My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Touching Elliott Richard & Gavin Stories

1:12:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I wanted to try and post a few positive things since everything has been so doom and gloom lately.

This morning I was laying in bed enjoying a lazy Sunday morning snuggling with Elliott Richard. He was just laying snuggling and pulling on his earlobe, something he's done since birth whenever he's tired or really content, and I was lazily drawing figure 8's on his leg. Finally I looked at him and asked him what he was doing, he looked at me, nose-to-nose, sighed and said, "Happy baby". This is one of those moments that Mommies live for.

Then a little while ago the boys and I were relaxing watching some Noggin and playing with some toys while Daddy was out and about doing some running around. Elliott Richard got up to get a new toy and Gavin and I heard this deafening *CRASH*! Elliott Richard had pulled his toy shelf over. Luckily he didn't get hurt at all. It just scared him more than anything. But Gavin was up out of his seat like a shot to make sure that his little brother was ok. He was in there, picking up the toy shelf (it weighes about 5 pounds), making sure Elliott Richard was ok and putting away all of the toys. It was sweet.

It's good for my heart to see my babies taking care of and loving each other right now.

*Insert Witty Title Here*

12:31:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I'm ready for the "storm" to stop. Seriously. Who do I speak to about these things? I understand that life is full of "it". I get that. But I need a break. I had a shrink tell me once that everyone gets "it". Some people get a lot of "it a"t once (ie. an "it" storm) and some people go through dry spells of no "it" but they get coupons for "it" in the future. And often all of those coupons come due at once, which means that rather than a 5 pound bucket here and there they get 10 ton tubs to lug around. However, in my experience the people with the coupons get to go for LONG periods without. And I seem to be carrying 5 pound buckets around for a good portion of my life. Not cool in my opinion.

Lately I've had my uncle die. One of my friends had surgery on a turmor within her spinal cord, which burst during surgery destroying all the nerve endings effectively paralyzing her from her belly button down, probably forever. She has a 6 year old with special needs and a 20 month old. And bless her heart, she's worried about me, my fibro and the fact that I just lost my uncle. And then there's just the day to day things that seem so much larger and overwhelming right now.

Never mind the fact my "darling" ex-husband has given me until the beginning of November to give him Gavin un-supervised every other weekend or he is going to sue me for sole custody. He knows he can't win. He knows I'll bury him alive, however, this is a game of emotional blackmail to him.

He's threatening me. "I'll sue you. I'll drag you, your precious family - including our special needs son - through the emotional wringer if you don't give me what I want. So now, tell me no. I dare you. Tell me I can't have what I want. Tell me you'd rather drag him through court than give me what I want."

I can't give him what he wants anyway. Only Gavin's psychologist can make this decision and she's not giving in either. We will not negotiate with terrorists.

CANCER SUCKS!

10:59:00 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
As of 7pm Monday, September 24, 2007, my Uncle Jimmy could no longer continue his battle with cancer and has died. Over the weekend they found more masses and believe his cancer had continued to spread. I went with my mom on today to see him in the Medical ICU. He didn't look like the Uncle Jimmy I remember. Granted we had a falling out nearly 5 years ago and I haven't seen him since, something I greatly regret, but he still didn't look the same. He was on a CPAP breathing machine, which is a step down from a ventilator. It was assisting his breathing but not completely breathing for him. He hated it. His plurisy wasn't improving. My daddy said that at 4:30 pm the Respitory doctor told him and my Aunt Cathy that the plurisy had basically taken over my Uncle's lungs, his kidneys were shutting down and he was too weak to fight. She made the choice every wife dreads. She took him off the CPAP and asked his doctors to make him as comfortable as possible.

I'm so glad that I went to the hospital today and saw him. While I was there I gave my Aunt Cathy a hug, told her I loved her and apologizied for the falling out 5 years ago. I'm glad I did that. Not that it matters. Not that it's what any of this is about. It's just good for me to know I guess. His death is hitting me harder than I thought it would. I think it's a lot of unresolved stuff from when my Grandmother died 5 years ago coming back. (Yes, the falling out had to do in part with my Grandmother's death.) I think it's partly because I just got my older sister Trisha in my life within the last year and I know that loosing her would absolutely devistate me beyond words so I can only imagine what this must be doing to my daddy. I think it's partly because this now leaves my daddy without any blood realitives that he's close to and that makes me sad for him. Plus it's just the fact that I've lost my uncle. He was a good man. He died a painful death. No one deserves that. At least no good person deserves that.

Uncle Jimmy, I love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that. I hope you knew how much I really loved you. I'm sorry for the mess 5 years ago. I hope you knew that too. Tell Granny I love her. Give her a big hug and kiss for me. I miss you. I'm glad you aren't in any more pain. You really didn't deserve that. I love you.

The Zoo

10:00:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
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My boys
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Gavin & his squished penny - he LOVES that penny!
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Elliott Richard stopping to smell the flowers.
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Elliott Richard on the wrong side of the "law". ;) lol
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"Bees" get away from MY flowers!

The Best Weekend EVER!

9:25:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
This past weekend ROCKED! It was freakin' awesome. There are literally no other words for it. Gavin didn't have school on Friday so Rob and I decided to FINALLY take that trip to the zoo that we'd been planning forever. (Pictures to follow.) While Gavin has been doing wonderfully since the visits have stopped (that's another post in itself) we were still worried that we may be in trouble with this day trip but things went better than we could have asked for. Gavin was...perfect. In all honesty, perfect is really the only word that comes to mind. We bought him a hat to help with the sun. He wore it. When I explained he also needed sunblock - something he would normally fight me on - he allowed me to put it on him, even his FACE! He listened the first time, nearly every time. He didn't take off. He didn't throw any fits. He didn't make demands. He had fun. He even went up and looked at the snakes - the one animal his terrified of - because he didn't want to be afraid anymore. (sidenote: We did NOT suggest, encourage, nudge or other wise mention the snakes to Gavin. He wanted to looke at them.) Rob and I were pleasantly surprised by the day. Then when the day came to an end and Gavin and I were picking out prizes for everyone, he was helpful and understanding of the fact that he could not have the most expensive toys. He even helped me pick out mine and Elliott Richard's!

I spent most of Saturday with my older sister Trisha. She went with me to have some bloodwork done. Fun fun. And then to continue on my quest for a pack of brown construction paper for my Christmas cards. I FINALLY found the silly paper. I honestly didn't think it would be so difficult to find. I could find it online for $1.00 a pack, however, it was nearly $6.00 for shipping and handling!!!!! NO THANK YOU! I finally found it at a local teacher's supply shop for $2.20 for 50 sheets. Wish I had thought to look there first. I would have saved a TON in gas! lol

Saturday night Rob and I were preparing for a "Date Night" - a VERY rare thing in our house - when my mom called. My Uncle Jim wasn't doing very well. He has cancer (lung, bone, and kidney (or liver not sure)) and was recently admitted to an area hospital for pluisy, which is a side effect from his radiation treatment. Well she called to tell me that we wasn't doing well and was admitted to the MICU - Medical ICU. She told me to enjoy my date night and she'd keep me updated. (Thanks Mom.) Rob and I dropped the boys off at his parents and went to dinner and decided to walk the mall and talk rather than go to a movie like we had planned. Overall it was fun. When we went to pick the boys up a childhood friend of Rob's was at his parents so he got to spend a few hours catching up with him.

In the grand scheme of our lives, a pretty awesome weekend.

1:04:00 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
1. Go to http://www.careercruising.com/. 2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark. 3. Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions. 4. Post the top ten results.

My Top 10 Results
1. Conservator
2. Archivist
3. Pharmacist
4. Curator
5. Director of Photography
6. Anthropolgist
7. Pharmacy Technician
8. Telephone Operator
9. Historian
10. Pediatrician

Funny thing is that almost all of my results were different careers in the medical profession. lol Guess I should have gone to medical school. I think 2, 5 and 9 fit me the most of the top ten.

BRING ON THE CRAZY!

12:39:00 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
Good God life is crazy. I swear there are days when the crazy just seems to build up and wait...before it pounces on me! *BAM!*

Gavin is doing wonderfully in school. Elliott Richard is learning a new word every day or so, which just seems crazy fast to me. My first PTA meeting is tonight. Well, not my first one like I've never been to one before...my first one as the Co-Chair. Although honestly, I'm more the Only-Chair now.

My Co-Chair found out this summer that she is pretty sick with two different tumors...one in her brain and one in her spinal cord. She was doing okay last month but now it turns out that she has to have surgery in 2 weeks. I can't even imagine. She's having major surgery on her back to try and remove a tumor that has wrapped itself around her spinal cord. I worry that there really isn't a positive outcome here beyond her survival. And I'm not sure that survival is much of future with a 6 year old (Gavin's classmate which makes him Aspergers as well) and a 20 month old. I think if I were given a choice between "mere survival" and death...I would probably take death. I don't want to be a spectator in my own life.

Wow...4 years...

11:15:00 AM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
Rob and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary on Labor Day. I can't believe we've been married for 4 years. We spent our anniversary at his parents' house having a cook-out with the whole family. I spent the day starring at my beautiful husband. Watching him play with Elliott Richard and Gavin. It was wonderful. Sure, he drives me crazy. And yes, there are times when I would love to "trade him in for a newer model". But when it comes right down to it, I love him. He's everything I never knew I wanted in a husband. And I'm so lucky to have found him.

Ah...true love...

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