My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

It's one of those days

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I'm exhausted. I took a crappy nappy with Emmett John this afternoon. It didn't help. I had hoped it would at least help with the raging sleep deprivation migraine I've got going on. No dice.

Then Elliott Richard and I were eating my organic Emmett John Friendly Oreo-type cookies. He had the cutest little mustashe and gotee going on. I just had to take pictures. So I grab the camera and crouch down to get on Elliott Richard's level. As I'm crouching a stabbing pain shoots through my right knee and then my knee gave out. I fell backwards. The camera went flying.

Now my knee is all screwed up, again. (It had just started to heal from me screwing it up the night we got Abby.) And the camera is broken. I can't believe I broke it 4 days before Mr. Emmett John's First Christmas! *sigh*

Google It!

9:58:00 AM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »

The following words and phrases have brought readers to my humble blog:

trileptal accidental dose (Ask Jeeves) ~ Wow. Trileptal questions are still bringing readers to the blog. I feel a little better that I'm not the only one who handed out an accidental dose though. :)

trileptal complexion (Google) ~ I didn't know there was such a thing as a "Trileptal complexion". Interesting....

brie cheese (Google) ~ Ah...cheese...I miss cheese.

i believe that faith has brought us here, so we can be together girl- cherrio commercial (Google) ~ Even misspelled searches for cheerio commercials bring readers to me. :D

greeting cards to mommy and daddy (Google) ~ We've got all three of those things: mommy, daddy and greeting cards. :)

m&m facts (Yahoo) ~ I am 99% sure that this person didn't find what they were looking for. My M&M's are sweet but they don't have anything to do with the candies. Sorry about the confusion.

My Child the Torture Specialist

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Mr. Emmett John has a future in the military. Interrogating terrorists. His specialty will be in the field of using sleep deprivation. I become more convinced of this as time goes on. I didn't realize how a kid could be a picky sleeper until Emmett John.

Because of his milk and soy allergies, if I have ANY milk or soy Emmett will wake up the next morning at 3 or 4am screaming. When I say ANY, I mean any. It's taught me to check labels 5 and 6 times so I can avoid that early morning wake-up call. 

If he is stuffy, he will sleep fine (stuffy and all) until about 4am (see a pattern yet?) and then suddenly he will wake-up screaming because he's stuffy. Now to me, he doesn't sound any worse at 4am than he did when we went to bed at 10pm. But for some reason he seems unwilling to deal with it anymore after 4am. 

And then, there was last night. Mr. Emmett John wasn't feeling good all day yesterday. However, when he was asleep is when he seemed the calmest and things were going pretty well for him. When he was awake, he was fussy and grumpy. You could just tell he was uncomfortable. So I figured when we went to bed for the night that he would sleep fairly well. Wrong. We went to bed at about 11pm. He was exhausted but wouldn't sleep. (I should have known then something was hinky.) At about 12:30am he finally fell asleep on my shoulder so we went to bed. He woke up fussing and then all out screaming by 3am. So he and I went downstairs so that Daddy and Elliott Richard could keep sleeping. He screamed and thrashed and thrashed and screamed until about 4:30-ish. At that point, I gave him some gas drops and Tylenol because I had exhausted all other options. Those helped him to calm down enough to fall asleep for brief period of time so long as he was on my chest. So I built a little fortress around us on the couch and dozed off and on while he slept for the briefest of periods. For the rest of the night, he would sleep for a bit. Wake up screaming. Nurse for a moment. Sleep for a bit. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Now it is 9:30am. I hope you'll excuse me if this post makes little to no sense; I am so beyond exhausted that I can't even see exhausted anymore. And now I'm off to try and accomplish something...maybe I'll wash some dishes. The laundry might be easier though. Or maybe I'll just pass out on the couch. Yeah, that's sounds like a better option.

Blech

12:31:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I feel...unsettled. Like I want to blog but don't know what to say. I want to draw but don't know what to draw. You get the idea. I've been working on the whole Ancestry.com thing but I've hit a wall. My sister, Trisha, and I have been working to try and untangle our family tree without a whole lot of success. It's almost as if her maternal great-grandparents didn't exist. (I say her's and not our's because genetically they are our's, however, I wasn't raised with any emotional connection to them so to me they feel more like her's.) I can't even find evidence that her maternal grandmother's maiden name existed, ever. It's crazy. It's been nice working together with her on this project though. Plus I've been able to harass and stalk her (I use those terms affectionately of course.) while we work on it. After all, what good is a little sister if she isn't being annoying? (lol) 

The Mob

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No. No. No. Not that mob. I'm referring to the lynch mob that hunted me down at Gavin's school yesterday. Apparently, I've been missed. And I promised a post. So here it is. Please remember I promised a post. Not an award winning novel. What can I say, I'm exhausted!

So here's the run down:

  • Emmett John now weighes 18lb 8oz.
  • He is 27.5 in long, which means he grew .75 inch in a month!
  • Gavin is holding steady with some pretty major meltdowns. He even threatened Rob one day and Elliott Richard the other. Not cool.
  • I have blown out my right knee, which wasn't difficult since I blew it out 15 years ago in gymnastics. I keep debating calling the doctor.
  • Elliott Richard is just as cute and sweet as ever. No real change there.
  • Emmett John saw the ENT doctor. He scoped Emmett's throat and determined that the hoarsness is from the reflux. The scope seems to have flipped a switch in Mr. Emmett John though because he hasn't shut up since the appointment. lol (As I write this, he is in his swing talk and squealing his head off.)
  • We've all been sick, except for Gavin, for the last month. We just keep passing it around. Right now is Rob's turn.
  • In an attempt to work through my identity crisis I have been living on Ancestry.com. Rob even got me a one month subscription for Christmas so I can continue my work. I've tracked some of my ancestors back to the 1500's! Pretty cool. Very satisfying. Very addicting.
  • And to wrap up my quick update in an attempt to hold off the mob, we got a dog. Yes, I know. This makes me certifiably insane. However, in my defense, we rescued a 2 year old dog. She's housebroken, knows most of the basic commands, is great with the kids and in my oppinion, absolutely adorable. Her name is Abby after my favorite character on NCIS. (Yes, I'm an NCIS nerd.)

And now my M&M's are calling/screaming for me. As are my dishes. So I am off.

13 Things I Miss Most Since Going Dairy Free

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Thirteen Things I Miss Most Since Going Dairy Free



1.... Cheese! I love cheese. I love cheese on foods, with foods or alone. I miss Farmer's cheese, Extra Sharp Cheddar cheese, Brie...you get the idea.

2.... Cheesecake! This may sound very similar to #1 but in fact it is very different and deserving of it's own spot. I love me some cheesecake! If you dare to doubt my love for cheesecake...well, shame on you!

3.... Sour cream! I put sour cream on almost as many foods as I pair cheese with. Tacos. French fries. Baked potatoes. I have been known to revolve my menu around what I can make to put sour cream on.

4.... Ice cream! Now the rice milk ice cream is nice. It's actually very good. However, there are only a few flavors. I miss mint chocolate chip and peanut butter-chocolate, just to name a few.

5.... Milk shakes! Again very similar to #4 but totally different and worthy of it's only slot. Sheetz has these frozen milk shake things that you put in their little mixer machine thing. You can decide between "thick" and "extra thick". I love them! They are the best milk shakes around and I miss them.

6.... Cake! I would about kill for a huge piece of ooey gooey chocolate cake with super thick chocolate icing right now. I'm just saying.

7.... Cookies! It is now officially Christmas Season and there will be Christmas cookies every where. I will not be partaking in any of them. :(

8.... Doughnuts! Rob offered to go get doughnuts for breakfast the other day. I was thrilled until I remembered I couldn't have them. We had eggs instead...so not the same.

9.... McDonald's French Fries! Did you know that they treat these delectable little snacks with some sort of milk derivative? Yup. In fact, most of McDonald's foods are treated with this same (or similar) product making my absolutely favorite fast food place a no go. :(

10.... Not having to read every label I come across. Okay, so this isn't a food that I miss but it is something I miss most since going dairy free. So in my book, it counts. Plus it's my blog and I'll list what I want to! :p (lol)

11.... Brownies! Ooey gooey double chocolate brownies....mmmmmmm...

12.... Pizza! It kills me to watch everyone else eating pizza. Probably more than anything else simply because no one likes cheesecake around here except me. Oh how I miss pizza.

13.... Cheesecake! Hey, it's my list and I'll list it twice if I want to!



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Block Castles in the Sky

4:11:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
Come on down Elliott Richard! :)
Things in the land of Elliott Richard have been pretty calm, cool and collected.

We're still working on the potty training, while trying not to push too hard. Not an easy task. He tells us when he's wet. He adamantly denies when his pooped, although it feels like a game. He still loves his Big Boy Lightning McQueen pants (Pull Ups) but unlike most potty training kids he doesn't care if he uses them. Some nights he stays dry. Some nights he pees through his diaper. I'm starting to realize just how helpful day care was in potty training Gavin. {Even with Pam trying to undo it all. But that's for another post. I'm saying that a lot lately, aren't I?} Now I feel at a loss for what to do without the day care to help.

We've recently reinstated nap time for Mr. Elliott Richard. He wasn't taking naps for the largest time because it had become such a battle to get him to sleep. Plus, he was doing okay without them. He seems to be going through a growth spurt at the moment though because he's a major grump without a nap. Half the time he was falling asleep in the middle of whatever he was doing by 5pm anyway. All that accomplish was to seriously screw up bed time, which as any parent will tell you is very uncool. So Rob and I have reinstated nap time. The best part is the fact that to accomplish nap time, Emmett John and I have to lay down with him. So we get a nap too. {woo who!} I love nap time.

That's about the extent of the life and times of Elliott Richard. Oh and of course the facts that he got another hair cut and he's going through a growth spurt, which amounts to him eating anything that isn't nailed down. It's rather unsettling to watch him go from eating like a bird to eating like a horse virtually over night. It's kind of nice though because watching him eat like a bird is unsettling in its own right. I'll be sure to post pictures of his new 'do later.

Tales of Strings and Things

6:10:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I know y'all are dying to know the news on the Gavin front. I apologize for not posting this sooner. It's been a crazy week and I have been beyond exhausted.

Dr. H's office called me bright and early on Tuesday (last Tuesday the 18th - Yes, I've keen working on this post for that long. lol). Gavin's x-rays were clean and clear. They didn't show any lumps, masses or balls of string in his stomach. At least none that were showing on the x-rays, which is awesome. Dr. H said that he's not really concerned with it being a serious health issue, as far as it being a threat to his life and well-being. So for now he wants us to keep an eye on him. If Gavin develops projectile vomiting, a severe stomach ache or develops issues going to the bathroom we are to call him ASAP because those are signs and symptoms of a bowel obstruction. So far we are doing well. He's still eating his blanket, which isn't what we would like in a perfect world, but for now it is what it is. At least until we can figure it out and figure out how to stop it. So for now we will watch him and pray that it stays status quo.

Other than the Pica, things with Gavin have been...well, things with Gavin. A daily roller coaster ride that never stays the same from one moment to the next.

Monday I spent the day at school working with some of the other moms to prepare a Thanksgiving feast for the students. It was a huge success! And now Thanksgiving break has started. Making today Day 3 with Gavin home. In the grand scheme of things, in the land of living with Gavin, has it been the worst we've ever had? No, not by a long shot. It was just one more trying and exhausting day after another in a long line of trying and exhausting days. Complete with a very dramatic, loud and public meltdown at Patty's office. He kicked, screamed, punched and threw things. All of which probably sounded like we were trying to kill him to an outsider. Fun was had by all, can't you tell?

13 Things I am Thankful for this Year

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Thirteen Things I am Thankful for

1.... Rob, my darling husband. He is the love of my life. I can't imagine life without him.

2.... Gavin Alexander, my beautifully unique oldest. His Autism definitely makes life more complicated and difficult, however, I'm truly blessed to have him as my son. He has helped me become the mother I am today.

3.... Elliott Richard, my kind-hearted trouble-making middle baby. While every baby truly is a miracle, Elliott Richard is my first miracle baby after I was diagnosed as infertile. I am grateful for him each and every day.

4.... Emmett John, my snuggle bug baby.

5.... My pregnancy with Emmett John ended with a happy, healthy baby boy and absolutely no time spent in the NICU.

6.... Rob's adoption of Gavin finally went through - completeing our family and putting an end to 7 years of emotional warfare.

7.... Everyone managed, by the grace of God, to survive the last 7 years of legal Hell and emotional warfare.

8.... Rob is so understanding of my health and physical limitations.

9.... My friends and family. Each and every one of you who has been there, loved and supported us during our struggles. First, while we fought to protect Gavin. Now while we struggle to find our footing again. You've never judged or attacked, only shown us unconditional love and support to the best of your abilities. I will be forever grateful for all of you.

10.... All of your (my faithful blog readers) positive thoughts and prayers over the past year.

11.... Laughter. I may not laugh as much as I like lately but I'm grateful for the times I do get to laugh.

12.... Dr D. and his amazing nursing staff and all their medical expertise for making #3, 4, and 5 possible. Rob and I firmly believe that without these wonderful people Elliott Richard, Emmett John and myself would not be here today.

13.... And my completely shallow thing that I am thankful for, my cell phone. While it's the polar opposite of girlie and what I want, it is exactly what I need and I couldn't get along without it. (Thank you to my darling husband for forcing me to use it. Somehow you always know...which is really irritating sometimes. ;) lol)



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Not Me Monday

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This week I definitely did not....
I did not.... realize that while I had only been cheating on my milk-free diet in the smallest, ney tinyest of ways that was more than enough to cause the 4:00 am wake up calls I've been getting from Mr. Emmett John. That would make me a mean mommy who had caused her baby's pain in a moment of weakness.
I did not.... find Gavin jumping {like ceiling brushing jumping} on his bed at 5:00 am one morning. Since he's 8 years old {chronologically anyway, mentally he's more like 3 years old} he has obviously already learned that bed jumping is a bad idea.
I did not.... then scream "Gavin Alexander what on Earth are you doing?!" scaring the pants off of him in mid-jump. Doing so would have increased both the danger and odds of him injuring himself, which we luckily managed to avoid.
I did not.... begin insisting that Elliott Richard take naps {which is often a battle to accomplish} so that Emmett John and I could nap with him. That would be selfish and self-centered and a desperate act of an exhausted mother of 3.
I did not.... secretly get excited that the paperwork for Emmett John's ENT doctor had come in the mail because I seriously love to fill out paperwork. Because that would be sad and probably even bump up my ranking as a nerd. {It goes back to the whole love of writing problem I have.}
I did not.... use a website to rate the reading level of my blog.
I also did not.... then have my feelings hurt when I learned that my blog is painfully simple and low on the reading level scale.
And last but certainly not least, I did not.... spend more time marveling at my M&M's (Mini Miracles) than doing housework this week.

Our Funkalicious Saturday‏

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I hate winter. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful and is home to some of my favorite holidays. However, it's also incredibly cold, which is not a good climate for those of us with fibromyalgia. Plus as beautiful as the snow and icicles are, they are Hell on the roads. Especially when there is currently a salt shortage which leads our "fearless leader" Governor Strickland to issue a statement saying that Ohioians simply need to learn to drive in the snow. {Jerk.} For his information, most of us know how to drive in the snow because we've lived here our entire lives. It's merely a matter of a little thing called "Public Safety" that we prefer to have the roads plowed and salted down. Silly Ohioians, wanting safe roads. {Pfth.} Looks like those of us without 4x4 vehicles are S.O.L. (Sorry Out of Luck) {That includes us, by the way.}

Anywho, back to the temperature and it's reeking havoc on my body. I am hurting. Big time. I slept horribly last night for two reasons. First, I was having some seriously bizarre dreams. The kind of dreams where you wake up, say "what the..." and then go back to sleep only to pick-up right where you left off. {I hate that.} Second, I kept waking up in excruciating pain. It was next to impossible to find a comfortable position and believe me when I say I tried. Lucky for me, I have about the best husband in the world. When Elliott Richard woke up at 4:00am but Emmett John didn't, Rob got up with Elliott Richard and left us to sleep in! {Woo who!} Granted, I'm not sure that 7:30am classifies as "sleeping in" but I'll take what I can get at this point. {lol} I had hoped the extra sleep would help to ease the pain. Unfortunately, it didn't. I still woke up in excruciating pain and with a migraine to top it off. Even after taking two extra strength Tylenol and a 3 hour nap with Elliott Richard and Emmett John; I still feel as if someone beat me with a baseball bat while I slept. Needless to say, I'm a tad grumpy today.

Today is my little sister, Jenn's 18th birthday. {Okay, technically she's Rob's little sister and my little sister-in-law. We choose not to use the in-law part though.} We are heading over to Mom and Dad G's for a birthday dinner to celebrate. First, we have to go shopping though. While I can't partake in the dinner {We are bringing Emmett John approved food from Burger King for me. Yum.} I'm still really looking forward to hanging out with the whole family. I just love these family dinners. {Although between you and me blogosphere, I wish people weren't freaked out by my nursing Emmett John. But that's another post, for another time.}

Well, we're off to party. Emmett John has been fed. And I hear a family debate brewing. :) I'll be back later with updates on the family.

{Ever notice how when you start a blog, get a rhythm going and then have to stop you can't quite get that groove back later? I hate that.}

Today's Twitter-isms

4:32:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I needed some pajamas to wear. Daddy offered his pajama pants and t-shirt. What wife can refuse her hubby's comfiest clothes? (lol) So I am wearing Daddy's comfy pajama pants and t-shirt. Elliott Richard is less than pleased with this arrangement.

Elliott Richard: Mommy, dose are Daddy's pants!

Mommy: Yes, they are.

ER: Take dem off!

M: Daddy said I could wear them.

ER: No! Take dem OFF!

M: Daddy, can I wear your pants?

Daddy: Yes, Mommy.

ER: Daddy, you wear Mommy's pants too?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daddy has an XBox 360. On his 360 he has what Microsoft calls "Arcade Games", which are games that you can purchase on the XBox Live network and download. Elliott Richard is obsessed with one called "Marble Blast" where you control a marble and have to navigate through these courses. Unfortunately, Daddy was working on the computer. This is the conversation that followed:

Elliott Richard: I play Marble Bast?

Daddy: After Daddy is finished working.

ER: I know! I play Marble Bast. *points right index finger to the sky* Perfect idea!

13 Random M&M Facts

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Thirteen Random M&M Facts

1.... All 3 boys were born on even numbered days (18, 4 & 26).

2.... All 3 boys were conceived in odd numbered years (1999, 2005 & 2007).

3..... All 3 boys were born in even numbered years (2000, 2006, 2008).

4.... They were born on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (so every other day) respectively.

5.... From induction to delivery I was in labor for 15 hours, 10 hours, and 10 hours.

6.... I was an odd numbered age at the time of each birth (19, 25 & 27).

7.... There are 6 years, 1 month, 12 days (or 2232 days) between Gavin and Elliott Richard.

8.... There are 8 years, 5 months, 8 days (or 3078 days) between Gavin and Emmett John.

9.... There are 2 years, 3 months, 23 days (843 days) between Elliott Richard and Emmett John.

10.... Gavin's name was picked out at 20 weeks. Elliott Richard's name was picked in shifts - Richard at 20 weeks and Elliott at about 30 weeks. Emmett John's name was picked out 24 hours (almost to the minute) before his birth.

11.... Emmett John was the earliest and smallest at birth. He is also the longest and heaviest at 4 months (3 months adjusted) old.

12.... Gavin was the longest at birth (21.5 inches). Elliott Richard and Emmett John tie for second place (19.5 inches).

13.... Gavin was 4 days late. Elliott Richard was 22 days early. Emmett John was 27 days early.



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My Visual Personality

8:40:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 2 Comments »
Youniverse Personality TestYouniverse Personality Test

Just for fun. Swiped from Katrina. It's actually pretty accurate.

Happy Hump Day!

9:02:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
It's Wednesday, the week is officially half over. So let's do a quickie...a quick loose-end wrap up that is. ;) lol

I can't wait for the weekend to get here. I love Friday to Monday because we don't have any appointments. Then between Tuesday to Thursday we are hammered! So I live for the weekends. (lol) Next week is Thanksgiving break at school. They only have school on Monday, which I will spend at school helping to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the students for lunch. So it's likely going to be a long week next week.

I'm thrilled to inform you that the Twins are both officially healthy again! I spent Monday morning scrubbing our Mudroom and making it fit for a sick kitty. So Cosmo had his own apartment for a while complete with room service! (lol) I got his pad all decked out for him and then Gavin and I stopped by the local chinese restaurant on our way home from school to pick up a pint of plain white rice. Once he ate that he seemed to make a complete turn around. Now all three of our kitties are back in the general population of the family. :) The added bonus being the complete lack of poo dribbles all over my house. :) (Woo who!)

The bane of our neighborhood existence is now GONE! (Double woo who!) There was a house the was once a part of our neighbor's Ron and Herman's house. Then when the city made our street wider they made the owners at the time remove a wing and relocate it. Well, it stood literally 6 feet from our garage. The people who used to live there...well, it was bad. They abused their dogs, which led to many calls to the dog warden and Humane Society from me. They abused each other. (One of our first nights here we had to call the cops because one of the daughters was fighting with her baby-daddy and he was brandishing a gun!) It was just a nasty situation. They were foreclosed on a few years ago. Then an attorney bought the house and left it empty. Well, transients were sleeping in it and it then someone has been setting empty houses fires lately, so we finally got the city to agree to destroy it. Yesterday while Gavin, Emmett John, Grandma G and I were with Dr. H the city finally came in and started the demo. They are wrapping up today, which is awesome! If someone had set fire to the house it was so close to ours that we wouldn't have stood a chance. It's kind of freaky though because they are breaking up the foundation and a concrete slab on the back of the lot next door so our house keeps shaking. It feels like they are nudging our house with the construction equipment. Rob took some video for me so I'll have to pick one and post it later. :)

I thought I had more to update on but I can't remember anymore right now. I still haven't heard from Dr. H's office but I will be sure to update when I do. I think I'm going to go lay down now...Mr. Emmett John got sick this morning and I'm feeling pretty nauseous myself. Ick.

ROTFLMAO

8:34:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »


This is Mr. Emmett John to a T! lol

Let's wrap it up

6:53:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
So we left Dr. H's office and went into the basement of the building to their Radiology department. Mom G hung out with Mr. Emmett John. We waited for maybe 5-10 minutes before the pager (like they use at popular restaurants) went off. I went back with him but then the Radiology tech kicked me out of the room. Gavin said he was okay with me leaving the room, so I went. Before I left I explained to him what was going to happen. He took one look at all the big tubes and whatnot coming from and going to the x-ray machine and asked if we were going to suck his stomach out of his body to take it's picture. (God love him.) I then explained again what would happen and tried my best to assure him that we were not going to suck his stomach out to take it's picture. I was an absolute nervous wreck while they were in there but Gavin did beautifully. He told me later that he was still a little scared about the whole stomach sucking thing but after the first x-ray (they took 2) he was okay. :)

Now we wait. As I said before, Dr. H said he will call me tomorrow and give me the results. If there is something there, we will formulate a plan of attack. If the x-ray is clean, we will just keep an eye on Gavin. If he gets worse, we will obviously call Dr. H back. So now we play the waiting game. Fun. Fun.

I just want to say that I am so incredibly proud of Gavin. Dr. H had about a half dozen newborn patients come in while we waited which threw his schedule off in a big way so we ended up waiting for like an hour in the waiting room. Gavin almost lost it a few times but for the most part he held it together. When we saw Dr. H he answered his questions to the best of his ability and he held it together. The x-rays went far better than I had even dared to hope for. It felt as if I had a hybrid of Gavin-before-Autism and Gavin-with-Autism. His answers and many behaviors were very Autistic. But the manner in which he handled the day was very unlike Gavin with Autism. It was nice and I am so proud of him.

Does this xray make me look fat?

12:34:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Dr. H came in with a med student. We talked. He cracked jokes about how my kids are on "very short list" of super difficult cases. (lol) He said hi to Mr. Emmett John. Then he checked out Gavin. Dr. H said his tummy felt fine. He sent us downstairs for the x-ray. If the x-ray doesn't show anything, then we'll keep an eye on him and report back if there's any change (ie. Vomitting, stomach ache, potty issues etc). If the x-ray does show something, well then the ride will get a whole lot bumpier and grumpier. Dr. H said we would form a plan of attack then if need be. So x-ray today. Phone call from Dr. H with the results tomorrow.

Hopefully Gavin does okay in the x-ray. I'll be sure to let y'all know.

Hanging in the Office

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We sat in the waiting room for about 45 mins. Now we're in the exam room. Today seems to be the day for newborns...teenie, tiny, sleepy newborns. I can hear them all screaming. Emmett John is content for now. Mom G is with me to help with Emmett John. Thank God for her. And the wait continues...I'll update when I have something new to report.

*vigorously waves the white flag*

6:03:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Didn't God see my white flag? Doesn't he understand that I can't possibly carry anymore? Can't he see how much pain I'm in? Hasn't he noticed how I'm buckling under the weight of all I carry now? Can't he see how much I'm struggling? How little sanity I have left? My patience is gone, too. Can't he tell I feel utterly alone? That I feel as if everything I touch falls to pieces. Can't he hear me screaming for him? Why doesn't he answer?

All I've ever wanted, ever since I can remember, was a family. The stereotypical American dream...a house, a husband, a cat and a dog, 2.5 kids. Granted I have .5 more kids and I traded the dog for 2 more cats than the stereotypical American dream but you get the point. Now that I have want I wanted, I don't know if I was up for the challenge.

I've read the poems about being a parent to a child with "something more". I've heard the euphemisms. It's all crap. Complete and utter crap. I didn't plan a trip to Italy and end up in Holland. I am the mother of a child with special needs. Technically, if there is something more complicated than special needs, that would probably fit better. So far Gavin's laundry list of diagnoses are:

Asperger's/Autism
PTSD
ADHD
Bi-Polar
OCD
Sensory Integration Disorder

And now it has come to our attention that Gavin may also have Pica. Apparently he has been eating toilet paper and the stitching on his comforter. Last night he came downstairs and asked us if his gums were bleeding. I told him no and asked why they would be bleeding. He cheerfully informed me that he sometimes cuts his gums when he's eating his blanket. So we had the food vs non-food conversation. During which I asked him why he would eat toilet paper and his blanket. He said because it tastes good and we don't feed him enough so he eats these things.

Now I don't owe anyone an explanation on this matter, however, I will offer one. First of all, we do feed Gavin enough. In reality he eats more than me, the nursing 28 year old grown woman. Also because of his Autism and various mental disabilities he does not possess the ability to self-regulate so we have to limit his access to food. We have tried in the past to allow Gavin to eat until he feels he is full. What ends up happening is he eats until he vomits. Then after he vomits, he tries to go back and eat some more. So we cannot allow him to attempt to self-regulate during meal times. We make sure that he at least gets all of the suggested values on the food pyramid everyday. So please, rest assured that Gavin is getting plenty to eat.

I checked his comforter last night to see which part of it and how much is missing. All of the "decorative" stitching that holds the center of the comforter together, is gone. He's eaten it. The fact that he's eating the toilet paper actually solves a mystery Rob and I have been pondering for a while, where does all of our toilet paper go. Now Gavin believes he's been eating his comforter for 2 years, however, I know that the last time I washed it (maybe a week or so ago) all of the stitching was there. Just to give you an idea of Gavin's mindset about this whole situation, while I was checking his comforter last night Gavin asked me if I would be replacing it. I told him no. Then I aksed, "Why would I?" His response, "Because this one is almost gone." Yup, he expects us to help him continue this behavior. (Oy vay.)

Obviously it's not a good thing that Gavin is eating non-food items. This is new territory for both Rob and myself so the first thing I did was call Patty. She said that contrary to what Gavin is claiming, she does not believe that we are not feeding him enough. She has seen his inability to self-regulate and as such trusts that we are feeding him plenty. She said that us not feeding him enough is an excuse. She doesn't have a lot of experience with Pica so she suggested I call Dr. R and Dr. H and ask them for their thoughts. So I called both of them and left messages with their nurses. Dr. R said Pica is more of a physical, developmental disorder and we should call Dr. H. Then Dr. H's nurse called back. He wants to see Gavin tomorrow (Tuesday) morning and then he will likely refer us for an x-ray. Dr. H wants to make sure that the string Gavin has eaten hasn't formed a solid ball in his stomach because if it has and it tries to make it's way through his system in one piece it will likely cause a bowel obstruction. And so that is where we are now. (By the way, it's 8:30am on Tuesday now because I had to take a break last night when my laptop died.)

In 2 and 1/2 hours I will pack up Gavin and Emmett John. We will pick up Grandma G and head to Dr. H's office. While we are there I will change Gavin's name! (Yay!) Then our morning of ultra-fun, super cool doctor's appointments and tests will begin. (That was sarcasm by the way.) I will update from my phone on Twitter while we are gone and if I get a chance I'll post updates to the blog as well.

Prayers and positive thoughts would be much appreciated.

*waves white flag*

8:29:00 AM Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
This was my Sunday:

  • Woke up with a migraine and a fibro flare? Check.
  • Twins still sick and dribbling poop everywhere? Check.
  • Tried to nap but in too much pain to lay down? Check.
  • More cat poop? Check.
  • Massive Emmett John diaper blow out, which equals still more poop? Check.
  • Doubled the laundry to be washed thanks to dribbles and blow outs? Check.
  • Broke the light switch in the ceiling fan in our bedroom? Check.
  • Cut power to the whole house when I was supposed to only cut it to the bedroom? Check.
  • Then spent an hour and a half in the living room with lit candles and all three boys while Rob inspected the damage, went to the store, picked up dinner and fixed the switch? Check.
  • Fell asleep begging God for a single night of sleep without waking up every hour? Check.

PS. I got the sleep. :)

Google It

7:35:00 PM Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »
cheerio confessions ~ Yup, that would be my blog. Welcome! :)

what should be done with an accidental dose of trileptal? ~ Ouch. We've been there. I hope it turned out okay for you.

confessions of a cf husband ~ A wonderful blog about a beautiful family - Nate, Tricia and Gwyneth Rose. Tricia has CF and had a double lung transplant this year. Gwyneth Rose was a micro-preemie. You can check out their story at Confessions of a CF Husband.

susanb573 blog ~ An intelligent blog about Susan's journey through surrogacy. She has carried two sets of twins for two different gay couples and is currently planning a sibling project for one of her sets of IP (Intended Parents). I think her story is facinating and you can check it out at Adventures in Surrogacy.

morelli chaos ~ This is the blog of a dear friend of mine. I have known her for about 3 years now. She is a mother of three and a nurse. I absolutely adore her. You should check out her blog at Morelli Chaos.

legos and safaris ~ Well, we certainly have plenty of Legos around our house. As for the safari, I've never been to one but life is pretty crazy and jungle-esq around here so nothing would surprise me at this point. (lol)

not me monday ~ Ah yes, MckMama's blog meme/carnival. I love Not Me Monday. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.

song that goes how many times can break.. ~ This would be Rob's current favorite song.

Oy Vay!

11:12:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Okay, so we met with Dr. R yesterday. We have opted at this time to not try another Bi-Polar medication because we want to be sure the dust has settled from the Trileptal reaction. However, he is now thinking that while Gavin's official diagnosis is Asperger's, which is a high functioning form of Autism, Dr. R feels that he is now moving up and down the Autistic Spectrum between varying levels of functionality.

Imagine a bead on a string. The end of the string in your right hand is high functioning Asperger's. The end of the string in your left hand is the lower functioning Autism. Typically, a child with Autism/Asperger's will have knots on either side of their bead holding it in place. This does not seem to be the case for Gavin. He seems to move freely between varying levels of functionality. So for the moment we are going to keep him on his current medications and try and just keep him grounded as much as possible. Dr. R wants us to try and interact with him as much as possible, even if all we are doing is playing next to him without any real interaction at all. Hopefully, that will entice him out of his head and back to the higher functioning land of Aspergers.

Overall, Gavin has been doing pretty well lately. We are still having our moments of attitude and back talk, which is so irritating. But for the most part he seems to be making every effort to...not be a rude little snot? (lol) Things could be finally looking up just a bit. Only time will tell.

Let's see...what else.

So I've been reading MckMama's blog for a while now. I am hooked. I admit it. I follow her on Twitter. I have her blog listed on Viigo. I check from my laptop. Anywho, she calls her children MSC's, which stands for Many Small Children. I like this. I decided at the pediatrician's office the other day that I would call my boys M&M's, which stands for Mini Miracles. I feel I should share this with you so that you will know what the heck I'm talking about if I ever say M&M. I am not referring to the candy. Just my very sweet and kissable Mini Miracles.

Moving right along...

The Twins are sick. Oddly enough, my beloved Cleo is not. Which tells me that Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber have been getting into or gotten into something that is not agreeing with them. If only they could be satisfied with the bowl full of cat food but since they aren't and since they choose to eat things that cats should probably not eat, they are sick. And by sick, I mean with the runs. They are pooping all over my house! It is gross. It is disgusting. And yet, I can't seem to do anything more than laugh hysterically while I help Rob clean it up. Okay, I cannot lie, well, actually I can but I choose not to. Honestly, Rob's been cleaning it up way more than me. However, in my defense, I'm usually caring for an M&M when I spot the poop spots. So we looked up the issue on the web since it really doesn't warrant a trip for two to the Vet ER. And seriously, we don't have like $3000 to take them. Well, the web says that they shouldn't eat for at least 24 hours to give whatever it is that is irritating them a chance to work it's way out. So we've taken the food away and been feeding Cleo while she's locked in the bathroom. The Twins are less than thrilled with this arrangement. But life sucks. Maybe if they would stop eating bad things they could have a bowl full of food again. But they won't. So they're sick. And my house is...well, let's just not think about that right now.

And last but certainly not least, the paperwork for the adoption has come through! Everything is really official now. I will pick up our copy on Monday from my attorney and then I can drive all over God's creation and change Gavin's name. :) Those papers also mean that Gavin will never go to Nick's or his mother's again. He will never see them, talk to them, hear from them or generally contact them again - at least while he's a minor. Whoo woo!

And with that bit of amazing good news, I am going to get Emmett John ready for bed and go catch some zzzzz's before it's 4am, which arrives way to fast.

Obiter Dicta - What?!

5:00:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I was looking for a way to say "comment" in an unique and unusual way. www.dictionary.com gave me this:

ob·i·ter dic·tum [ob-i-ter dik-tuhm]
-noun, plural ob·i·ter dic·ta [ob-i-ter dik-tuh] .
1.
an incidental or passing remark, opinion, etc.
2.
Law. an incidental or supplementary opinion by a judge in deciding a case, upon a matter not essential to the decision, and therefore not binding as precedent.

I liked that I hadn't seen it on any other blogs. Plus I felt that the legal reference made it uniquely fitting to my life and blog. :)

Hope this helps. :)

A Super LONG and Long Overdue Post

8:14:00 AM Posted In , , , , , , , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Okay, Emmett John is fussy so this is going to be the fastest update I can manage. (Yeah, right. lol) Please forgive me if this seems jumbled and disconnected, Emmett John and Elliott Richard aren't big on sleep at the moment.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in nearly forever. I simply haven't been in the mood, which stinks because I was hoping to partake in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) but I can only do so much. I do apologize though if my being MIA has made any of you worry.

Gavin

About a month ago Gavin was started on a new bi-polar medication, 150mg Trileptal BID. Everything was fine. It seemed to be working. His moods were gradually evening out. Then the bottom fell out. His moods took a nose dive. He began rapid cycling again. So we called Dr. R and he decided to double Gavin's dose to 300mg BID, which he had planned to do anyway. So two weeks ago, we double the Trileptal. We give Gavin his meds and proceed with getting ready for Gavin and Elliott Richard's flu shot appointments. On our way to Dr. H's office for flu shots, Gavin broke out in a serious rash. Dr. H wasn't in the office but one of the other peds saw him and confirmed that it was a reaction to the Trileptal. She said that there wasn't anything we could do for the itching (apparently Benedryl doesn't work on drug reaction rashes), so that was fun. We were told to keep an eye on his breathing etc but told he should be fine. (Ever try explaining to an Autistic 8 year old that he can't scratch and you can't help the itch? Yeah, I don't recommend it.) Since the ped wasn't worried, we sent Gavin to my Mom's as planned. At like midnight or 1am our phone rings. Gavin now has a fever, the chills etc. His breathing was fine so Mom gave him Tylenol for the fever and we all went back to sleep. He was fine in the morning so it appeared that the worst had passed. Until he got home. The chills, fever etc had returned. He was now running a 104 degree fever! So Rob is calling Dr. R and Dr. H's offices trying to figure out what to do. I'm trying to get Gavin comfortable and giving him Tylenol etc. Dr. R's office decides he has the flu and not a drug reaction at all. Dr. H's office said to keep a very close eye on him, if anything changed or the fever hit 105 we were told to call back ASAP. To give a general idea of how Gavin was feeling, he went to bed at 5pm and slept through the night until 8am the next day!!!!!! (This is a big deal because I don't think he's slept that much since he was Emmett John's age!) On the bright side, he recovered really quick. On the not-so-bright side, I'm definitely not going to win "Mother of the Year" this year. When Gavin went back to school, I accidentally gave him the 150mg dose of Trileptal. Luckily, he survived and we now know for 100% certain that Dr. H was right (it was a drug reaction) and Dr. R was wrong (it was NOT the flu). So while he broke out in a rash again, he handled it like a champ and it was gone within a day or two. So since this whole drama went down Gavin has been unmedicated for his bi-polar, which at the very least is making things interesting. Rob and I see Dr. R today to figure out what the next step is.

Other than that whole mess, things with Gavin have been fairly....typical for Gavin. He's rapid cycling. We're struggling to keep up with him. The whole situation is just exhausting. Of course that could have something to do with the fact that he hasn't adjusted to the time change at all. He puts himself to bed at 6pm every night and asks for him meals an hour early. We've tried to explain it to him but he doesn't get it. Poor thing. Hopefully he'll adjust soon.

On a positive note, a few days after the adoption was finalized (we should have the paperwork any day now - woo who!) the school had an Awards Assembly for the students. Gavin received awards for Perfect Attendance (which was blown for this grading period with the drug reaction), an award for meeting his reading goals with his Title 1 tutor, and another one I can't remember. (Hey, I already told you I wasn't winning Mother of the Year.) The school even went and changed his name on all of his awards so that they read Gavin G. :)

Elliott Richard

Well, unofficially potty training has begun. We've started buying Elliott Richard Lightning McQueen Pull-Ups. It took a little bit of convincing to get him to wear them but now he's in love. He's now changing his own diapers, well, he's taking his wet (and dirty - unfortunately) diapers off and then running around the house buck naked screaming "New biper!" He also tells us (sometimes before and sometimes after the diaper removal) that he's peed or pooped. He will sit on the potty, sometimes for nearly an hour. Then he gets up, puts on a Pull-Up and pees. Oy. So progress is slow and basically non-existent at some points but we are getting there.

During Gavin's whole Trileptal reaction, Elliott Richard received his flu shot. I expected a lot of tears and screaming. Daddy said that he was fine with the shot. (I was meeting with the ped about Gavin.) It was having his legs held down that ticked him off. Once they let him go, he was fine. lol I swear he never ceases to amaze me.

Other than that stuff, there's really not much to report in the land of Elliott Richard. He's still completely obsessed with Emmett John and helping me as much as possible. Which usually means that whatever I'm doing is taking twice as long as it would normally but whatever. He's growing like a weed. Eating us out of house and home or not eating at all. (I just love the terrible two's!) And as his hair grows back from his first hair cut, I'm thrilled to say that it is still wavy/curly! :)

Emmett John

I think I probably have the most to update on when it comes to Mr. Emmett John.

I'm thrilled to report that Emmett John is now the new and improved wireless version. We saw Dr. K and our nurse Vick at the Apnea Clinic last month (yes, I'm really that behind). The only concern they had was one Apneic episode that wasn't a full-fledged episode. His breathing slowed way down and then seconds after his breathing picked up again his heart rate dropped. Since they didn't happen simultaneously, it doesn't count as a true Apneic Episode and he was cleared for release. :)

Since then, he's gained a few pounds and grew a few inches. He now weighs 17lb 3oz and is 26.75 inches long!!!! That's the 80th and 90th percentiles respectively!! Craziness I tell ya.

He's been babbling and laughing (whenever he isn't screaming in pain from the reflux) for a while now but he's recently added the squealing to his list of tricks. He seems to have a very select sense of humor though. Only certain silly noises, scaring/startling him and whatever it is Daddy does seems to amuse him. Although there are times now when he will laugh when he hears someone else laugh, which is super cute! He gets super excited when he sees Mommy, Daddy or Elliott Richard. (Gavin hasn't shown much interest in him so Emmett John doesn't see him hardly ever.) He's rolled over but didn't seem terribly impressed with the accomplishment and hasn't done it in a while. He can't decide between his thumb, his Nuk binkie (he'll take other binkies but strongly prefers the Nuks), and this little blanket I actually bought for Gavin like 7 years ago. He had his first bowl of cereal on Wednesday. In keeping with his tradition of being polar opposite of everything I know from raising Gavin and Elliott Richard, Emmett loves his cereal. I couldn't shovel it in fast enough. lol He holds on to toys that we hand him for a moment or two but gets the biggest kick out of reaching/batting at his hanging toys on his bouncy seat. Speaking of which, he loves that bouncy seat. He'd sit there and kick (making it bounce) all day long if it weren't for little annoyances like hunger and diaper changes. lol

We are keeping a close eye on his reflux because he is on 15mg of Prevacid once a day and he developed a hoarse voice about two weeks ago that isn't really going away. It hasn't gotten any worse, which is something I suppose, but it's not really improving either. We saw Dr. H yesterday for his 4 month checkup and 3 of the 5 vaccines he was due for. Dr. H said to give it until the middle/end of next week, if it hasn't gone away by then I'm supposed to call back and he'll send Emmett to a ENT to have his vocal cords checked out. Other than the hoarseness, Mr. Emmett John is practically perfect in every way. And quite possibly the cutest 4.5 month old in the house. ;)

The Adoption & Legal Issues

Not a whole lot to report on this front. The paperwork for the adoption has been filed. We are just waiting on the judge to sign and date them and get them back to my attorney. At that point I can drive around town and change Gavin's last name with everyone. The school is almost as excited about this as we are. ;)

As for the fact that Gavin will never see them again, well Rob is currently out having "Guy Time" with Gavin to discuss that very fact. Per the suggestion of Dr. R. So I will be sure to update you on how that went when I know more.

There is still the small matter of the contempt motion that Pam filed against me. I filed an objection on September 4th and we just learned that the courts are requesting transcripts from the court date on July 31st. (You know, the court date I didn't attend because I felt it wasn't in Emmett John's best interest?) John, my attorney, emailed Pam's attorney handling the matter and informed him of the adoption and the circumstances surrounding the adoption and the only response he's received so far was "I'll have to get back to you." This lead me to believe that Pam and/or Nick hadn't informed him that Nick no longer has any rights to Gavin. That was probably an interesting conversation. The way John has explained it to me, Pam can drop the whole case but since I didn't do what I was court ordered to do the magistrate can still try and force the jail time issue if he really has a bee in his bonnet over me. This remains to be seen, however, I'll be sure to let you know as soon as I do.

Life in General

Life in general is...well, it's life. I'm exhausted. Emmett John gets up at 4am every morning. Elliott Richard usually isn't too far behind - getting up at 5 or 6am. I'm up so I usually just bring Elliott downstairs with me so that Rob can sleep. That way if we have a few empty hours during the day I can grab a nap. I've started seeing my therapist, Nina, again. I love her. She also has a massage therapist, Kim, whom I also love. She does wonders for my fibro, which is currently kicking my butt. So overall, things are...trying to find a new sort of norm.

Okay, I started this at like 8am this morning. It's now 4pm. Emmett John is screaming because he's tired and starving. I have a raging migraine. We are going to lay down. (Woo whoo!) As soon as Daddy mows up the leaves. (Stupid lawn. Stupid trees. Stupid fall.)

Tuesday Toot

5:39:00 PM Edit This 2 Comments »
I voted!

Enough said.

3 random letters

7:07:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Dear Neighbor,

I'm sorry that you are ignorant. I don't know why you feel that paramedics, fire fighters and cops are "a waste of space". Quite frankly, I don't care to know. I am curious though, how do you call men and women who may save you, your family or friends lives a "waste of space"? They were in our neighborhood protecting our homes from the fire in the abandoned house and all you could think to do was insult them? That's classy. Your mother must be proud.

Sincerely,
Color Me Impressed



Dear Driver Whom I've Never Met,

Accidents happen. I get it. Lord knows I've had my fair share. But you hit an animal! You hit and killed someone's dog, their family pet! He had a collar. You were too busy to stop and notify the family. Choosing in stead to leave him for others to handle. The depths of your compassion for another living creature are astounding.

Sincerely,
Not Your Mother but Still Ashamed of the Person You've Become



Dear Politicians,

I understand that you want to make a difference in our great country. I commend you for that. I have one small question/request. Would it kill you to just tell the American people something along the lines of, "Hi. My name is *insert your name here*. I am running for *insert name of office you are seeking here*. I believe *list your political beliefs here*. And I want to change our country for the better in the following ways *insert your plans for our country here*." I honestly don't care who started it, who slung mud at whom first, it just needs to stop. Seriously. I don't care who your opponent's best friend was in high school, college or grad school. I don't care if he/she egged houses or drank beer (underage) or even *gasp* smoked pot once. I care what he/she thinks about the current state of affairs and what he/she sees for our future. So just knock it off. Please.

Sincerely,
Irritated & Concerned American Citizen

13 Things that Make Me Who I Am

6:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »

Thirteen Things that Make Me Who I Am

1.... I love to write. Journaling. Creative writing. List writing. Signing my name. Simply the act of writing. I love it and consider it a dying art.

2.... I love the color blue - especially the shade cerulean blue (Look familiar?) Given a choice of colors, I'll pick pink over all other colors. And I'll pick blue over pink.

3.... I am creative in just about every thing I do. It's the only way I know how to be.

4.... I talk way too much. Just not on the phone - I hate talking on the phone unless it's Rob or my mom and sometimes even then.

5.... I am fiercely loyal to those I love. I may not always show it but it's true. When push comes to shove, I always back my friends and family up. Always.

6.... I don't tell others' secrets - ever. The only exception to this rule is if the secret is more harmful if kept than if the right people are told.

7.... Patience may be a virtue but I can assure you that it is not one I happen to possess.

8.... I love to think - about anything, everything and nothing at all. I probably think too much.

9.... I love and prefer actual books and libraries. I don't read E-books. Period. They don't smell right - or at all for that matter. They don't feel right. In fact, to me they are just plain wrong in every sense of the word.

10.... I am very intelligent (so say my doctors, I'm not tooting my own horn here) and I love to learn. My mom once said I was going to be a "professional student" when I grew up. Oh, if only.

11.... I am stubborn. Seriously, mules and rams and all other stubborn animal analogies don't hold a candle to me. I'm worse than all of them. Just ask Rob.

12.... I am a sentimental "pack rat". If it had meaning to me or represents something meaningful, I keep it. All my boys have hat boxes for these items and hopefully they will have handmade chests from Pa-Pa G to replace the hat boxes because I am that attached to these physical representations of my cherished memories.

13.... I don't do anything half way. It's either all or nothing. I throw myself wholly and completely into absolutely everything I do. This tends to make life far more complicated and exhausting than it truly needs to be but for better or worse, it's who I am.


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Which Way Is Up?

11:44:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
First, I would like to say ''Thank you" for all the love, support and prayers. It means the world to me.

With that said, there are a few thoughts I'd like to share and some myths I'd like to address - not necessarily in that order.

The Myths

Myth #1: Now that the adoption is finalized a huge weight has been lifted and our stress has disappeared. FALSE

The short version answer is that while the stress from constant legal battles is hopefully finished we now have a new stress of trying to recover and resort our lives. If you want the wordy, jumbled answer, keep reading.

Myth #2: This was Nick's last great noble act as Gavin's father. UNDETERMINED

Some will say this Myth is true. I'm not so sure. Nick made it very clear when I told him I was pregnant with Gavin what his thoughts and feelings were. He's been wishy-washy for 8 years. Never once doing the right thing for Gavin. Never once putting Gavin's needs above his own or before his mother. Why now? It really doesn't matter in the long run. I guess for the sake of Gavin we'll just go with the "noble, super father-of-the-year" theory. I don't buy it but whatever.

Myth #3: Now that the adoption is finalized, we will never have to deal with Nick or Pam again. UNDETERMINED

In theory, this is how things should go. Once the contempt motion, charges and pending jail time have been dealt with there shouldn't be anything left for them to do. The adoption is final and there's no going back on that. There are 3 different loop-holes she could attempt to exploit except they don't apply. So while in theory we should be finished with the two of them as soon as this contempt craziness is over. There's also a very real chance that she may file stupid motions from now until Doomsday simply because she can. Hence the reason for the "UNDETERMINED" label.

Myth #4: Pam and Nick are victims in all of this. FALSE

Short answer: Bull-pucky.
Long answer: Nick is possibly a small victim in all of this. Simply because A) his mother did what she did knowing full well that he would eventually become collateral damage and B) I firmly believe that a large part of who he is, is because of her. So while he is responsible for his own actions (or inactions as the case may be from time to time) he is still a victim because of her. She, however, is NOT a victim in any sense of the word. This became a "war of attrition" because of her. Everything that was nasty, ugly, bitter, hateful, vengeful, and aggressive about this legal snafu was because she made it that way. She made things ugly. She stated time and time again that her main concern was never Gavin. It was always HER. How she was going to get what she wanted. Didn't anyone care about HER needs. It was never, ever Gavin. She even went so far once as to tell Patty that she was trying to have me thrown in jail because it was the only way for her to get what she wanted. She didn't care that having his mother thrown in jail was in no way, shape or form in Gavin's best interests. She only cared about getting what she needed and wanted. To Hell with the rest of us. In my book, that makes her the aggressor and villain. Not the victim.

Oh and yes, I am fully and completely aware that she has effectively lost her grandson. And yes, I can only imagine how difficult that must be and how much that must hurt. However, she lost him because her actions led them to this point. She and Nick repeatedly did what they wanted and every choice they made - together or independently of one another - led them to where we are now. They could have been seeing him for the past 15 months and the adoption would have been a much smaller threat or possibly not filed at all. However, they didn't like the new location. They didn't like being supervised. They didn't want the new rules. So they opted to stop coming up and seeing him. In doing so, they shot themselves in the proverbial foot. I didn't do any of this to them. They did it to themselves. So yes, while I am very sure it must suck and hurt a great deal they did this to themselves. And that does not absolve her of the responsibility for her actions over the past 8 years. That does not remove the titles of aggressor and villain. At least in my book.

Myth #5: I am pregnant. FALSE

Okay people, this has nothing to do with the court battle et al. However, there are rumor circulating even though I have posted to say that I AM NOT PREGNANT so I felt that this matter should be discussed in the "Myths" forum.

So please, for the love of God and all things holy in the world, hear me when I say I AM NOT PREGNANT! There are no tiny Baby Gs growing within my belly. The only baby in our family is Mr. Emmett John. And honestly, while I'm certainly not against more babies in the future, Mr. Emmett John and I are quite content with him being the center of my universe. You see while I love to share my body with babies while pregnant and then again while nursing, I'm not sure that I could handle sharing all of me with two babies at the same time at the moment. And I don't think Emmett would be exactly thrilled to share his nummies or give them up at the moment. So please, allow me to repeat (hopefully for the last time) that I AM NOT PREGNANT! NO! NO! NO! NOT PREGNANT! I'm glad I could clear that up for you.

My Thoughts & Feelings

I feel as if I'm stuck in limbo. Maybe purgatory is a better analogy - I was in Hell but now I've been released and I'm waiting to see what happens next. Typically, in our lives, this is where the other shoe drops. Be it a lightning strike that kills our cat. Gavin has a nervous breakdown. A freak hurricane blows through Ohio. I go into preterm labor (if I were pregnant, which I stated quite clearly in Myth #5 I am NOT). Or my ex-mother-in-law (a.k.a. Pam) tries to have me thrown in jail - again. So until I get some inclination as to what's next, I'm stuck here.

Now please remember that while Hell sucks, it is all that I know. I have been a full-time resident for nearly a decade! Nick and I started dating in the Summer of 1998. The physical abuse and head games (a.k.a. psychological abuse) from Nick started not long after we started dating. The abuse and head games from Pam and Tom (Pam's husband who died in June 2003) started around the time I found out I was pregnant with Gavin. The Summer of 1998 to now is 10 years of abuse and head games.

My entire life for 10 years has been tainted and stained by them. Every choice, every decision, every everything was out of my control even though I've had sole custody since October 2003. I could only use the medical professionals the courts approved. I could move but had to stay within a 30 mile radius of my parents' house. And if I moved, I had to notify Nick and Pam and the courts 30 days before the move to give them time to object. My medical and psychological records were open season if they wanted them. Heck, my entire life was open season...my family, my friends, my activities, my job, my grades in college - you get the idea. It even came to the point where I had to cut off contact with my sister, Trisha, and her family because they were trying to use them against me. (I miss my sister so very much.) My life had to be as bland and straight-laced as humanly possible. I don't remember how to live outside of those parameters anymore.

Sadly many of you have only ever known me as I am since Nick. I was happy, funny, and fairly laid-back once upon a time. I gave of my heart freely and wore my heart on my sleeve. I don't know if that Lizze even exists anymore.

The abuse of the past decade, the nearly constant onslaught of legal battles and character assassinations has made me angry and bitter. I'm cynical. I survived by adopting a sort of state of constant vigilance. I trust very few people. The few I do trust, I question their motives constantly. I have nightmares about Pam and Nick taking me to court and taking my children - not just Gavin but Elliott Richard and Emmett John too. I jump at the slightest noises. Basically, I am the poster woman for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Over time my untreated PTSD triggered my Fibromyalgia and all that comes with it - migraines, panic attacks, acid reflux, and constant pain.

You know, I'm a pretty intelligent gal. Logically, intellectually I knew how much stress I was under. I knew that the stress only made matters worse with my Fibro. I knew that it played a huge part in most (if not all) of my health issues. I also knew that Gavin and I (and Rob and the boys as well) all have a very symbiotic relationship. Meaning that he feeds off of the emotions running through our home. I knew that the stress in our home was making Gavin's rapidly growing laundry list of psychological issues worse. I knew these things. I don't deny them. I have never denied them.

At the same time though there was little I could do. I made countless offers to Pam and Nick. I tried more times than I can count to find a middle ground, a gray area so that everyone could be happy and involved in Gavin's life without the additional drama and stress of constant legal battles. I was rebuffed. I was left with no options other than to fight the motions that were filed against me. These battles made life worse for all those involved. I did the best I could with what I had to work with.

What I didn't realize all this time, was how much of that stress I was carrying with me. I didn't realize that in "letting go" of the stress I wouldn't in fact be releasing it. That wouldn't be the end of it. I foolishly thought that in letting go of the stress I was actually releasing it. Much like you would release an animal into the wild. That I would let go and it would be gone. I didn't realize that letting go would trigger some horrible health side effects like migraines that medications don't touch and Fibro flares that left me crying and sobbing (the tears burned like the dickens - that's how bad my flare was). I've been having panic attacks. I haven't had a panic attack since I was pregnant with Elliott Richard. I'm beyond exhausted. My body is covered in hives. It feels like my body is slowly shutting down.

If this blog is any indication, well then it shouldn't really be too difficult to see how much I'm currently struggling. My thoughts are all over the place. (More so than usual.) And that's if I'm able to string two thoughts together. Most of the time I sit and stare trying to make sense of it all and yet completely unable to do so. I can't even focus on my favorite television shows anymore. By the time I get to the end, I can't remember what happened in the beginning. If my DVR didn't tell me that I had watched it, I wouldn't know I had 90% of the time.

I feel like a dog chasing it's tail. This blog doesn't make any sense. My thoughts are scattered. I started by stating how I feel stuck. I've jumped to about a zillion points after that. And I keep coming back to the fact that I'm stuck. I'm in limbo. I don't know where else to go. I don't know what else to say. And as my post title so clearly states, I can't even tell which way is up anymore.

***FYI: I hope y'all understand that when I refer to "my life" et al I truly mean "our lives" it's just that this post is from my POV. So please don't think I'm excluding the effect this nightmare has had on my entire family.

Tuesday Toot

7:55:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
This Tuesday I managed to...um...survive a blinding migraine and take a nap snuggled up with Mr. Emmett John.
Yeah, that works. ;)

Not Me Monday

6:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 2 Comments »

This week I did not.... spend hours upon hours playing Shockwave.com games as a means of escape before court. That would have been silly and slightly irresponsible since there were dishes to be washed and laundry to be done.

I did not.... seriously consider calling Gavin off of school on Thursday because I was so exhausted and wanted to sleep in. It would have been selfish and wrong of me to putting my sleep deprivation above my son's education.

I did not.... do a happy dance - in the middle of a hallway in a court house - when I heard that it was finally all over. That would have been mildly rude and disrespectful and something I would never do.

I did not.... feel kind of special and a little cool when we left the courthouse with an escort by the bailiff, with the Sheriff Deputies on alert and all the adults walking in a protective Secret Service style circle around Gavin. That would have inappropriate and immature given the serious nature of the situation.

I did not.... then allow my mother-in-law to purchase alcohol (including my "girlie beers" lol) for the celebration dinner. There's just something "wrong" with this situation so it's good that it did not happen.

I did not.... spend 45 minutes making silly faces and noises at Emmett John trying to get a giggle. While he spent 45 minutes looking at me as if to say, "Wow, why and when did they let you out of the loony bin?"

I did not.... have a very serious discussion with Mr. Emmett John about his age and size ratio. In this discussion, which he found absolutely hilarious by the way, I did not explain that while he will be 4 months old on Saturday that was not a good reason to zip right through the ability to wear his 3-6 month clothes (many of which he never wore because he didn't fit the size long enough) straight into 6-9 month clothes.

I did not.... cheat on my diet and eat a bite of chocolate because it's been so very long.
These are all things I would never, ever do.

A QUICKY......

3:31:00 PM Edit This 2 Comments »
Just to briefly expand on Lizze's last post about this past Wednesday.

We are going to post a big long post detailing everything but we are still recovering. Gavin's biological father signed away his rights on Wed afternoon about 1:30pm. He had never wanted Gavin and hadn't had any contact in almost 1.5 years and has NEVER paid child support. It took 8 years to get to this point. My family has been put through so much my Gavin's biological father and grandmother over the years. We lived in constant fear almost everyday because we never knew what would happen next. We ALWAYS put Gavin first and we maintained our integrity the entire time. This entire battle had been about punishing Lizze for leaving him. They did everything they could to destroy our lives..

On Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 1:30pm everything finally caught up to them. Nick had no chance of winning that day or with the appeals court later on. He signed away his rights and in doing so all control they exerted over my family for the past 8 years. There will never be any visitation (not that they exercised it anyways)and we will never be dragged into court by them again. We still need to getting Lizze's "Contempt Conviction" and "jail time" dismissed as they were based on false testimony but that should happen pretty soon. We have finally been vindicated and the truth has come out.

Gavin has taken my last name and he is beyond excited to have the same name as his younger brothers.

He has already begun to show so improvement in his behaviors. He is much more relaxed and appears to be happy. This may not last for long because he may just be on the back end of one of his cycles but I'll take what I can get.

Lizze and I are beyond exhausted and feel completely lost right now. I know that sounds crazy but we don't know what a "normal life" is. We have spent the past 8 years doing this and now that it's over we don't know how to pick up the piece's and start to build out lives again. I have never known Lizze without this stuff going on in the background. We are seeking professional help in rebuilding our lives. We need to learn to let our guard down alittle and enjoy life.

For right now this is all I got. Putting thoughts together is stiff really difficult right now. Stay tuned ...... And THANK YO ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS DURNING THIS DIFFICULT PERIOD OF OUR LIVES. THEY WORKED!!!!!!

The Super Duper Short Reader's Digest Version

10:48:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Okay, I am currently working on a long, in depth post about this week. Until I get it finished (which may take a few days - yes, it's that long) you'll have to be happy with this quickie post. So, without further ado, here's the run-down:

Monday
IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting for Gavin at 11:00am. Everything went off without a hitch. I'm really looking forward to this year. I'm hoping for an awesome year.

Tuesday
Dr. H for Emmett John at 11:30am. He has a nasty cold and sore belly. Told to watch for signs of a bowel obstruction. So far, so good.
Spent most of the day just trying to make it through to court.

Wednesday
Spent all morning killing time.
Courthouse at 1:00pm.
Attorneys met at 1:10pm.
Nick gave up his rights at 1:25pm.
Court at 1:30pm. Attorneys met with the judge. Nick signed the actual paperwork.
My attorney congratulated Rob at 1:45pm. Rob left to pick Gavin up from school.
Rob officially adopted Gavin at 2:30pm!!!!!

Thursday
Spent the day surviving after court.
Gavin had a spectacular day!

Friday
Grocery shopping. I managed to find some new milk-free, soy-free foods! (Yippee!) And I learned that Passover foods are milk-free and often soy-free, which opens up a whole lot more foods. :)

13 Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Die

6:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »

Thirteen Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Die



1.... I want to write and publish a book. Preferably a best selling novel but so long as I write it and an actual company publishes it, I'll be happy.

2.... I want to take a food based traveling vacation. Think in terms of 'Feasting on Asphalt' or 'Feasting on Waves'. Yes, I know these are Alton Brown trips. However, it is an established fact that I *heart* Alton Brown so does that really matter. :)

3.... I want to travel to Ireland. I may never know anything about my birth father and his Irish heritage but I want to go there anyway. Maybe I'll even mix #2 with #3.

4.... I want to see my sons grown and happy. I don't care what they are doing, so long as it makes them happy. (And it's legal - happy and legal. ;) lol)

5.... I want to grow old with Rob. And not just "old" but like front porch sitting, mashed peas eating, talking about the "old days" ad nauseum OLD.

6.... I want to go back to college and graduate with my BA in English. Then I want to go grad school and graduate with my Masters and/or Doctorate in English. Then in my spare time (in between watching the boys grow up, traveling to Ireland/around the world and getting old with Rob) I want to become an English Professor.

7.... I want to help fight the wars on Domestic Violence and Autism. I want to start a domestic violence shelter with everything all under one roof - legal assistance, housing, counseling, the whole she-bang. And then I want to help the government, the insurance companies and the public school systems better understand Autism. I want the ins co to understand that by not treating Autism they are causing more issues because most parents cannot afford the treatments. I want the public school systems to stop seeing dollar signs when they hear "Autism" mentioned and understand that you cannot place an Autistic child in a 'special needs' classroom and expect them to operate completely under your guidelines and rules simply because it will make your lives easier. Likewise, you then cannot place said child(ren) in restraint chairs or in-school suspension because they "misbehaved". (Yes, sadly this does happen. A lot.) But I digress...

8.... I want to ride in a limo. I've never been in one and I think it would be cool.

9.... I want to take a cross country trip in a train. Then I want to come home in a bus. Like a decked out tour bus. I just think it would be cool.

10.... I want to find a way to truly share with my boys just how special my Granny was. I want them to feel as if they know her, even though they will never get the chance.

11.... I want to continue to keep journals (handwritten) and pack them up so they are in order when the time comes for them to be passed on.

12.... I want to learn and grow beyond then need for cynicism as a form of protection. It's exhausting to try and maintain that level of constant vigilance.

13.... I want to leave this world knowing that my boys felt loved. I want to leave this world, leaving my boys with heads full of memories, hearts full of love and compassion, and souls at peace with my passing because I had a good life and I helped teach them how to have the same.




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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



IT'S OVER!!!!!!!

3:14:00 PM Edit This 8 Comments »
WE HAVE WON!!!!!!!!! 8 years in the making and it's finally over. We will post more later....

Thanks for your prayers..........

Well if this isn't just a barrell of monkeys...

2:07:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
What's going on in court you ask?

I'll never tell. ;)

(& don't you tell if you know!)

PT&P

9:34:00 AM Edit This 1 Comment »
T-minus 4hrs to court. Positive thoughts & prayers would be greatly appreciated.

I'll update more this evening - along with an overdue Emmett John update.

Google It

10:25:00 AM Posted In Edit This 4 Comments »
mckmama rascal flatts ~ Hey, my favorite blog and my favorite country group. :)
google giveaway blogs
cherrio confessions ~ Yup, that's my blog. :)
pennmommy (4 times) ~ I still have absolutely no idea why this google search keeps leading you to my blog.
7 random things tag ~ Yup, I did that meme.
confessions of a cf husband blog (twice) ~ I love this blog too!
gosselins without pity pennmommy ~ Seriously, what about my blog is bring you to me with this search?!
Gosselins
health issues from 2 weeks ago ~ Are health issues from 2 weeks ago worse than current health issues? I'm confused. lol

Eddy and Knots

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Daddy and Elliott Richard are playing Hide and Seek. This is how it goes:

Elliott Richard: 1...2...1...2 Eddy and knots I come!
*begins looking for Daddy*
Elliott Richard: Daddy? Daddy, hair are who? Mommy, where Daddy go? 1...2...1...2 Eddy and knots Daddy!

Now Daddy counts and Elliott Richard hides.

Daddy: 1...2...3...4...5 Ready or not, here I come!
Elliott Richard: I come too!

My cup runeth over

3:28:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I have my moments where everything seems clear and maybe life isn't so hopeless. My moments when I know that I am right where I need to be. That for better or worse, things really will be okay.

I just had one of those moments.

My sweet Emmett John was nursing. He looked up at me and smiled, his great big toothless grin. Then he lost his latch, which startled him. So he "attacked" me in an effort to make sure his "nummies" didn't get away.

In that one brief moment, despite the pain and my cold and everything else in the world, my soul was at peace and my heart was full.

*groan*

12:03:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I know I've said this a few times but I'm going to say it again, I feel half-dead. I look like Hell. (Maybe if I'm daring, I'll take a picture with my cell phone and post it. Then I came blame my Hell-ishness on the picture quality. lol) I am currently in so much pain that my toes hurt, my teeth hurt and even the hairs on my head hurt! Rob asked me if this could be my fibro coming back rather than me being sick. And while I admit that the fibro is probably a huge factor in all my aches and pains, I don't think the rest of it is the fibro. I'm researching fibro diets to see what they recommend diet wise but honestly, of the two Emmett John's dairy and soy free diet is more important in my book. You never know though, maybe the two diets are similar and it just takes time to balance it out.

It's bigger than a bread box

12:35:00 AM Edit This 1 Comment »
Sorry I've been MIA. I am sick. My cold has morphed into an evil illness, which is kicking my @$$. It's worse than a cold. Not as bad as bronchitis. Hurts like Hell. And is winning, in a big way. Sleep deprivation from Emmett John is one thing but this is just taking things to a whole new (totally unfair) level. *sigh*

Not Me Monday

6:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
This week...

I did not.... Tag! my nearest and dearest Nikky simply because I knew it would bug her because she hates Tag! memes. lol That would be considered antagonistic.

I did not.... put off buying Gavin's Halloween costume because I'm secretly hoping he'll want to be something else. That would mean I was trying to stiffle his individuality, which is something I swore I would never do.

I did not.... pretend to not see Elliott Richard eating his cereal out of his bowl like a dog because it was keeping him quiet. That would generally be a bad idea except when mommy is sick, in which case it's all about survival.

I did not.... try to think of new ways to say "move", "scoot", "goodbye" because I got tired of saying those same three words to Elliott Richard everytime he tries to snuggle/nearly smoother Emmett John.

I did not.... secretly wish that either my cold/flu combo would get gone super quick or get super bad just as quick and earn me a hospital vaca. I mean I'm not that overwhelmed and in dire need of a break. Seriously, I'm not. *shuffle*

I also did not.... secretly wish that I would lose my voice so that I wouldn't have to hear it anymore while repeating myself all day. Because that would be sad and much more complicated than just not repeating myself.

I swear to you...

2:46:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I'm seriously NOT PREGNANT. I'd tell you if I were. And I definitely appreciate the support but there's nothing to tell or support because....

I'M NOT PREGNANT. :)

13 Signs I'm Pregnant

8:27:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 2 Comments »
Okay so I've been lacking in my Thursday 13 responsibilities. I apologize for that. (I know you've all been on the edge of your seats anxiously awaiting my first Thursday 13! lol)

This week my Thursday Thirteen is inspired by a very dear friend of mine who recently found out that she's pregnant! (Yippee!) And I promise you that I am not my own "dear friend". ;) lol Seriously, I'm not!



Thirteen Signs I'm Pregnant

1.... I am super thirsty all the time. I wake up so often for a drink of water that I polish off 32oz in about 8 hours of sleep.
2.... My breasts hurt so much it's not funny. Really, it isn't funny.
3.... Things that should make me cry, don't.
4.... Things that shouldn't make me cry, do. A lot.
5.... I am absolutely starving but the mere thought of eating - don't ask.
6.... My mother calls me to tell me she's dreamed about me being pregnant - again. She has this dream every time I get pregnant.
7.... Rob wakes up one morning and tells me "you need to pee on a stick". He always seems to know before me somehow.
8.... I. Am. Exhausted. I sleep all night. Take 4 hour naps. And still look and feel like a zombie.
9.... My complexion clears up. Over night.
10.... My cat, Cleo, will not leave me alone. She lays on my belly and purrs if I lay down or if I recline. Heaven help me if I dare to sit. She'll force her way onto my belly. It's honestly a miracle my children don't expect me to purr.
11.... I start dreaming about naming babies, even before I know that I'm pregnant.
12.... I get headaches - not migraines which are normal for me. Just plain, old, run of the mill headaches. Pregnancy is the only time I get headaches.
13.... And finally, my ex-mother-in-law is off somewhere filing a contempt motion seeking to have me thrown in jail. Seriously, she's done this with my last two pregnancies. lol





Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



Google it

4:06:00 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
gosselins without pity + pennmommy (Google) ~ Not a clue why this would lead you to my blog. I hope you found what you were looking for.
blogspot.com "follow this blog" (Google) ~ Not sure how this brought you here but welcome just the same. :)
cherrio confessions (Google) ~ That would be my blog. :)
preppy gifts giveaways (Google) ~ No preppy gifts here, sorry.
stomach bug (Google) ~ Well, we certainly have plenty of this to share if you'd like.
giveaway "1 comment" (Google) ~ Yup, been there done that.
alton brown (Google) ~ Ah...I *heart* him. Maybe someday he'll know just how much I *heart* him. *sigh* lol
giveaway dress (Google) ~ I can promise that you will not find any dresses in this blog. I haven't worn a dress since my wedding day in 2003 and since I'm the only pink in a sea of blue, no one else is likely to be wearing a dress either. ;) lol
giveaway (Google) ~ Yup, been there done that.
pennmommy blog ~ No pennmommy posts here, sorry.
morellichaos blog ~ Hey, I know her! lol
24 week ultrasound pictures ~ We've definitely got some of those around here! lol

Tag!

10:05:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I have been Tagged by Marie so now I have to write a list of 7 random things about me. So, let's see...7 random things...

  1. I was raised by "reformed hippies", which explains my view from the "left" most of the time.

  2. I have 2 sisters, 3 nieces, 3 nephews and now 1 great-niece. Besides the younger brother you already know about. (I'm a Great Aunt at 28...that's just crazy.)

  3. I'm ambidextrous.

  4. I hate talking on the phone but I will email and text message with you until the cows come home. I'm just horrible with ending phone conversations. I feel like I sound fake so I avoid phone calls at all costs, except for Rob and my Mom.

  5. I've kept a handwritten journal since I was a sophomore in high school. This is the first journal I've had that wasn't handwritten, which kills me.

  6. I love organized chaos but I can't live in extreme chaos or extreme organization. The extremes overwhelm me and make me panicky.

  7. I am obsessive about keeping baby books, pregnancy journals, and health record journals for the boys. It's my way of painting the image of the perfect life that I want for them even if it doesn't exist at the moment.

And now I have to Tag! 7 people...so let's see...you've probably all been tagged a zillion times by now but you'll have that.

Susie at Be Strong and Courageous

Laura at Laura's Loco Life

Nikky at Pleasantly Chaotic

Miraclebaby at Bedrest and Beyond

MckMama at My Charming Kids

Shannon at Exploring Holland

Julie at Baby Olsen Chronicles

Ah...true love...

Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Wedding tickers

***My Baby Boys***

Lilypie Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

You are *here* too!