My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Promised Pictures: Round 4

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More Brotherly Love

Promised Pictures: Round 2

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Emmett John (a.k.a. Captain Adorable) and his Rainbow

Promised Pictures: Round 3

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11lb. 13oz. of absolutely adorable chub and chunk!

Promised Pictures

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Elliott Richard & Emmett John...Brotherly Love

T- Minus 1 hour

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Grandma & Pa-Pa G are on their way to pick-up Elliott Richard & Gavin so that Rob can come and pick Emmett John and I up. The Respiratory Therapist and our apnea monitor should be here in 1 hour at 5:30pm. After we learn how to use it...We are free to go! (Woo who!)

Our only medically related snag today is the fact that our insurance company apparently only pays for an apnea home monitor if the hospital staff witnesses an apnic episode. Since they haven't, insurance is fighting us. They'll pay for it in the end. And if they don't then I'll have a pretty hefty medical bill.

C'est la vie.

Elliott Cooking Dinner

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videoElliott is ready for mommy and emmett to come home. He started cooking dinner.

Plan of Attack cont.

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Ah the joys of blogging from my phone...I accidentally sent the email/blog before I was finished.

Anyway. After using the monitor for a few days we will bring Emmett and monitor back in so they can download the information and review it. At that point Dr. H will decide if Emmett is okay or if he needs to be referred to the Apnea Clinic.

For now we are just hanging out. Emmett John is asleep on my shoulder. I'm watching reruns on bravo and having a pretty crappy day. (Lord knows I didn't have enough to worry about with Emmett in the hospital and having breathing issues - I need some family drama thrown in just for fun.) Thankfully, Emmett is doing really well.

Unfortunately, today is my cousin Sam's daughter, Sofia's 1st birthday party. I really wanted to go and take Elliott Richard and Emmett John. (Gavin and parties with large groups of people - especially with a lot of kids - don't mix well.) However, I obviously can't do that now that Emmett John is in the hospital and having health issues. Such is life the of a parent - so I know Sam will understand.

***Sorry we missed the fun, Sammers. I hope Sofia has a wonderful day. Happy 1st birthday Sofia!***

Elliott says hello

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Honey,

Elliott and I are thinking of you guys.

Love Rob\Elliott

The Plan of Attack

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We're still here. Emmett John is doing well. He finally went back to sleep at about 6am, which allowed me tonal a few hours sleep...bringing my total grand to 3hrs! Woo who!

He hasn't had any more episodes of breathing issues. So the current plan of attack is to keep him until late afternoon, early evening. If during that time he still is incident- free they will discharge him with an apnea monitor.

Good morning, Daddy!

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Last night Rob and I made the decision for Rob to go home and be with Elliott Richard so that he could get some sleep and maintain his usual routine. This wasn't an easy choice by any means. I want Rob here with us. He wants to be here with us. However, Elliott Richard needed sleep and as his parents it was our responsibility to see that he got it. So they are at home while Mr. Emmett John and I are here in the hospital.

It's now nearly 3am. Emmett went to sleep at around 9pm. He slept through his 11pm feeding and then he finally woke up at 1:35am starving! I must admit it was nice to get a few hours sleep except he's not going back to sleep as easily as he went to sleep earlier. Of course he keeps setting the super sensitive alarms off, which makes sleep next to impossible. So now...2 hours later ...we are still awake.

Strike that. Our wonderful nurse, Cindy, just came in and turned his monitors down so he could sleep. (Yay!) So now his sleeping. Overall, he's doing really well and I'm thrilled to report that he hasn't had any more breathing issues or periods of gasping for air. Which is amazing and very encouraging.

With that, I leave you with these early morning pictures of our patient. Notice I even managed to catch him smiling (Just barely and yes, I know it's blurry. But he's still too stinking adorable even blurred. lol). And now I'm going to try and get some more sleep.

(Hi Daddy, Elliott Richard & Gavin! We love you! We miss you! We'll be home soon!)

A Tiny bit of drama & concern

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I am writing this from my hospital bed in Emmett John's hospital room. He's been a fussy for few days so his ped, Dr. H increased his zantac dose yesterday. Then today he was still fussy. I actually had to wake him for a few feelings. The biggest concern were the 2 times he was gasping for air...trying to catch his breath.

We saw Dr. H at 4:30pm. Emmett John new weighs 12lb. 11oz! That's nearly a one pound gain since his appointment last week. Dr. H said the fussiness is probably reflux and a little tummy bug, which is giving Emmett John the runs. The missed feelings and gasping were his biggest concerns. Those concerns earned him the admission to the peds unit at the hospital.

So here we are. They are watching him on the monitors for the night. They are also keeping an eye on his intake (times he nurses) and output (diapers) to make sure the tummy bug doesn't dehydrate him. The current plan is to watch him tonight and send us home tomorrow with an apnea monitor. So long as no surprises happen tonight. I don't see a whole lot of sleep in my future tonight so I'll update if anything changes.

Okay, I should try and sleep now; while he's asleep since I don't know how long it will last. Oh and not only is my "Tiny" gaining nearly a pound a week but he's grown 3 inches in a month!!!! He's now 24.5 inches long! I swear he's going to pass Rob up at this rate!

Prayers (even though I'm still boycotting there's no need to punish Emmett John) and positive thoughts would be much appreciated. Thank you.

The New 'Do

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And here is Mr. Elliott Richard sportin' his new do! (It reminds me of Andy (the kid brother) on the 80's show "Family Ties".)

Smooches!

Er...cheese?

Silly boy!

There's my sweet little Twitterbug! :)

Elliott Richard's Big Change!

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After he was mistaken for girl (again) Rob and I finally decided it was time to take the plunge and get his haircut. These are the pictures during his first haircut. (For before pictures, just click the "Elliott Richard" tag-link in the sidebar. There are even a few pictures just of his curls that I took in January, or there about.)

We took him to a local place that only cuts kids' hair. The inside is brightly decorated. They have toys to play with. Movies to watch. And cute little Merry-Go-Round animals to sit on. When I took Gavin there once (at about the same age - so before he really "changed") he absolutely HATED it. So I really wasn't sure what to expect from Elliott Richard.

He did beautifully! The only snag was that he refused to sit on a little animal. So he sat on my lap. Then he wanted nothing to do with the cape. So we both ended up covered in hair. It was a small price to pay for a hassle-free haircut.

(After shots are coming...)

Before

And away we go....

Driveby...

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Okay, so I promised you pictures and an update...three days ago. I have the pictures. They are on my phone. I just haven't gotten around to posting them yet. However, I will give you a quick "driveby" update. Ready? Here we go...

Elliott Richard has recently gone through a pretty big change. He now thinks everyone should go through this change. He also has a slight case of impetigo (ie bacterial rash). While both he and Emmett John were at the ped's office Thursday he said the cutest thing. Here's the convo:

Me: So I shouldn't worry about Emmett's "foaming at the mouth"?
Dr. H (ped): Nah, it's most likely the reflux. Unless of course you think he's rabid?
Me: Nah, I think he's good.
Elliott Richard: (looking very confused) That not rabbit! That baby Ennett!

Gavin started school last Monday. He's doing okay so far. He has a new classmate, which I predict will be disastrous. Only time will tell.

Um....I've added stats for Gavin and Elliott Richard to the sidebar along with Emmett John's stats. Elliott Richard weighs 29lb 11oz!!!!! Emmett John is now 11lb 13oz!!!! I've got two chunky monkeys on my hands!!!

I swallowed my pride and talked to Dr. D about PPD. Turns out that extreme anxiety is a form of PPD. I did not know this. Now I do. He put me on a low-dose anti-depressant for a little while. Hello, placebo effect! I'm already feeling better. Still very jumpy and anxious but not as bad. I'm still adjusting to the meds so I'm tired and napping. A lot. (Which is a big reason the blog has been so desolate lately.)

Emmett John is doing much better. He's now 8 weeks old, which I can't believe! The increase in his Zantac seems to have finally fully taken effect. He's much happier and laid back now. Sleeps really well at night. Not spitting up as much. It's been nice. (I'm waiting for the bottom to fall out.)

The twins are adjusting nicely. Blue is slowly starting to show some interest in actually being a member of the family. He's slowly seeking out attention. Cosmo is still a complete spaz. Elliott Richard loves them both...nearly to death at times. They tolerate him really well. I think they'll fit in nicely....once Cosmo settles down some. lol

Rob threw his back out again. We've been trying to nurse that back to "normal" for the past 5-6 days. He really needs to have major back surgery (he's honestly needed it since the injury in 2001-2002) but that's not an option right now with everything else that's going on.

I'm still acting like a spoilt teenager and ignoring God. Do I believe this is hurting him? Nope. Do I care? Nope. I'm still hurt and pissed off and feeling abandoned.

We still have that major thing going on that I can't elaborate on yet. Rob and I debate just laying all the cards on the table. As long as we stick to the facts, there's nothing anyone can do. I'm still anxious (shocker I know) about it all though. So for the time being we still aren't going to elaborate. However, I will say this...From where I stand, there are some who are seeking to wage war upon me and my family. If a war is what they seek, a war is what they shall get. (For those of you who know me IRL; you know I will wage war on behalf of my family. For those of you who do not know me IRL; I am fiercely loyal and there isn't an angry, protective mamma bear on the planet that holds a candle to me when I'm ticked off and feeling protective.)

Rob's 30th birthday was today (I started this blog on Sunday, August 24th.) and his family threw him a great cookout/party. All of our nearest and dearest came. We ate good food. Laughed. Talked. And generally had a good time. Rob made out like a bandit. The boys had a blast. Plus, my little brother came to the party and I got to "hang out" with him for a bit. It was more me trying to hang out and him looking a mix of confused and amused. But I'll take what I can get at this point. (lol) Overall, I think Rob had a pretty good day.

So that's about the long and the short (more short) of it. I will post all the pictures I've been taking and saving to post as soon as I can.

I'm alive...

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barely at times but I am alive. I just realized it's been nearly a week since I last posted anything. I apologize. I will post something today. I promise. I have gobs of pictures to share too! (Just wait until you see what changes have been going on in our house!)

Should have known I was alone

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I've been asking for your prayers pertaining to some issues that I had not elaborated on here. I am grateful for each and every prayer that is sent up on our behalf. I still cannot elaborate on what is going on for a multitude of reasons. However, I need to know something.

Where is God?

From where I'm sitting, he isn't listening. He isn't paying attention. He isn't helping. I'm a good Christian. I do my best each and every day be a good Christian. I follow God's laws. I follow man's laws. I strive to be a good person and raise my children to be good people. And yet, I am without help.

If I look down into the sand there are no foot prints at all. I'm frozen in place and there is no larger than life, unseen force helping me. I've been left there. Frozen. Terrified. Overwhelmed. And completely alone.

If my wavering faith, my questioning of God, makes me a bad Christian. I'm fine with that right now. I will declare it proudly!

MY NAME IS LIZZE AND I AM A BAD CHRISTIAN!!!

God isn't here. I'm looking. I'm listening. I'm talking. I'm waiting as patiently as I can. But as a mother I can only sit idly by and wait for so long. I've only just now, within the past hour, given up on God. I've only just now turned away. Until that moment an hour ago, I was waiting. I was listening so hard I could hear my own heartbeat. I was talking. I was begging on bended knee for help. And I've been ignored yet again.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really don't.

I do what I'm told. As a mother. A Christian (which I still refuse to be any longer). An American citizen. A basic human being. I am kind to others. I am kind to my children. I am a rule-follower. Never a rule-breaker, at least not the major ones. I go without so others don't have to. And still, I am ignored. My children are ignored. My family is ignored.

Well, I'm done being ignored. If I am meant to go this alone. If God isn't going to listen, talk, answer, help. That's fine. I'll go alone without the delusion that help is on the way. Because you know what, it's not. No white knight on a beautiful white horse is on his way to help us. I get it now. I wish I had understood it then. It would have been easier to live through knowing I was alone without help. I guess I should be grateful that I know it now.

All dressed up with no place to go

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Here are a few pics just to give you an idea of how big our "Tiny" is getting.

The blue outfit with puppies on it (yes, those are puppies) was to be his "Coming Home" outfit. My cousin Sam bought it for him in keeping with the tradition she had set in buying both Gavin and Elliott Richard's "Coming Home" outfits. Only Mr. Emmett John was too small and the weather too hot for him to wear it. :( And now, of course, he's nearly outgrown it. :(

Evolution of a Tiny Smile

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It only took me like a week and a half and 30 quick capture pictures to catch it...but here it is! :) lol

Fun with Pictures

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Take 1 sleeping baby

Add 1 bored, silly with sleep deprivation mommy

= Equals =

Fun with Pictures!!! :)

Cool filter

Sepia filter

Negative filter

Black & white

Normal/without filter

Binkie Baby

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Okay, so this isn't a "Binkie Baby" photo. But look at that expression...it's just too cute to resist.

(Notice the sleeping twins in the upper right corner.)

Oh what a difference...

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2 hours of sleep makes. I am thrilled to say I got FOUR HOURS of sleep (albeit non-consecutive hours) last night!! It's amazing how two extra...nay additional hours of sleep can fool your body into feeling like you got eight hours. lol

Now we're on our way to a local flea market/farmers' market to pick up some fruit for my dairy-free diet. Even though I'm only supposed to avoid the major milk products (milk, ice cream, yogurt etc.) it still makes meals a little more difficult. So it'll be nice to have a few more options for sides and snacks.

I figure about the time we get home my body will realize I didn't actually have eight hours of sleep. Then I'll crash and burn. lol

***Update***
We came. We saw. We bought gobs of fruit and I'm in Heaven. Elliott Richard is napping. (We wore him out and he didn't even have to walk. lol) Emmett John is in his swing. (I've probably just jinxed myself by telling you that.) Rob is on the phone. (Don't ask.) And I am eating lunch with lots of fruit. (Yum.)

As predicted, my body is slowly figuring out I only got 4 hours of sleep. And I think after my belly is full my brain and body are going to slip into a food coma.

***PS Be sure to take note that Emmett John is smiling in his picture! Not his full on grin mind you but at least I caught his sneaky grin. :) Whereas Elliott Richard was less than thrilled with me for taking his picture. lol

Ah...true love...

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