My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Tuesday Toot

8:24:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 3 Comments »

Okay, so let's see...what have I accomplished today? I took my sick Emmett John to see a partner of his pediatrician and learned she's a git. Does that count?

No?

Okay then, how about I got out of bed even though I got virtually no sleep last night and that was one of the hardest things I've done all day.

Yeah, we'll go with that one. ;) lol

Please Pray

4:59:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I am about to beg for your help and support blogosphere. You have been warned. ;)

Today Rob and I went to court. Gavin was in school. Elliott Richard and Emmett John were with Grandma & PaPa G and Uncle Brian (Thanks again guys!). (This was the first time I left Emmett John with anyone besides Rob. We both survived but that's for another post.)

Rob and I went to court because in the end of July Rob filed to legally adopt Gavin. Today was supposed to be the arguments and evidence as to why we do not need Nick's consent to move forward with the adoption. I say "supposed to be" because it didn't happen. I will post details but not just yet.

This is where the begging comes in...

We need your prayers, if you pray. Positive thoughts, if you don't.

I can't find words at the moment to adequately express just how important this adoption is to our family. To our wellbeing, sanity, and safety. So if you could please pray for us. And if you don't mind and would be willing, could you please pass us on to anyone and everyone you know who would be willing to pray for us.

Thank you so much for all of your love and support. Without your support, I'd be a little crazier than I already am. ;)

Another Fabulous Giveaway

2:10:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
This one isn't mine though. Over at Glamorous Life of a Housewife, she is honoring both October being Breast CancerAwareness month and her dear friend, Lindsey, who is currently battling breast cancer. She's giving away a whole bunch of pink - go check it out. Enter the giveaway. Pray for Lindsey.

Go on. Off you go... ;)

Not Me Monday

11:52:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 6 Comments »
Okay so MckMama is starting a new thing (it technically started last week), 'Not Me Mondays', where every Monday we make a list of things we definitely did not do during the week. Here's mine for last week and tomorrow.

I did not...keep MckMama's blog open in IE round the clock so I could keep reading/catching up at every available opportunity.

I did not...give Emmett John his Prevacid an hour late because he actually slept in and I didn't want to wake him up.

I did not...convince myself that Elliott didn't skip lunch because he ate some of mine.

I did not...cling to a sleeping Emmett John as if he were a lifepreserver and I a drowning woman just so I could close my own eyes for a little while.

I did not...spend far too long re-organizing my blog tags while I ignored my laundry begging to be folded.

I did not...rewash the same load of clothes 4 times in a row because I keep forgetting (read that: putting off until it's too late) to switch it to the dryer.

I did not...beg Emmett John to be nicer to Mommy because contrary to whatever he happens to believe, my "nummies" were perfect the way they were...before he tried to nurse pieces off.

I did not...listen to my MP3 player and try desperately to drown out my fussy Emmett John who was on my shoulder while I bounced, rocked, patted, held, kissed and tried in vain to soothe him.

I did not...put off changing Emmett John's diaper and getting him ready for bed because he's happy in his bouncy seat and I want to write my "Not Me Monday".

I did not...record "Tombstone" on the Spanish only channel because I was so distracted trying to set up the recording before Elliott Richard realized I had paused Noggin.

I also did not...laugh until I cried when I figured it out because the words didn't match their mouths and the only word I could understand was "tombstone".

Nope, I did not do these things.

Pay It Forward Giveaway!

11:04:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 5 Comments »
*****Congratulations Nikky, Susan and ihchicky! You are the winners of the 'Cheerio Confessions Pay It Forward Giveaway'! I've sent out the emails and as soon as I have your addresses, your prizes will be on their way! Thanks for playing! And don't forget to hold your own 'Pay It Forward Giveaway'! :)*****

Welcome to my first Give Away! :) And without further ado, here's how it works...

Julie over at Belle Maison did a recent post about Paying It Forward (I absolutley love that movie!) We should all be able to do something kind without expecting anything in return. To remind us all of this, she started this little game. The first three people to post on her blog received a cute little gift from her. (From her blog: "The little something that is sent can be something you made, bought, were given or found. Just make sure it's something that will make the person smile!" ) One of those three people was Trina at La La Lovely. She in turn paid it forward to silverhartgirl at Taking The Time to, who payed it forward to Preppy Little Dress. She paid it forward to Mrs. Forever, who paid it forward to Katrina at My Life as a Married Girl. Then I was lucky enough to be one of her winners and now I want to Pay It Forward to you!

I am super excited to host my first giveaway! So now for the details...if you are interested in playing along and would like a chance at something fun all you have to do is leave me a comment. First, three comments will win. The only "catch" is that if you enter your name and win you need to be prepared to host your own little "Pay It Forward" giveaway. :)

Keep in mind now that if this giveaway goes well...I just might do this again down the line. ;)

****UPDATE**** Katrina's comment does not count! So even though it says I have '1 comment', I still need 3 winners! :)

Emmett John is 3 months old!

5:16:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »

What Emmett John is up to this month:

3 months 1 week
Your baby has been able to recognize you since he was just a few days old, but now he may actually be able to show it. About half of babies this age begin to exhibit an obvious recognition of their parents.Your baby will probably continue to smile at strangers, especially when they look him straight in the eye and coo or talk to him. But he's starting to sort out who's who in his life, and he definitely prefers you, your partner, and perhaps a few others.Your baby may quiet down and make eye contact with you, or he may search for you in a room and move his arms in excitement or smile when he finds you. He may even find your scent calming and comforting.

3 months 2 weeks
Babies simply love to be touched. In fact, they thrive on it — touch is a critical part of growth and development. All that skin-to-skin contact not only helps you and your baby bond, but it's comforting when she's upset and soothing when she's irritable.Nurture your baby's sense of touch with a variety of materials, such as fake fur, felt, and terry cloth. Your baby will probably try to eat everything, so choose carefully and don't leave her alone with anything that could come apart in her mouth. Look for books like Pat the Bunny that make reading a tactile experience.

3 months 3 weeks
Your baby is starting to draw conclusions about the world around him. He's looking at everything with curiosity, even his own reflection.Prop an unbreakable mirror next to him or set him in front of your mirror when you're getting ready in the morning. Your baby won't realize that it's actually his image in the mirror (which usually begins to happen well into the second year), but that doesn't matter. He'll love staring at his — or anyone else's — reflection, and he may show his delight with an all-out gummy grin.

3 months 4 weeks
When placed on her stomach, your baby will probably lift her head and shoulders high, using her arms for support. This mini push-up helps strengthen her muscles and gives her a better view of what's going on. She may even amaze you (and herself!) by rolling from her back to her front, or vice versa.You can encourage this rolling skill through play: Wiggle a toy next to the side she customarily rolls to in case she's interested enough to try again. Applaud her efforts and smile. She may need your reassurance, as this new skill can be a little frightening.


To "celebrate" his 3 month birthday yesterday we went to the pediatrician's office. (Oy.) We were supposed to see Dr. H but he had to call in sick so we saw one of his partners, Dr. M. Dr. M used to be my pediatrician when I was a tween and a teen. I liked her back then. Now, I'm not so sure. But I'll get to that...

We went because Emmett John has been really cranky lately and cycling between spitting up and vomiting. We've discussed with Dr. H switching from Zantac to Prevacid at Emmett's last few appointments but we decided to give it one more shot before switching. Well, none of his partners were comfortable making the switch without seeing Emmett so off we went.

He now weighs 14lb 10.5oz! So his weight gain is definitely slowing down now, which honestly is nice because he has gobs of clothes that he's out-growing before I can get them on him. We talked with Dr. M about the reflux and this is what she wanted to do, what we are doing and why it all ticks me off a bit.

What she wanted to do:
  • thicken his pumped breast milk to help keep it down (anyone else confused by this statement?)
  • (upon learning that Emmett doesn't take a bottle) give him bottles of pumped breast milk just so that we could thicken it
  • (or at the very least) stop nursing him on demand and switch to scheduled nursing because she doesn't like him using nursing to sooth his achy tummy etc
  • switch him cold turkey from Zantac to Prevacid

What we are doing:
  • continuing to nurse exclusively on demand without a schedule (just call me a rebel)
  • switch cold turkey from 1.2mL BID of Zantac to 7.5mg of Prevacid (against my wishes)

Why Dr. M ticks me off a bit:
  • After Emmett John was born he had jaundice and was technically a preemie, which caused him to sleep more than usual. So for his first feeding I gave him 15mL of formula because when I tried to nurse him that first time we were both too exhausted. Then for the first day or so I had to pump first. Give it Emmett to wake him up. Then nurse him. When Dr. M learned this while checking up on Emmett one day in the hospital (she was the ped on call that week) she chewed me a new one! So I got reamed back them for using a bottle (which he fought taking and flat out refuses to take now). Now I'm getting reamed for not using a bottle. (come again...)
  • As for me over-feeding him, I declare shenanigans! First, Le Leche League consultants say that you cannot over-feed a breastfed baby. Second, this is not my first rodeo! I know how to nurse a baby. I know how to tell his hungry cry from his bored and tired and change my diaper cries. I've discussed this very topic with Dr. H and we agreed that I would listen to the cry. If I can't tell the reason for the cry I would try and soothe Emmett John with cuddling and rocking and a bink. If none of those work, then I will nurse him. Besides my children have never been much for rules, if Emmett John isn't hungry. Guess what? He. Won't. Nurse. So Dr. M can go jump in a lake because I declare shenanigans and she is full of...*fill in the blank*. So yeah, I have no intention of changing how we breastfeed. It works for Emmett John. He's happy and sated and gaining weight. If and when any of those three things changes, then I'll change things. But if it isn't broke, don't fix it.
  • I'm irritated that I had to pull Emmett John off the Zantac cold turkey. I'm irritated that when I asked if we could piggy-back I was met with the brush off. She told me that if we piggy-back there is a chance that he could get more of a certain drug (I forget which one) than is safe. Obviously, I don't want that. But I don't want my baby to suffer either, while we wait for the Prevacid to kick in. There has to be a middle ground. Somewhere between cold turkey and over-dose. But would Dr. M discuss it? Nope.
  • Emmett John's Prevacid is a dissolvable tablet. We have to cut it in half. Dissolve it in water. Give it to Emmett. On the bright side, it's strawberry flavored (the Zantac was mint, which Emmett John hated - apparently all babies hate it). On the not-so-bright-side, it's next to impossible to get the last little bit of dissolved tablet to leave the stupid tube. Now you may wonder if they make Prevacid in an already mixed by the Pharmacist (you know, those people who went to school to learn how to mix meds) liquid form. The answer to that would a resounding YES! Why Dr. M wouldn't give us the liquid form over the dissolvable pain in the @$$ tablets, you ask? Lord only knows.

Good thing we have an appointment with Dr. H on Wednesday - I'll ask him my questions. Maybe then I'll get some answers that actually pertain to, oh I don't know, my child. *sigh*

Google it

4:58:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
don't like confessions of a cf husband (Google) ~ Wow. I have no idea how this led you to my blog, unless it's just the mention of "Confessions of a CF Husband". (Hi, Nate! lol)
alton brown (Google) ~ I *heart* him! *smitten sigh*
bedrest fathers (Google) ~ Wow. Sorry you're on this wild ride. Good luck!
gosselins do not need our pity blog (Google) ~ Well, that's your opinion.
''pops'' '' father emmett john'' (Google) ~ Look! Someone (apparently a clergyman) has Emmett John's exact name. :)
Confessions of an Ex Wife Beater (Google) ~ No idea why this led you to my blog because we don't have any wife beaters here - current, ex or otherwise.

(Yes, if you read her blog I stole this from MckMama. Thanks MckMama! lol)

You gotta have faith?!

10:25:00 PM Posted In Edit This 2 Comments »
Okay, it's no huge surprise that I have been having a pretty serious (at least in my book) crisis of faith lately. I'm hurt. Pissed off. Angry. Try as I might to just give up and give in, I can't. (And believe me when I say I've TRIED.) There is a part of me that is sincerely done, that doesn't want anything more to do with any of it. Seriously, if I could just...stop. I would. I'm completely jaded at this point. However, there are a few things that even my semi-cynical mind cannot ignore.

First, out of all the blogs in all the world about how many various topics I am continually drawn to blog full of faith. Complete. Total. Give yourself over. Hold on tight because it's a bumpy ride. Faith. I don't seek them out. Granted, a few I've found through blogs I already read and those blogs also tend to lean more towards the faith-based. So it would stand to reason that following blog links from there may link me to more faith-based blogs. But what of the blogs I find through Google searches? What of the blogs I find just randomly? I'm not searching for things of a faith-base. They just seem to find me.

Second, my resolve as a rebelious teenager is severely lacking. (I'm not the same strong-willed strictly for the sake of being strong-willed gal I used to be once upon a time apparently.) To this end, try as I might to be angry with God. It's just not working for me. Try as I might to stop talking to him. I cannot. Try as I might to stop praying. I keep doing it. Seriously. I have wanted nothing more for the past few weeks to have nothing more to do with God. Period. Ever. I can't seem to do it.

Third, I read these blogs written by those of you with such a strong faith and connection with God. And I covet that. There is a part of me that is...not jealous exactly. I don't want to take it from you, for myself. I want to figure out how you got there. How your faith is so strong. How you just turn it all over to God and trust that it will work out. How did you get there. How do you do it. I read these blogs that I am drawn to and I feel a stirring. An inner screaming of "I WANT THAT!"

Problem is I don't know how to get there. I don't know how to get "that". Rob is Catholic - born and raised. I am Protestant/Non-Denominational. The plan when we got married was for me to convert to Catholism because my religion/faith has never been something of huge importance to me. And it seemed important to him for me to convert. (I'm not saying that it is or was important to him or his family. I'm merely stating that at the time of our marriage 5 years ago I felt that it was of great importance to them. Not judging. Just stating my impression.) Now, I'm not so sure I want to convert. This is going to sound crazy coming from a recently self-proclaimed agnostic (yeah, that's going well don't you think?)...but I don't feel that Catholism is where I personally need to be. I just don't happen to know exactly where I do need to be. If that makes any sense at all...

Go on and ask

8:20:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 4 Comments »
So I discovered MckMama's blog the other day. I became addicted. So I have been reading from the beginning, trying desperately to catch up. Well, I'm thrilled to announce that I am now caught up to April 2008! (Yippee! lol) Anyway, she did a few posts in April where she answered questions from those reading her blog.

Well, it's been commented before (by a jerk true but commented nonetheless) that I don't share everything. So if there has ever been something you wanted to know. My favorite color. What my email address means. What I had for lunch. Whatever. Now's the time to ask.

Sound good? Works for me.

Off you go now...ask me some questions...go on...you know you want to...

Mama said...

6:40:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
there's be days like this.

Elliott Richard: giggling and driving cars down the back of the couch onto Emmett John's head
Me: Elliott Richard, we do not drive (read that 'drop') cars on Emmett John's head!
Elliott Richard: Saw-we. (Sorry) (Then does it again.)
Me: Timeout!
Elliott Richard: No! No! No! (as he sulks off to timeout)
Once he's in timeout this is what I hear:
Elliott Richard: No timeout! Mean Mommy! Where Daddy?
Me: Elliott, timeout is quiet time.
Elliott Richard: Wee me moan! Wee me moan! Wee me moan! (Leave me alone)
At this point I call Rob (who took Gavin to see Patty) so he can hear the cute-ness that is "wee me moan".
Me: Honey, listen to how cute Elliott Richard is.
Elliott Richard: I NOT cute! WEE! ME! MOAN!

I guess I should have listened to my mama, huh? *sigh*

My 1st Official Tuesday Toot

4:49:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 2 Comments »


Okay, time to toot my own horn...Something I have accomplished this week is...I actually managed to nap and rest today since I'm sick. (It's the little things in life, huh?)

lol

1:35:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
If you are in need of a good laugh or you would just simply like to laugh but don't need it you simply MUST check out the post by MckMama. I laugh so hard I cry - every single time I read it. (Maybe that just shows how sick/sleep deprived I am but whatever.)

Twitter-isms

1:30:00 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
tissue me = picture of me

bolly = holy

beer-it = spirit

yay me = lay me

pippy = sippy (cup)

Ennit John = Emmett John

Elliott Ichard = Elliott Richard

Gah-in = Gavin

yes you = bless you

Health issues about to be discussed...you've been warned...

11:22:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I won't go into details (you can email me if you know me and would really like them) but I've been having some health issues as of late. I had a doctors appointment today to try and find the cause...here's what we found, what we didn't find and what the plan is.

What we found:
  • I'm slighly anemic.
  • A whole bunch of cysts.

What we DIDN'T find:

  • The cause of my health issues.

The plan:

  • I have 2 weeks for my body to straighten itself out. If it does not, I will
    have minor outpatient surgery in 14-ish days.

Yeah, so today has sucked.

It's official...

9:07:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
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I have absolutely no life outside of blogging, nursing and changing diapers. (lol)

Look where my little plot can be found...

5:31:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
So I know that Nate (Confessions of a CF Husband) often Googles his blog title and then posts a "thank you" to those who mention it. Well, I was bored with a raging migraine (from the stress of today) so I decided to Google my blog title (CheerioConfessions) and see what pops up. Some I expected to see. Others were a complete surprise to me. Here's what I found:

*Surprises!*
http://giadadelaurentiis.us/2007/08/23/celebrity-chefs-august-22-2007/ (all because I *heart* Alton Brown!)
http://itp.nyu.edu/~cjc367/hippiekidstories/links.html (last one under "Some More Hippy Kids")
http://hundredacrewood.blogspot.com/2008/02/scary-thought.html (Katrina showing some love.)
http://deannasegars.blogspot.com/2008/06/new-to-this.html (note to self: must check out blog)
http://babyblogdirectory.blogspot.com/2008_06_01_archive.html (interesting....)
http://anonblog4me.blogspot.com/2008/07/hello-again-sad-again.html (dearest Slade likes her...hhhhmmmm, must check it out)

The straw that broke my Faith...

3:55:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
The title I really want to put there is "F**K FAITH".

Yup, you read that right. I didn't because I have too much respect for those of you who have faith.

I know I've said this before but I'm done. I don't have it in me anymore to operate on faith. I woke up this morning convinced that God was going to provide for us Like He Promised. WRONG.

I just knew in my heart and soul that the van was meant for us and he would work his miracles and make it happen. That he couldn't possibly let us fall to the wayside, forgotten again. WRONG.

We did not get the van. We did everything within our power to make it happen. All for naught.

I'm not writing this to offend those of you who are so sure of your faith, so strong in it that it radiates from you. In fact, I envy you. I envy those of you who are able to be so unwavering in your faith. Part of me wishes I were like you. Alas, I am not. I can only be me and I am done.

I've been screwed, forgotten, disillusioned, abused, walked on, walked over, and generally ignored far too many times. My faith, what little I had and struggled to hold on to and maintain, is gone. *poof* There is no more to be had. I will not look for it. I will no longer struggle to maintain it. I will no longer exhaust myself clinging to it. It's gone. I will mourn it and move on.

Now this probably seems dramatic to you. Especially if you do not know me or our story. I assure you that I am not dramatic at the moment. In fact, I'm quite calm and collected. The van was just the final straw. I would say that it was the straw that broke the camel's back except we weren't lucky enough to have ever received a camel. So it's the straw that broke my faith. After everything I've been through...everything we've been through I'm done.

I will not go so far as to call myself an atheist, however, I would label myself as agnostic at this point. I do not know if he exists. He might. He might not. All I know is that it's been ages since he's shown himself to me. Since he's helped me. Since he's carried me when I couldn't walk anymore. So if he's there, I can't see him (or hear him or any other verb you care to insert there).

Dreams

10:15:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I had some crazy dreams last night.

First, I dreamt that my first love from high school, Ben, and I were arrested along with a few other people. One of them being Ben's wife. (Don't know if he's married in real life but he was in my dream.) So we were arrested (don't know what we did) and spent forever trying to get our story straight. In the end, Ben took the fall so that his wife and I could go free. Before they carted him off to jail I gave him a hug and apologized for how things between us ended - 12 years ago. lol (Things didn't end well. I was madly in love. He wasn't. It was rather ugly, which was my doing. Lately I've been wondering if I should apologize someday...)

Then I dreamt that I was at the local flea/farmers market. As I was driving around picking things up (Including a ton of tofutti ice cream - I'll explain this in another post.) I kept talking to God about the van. I kept praying/begging for him to helps us find a way. Then right before I woke up, I told him (God) that I trust him and I know that he'll help us find a way to get this van. I'm terrifies that we won't be able to make it work and we'll lose this opportunity. But I guess I should listen to my dream and just go with faith, trusting that God will fins a way to provide the van for us.

Just a bit of randomness...

12:10:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Rest assured blog readers, my blog appears to be pretty kid (and Mom-in-Law) friendly. :)

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SHENANIGANS!

10:02:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
If you've ever watched South Park you may have seen the episode with the boys at the county fair when Kyle declares "Shenanigans!" because a game is rigged. That's what I'm doing. I'm hereby declaring SHENANIGANS!!!!

I've heard it said before that we do not have to like the cards we are dealt but we have to play them to the best of our ability. To this I declare SHENANIGANS!

As a direct result of my SHENANIGANS declaration this is what I would like to see happen: I want a redo, re-deal, mulligan on life. I do not want a new husband or children or family for that matter. I want a fair, flippin' shake. I want the scales balanced, rather than so obviously tipped against us. Because seriously we can't seem to catch a break to save our lives. Let's look at the evidence (with the actual odds where available):

Exhibit 1: I was in an abusive relationship/marriage (I use that term loosely here.) before Rob. I left on Valentine's Day 2001. Before I left I was promised that IF I left I would be lied about and generally drug through the legal system as it was attempted to take Gavin from me. I left believing that our legal system would see through this ruse. I was wrong. We've spent this last 7 years fighting against this very situation.

Exhibit 2: Our house has been struck by lightning no less than 3 times the past 5 years. Seriously, what are the odds on that? (General odds of being struck once: 1 in 700,000)

Exhibit 3: Unexplained preterm labor resulting in a preterm baby times 2. (General odds: 1 in 10)

I know there are more, however, I'm just too upset at the moment to think of them. I'm just so frustrated with life at the moment. For those of you who remember, we've been van shopping for a while now. A month or so ago, we found a van that meet all of our needs. The problem is that fighting Exhibit 1 has obviously taken it's toll on us and getting financing is an issue. So unfortunately that van was not meant to be.

So Rob and I kept an eye out after that but didn't actively look because financially we are still in the same spot. Well, yesterday the perfect van was placed literally right in front of me. I was taking Gavin to OT and speech and there it was driving right in front of me with an add written on the window. I took down the number (something I never ever do) and passed it on to Rob. He called and the van is perfect! It's exactly what we need. It's right in our price range. It's a private sale as opposed to a dealership. I tried not to get excited. I really tried. I failed. I got excited. I dared to hope. I felt so certain that it was meant to be. I was wrong. We were yet again unable to obtain the financing and so yet again I've got the rug yanked out from under me.

And so I declare SHENANIGANS! I want to catch a break. I want to stop feeling as if the deck is stacked against us. Please?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

10:02:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I've decided to add a few new things to the blog. They were inspired by Lindsey's Rantings and My Charming Kids.

Thursday 13 ~ I will post a list of 13 things every Thursday. (I stole this from Lindsey's Monday 13 and MckMama.)

Twitter-isms ~ Whenever they arrise I will post Elliott Richard's newest words and phrases with translations (where necessary). (This is my twist on a cross between MckMama posting about Big Mac and Lindsey's Thursday Pablo-isms.)

Interesting...

10:02:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 2 Comments »
Ok so I have my list of blogs that I read. Some I love. Some I like. Some I'm fascinated by in a train-wreck sort of way. Each of them holds a special place in my heart. Now some of them are super popular, like Confessions of a CF Husband. Some of them are rather obscure. What I am intrigued by is the fact that I find them all in a different manner (some I find through other blogs, some through Google Alerts I have set up, some just random searches or by following a comment) yet they all seem to be in this little circle of blogs. If you look at their favorite blogs, most of them list each other. Not that this is life-altering news or anything. Just something I find interesting...lol.

It's been a while...

5:29:00 PM Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »
I haven't done a "Blogs of Note" post in a long while so I guess I'm long over-due. I found a bunch of blogs the other day and bookmarked them so I could view them later. Today I've been working my way through some of them. Here are some of my new favorite blogs...

mckmama ~ MckMama's blog is among those newly discovered blogs. I've been reading the new posts and only just begun to read her blog from the beginning, however, I love it. So far, this is my favorite post. She's currently pregnant with "MckMuffin" and things are getting pretty complicated. I love the nicknames for her kids. I love her home with art hung everywhere. I love her stories and how she posts "Big Mac's" vocab translator every once in a while (something I plan to steal for Elliott Richard).

Lindsey ~ I first discovered Lindsey's blog through Viigo (which I highly recommend but that's another post). Now I read her on my phone, my laptop, Rob's desktop. I just love her honesty and sense of humor.She just kills me. lol (I may actually steal some of her weekly blog ideas too. After tweaking them of course.)

These ladies are just sheer genius and I *heart* their blogs. Now, I highly recommend that you go check them out. Go on. Off you go...

One of my many truths

10:50:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 4 Comments »
I didn't write this. I found it on a website (blog?).

The Making of a Wife Beater

First, I will wine and dine her
Then I fill her head with fairytale dreams
All the while, telling how gorgeous she is

Just a few more moves
and I will be all set

Now it time,
to build her confidence skyscraper high, with lies
Mmm, this is a major key;
To make them fall below their foundation

Not quite finished
How can one forget these fun tools
Get her pregnant
and make her totally reliant on my money

Wooohoo, the fun begin

First a few curse words,
kneaded with some demeaning gestures
Next tighten her wallet a little more,
then start blaming her for everything
and slow down the intimacy

She’s almost ready for her first slap

I need to yell louder
and tear apart her core viciously

Its time to push her over
She’s all primed

Smack, crackle and punch
Wow, what a cool way to start my day
Now, its time to say I am so sorry over and over
and hold her tight, while I beg for forgiveness

Hey, I can’t have friends and family know
She needs to lie for me
After all, it all her fault
Once she does this, I win

Here’s my favorite part:
It’s so easy to beat on someone that loves you unconditionally
Because they have nothing left and no place to stay
And the fatherly bonus is,
my little son tommy will know how to keep his woman in place
Now you know why, I always wear a shit-eaten grin

Edward K. Deputy


I am not posting this to be enflamatory, no matter what you may think. I am posting it because it made me think. It made me sad because it's true. This is how my years as an adult began. I've often been asked "why". Why I married him. Why I stuck around as long as I did (the longest 8-9 months of my life). Just why. All I can say is, this is why. I didn't see it coming and then once it was there, once reality set in I thought I could change me. I thought I could change him. I thought I could fix it all and give Gavin what he deserves - two parents who love him. So for those of you lucky enough to never have been in this type of a relationship, this is how it begins. This is the anatomy of an abusive relationship and a wife beater...

Tiny Bubbles

7:50:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Mr. Emmett John had a follow-up appointment with Dr. H this morning. We went to follow-up on the whole apnea roller coaster, as well as to get his 2 months shots. We opted to put off at his 2 month appointment until we figured out the whole apnea thing because we didn't want to put anymore stress on his body than necessary at that point. So we went. Christine, our lovely nurse, weighed Emmett John. He is now a whopping 14lb! While that's huge to me he's slowed down to gaining 1/2 a pound a week rather than nearly a pound and a 1/2. However, I checked Gavin and Elliott Richard's babybooks and Emmett John is at least 3/4 of an inch longer and at least a pound heavier than both Gavin and Elliott Richard were at this point. Sheer craziness.

Then we saw Dr. H. I told him about the massive increase in Emmett's foam and how Emmett basically screamed at me all weekend unless I was holding him and walking the floor. We discussed the apnea issues. And in the end we decided that we would see what happens at his appointment with the Apnea Clinic on the 23rd. Increased his Zantac to 1.2mL BID. And then we decided that Emmett would only get 3 of the 5 shots he was supposed to get. He got the Hib, pneumococcal and oral rotovirus vaccines. Then when I take him back in 2 weeks for a Zantac follow-up he will get the final 2 vaccines - polio and something else. Dr. H said that he hated to give Emmett the shots at all because he'll be so fussy for the next 24 hours or so, which I appreciate. In the end I told him that unfortunately we are used to the fussiness.

Which brings up to where we are right this moment, me typing with one hand while I bounce Emmett John in my left arm (while being careful of his thighs). Elliott Richard and Gavin are in bed. Rob is in the "man cave". It's been a long day...did I mention that school was canceled because Ike blew threw Ohio (yes, a hurricane in Ohio) and cut off most of the city's power? Yeah, that made for a fun day. I pray to God that the night is shorter than the day has been.

Shattered....

7:39:00 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
I'm sorry it has been a little while since I posted but things are getting really bad. I don't know how to explain in words how I am feeling right now. We have been dealt a few blows these past few days.

Friday we received a letter (I can't go into much detail at the moment) from our attorney demanding a VERY large sum of money (for us anyway) in order for him to continue fighting to keep Lizze out of jail. This was very unexpected and the timing couldn't have been worse. It felt alot like extortion. Either I came up with the money or Lizze WILL GO TO JAIL. We have spent the past few days scrambling to come up with the money.

Luckily I was able to come up with the money. Our luck also extends outside the hospital and courtroom. Our house has been struck by lighting 3 times in 5 years. I have been waiting for almost 3 years now to replace our crippled tv. We finally were able to replace it around my birthday last month. We got an amazing deal (especially with insurance paying for it) and finally were able to have something nice to watch. I know it probably seems materialistic but I assure you it's not. We have given up everything nice we had over the years in order to get Gavin what he needs. I have sold all the gifts from Microsoft (ranging from laptops to xbox 360s to very expensive software) I received for my work with them. Finally with the tv we had something to cling to. Something to help us feel more normal if that makes sense.
Anyways, we had to return it to keep Lizze out of jail and keep fighting a fight we want nothing to do with. Obviously returning the tv was not a tough decision, family first. Lizze's safety and security is way more important then a tv. But it's demoralizing none-the-less. I know Lizze feels really guilty for all of this but I keep telling her not to because it's not her fault. She has done nothing wrong and everyone knows it. We will have our day and this will forever be put to rest.

Gavin is so exhausting. We are so physically and emotionally bankrupt at this point. Gavin is back to his meltdowns over and over again. Last Friday was his worst day of school in 3 years. I honestly don't know how much more of this we can take. I don't want to go to court again. I just want to be left alone. Gavin just never stops anymore. There is constantly drama, meltdowns and then more drama. He is regressing to the point where I cannot even understand him anymore. He repeats himself over and over and over again. He starts speech therapy again this week so maybe that will help but I don't know anymore.

I was driving my invoices up to the office to get them paid and I heard a song on the radio. I can't remember the name but it struck a chord. They were asking "How many times can break without shattering?". I know we have been broken so many times I and terrified that we will not survive another one. I am so scared that there will be no future for my family. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

The Evolution of a Nickname

5:23:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Just for fun and because I find it mildly interesting here are the evolutions of my son's nicknames.

Gavin
Pregnancy: Munchkin Man
Infancy: Munchkin Man, Little Man, Punkin
Toddler/Preschool: Squishie (this came about sometime after seeing "Finding Nemo")
Early Childhood: Squishie Fishie (this came about after my mom found gummy fish candies called "Squishie Fishies")

Elliott Richard
Pregnancy: Marshmallow (what can I say, it seems stupid now but he looked like one of those tiny marshmallows at my 6w ultrasound)
Infancy: Twitterbug (to this day I have no idea where this came from, I was nursing him in the wee hours of the morning and I said it. It fit so it stuck.)
Toddler: Twitterbug and Boo-Boo (again, no idea where Boo-Boo came from)

Emmett John
Pregnancy: Ladybug (before we knew the sex) Tiny (after we found out)
Infancy: Tiny or Tiny Doodlebug (and for the record, doodlebugs are really ugly bugs but I just can't find another name that fits)

Just keep swimming

11:21:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
OK so here's a quick family update...

Gavin

He's been struggling lately. The school started off absolutely stellar and now it would appear that the honeymoon is officially over. He's slowly having a progressively more difficult time in class. At home, well life with Gavin has become rather odd. He talks, non-stop, which is exhausting for us because he's nearly impossible to follow. Most of what he talks about doesn't make any sense to anyone but him. Of course, that's if you can understand what he's saying in the first place now that his speech has taken another regressive turn. Luckily, the Speech Therapist who is replacing his old therapist starts next week. So starting next Thursday he will have Occupational Therapy first with Speech immediately following. We've found through trial and error that is the schedule and combination that works best for Gavin.

Elliott Richard

Elliott Richard has had a few big spills lately, which resulted in two skinned knees and one pretty skinned up pinkie finger. The first few days immediately following the spills were pretty hairy but we've made it through and hopefully the next boo-boos will go a little easier. Elliott is still very much into Emmett John. He's huge into asking what every one's names are and he's now decided that Emmett should have two first names just like him. He loves to help with Emmett John, even when "helping" is just making things 10 times more difficult. It's fun. (lol) His vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds. Granted we don't always understand everything the first time (or the first 50 times) around but we're all slowly getting there.

Emmett John

Emmett John had his appointment with Dr. K and nurse Vickie at the Apnea Clinic on Tuesday. Vickie weighed him and he's now 13lb and 10oz!!! So his weight gain is slowing down a bit so maybe he won't grow into a total moose. (lol) Then she downloaded the information off his home apnea monitor. He had 3-4 instances of "true Bradycardia" where is heart rate dropped below 80bpm. It actually dropped down into the 30's and 20's in a few instances. (Ack!) The good thing that we need to be sure to keep in mind is that these bradycardia episodes are most likely tied to the reflux so they aren't a huge concern at this point. Then she reviewed the apneic episodes and determined that they were "not true apneic episodes" meaning that while his breathing slowed down considerably his heart rate didn't drop below 80bpm. So while the alarms were terrifying for us they were false alarms. (Whew!) The game plan at this point is to keep him on the home apnea monitor only at night until our scheduled appointment on the 23rd. Then we will go in and see Vickie and Dr. K again. If at that point he hasn't had any "true apneic episodes" and his bradycardia episodes are still in check then we will hopefully be wireless for good. :)

I was concerned for a while because Mr. Emmett John wasn't babbling much. He's coo'ed a few times over the past few weeks, however, he wasn't really babbling at all. Then all of a sudden Tuesday night he just started babbling away and he hasn't stopped. (lol) It is truly music to this mama's ears.

So there you have it. Life with our beautiful boys at this very moment. Not saying that's how things will be 5 minutes for now. (lol) Uh oh, I hear Mr. Emmett John calling my name...it's feeding time at the zoo. Off I go!

Moving right along

8:49:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 5 Comments »
Okay, so both Rob and I have addressed the "shared parenting trainwreck" from our perspective stand points. And now it is time to move right along...onto more relevant happenings in our lives.


It has occured to me that I never updated after Emmett John's 2 month checkup. He now weighs 13lb 2 oz (72%) and is 23.75 inches long (68%) with a head circ of 39.2 cm (25%). So he's a big boy with a little head. lol You may have noticed that Emmett John seems to have shrunk by .75 inches. Obviously he hasn't really shrunk. He was just too wiggly in the hospital when she tried to measure him so he appeared to be longer than he is. lol


So we went expecting that Dr. H would say we hadn't seen anything on the Apnea Monitor so we could take it off. Thereby chalking the whole nightmare up to the stomach bug and vomitting as Dr. D (not the same Dr. D as my OB) had done. Wrong. When we asked how long Emmett John would need the Apnea Monitor his response was, "As long as neccessary to figure out what's going on." Okay, makes sense.


Please don't misunderstand me here. Obviously, if the monitor is what's best for Emmett at this point then that's what we'll do. Rob and I were just under the impression that they had sent him home with the monitor more to sooth my worried mind. So when Dr. H decided to go for the long haul it just took us by surprise.


Emmett has his first (?) appointment with the Apnea Clinic on September 23rd. At that point, Dr. D will have the info downloaded off his monitor and review it. She'll then discuss the findings with Dr. H and they'll decide what our next move will be.


Up until the past few days the only alarm we've received was the "loose lead" alarm, which happens whenever one of the leads pops off. Emmett John has become very talented at getting the wires between his toes and *POP* off goes a lead. lol


There are four different lights that we need to be concerned with (not
listed in order of importance):

  1. The "Loose Lead" light - comes on whenever one or both of the leads has come
    loose or popped off altogether.

  2. The "Bradycardia" light - comes on whenever Emmett John's heart rate drops
    below 80 bpm.

  3. The "Tachycardia" light - comes on whenever his heart rate jumps above 220 bpm.

  4. The "Apnea" light - comes on whenever he stops breathing for 20 seconds or
    more. (The monitor begins recording the episode when he stops breathing for 16 seconds but the light and alarm don't go off until 20 seconds has
    passed.)

Early Friday morning we were awoken by an alarm and I fully expected to see the "loose lead" light lit. Wrong. Imagine my surprise to find the "bradycardia" light lit. A few hours later, the same thing, his heart rate was dropping below 80 bpm.


Then yesterday the same thing again. Early in the morning we were awoken by the "bradycardia" light. Then while he and I was waiting in the drivethru at Walgreens for my prescriptions another alarm. Again I turned and looked expecting to see the "loose lead" light lit. This time it was the "apnea" light! Emmett John wasn't breathing! I was completely freaked out! His color was okay, from what I could see, but he wasn't picking it back up on his own. I started screaming his name and gently shaking him. (The people in the car next to me looked at me as if I was a lunatic.) And he started breathing again and the alarm shut off. I was shaking like a leaf. Emmett John simply went back to sleep as if nothing had happened. (Must be nice.)


Then last night Rob and I were talking while Emmett John slept and it happened all over again. The alarm went off. The "apnea" light went on. And again we had to gently shake him to get him to start breathing again. Luckily, we made it through the night last night without any alarms at all - "loose" or otherwise.


I had sincerely hoped to never see any of the lights lit except the "loose lead" light because there really isn't any way to avoid that one. I don't know what will happen on the 23rd now. We had hoped to go and have the info downloaded and learn that nothing had happened so everything was fine. I don't know if that will happen now.

***Update***
I started this post at about 9:00 am before I finished it Rob, Elliott Richard, Emmett John and I ran out to the store. While we were out and about, Emmett John had 3 more apneic episodes in less than 20 minutes!!! Rob called Dr. H's office and spoke with a nurse. Dr. H then called us back. We are to report to the Apnea Clinic without an appointment at abour 1:00pm. They will download the info and determine if these are actual apneic episodes or something else. Then the apnea doctors will talk to Dr. H and figure out our next move.

Mama Bear reporting for duty

8:37:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Okay, so I've sat "idly" by and watched as this whole shared parenting thing has unfolded. I've read my husband's posts, now removed. I read all the comments that were posted. And now it is time for the Mama Bear to report for duty and squash this nonsense.

First, I feel for every husband/father that has been wrongfully judged by the courts. Obviously, I feel for them more than ever since I've been one of them for the past seven years. It isn't right that anyone - husband/father or wife/mother - is able to lie and manipulate the courts to do their bidding. Our justice system is supposed to be one of truth and justice. Unfortunately, in my experience truth and justice are rarely present in modern day courtrooms - civil, criminal or juvenile/family. Our system is perfectly flawed and often times the good slip through the cracks.

Second, I have no obligation to justify my life to anyone. I do not have to post the entire story. In fact, the very reason I do not post the story in its entirety is because a) I am currently involved in open litigation and b) to protect Gavin. I do not know you (you know who you are and you know if you are excluded in this) and therefore do not need your pity or sympathy.

Next, I tried to keep this whole legal snafu out of open court. I tried mediation. The mediator determined that my ex-husband and his mother were completely unwilling to mediate, which makes the process a moot point. You cannot negotiate with people who are unwilling to give. So please do not assume that because I am involved in open litigation that I chose to be there. I did not. I know that open legal battles are ultimately not in Gavin's best interests. However, as his mother it is my job and privilege to protect him. Unfortunately, that requires me to be involved in open litigation at this time. Such is life I'm afraid.

Also, I am not trying to alienate my son from his paternal biological family. Quite the contrary. When DCS was called (by Gavin's pediatrician) and thereby involved, my husband and I were investigated to determine if it was in fact a case of Parental Alienation. The final determination was that it was NOT Parental Alienation and in fact, we had done more than most to try and facilitate healthy contact and safe visits. When we say that they live 2 hours away; this is the truth. It is not an attempt to alienate them. In fact, while we do not enjoy the drive we are not the ones refusing to drive. They are. If you had gone back and read any of the past posts you would have learned that we had supervised visits setup here in Gavin's hometown (because it was determined by DCS and family court that they were unfit for anything more than supervised visits); however, they decided more than a year ago that they did not want to be supervised and were no longer willing to drive to see him. I had no part in this decision. And for the record, the supervision was put in place because of their actions and testimony in court - they did it to themselves. I had no part in it.

I have learned over the years that while some are meant to be doctors or lawyers; some are meant to be parents and some are not. My ex-husband most likely was not intended to be a parent; however, through actions and his own freewill this continues to be the case. When you say that "Fact is, men don't wake up one morning and say, "my wife and kid(s) need me, I'm outta here"." how would you know? Do you know every man, every father out there? No, you do not. The irony of the situation is that this is basically what my ex-husband did. When we were married he spent his time getting drunk, getting stoned, hanging out with friends, and most likely cheating on me. I spent my time taking care of Gavin.

Do you know where he was for Gavin's first birthday? No? I do. Out using.

Do you know where he was for Gavin's first Christmas? No again? I do. He was asleep on the couch. When I begged him to get up and watch Gavin open his gifts do you know what he told me? He said he didn't care and that he would see what Gavin got when he woke up.

What about Gavin's first word? First steps? That's right, he wasn't there.

Were you there the time my ex tried to put his fist through a table? No, you weren't. You didn't see that. Gavin and I did. Were you there with us while he pinned me to a door by my throat? No, you weren't. I was there. Gavin was there. We have the scars from it. You don't. So please, do not lump us in with your "evil mother/victimized father" group because the fact of the matter is that isn't us.

The fact of the matter is, you are simply generalizing to serve your own agenda. (I bet you didn't expect that I had friends who would come to my "rescue".) I do not know that it helped your cause. In fact, I'd be willing to say that it's hurt your cause because my friends defended me. Because I have people who love me and were unwilling to let your comments go. You know it's true what they say, word of mouth advertising can do more to hurt or help you than nearly every other type. How would you say your "advertising" was going now?

So there, now you know more of the back story. Do you feel better? Does it make things easier for you to spin? Does it bother you at all that what you claim to be fighting against - prejudice and unfairness - is exactly what you are perpetuating? Of course, I'm just the mother and not the father; so my injustice is irrelevant to you. Don't worry. You can justify it by saying "She must either be a really bad actor, or is experiencing the justice that is 99.9% reserved for men."? I'm truly sorry that men are victims of injustice.

I'm also sorry that women are abused and beaten and then victims of injustice as well. You won't stand up for them will you? I can't tell you how many "wife beaters" I've personally seen get away with their abuse. But don't you worry about us because we are strong and we will eventually come out on top. We don't need people like you.

So please, keep your ill-informed assumptions to yourself from now on. (After all, you know what they say about assuming...)You aren't doing your "cause" any favors and we certainly don't need your insanity around here.

What is the purpose of this blog?

11:02:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
This blog was started as a way for us to document our lives. This has been very therapeutic for us over the years. We are not writing to insight some type of riot or online warfare. We are not asking for anything. We write this for us. However it seems that there are a few ignorant people out there who can't keep their opinions to themselves. I would like to say that you quite obviously don't know how to read or you would know that this whole thing goes back 7 years. If you taken the time it took to post your comments and used that time to look back through our posts perhaps you would have realized there are details missing. This post was not meant for you. I was updating the people who have been following us for awhile and are familiar with what has been going on. I clearly said this was the "dime store version". If you had taken the time to read then you would know that everything that can be done has been done. You would know that the doctors and other professionals that were working for reunification have given up because not everyone likes to play by the rules. And just so you know, there is only one rule, Gavin comes first. You would know that not all families are the same. You erroneously lump everyone together in a very stereotypical fashion. Anyone with a thread of common sense would know that the system is not perfect. People slip through the cracks and yes, believe it or not there is corruption out there. I know that you don't like to admit that but in reality it is there whether you choose to see it or not. Honestly I don't even know why I am even dignifying you with a response but you have struck a nerve with me and I will speak my peace.

This blog, while public, is not intended for people like you to post cruel, arrogant and unintelligent responses simply to cause trouble or be hurtful. While we are grateful for you stopping by to peek into our lives we would appreciate it if you would TROLL somewhere else. This is in fact our actual life. I realise that it is difficult to believe but imagine what it is like for us to live it. While you may find this entertaining and an outlet for your obvious agenda we are all living through very difficult times. What we post here is true (believe me, at times I wish it wasn't)and while you are not privy to all the information, you will just have to accept that.
Did you even entertain the idea that this just may be really happening? Did you even stop to think that if this is really happening what our lives must be like? What Gavin's life must be like? If what's happening in our lives makes you that uncomfortable then please don't read about it.

I am sorry for whatever has happened to you in your life that has made you so angry and judgemental. However, we have done nothing to deserve your thoughtless comments. I quite honestly don't care whether you believe what you read here or not. We know what the truth is and that's all that matters. While I don't know you (anymore then you you know me)I do hope that your comments aren't a reflection of who you are as a person. I feel sorry for you and I truly hope your life improves and you can find something more fulfilling to do with your time.

We appreciate all the support we have received over the years and thank you all for your continued prayers. I also want to thank those of you that have defended us against these unwarranted attacks. We are proud to call you friends. I have never taken down a blogger comment or one of our posts before but I don't want this to get out of hand. We cling to this blog and I am more concerned with keeping it's integrity intact then entertaining the few that post comments looking to get attention. Let's move on and let them be.

Again I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They have made such a difference in our lives. We will always keep you in ours.

Thanks Again....

1st trip to the park

5:07:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
After we picked Gavin up from school today Rob and I took the boys to the park. We had a blast! (I've never been so hot in my entire life!) Then on the way home we stopped at a local Rootbeer stand for some homemade rootbeer. Yum!
Sleeping Tiny...you'd never know he could bring a grown woman to her knees on a nightly basis.
This is Gavin's "cool wink"...so he says. lol Eat your heart out girls! ;)
I just love, love, LOVE this picture of Elliott Richard!

New nicknames?

8:52:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I've been thinking about calling Emmett John "Tiny Bubbles" because of the foam he's gotten so good at producing. There's even a song by Don Ho about "Tiny Bubbes"...how perfect!

I could also call him "Cappuccino" (or "Cappy" for short) because he has foam on top. lol








Tiny Bubbles
words & music by Leon Pober
sung by Don Ho

Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
In the wine (in the wine)
Make me happy (make me happy)
Make me feel fine (make me feel fine)

Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
Make me warm all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna
Love you till the end of time

So here's to the golden moon
And here's to the silver sea
And mostly here's a toast
To you and me

So here's to the ginger lei
I give to you today
And here's a kiss
That will not fade away

Realistically, he'll probably stay "Tiny" and/or "Doodlebug" though. It's just nice to have options. ;)

The History of Us

12:00:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »

Ah, true love and how it came to be...there are few things sweeter in life than a good love story. Don't you agree? Well, so do I. Here is the Story of how Rob and I met all those years ago. Then as a bonus, I'll tell you all of the ways we almost met and nearly did but didn't. :)

The Park (Coming Soon!)

The Fire (Coming Soon!)

The Engagement (Coming Soon!)

Our 1st Apartment (Coming Soon!)

I Do! (Coming Soon!)

Our Home (Coming Soon!)

***Bonus Content*** Coulda Been & Almost Was (Coming Soon!)

Our Support Teams

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As I'm writing these, it's occuring to me that there is a lot you guys don't know about me and my history. So as I feel the need. As I feel okay with it...I am going to share my story with you as well. Who I am. Where I've been. What I've been through. What I'm going through.

Crazy (Coming Soon!)

Nick (Coming Soon!)

What is PTSD?

PTSD to Me (Coming Soon!)

What is Fibromyalgia?

Fibromyalgia to Me (Coming Soon!)

Who I was/Who I wanted to be (Coming Soon!)

Who I am now (Coming Soon!)



Photobucket

Signs you are truly sleep deprived

12:58:00 AM Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »
*All of those old reruns of ''Full House" are suddenly funny again. (Even though you know they aren't.)

*Likewise, the Olsen twins are cute again. (Again, even though you know they aren't.)

*You fall asleep in mid-sentence while talking to your hubby.

*You can't seem to win a single game of solitaire because all of the cards look alike.

*That *thump* you felt on your chest was the hand holding your Hostess snack cake falling on its way to your mouth because you fell asleep in the middle of eating it.

*After looking everywhere for your lost keys you find them...In the freezer.

*After looking everywhere for your lost cell phone you find it... clipped to your jeans (that you are currently wearing). (Notice a theme here? lol)

*Remember all of those movies and television shows you watched with your hubby? Yeah, I didn't think so.

*Where you once needed a dark and completely quiet room in order to sleep...you now only need to be still for a few moments - sitting, standing, laying, walking...position is irrelevant.

*You're so tired and its been so long since you've slept that your body has forgotten how to fall and stay asleep. (My current state...)

***These are all very true and have happened to me at least once lately.***

My Tiny little space heater

11:05:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I'm laying on the couch watching cheesy reality television with my Tiny little space heater on my chest. This child puts out more heat than most furnaces! Seriously. So it occurred to me tonight that I posted we were going home and then I just jumped into picture mode (because it's the easiest way for me to post anymore). So now that I've made good on my promise of pictures it's time for me to update on Emmett John.

First, allow me to take a moment to thank those of you who have been praying for my Tiny. He needs all the help he can get at this point. With that said, Emmett John is actually doing really well.

The Respiratory Therapist came to the hospital at about 5:30pm yesterday. She took about a half an hour to teach Rob and I how to use the Home Apnea Monitor. Once we learned about all the different lights and alarms I nursed Emmett John and we were released at around 6:30 pm.

On our way home we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. We had Emmett hooked up but opted to leave the monitor in the car since we would be with him. So of course, in keeping with the crappy luck this is our lives, he had an episode in the store but since he wasn't hooked up the monitor didn't record it. *sigh*

He's been hooked up from then on. We made it all night last night without any episodes and only one alarm because his leads came loose. (For a baby that doesn't sweat, these leads are sure sneaky and migrate really easily.) When we woke up I was freaked out at first because I had remembered the episodes but momentarily forgotten about the monitor so it scared me that he slept so well last night.

He made it most of the day without any issues too. Then this afternoon he was in his swing while I was updating some things on the blog. I heard him cough so I stopped and listened. Then I heard him cough again followed by gagging and choking. I can honestly say I haven't moved so fast in a very long time. I don't know how long the episode lasted. I know it was less than 20 seconds because the alarm didn't sound. I don't know if it was less than 16 seconds, which is the amount of time needed to trip the monitor to record. As horrible as I'm sure this sounds, I can only hope that the episode lasted at least 16 seconds so that Dr. H can see it and maybe find some answers. He sees Dr. H on Wednesday for his 2 month appointment so hopefully we'll know more then.

Other than that, he's had a pretty good day. As I write this, he's laying next to me on the couch trying to decide if he wants to smile and talk to me or fuss. Oops...sounds like he's chosen fuss. Gotta go.

What is an apnea monitor?

12:45:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »

These are pictures of Emmett John with his Apnea Monitor. Luckily, it's small enough that it's portable and easy to take every where he goes. I was worried that the pack part would be big and bulky like the Wallaby blanket box was.

We have our choice of two ways to use the monitor. We can keep it on him only when we have to leave him alone (ie in the swing, bouncy seat or while he sleeps). Or we can leave it on him all the time. Right now, I'm opting to leave it on all the time because I want to be sure that we catch whatever is going on. That way they can hopefully figure it out difinitively. Rather than stating what they "think it might be". As it is, we stopped at the grocery store yesterday on our way home from the hospital and decided to not use it since we would be with him. And of course, it happened while we were in the store. *sigh* So now he wears it all the time - except for bath time because that would be bad.

Mr. Emmett John and his monitor. The white one is on the right (white on right) and keeps track of his respirations. If he stops breathing for 16 seconds the monitor begins to record the episode. If he still isn't breathing after 20 seconds the alarm sounds. Believe me when I say that you can't miss this alarm. It hurts your ears and your head too for that matter. The black one is on the left (smoke over fire) and keeps track of his heartrate. If his heartrate drops below 80bpm or spikes above 220bpm the alarm will sound.

Emmett John checking out his new attachment. ;)

All dressed...can you find the wires? (Hint: They are not in his diaper. Wet diaper + electricity = super bad idea. And yes, the respiratory therapist said she tells everyone and she's had people actually question why it's a bad idea.)

Smiling Mr. Emmett John - he really doesn't seem to mind the wires too much. Although he is less than thrilled with the noise it makes. lol

Ah...true love...

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