just can't eat it.
As soon as I can figure out how to make the graphic I want with the very limited graphic programs at my disposal, I will have these really cute graphics to go with a new thing I'm adding to the blog. It will be the "Ketchup" where I catch you up on whatever the topic is. Haha Isn't that cute? I thought it was. I just can't get the graphics I want made, which is frustrating me. However, I realized that I haven't posted an actual update in weeks so I guess I'll have to get started without my cute little graphics. :(
But that will have to wait until tomorrow because it's 12:36 am now and I need to go to sleep...soon. First, I need to finish some blog rounds. Nighty night all.
1. When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up?It would have been better - at least in my case - to phrase this question as "When you were young, what didn't you want to be when you grew up" but since it wasn't worded that way; I'll answer it the way it was worded. I wanted to be a piano teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a writer. There were actually very few things I didn't want to be. Oh and of course, a mother - that was the first one I can remember wanting to be.
2. Did you ever pursue that career?A mother, yes. Piano teacher, nope. I quit piano lessons after 1 year. Doctor and laywer, nope. Although just recently I was able to add freelance writer to my list of yes, which is very cool for me. :)
3. If you are not in that field, what changed?I opted to go the motherhood route first, which made studying the other fields more difficult. Not impossible true but definitely more difficult; plus with everything else I had going on with my first marriage and then seperation etc. Yeah, there really wasn't time.
4. What is your current job?Mother of three. Wife of one. Freelance writer. Greeting card creator when it's needed.
5. What's the best part of what you do?Mother of three: Watching my boys grow into individuals - each with their own likes and dislikes and wonderfully unique personalities. Wife of one: Knowing that I will get to spend the rest of my life with someone that I can grow old with and love. Someone who loves and respects me, for me. He doesn't try to control or abuse me. He simply loves me for who I am, not who he expects me to be. Freelance writer: Writing is a huge part of who I am. It's a part of my soul. It's been a desire of mine to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Greeting card creator: I get to be creative.
6. Do you have plans to do something else down the road?If something else presents itself along the road that looks appealing or that I have always wanted to do; I'll look into it. You never know. For now, I'm happy with my careers/jobs.
7. How did you get your present job?If you are a stay at home mom, how long did you need to plan that move? I'm a stay-at-home/work-at-home mom. I became at stay-at-home mom in 2003 after I lost my student worker job when I left college. It made more sense for me to stay home with Gavin than to work because I would be working just to pay for child care so I could work. I've been a stay-at-home mom ever since. I became a work-at-home mom first when I started making greeting cards in 2006. Then I added to it with my freelance writing job at Examiner.com this summer.
8. Did your parents influence your choices of jobs over the years?Nope, not in the least. Even when I was looking for my first job at 15-16 years old, my high school boyfriend Jay drove me to pick up applications and to interviews. They drove me to work once I had the jobs but I chose the places to apply and whatnot. I pretty much marched to my own drummer.
9. What advice would you give your children on careers?I want my boys to do whatever makes them happy. If working at the Circle K makes them happy and allows them to make enough to live off of, then more power to them. If they would like to go to college and become something else; that is obviously fantastic too. I will support them (emotionally) either way. Financially, I'm only supporting them for so long. I'm not the First National Bank of Mom here, ya know? ;) lol
6 of Your Favorite Sweet Treats in the Whole World
1.) Cheesecake. Hands down. I mean honestly do I need to remind you of this post, or this one or this one or even this one here? Because I will. If that's what it takes. I'm just saying.
2.) Chocolate. I am the original choco-holic. When I was about 13 or 14 years old I had a therapist that decided/determined in a very unscientific manner that I was allergic to chocolate. I decided that she was a quack and refused to go back. Like giving up chocolate was a viable option. HA!
3.) Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream. I'm still trying to understand how some of you have not yet had this wonderful dessert. It's just not right I tell you.
4.) Southern Sweet Tea. It's like standard sweet tea on steroids. So just like much of the South it's bigger and bolder. The tea is darker. The sweet is sweeter. It's great.
5.) Danish Puff. How I went through the first 20 years of my life without knowing the wonder that is Danish Puff...well, it just isn't right. Every Holiday Season Dad G makes Danish Puff. I think it's a Slovak tradition made of sugar and spice and wonderful fluffy things. Once they are all mixed together it's light and airy and amazing. Every year I try and convince him that I need 1 or 2 or 10 just me but he just laughs and hands me 1 to share (*sigh*) with my family.
6.) Cake. I'm not picky on this one. Ice cream cake. Wedding cake. Birthday cake. Chocolate cake. Devil's food cake. Cake is cake and all cake is good. Dang it, now I want cake. Hhhhhhmmmm...how to convince Rob that I need cake?
If you would like to join in the fun of the Small Talk Six just head on over to Momdot.com and grab the topic and the graphic. Enjoy! :)
1.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when my daily and/or weekly dose of drama will be limited to "Mom, he won't share that toy!" or one of my neighbors getting drunk and running her mouth.
2.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Emmett John will not be a medical mystery. He will not have any specialists and will only need to see Dr. H for well baby visits and the occasional sick visits.
3.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I can write what I want, when I want on my blog and not worry about who is reading it.
4.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I can pay my balance off to John (my attorney) and not have someone (who shall remain nameless - we all know who though) file something else. At which point, my balance will return again because John has to prepare to fight, again. It gets old.
5.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Elliott Richard will decided that he no longer "likes to be pee-pee soaped" and he wants to use the potty. Then we will only have Mr. Emmett John to put in diapers. And we will also be able to put Elliott Richard into pre-school, which I know he would love.
6.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Dr. T is able to find a medication or combination of medications that works to not only keep the pain from getting worse but also lessen it to some extent. That would be amazing.
7.)I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when the boys could spend the night away from home - some with their Aunt Trisha and Uncle John and some with their Grandma and Pa-Pa G - so that Rob and I can get away from home for a weekend. We haven't been away from home (hospital/NICU stays so do not count) since our first wedding anniversary, which was Thursday September 3, 2004 if your curious.
8.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I am secure enough in myself as an artist and a woman that I can sit and loose myself in my art and not be weighed down by thoughts of "It's not good enough" or "It's not perfect" or "Crap! It's all crap"...you get the general idea. I want to just get lost in my art and not care what anyone thinks; including myself.
9.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I don't need a therapist anymore. A day when I've put all the horrific pieces of the puzzle that is my life back together. The pieces I've carried with me for the past 20+ years. The pieces I've fought to hide out of shame for things I didn't do. The pieces I only see in nightmarish flashbacks when I sleep. Someday I'll have them all put together and I won't be haunted anymore.
10.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Rob and I have managed to survive the Terrorist 3's. I'm also hoping for that same day in the future ... when all three boys have also managed to survive the Terrorist 3's. (Whoever dubbed them the "Terrible 3's" was clearly either on crack, had never raised a child of their own or had been blessed with one of those rare children that didn't become a Terrorist between the ages of 2 and 1/2 and oh say 9 - since Gavin is still a Terrorist at times and I don't know when it will wear off.)
11.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when we are able to set up a routine and get into a groove and the slightest little thing doesn't throw everything out of whack.
12.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when my boys will grow up to be men. They will be happy and healthy doing whatever it is that they chose in life. I don't care their preference in partner or job. I don't care where they live, although I'd like it to be somewhat close to where ever we are. I just want them happy and healthy - in all ways. (Since obviously #10 needs tohappen first in order for this one to take place. lol)
13.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I'm spending far less time dreaming of the future and planning for it and a whole lot more time actually living in it.
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!
***Edited to say*** Okay, so I meant to finish this before it auto-posted at 8:00 pm on Thursday. Obviously, that didn't happen. lol Sorry about that. So now it is 9-ish am on Saturday - just a few days late - and I'm finishing it because the idea of a partially finished post on my blog is driving me crazy. lol
I don't ... regret leaving my ex-husband. If I hadn't left, I wouldn't have met Rob. Rob wouldn't have led to his family and I honestly could not have asked/prayed/wished for better in-laws - parents or siblings. They are amazing. Rob also helped me to create two beautiful boys. So really, what more could I ask for there? Oh yeah, Rob is pretty great too. ;) lol
I don't ... regret looking for Mom (aka Mary) starting when I was 16 years old. I don't ... regret finding her when I was 20 years old even though it didn't turn out how I had hoped. I don't ... regret looking for Trisha on MySpace on a whim 3 years ago even though that didn't turn out how I had hoped either. Because it's all turning out how I had hoped in the end, which is how it should be.
I don't ... regret standing up for myself or my family when it was the right thing to do. Even when it wasn't the popular thing to do.
I don't ... regret wearing my heart on my sleeve even though most would say it's "weakness". At least people have always known where I was coming from and where I stood.
I don't ... regret getting married by the mayor of North Cheerioville rather than having a big wedding that we couldn't afford and would have needed loans to pay for. Besides now I get to take the next 3 years to plan my dream wedding and make sure I can make it as cheap as possible. :)
I don't ... regret starting my family before everything else. That was the path I chose for my life and I stand by that decision.
Okay, maybe that's a slight exggeration but she did give me the Honest Scrap award for my blog. :) Something I'm super excited about by the way. :)
Jessica is from Mental Vomit, a blog which I simply adore! She and I have quite a bit in common but I won't go into the how's and why's, just trust that we do. Anywho, she has bestowed this wonderful award upon me and now I must abide by the rules of the award...and away we go!
*Say thank you and give a link to the presenter of the award {Check}
*Share “10 Honest Things” about myself
*Present the award to 10 other bloggers whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design or to those who have encouraged me
*Be sure to tell the 10 bloggers chosen that you are giving them the Honest Scrap award and provide the guidelines for them
Share "10 Honest Things" about myself, hhhhmmmm. I was planning to use something similar to this for my Thursday 13 this week. Oh well, let's see what I can come up with.
1.) I have been secretly coveting this award for as long as I've had a blog. I try to be very honest on my blog, without hurting others whenever possible. So I was seriously thrilled when Jessica gave it to me. (Yeah,I'm a dork, I know.)
2.) I have gotten so used to having migraines that it takes me an average of two weeks to figure out that I have a sinus infection and not just a particularly nasty migraine headache. Like now. Oy.
3.) I have been in therapy off and on for the past 15 years (since I was 14 years old) and I'm only just now finding out some of the serious reasons I should have started in the first place.
4.) When I was 9 or 10 years old, I wanted to have 6 kids. I wanted them all to be girls. I had all of their names picked out - most of which I had stolen from my favorite television shows at the time. (So think of all the popular tween shows from like 1989 and 1990 and you've got a pretty good idea of the names I had picked out.) Oh yeah, and I wanted sextuplets because I figured having them all at once had to be easier than one at a time to me. (Like I said, I was 9 or 10 years old. I knew nothing! lol)
5.) During my childhood, tween years, and teen years I was abused and misused by various different male individuals (and one female). None of them were ever held responsible - for various different reasons, all which were out of my control and had nothing to do with me "not wanting to". Is it any wonder why I've been in therapy since I was 14 years old?!
6.) When I have had enough...or I'm overwhelmed with a situation etc I begin to twirl my hair at the crown of my head (something my neice - who happens to look a lot like me when I was her age also does) or pick at my fingernails.
7.) I have two collections of angels. One set is made of various Christmas themed angels. The other set is a set of collectors Josef birthday angels. My Granny gave me both. I got a Christmas angel every Christmas and a birthday angel every birthday.
8.) You can tell how bad my migraine and/or fibro is on any given day by which of my pets are following me around the house. If Cleo is following me around; it's pretty bad. If both, Cleo and Maggie are following me; then it's really bad.
9.) I wish I were neat and organized but my brain literally doesn't work that way. I've tried to force it; but I just don't know how to make it think and work that way.
10.) I have struggled with the first 9 for like the last hour and a half. But I give up on #10. Sorry; however, some of 1-9 are very deep and detailed scrap so that should make up for the lack of a #10. lol And since this is my blog and my 10 Honest Scraps, I say it does. So there! (How's that for maturity for ya? Yes, I'll be sure to bring that up with Mollie (my therapist) next week. :p lol)
Now I need to present the award to 10 fellow bloggers. In no particular order:
And now that I've followed all the rules that come with this award, I'm off to...find something else to do. Watch television with Rob. Blog. Post some pictures to the blog. Who knows.
Just an FYI: I started this post at like 8:30am on Monday 10/12/2009. I wasn't able to finish it thanks in part to children, sinus infections/migraines, chores, and life until 11:00pm Monday 10/12/2009. It is now 1:51pm Tuesday 10/13/2009 and I am editing it because I was rushed to finish it by the previous stated time for the previous stated reasons. Now I am happy with the finished product. I think...
6 Unconventional Things You Think People Should Celebrate by Throwing a Party
1.) Divorce ~ All divorcees should have a party to celebrate the end of their lives together just as they had the beginning. It may sound heartless of me but I think it would bring a lot of closure if they did. Nothing wild and crazy, mind you (unless that's what they want), just something quiet and tasteful. Just the girls.
2.) Death ~ When I pass away I want my family to have a party, not a wake, to celebrate my life and what I meant to them. I want them to mourn me in their own way, in their own time. But when they come together, just before or just after my funeral, I want them to celebrate my life. Celebrate everything I survived. Everything I accomplished. The beautiful children I raised and the family I helped to create. My life.
3.) Gotcha Days ~ Gotcha Days are the days that Adoptive Parents got their Adoptive Children; hense the name "GOTcha Day". They should celebrate those days because they are special; it is the day when that child was chosen for those parents. When I was a child my adoptive family celebrated my Gotcha Day every year. Now that Gavin has a Gotcha Day, the Day that Rob's Adoption of him was final, we will celebrate it. I don't know if other Adoptive Families celebrate this but I think they should. It helps to remind the Adoptive child that while they may have joined the family through different means, they are just as special and loved as the Biological children. Sometimes Adoptive Parents seem to forget that.
4.) Sobriety ~ Sobriety is a challenge to achieve and once achieved it's a challenge to maintain. I think that some people celebrate this day on some level. I think they all should. Just like a Gotcha Day or a birthday, every year on the date with a big party. Without the alcohol, of course, having alcohol at the party is just silly. But it should definitely be a HUGE shindig, every single year.
5.) Midnight Video Game Releases ~ Whether some people want to admit it or not, video games are no longer "just for nerds". They are a huge part of everyday culture. As such, the truly popular games are released at midnight (much like the newest Harry Potter or Twilight movies) with big gaming tournaments in the stores leading up to midnight. I think it's only right that the gamers should then get together for an all-nighter filled with pizza, pop, chips, cookies, cake and candy...oh and the game, of course.
6.) NaturalDemise of Abuser/Attacker (natural meaning not caused by you) ~ If you have never been the victim and subsequent survivor of domestic violence, rape, assault etc then you probably won't understand this one. You also probably think I'm sick, twisted and morbid; which truthfully I am on occassion but this isn't one of those. All of the anti-anxiety medications and therapy in the world can only get you so far. A dog, alarm system and Civil Protection Order can only protect you so much. Even taking a self defense class, a few times, can only help to a certain point. The nightmares still come. Your life is still changed and tainted. Deep in your brain there still remains that one certainty, that when the abuser, the rapist, the attacker is dead...so is the threat. On that day, you will party. Maybe not with cake and balloons. Maybe just with the first good nights sleep without having to have the dog, alarm and medications. Either way, you will celebrate.
If you would like to join in the fun of the Small Talk Six just head on over to Momdot.com and grab the topic and the graphic. Enjoy! :)
1. Can you tell when someone is lying to you?With some people, I can. With others, I can't. It depends on: the person, the lie, and how well I know. Also how much I care whether or not I'm being lied to. Sometimes I just don't care.
2. Tell us about one of your flaws. Do you live with it or try to correct it?I tend to get tunnel vision and become very obsessed about things. Sometimes I live with it and sometimes I try and correct it. It all just depends on what I am obsessed with and why.
3. When was the last time you laughed hard and what struck you as funny?As sad as this sounds, I don't remember.
4. Tell us about a time when you should have tried harder.In high school. I should have gotten better grades and gone to college right out of high school.
5. If you won the lottery, what would you buy first?I will pay off all of our bills first - house, new car, utilities, credit cards - all of it, paid off.
6. What movie do you know every word to?Chicago & Twilight
7. What was the best thing that happened to you this week?Gavin had another amazing week. Rob was super understanding, compassionate and caring.
8. What was the worst thing that happened to you this week?More drama.
9. What do you think is the biggest difference between men and women?The ability to create children vs birth them. There are times I think we don't give men the credit they deserve. But then I change my mind because I'm a woman and I can. ;) lol
I haven't done a Google it in what feels like forever. So, I figured, "Hey, I'm in a blogging mood. Emmett John is sitting on Rob and watching the penguins. The boys are upstairs playing. Why not?!" Any away we go!
7 Oct 11:06:50 PM www.google.ca i believe that faith has brought us here...cheerios commercial ~I can't believe that people are still looking up this commercial. Okay, honestly I'm more surprised by the fact that people are still watching commercials. I figured everyone was recording television to skip the commercials by now. 7 Oct 05:11:37 AM www.google.co.in i love my baby and cant live without him ~Me too. Isn't it great? :) 3 Oct 10:09:11 PM www.google.com 4 year old boy refuses to potty train attachment parenting ~I hadn't considered this but now I'm starting to wonder...maybe this is Elliott Richard's problem. 2 Oct 02:00:22 AM www.google.com things i can't live without ~I just covered this not too long ago as my Thursday 13! Go check it out. 1 Oct 08:24:27 PM blogsearch.google.com vincent d'onofrio ~Oh how I *heart* him! And oh how y'all have devastated me by informing me of his leaving the show. I won't watch it once he's gone. I refuse. What's his face just isn't that good at "crazy". I'm sorry but he's not. Vincent fans know what I mean. And now because it's my blog and I can.... 30 Sep 01:51:49 AM www.google.com micropreemie autism high functioning ~Hhhhhhmmmmmm...interesting. I don't know if there's a connection but I'd be interested in doing my own search to find out. 29 Sep 02:02:55 PM www.google.com have you ever had a cheerio ~I've seen one. Have you? Just in case you haven't check out my badge at the top right of my blog...the background is a whole bunch of them. 24 Sep 12:26:14 PM www.google.com johnemmett.blogpot.com ~I was curious so I checked this blog out. It was a temporary blog. There are no posts. And the profile is empty. Bummer. 21 Sep 06:53:04 PM www.google.pl masochistic torture ~And again we find ourselves discussing Mr. Emmett John's future with our fine military. Assuming, of course, that there is a United States of America and a military to speak of once he's of age. Who knows...we may be American Socialist Nation by then. But we won't go there just now. 18 Sep 06:19:29 PM www.google.com cant live with them... cant live without them... but for more than 2 weeks!!! even years!!! ~I assume the "cant live without them" part brought you to my blog. Although I'm not entirely sure what this person was searching for. Men maybe? ;) lol 17 Sep 06:23:06 PM www.google.ae i remember when we were asking each other ~What?! "I remember when we were asking each other" WHAT?!?! What were you asking each other?! Why do these people torture me like this?! I'm curious by nature and these searches...oy! It's killing me! lol 16 Sep 02:04:11 PM www.google.se cheerio governor ~There's a Cheerio Governor?! Wow. I mean we have a Cheerio Mayor here in Cheerioville but we don't have a Governor because those are for a state as a whole. But that's cool. 13 Sep 06:35:11 PM www.google.com length of first cheerios commercial ~Another interesting search. I wonder if this was for curiosity sake or for a report or project or something.
1. Sweet dreams and sleep tight; don't let the bed bugs bite .
2. Three hugs and three kisses from three beautiful boys especially for me. 3. Silliness is our "brand of Herion" here in the Cheerio household. (Sorry, I couldn't help the Twilight referrence. lol)
4. There will be one more Ninja, Pikachu and a yet unknown stalking the night this Halloween.
5. Outstanding or not everyday that Gavin tries his best and doesn't threaten or assault someone is a huge success in my book.
6. A weekend to myself - no drama, no attention, no contact, no nothing - just me, Cleo (my cat) and Maggie Sue is what I want right now!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to surviving as best I can, tomorrow my plans include sleeping as much as possible and Sunday, I want to sleep some more! Although in a perfect world, I would get #6.
