My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

3 random letters

7:07:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Dear Neighbor,

I'm sorry that you are ignorant. I don't know why you feel that paramedics, fire fighters and cops are "a waste of space". Quite frankly, I don't care to know. I am curious though, how do you call men and women who may save you, your family or friends lives a "waste of space"? They were in our neighborhood protecting our homes from the fire in the abandoned house and all you could think to do was insult them? That's classy. Your mother must be proud.

Color Me Impressed

Dear Driver Whom I've Never Met,

Accidents happen. I get it. Lord knows I've had my fair share. But you hit an animal! You hit and killed someone's dog, their family pet! He had a collar. You were too busy to stop and notify the family. Choosing in stead to leave him for others to handle. The depths of your compassion for another living creature are astounding.

Not Your Mother but Still Ashamed of the Person You've Become

Dear Politicians,

I understand that you want to make a difference in our great country. I commend you for that. I have one small question/request. Would it kill you to just tell the American people something along the lines of, "Hi. My name is *insert your name here*. I am running for *insert name of office you are seeking here*. I believe *list your political beliefs here*. And I want to change our country for the better in the following ways *insert your plans for our country here*." I honestly don't care who started it, who slung mud at whom first, it just needs to stop. Seriously. I don't care who your opponent's best friend was in high school, college or grad school. I don't care if he/she egged houses or drank beer (underage) or even *gasp* smoked pot once. I care what he/she thinks about the current state of affairs and what he/she sees for our future. So just knock it off. Please.

Irritated & Concerned American Citizen

13 Things that Make Me Who I Am

6:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »

Thirteen Things that Make Me Who I Am

1.... I love to write. Journaling. Creative writing. List writing. Signing my name. Simply the act of writing. I love it and consider it a dying art.

2.... I love the color blue - especially the shade cerulean blue (Look familiar?) Given a choice of colors, I'll pick pink over all other colors. And I'll pick blue over pink.

3.... I am creative in just about every thing I do. It's the only way I know how to be.

4.... I talk way too much. Just not on the phone - I hate talking on the phone unless it's Rob or my mom and sometimes even then.

5.... I am fiercely loyal to those I love. I may not always show it but it's true. When push comes to shove, I always back my friends and family up. Always.

6.... I don't tell others' secrets - ever. The only exception to this rule is if the secret is more harmful if kept than if the right people are told.

7.... Patience may be a virtue but I can assure you that it is not one I happen to possess.

8.... I love to think - about anything, everything and nothing at all. I probably think too much.

9.... I love and prefer actual books and libraries. I don't read E-books. Period. They don't smell right - or at all for that matter. They don't feel right. In fact, to me they are just plain wrong in every sense of the word.

10.... I am very intelligent (so say my doctors, I'm not tooting my own horn here) and I love to learn. My mom once said I was going to be a "professional student" when I grew up. Oh, if only.

11.... I am stubborn. Seriously, mules and rams and all other stubborn animal analogies don't hold a candle to me. I'm worse than all of them. Just ask Rob.

12.... I am a sentimental "pack rat". If it had meaning to me or represents something meaningful, I keep it. All my boys have hat boxes for these items and hopefully they will have handmade chests from Pa-Pa G to replace the hat boxes because I am that attached to these physical representations of my cherished memories.

13.... I don't do anything half way. It's either all or nothing. I throw myself wholly and completely into absolutely everything I do. This tends to make life far more complicated and exhausting than it truly needs to be but for better or worse, it's who I am.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Which Way Is Up?

11:44:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
First, I would like to say ''Thank you" for all the love, support and prayers. It means the world to me.

With that said, there are a few thoughts I'd like to share and some myths I'd like to address - not necessarily in that order.

The Myths

Myth #1: Now that the adoption is finalized a huge weight has been lifted and our stress has disappeared. FALSE

The short version answer is that while the stress from constant legal battles is hopefully finished we now have a new stress of trying to recover and resort our lives. If you want the wordy, jumbled answer, keep reading.

Myth #2: This was Nick's last great noble act as Gavin's father. UNDETERMINED

Some will say this Myth is true. I'm not so sure. Nick made it very clear when I told him I was pregnant with Gavin what his thoughts and feelings were. He's been wishy-washy for 8 years. Never once doing the right thing for Gavin. Never once putting Gavin's needs above his own or before his mother. Why now? It really doesn't matter in the long run. I guess for the sake of Gavin we'll just go with the "noble, super father-of-the-year" theory. I don't buy it but whatever.

Myth #3: Now that the adoption is finalized, we will never have to deal with Nick or Pam again. UNDETERMINED

In theory, this is how things should go. Once the contempt motion, charges and pending jail time have been dealt with there shouldn't be anything left for them to do. The adoption is final and there's no going back on that. There are 3 different loop-holes she could attempt to exploit except they don't apply. So while in theory we should be finished with the two of them as soon as this contempt craziness is over. There's also a very real chance that she may file stupid motions from now until Doomsday simply because she can. Hence the reason for the "UNDETERMINED" label.

Myth #4: Pam and Nick are victims in all of this. FALSE

Short answer: Bull-pucky.
Long answer: Nick is possibly a small victim in all of this. Simply because A) his mother did what she did knowing full well that he would eventually become collateral damage and B) I firmly believe that a large part of who he is, is because of her. So while he is responsible for his own actions (or inactions as the case may be from time to time) he is still a victim because of her. She, however, is NOT a victim in any sense of the word. This became a "war of attrition" because of her. Everything that was nasty, ugly, bitter, hateful, vengeful, and aggressive about this legal snafu was because she made it that way. She made things ugly. She stated time and time again that her main concern was never Gavin. It was always HER. How she was going to get what she wanted. Didn't anyone care about HER needs. It was never, ever Gavin. She even went so far once as to tell Patty that she was trying to have me thrown in jail because it was the only way for her to get what she wanted. She didn't care that having his mother thrown in jail was in no way, shape or form in Gavin's best interests. She only cared about getting what she needed and wanted. To Hell with the rest of us. In my book, that makes her the aggressor and villain. Not the victim.

Oh and yes, I am fully and completely aware that she has effectively lost her grandson. And yes, I can only imagine how difficult that must be and how much that must hurt. However, she lost him because her actions led them to this point. She and Nick repeatedly did what they wanted and every choice they made - together or independently of one another - led them to where we are now. They could have been seeing him for the past 15 months and the adoption would have been a much smaller threat or possibly not filed at all. However, they didn't like the new location. They didn't like being supervised. They didn't want the new rules. So they opted to stop coming up and seeing him. In doing so, they shot themselves in the proverbial foot. I didn't do any of this to them. They did it to themselves. So yes, while I am very sure it must suck and hurt a great deal they did this to themselves. And that does not absolve her of the responsibility for her actions over the past 8 years. That does not remove the titles of aggressor and villain. At least in my book.

Myth #5: I am pregnant. FALSE

Okay people, this has nothing to do with the court battle et al. However, there are rumor circulating even though I have posted to say that I AM NOT PREGNANT so I felt that this matter should be discussed in the "Myths" forum.

So please, for the love of God and all things holy in the world, hear me when I say I AM NOT PREGNANT! There are no tiny Baby Gs growing within my belly. The only baby in our family is Mr. Emmett John. And honestly, while I'm certainly not against more babies in the future, Mr. Emmett John and I are quite content with him being the center of my universe. You see while I love to share my body with babies while pregnant and then again while nursing, I'm not sure that I could handle sharing all of me with two babies at the same time at the moment. And I don't think Emmett would be exactly thrilled to share his nummies or give them up at the moment. So please, allow me to repeat (hopefully for the last time) that I AM NOT PREGNANT! NO! NO! NO! NOT PREGNANT! I'm glad I could clear that up for you.

My Thoughts & Feelings

I feel as if I'm stuck in limbo. Maybe purgatory is a better analogy - I was in Hell but now I've been released and I'm waiting to see what happens next. Typically, in our lives, this is where the other shoe drops. Be it a lightning strike that kills our cat. Gavin has a nervous breakdown. A freak hurricane blows through Ohio. I go into preterm labor (if I were pregnant, which I stated quite clearly in Myth #5 I am NOT). Or my ex-mother-in-law (a.k.a. Pam) tries to have me thrown in jail - again. So until I get some inclination as to what's next, I'm stuck here.

Now please remember that while Hell sucks, it is all that I know. I have been a full-time resident for nearly a decade! Nick and I started dating in the Summer of 1998. The physical abuse and head games (a.k.a. psychological abuse) from Nick started not long after we started dating. The abuse and head games from Pam and Tom (Pam's husband who died in June 2003) started around the time I found out I was pregnant with Gavin. The Summer of 1998 to now is 10 years of abuse and head games.

My entire life for 10 years has been tainted and stained by them. Every choice, every decision, every everything was out of my control even though I've had sole custody since October 2003. I could only use the medical professionals the courts approved. I could move but had to stay within a 30 mile radius of my parents' house. And if I moved, I had to notify Nick and Pam and the courts 30 days before the move to give them time to object. My medical and psychological records were open season if they wanted them. Heck, my entire life was open family, my friends, my activities, my job, my grades in college - you get the idea. It even came to the point where I had to cut off contact with my sister, Trisha, and her family because they were trying to use them against me. (I miss my sister so very much.) My life had to be as bland and straight-laced as humanly possible. I don't remember how to live outside of those parameters anymore.

Sadly many of you have only ever known me as I am since Nick. I was happy, funny, and fairly laid-back once upon a time. I gave of my heart freely and wore my heart on my sleeve. I don't know if that Lizze even exists anymore.

The abuse of the past decade, the nearly constant onslaught of legal battles and character assassinations has made me angry and bitter. I'm cynical. I survived by adopting a sort of state of constant vigilance. I trust very few people. The few I do trust, I question their motives constantly. I have nightmares about Pam and Nick taking me to court and taking my children - not just Gavin but Elliott Richard and Emmett John too. I jump at the slightest noises. Basically, I am the poster woman for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Over time my untreated PTSD triggered my Fibromyalgia and all that comes with it - migraines, panic attacks, acid reflux, and constant pain.

You know, I'm a pretty intelligent gal. Logically, intellectually I knew how much stress I was under. I knew that the stress only made matters worse with my Fibro. I knew that it played a huge part in most (if not all) of my health issues. I also knew that Gavin and I (and Rob and the boys as well) all have a very symbiotic relationship. Meaning that he feeds off of the emotions running through our home. I knew that the stress in our home was making Gavin's rapidly growing laundry list of psychological issues worse. I knew these things. I don't deny them. I have never denied them.

At the same time though there was little I could do. I made countless offers to Pam and Nick. I tried more times than I can count to find a middle ground, a gray area so that everyone could be happy and involved in Gavin's life without the additional drama and stress of constant legal battles. I was rebuffed. I was left with no options other than to fight the motions that were filed against me. These battles made life worse for all those involved. I did the best I could with what I had to work with.

What I didn't realize all this time, was how much of that stress I was carrying with me. I didn't realize that in "letting go" of the stress I wouldn't in fact be releasing it. That wouldn't be the end of it. I foolishly thought that in letting go of the stress I was actually releasing it. Much like you would release an animal into the wild. That I would let go and it would be gone. I didn't realize that letting go would trigger some horrible health side effects like migraines that medications don't touch and Fibro flares that left me crying and sobbing (the tears burned like the dickens - that's how bad my flare was). I've been having panic attacks. I haven't had a panic attack since I was pregnant with Elliott Richard. I'm beyond exhausted. My body is covered in hives. It feels like my body is slowly shutting down.

If this blog is any indication, well then it shouldn't really be too difficult to see how much I'm currently struggling. My thoughts are all over the place. (More so than usual.) And that's if I'm able to string two thoughts together. Most of the time I sit and stare trying to make sense of it all and yet completely unable to do so. I can't even focus on my favorite television shows anymore. By the time I get to the end, I can't remember what happened in the beginning. If my DVR didn't tell me that I had watched it, I wouldn't know I had 90% of the time.

I feel like a dog chasing it's tail. This blog doesn't make any sense. My thoughts are scattered. I started by stating how I feel stuck. I've jumped to about a zillion points after that. And I keep coming back to the fact that I'm stuck. I'm in limbo. I don't know where else to go. I don't know what else to say. And as my post title so clearly states, I can't even tell which way is up anymore.

***FYI: I hope y'all understand that when I refer to "my life" et al I truly mean "our lives" it's just that this post is from my POV. So please don't think I'm excluding the effect this nightmare has had on my entire family.

Tuesday Toot

7:55:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
This Tuesday I managed a blinding migraine and take a nap snuggled up with Mr. Emmett John.
Yeah, that works. ;)

Not Me Monday

6:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 2 Comments »

This week I did not.... spend hours upon hours playing games as a means of escape before court. That would have been silly and slightly irresponsible since there were dishes to be washed and laundry to be done.

I did not.... seriously consider calling Gavin off of school on Thursday because I was so exhausted and wanted to sleep in. It would have been selfish and wrong of me to putting my sleep deprivation above my son's education.

I did not.... do a happy dance - in the middle of a hallway in a court house - when I heard that it was finally all over. That would have been mildly rude and disrespectful and something I would never do.

I did not.... feel kind of special and a little cool when we left the courthouse with an escort by the bailiff, with the Sheriff Deputies on alert and all the adults walking in a protective Secret Service style circle around Gavin. That would have inappropriate and immature given the serious nature of the situation.

I did not.... then allow my mother-in-law to purchase alcohol (including my "girlie beers" lol) for the celebration dinner. There's just something "wrong" with this situation so it's good that it did not happen.

I did not.... spend 45 minutes making silly faces and noises at Emmett John trying to get a giggle. While he spent 45 minutes looking at me as if to say, "Wow, why and when did they let you out of the loony bin?"

I did not.... have a very serious discussion with Mr. Emmett John about his age and size ratio. In this discussion, which he found absolutely hilarious by the way, I did not explain that while he will be 4 months old on Saturday that was not a good reason to zip right through the ability to wear his 3-6 month clothes (many of which he never wore because he didn't fit the size long enough) straight into 6-9 month clothes.

I did not.... cheat on my diet and eat a bite of chocolate because it's been so very long.
These are all things I would never, ever do.

A QUICKY......

3:31:00 PM Edit This 2 Comments »
Just to briefly expand on Lizze's last post about this past Wednesday.

We are going to post a big long post detailing everything but we are still recovering. Gavin's biological father signed away his rights on Wed afternoon about 1:30pm. He had never wanted Gavin and hadn't had any contact in almost 1.5 years and has NEVER paid child support. It took 8 years to get to this point. My family has been put through so much my Gavin's biological father and grandmother over the years. We lived in constant fear almost everyday because we never knew what would happen next. We ALWAYS put Gavin first and we maintained our integrity the entire time. This entire battle had been about punishing Lizze for leaving him. They did everything they could to destroy our lives..

On Wed, Oct 22, 2008 at 1:30pm everything finally caught up to them. Nick had no chance of winning that day or with the appeals court later on. He signed away his rights and in doing so all control they exerted over my family for the past 8 years. There will never be any visitation (not that they exercised it anyways)and we will never be dragged into court by them again. We still need to getting Lizze's "Contempt Conviction" and "jail time" dismissed as they were based on false testimony but that should happen pretty soon. We have finally been vindicated and the truth has come out.

Gavin has taken my last name and he is beyond excited to have the same name as his younger brothers.

He has already begun to show so improvement in his behaviors. He is much more relaxed and appears to be happy. This may not last for long because he may just be on the back end of one of his cycles but I'll take what I can get.

Lizze and I are beyond exhausted and feel completely lost right now. I know that sounds crazy but we don't know what a "normal life" is. We have spent the past 8 years doing this and now that it's over we don't know how to pick up the piece's and start to build out lives again. I have never known Lizze without this stuff going on in the background. We are seeking professional help in rebuilding our lives. We need to learn to let our guard down alittle and enjoy life.

For right now this is all I got. Putting thoughts together is stiff really difficult right now. Stay tuned ...... And THANK YO ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS DURNING THIS DIFFICULT PERIOD OF OUR LIVES. THEY WORKED!!!!!!

The Super Duper Short Reader's Digest Version

10:48:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Okay, I am currently working on a long, in depth post about this week. Until I get it finished (which may take a few days - yes, it's that long) you'll have to be happy with this quickie post. So, without further ado, here's the run-down:

IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting for Gavin at 11:00am. Everything went off without a hitch. I'm really looking forward to this year. I'm hoping for an awesome year.

Dr. H for Emmett John at 11:30am. He has a nasty cold and sore belly. Told to watch for signs of a bowel obstruction. So far, so good.
Spent most of the day just trying to make it through to court.

Spent all morning killing time.
Courthouse at 1:00pm.
Attorneys met at 1:10pm.
Nick gave up his rights at 1:25pm.
Court at 1:30pm. Attorneys met with the judge. Nick signed the actual paperwork.
My attorney congratulated Rob at 1:45pm. Rob left to pick Gavin up from school.
Rob officially adopted Gavin at 2:30pm!!!!!

Spent the day surviving after court.
Gavin had a spectacular day!

Grocery shopping. I managed to find some new milk-free, soy-free foods! (Yippee!) And I learned that Passover foods are milk-free and often soy-free, which opens up a whole lot more foods. :)

13 Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Die

6:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »

Thirteen Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Die

1.... I want to write and publish a book. Preferably a best selling novel but so long as I write it and an actual company publishes it, I'll be happy.

2.... I want to take a food based traveling vacation. Think in terms of 'Feasting on Asphalt' or 'Feasting on Waves'. Yes, I know these are Alton Brown trips. However, it is an established fact that I *heart* Alton Brown so does that really matter. :)

3.... I want to travel to Ireland. I may never know anything about my birth father and his Irish heritage but I want to go there anyway. Maybe I'll even mix #2 with #3.

4.... I want to see my sons grown and happy. I don't care what they are doing, so long as it makes them happy. (And it's legal - happy and legal. ;) lol)

5.... I want to grow old with Rob. And not just "old" but like front porch sitting, mashed peas eating, talking about the "old days" ad nauseum OLD.

6.... I want to go back to college and graduate with my BA in English. Then I want to go grad school and graduate with my Masters and/or Doctorate in English. Then in my spare time (in between watching the boys grow up, traveling to Ireland/around the world and getting old with Rob) I want to become an English Professor.

7.... I want to help fight the wars on Domestic Violence and Autism. I want to start a domestic violence shelter with everything all under one roof - legal assistance, housing, counseling, the whole she-bang. And then I want to help the government, the insurance companies and the public school systems better understand Autism. I want the ins co to understand that by not treating Autism they are causing more issues because most parents cannot afford the treatments. I want the public school systems to stop seeing dollar signs when they hear "Autism" mentioned and understand that you cannot place an Autistic child in a 'special needs' classroom and expect them to operate completely under your guidelines and rules simply because it will make your lives easier. Likewise, you then cannot place said child(ren) in restraint chairs or in-school suspension because they "misbehaved". (Yes, sadly this does happen. A lot.) But I digress...

8.... I want to ride in a limo. I've never been in one and I think it would be cool.

9.... I want to take a cross country trip in a train. Then I want to come home in a bus. Like a decked out tour bus. I just think it would be cool.

10.... I want to find a way to truly share with my boys just how special my Granny was. I want them to feel as if they know her, even though they will never get the chance.

11.... I want to continue to keep journals (handwritten) and pack them up so they are in order when the time comes for them to be passed on.

12.... I want to learn and grow beyond then need for cynicism as a form of protection. It's exhausting to try and maintain that level of constant vigilance.

13.... I want to leave this world knowing that my boys felt loved. I want to leave this world, leaving my boys with heads full of memories, hearts full of love and compassion, and souls at peace with my passing because I had a good life and I helped teach them how to have the same.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

IT'S OVER!!!!!!!

3:14:00 PM Edit This 8 Comments »
WE HAVE WON!!!!!!!!! 8 years in the making and it's finally over. We will post more later....

Thanks for your prayers..........

Well if this isn't just a barrell of monkeys...

2:07:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
What's going on in court you ask?

I'll never tell. ;)

(& don't you tell if you know!)


9:34:00 AM Edit This 1 Comment »
T-minus 4hrs to court. Positive thoughts & prayers would be greatly appreciated.

I'll update more this evening - along with an overdue Emmett John update.

Google It

10:25:00 AM Posted In Edit This 4 Comments »
mckmama rascal flatts ~ Hey, my favorite blog and my favorite country group. :)
google giveaway blogs
cherrio confessions ~ Yup, that's my blog. :)
pennmommy (4 times) ~ I still have absolutely no idea why this google search keeps leading you to my blog.
7 random things tag ~ Yup, I did that meme.
confessions of a cf husband blog (twice) ~ I love this blog too!
gosselins without pity pennmommy ~ Seriously, what about my blog is bring you to me with this search?!
health issues from 2 weeks ago ~ Are health issues from 2 weeks ago worse than current health issues? I'm confused. lol

Eddy and Knots

10:15:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Daddy and Elliott Richard are playing Hide and Seek. This is how it goes:

Elliott Richard: 1...2...1...2 Eddy and knots I come!
*begins looking for Daddy*
Elliott Richard: Daddy? Daddy, hair are who? Mommy, where Daddy go? 1...2...1...2 Eddy and knots Daddy!

Now Daddy counts and Elliott Richard hides.

Daddy: 1...2...3...4...5 Ready or not, here I come!
Elliott Richard: I come too!

My cup runeth over

3:28:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I have my moments where everything seems clear and maybe life isn't so hopeless. My moments when I know that I am right where I need to be. That for better or worse, things really will be okay.

I just had one of those moments.

My sweet Emmett John was nursing. He looked up at me and smiled, his great big toothless grin. Then he lost his latch, which startled him. So he "attacked" me in an effort to make sure his "nummies" didn't get away.

In that one brief moment, despite the pain and my cold and everything else in the world, my soul was at peace and my heart was full.


12:03:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I know I've said this a few times but I'm going to say it again, I feel half-dead. I look like Hell. (Maybe if I'm daring, I'll take a picture with my cell phone and post it. Then I came blame my Hell-ishness on the picture quality. lol) I am currently in so much pain that my toes hurt, my teeth hurt and even the hairs on my head hurt! Rob asked me if this could be my fibro coming back rather than me being sick. And while I admit that the fibro is probably a huge factor in all my aches and pains, I don't think the rest of it is the fibro. I'm researching fibro diets to see what they recommend diet wise but honestly, of the two Emmett John's dairy and soy free diet is more important in my book. You never know though, maybe the two diets are similar and it just takes time to balance it out.

It's bigger than a bread box

12:35:00 AM Edit This 1 Comment »
Sorry I've been MIA. I am sick. My cold has morphed into an evil illness, which is kicking my @$$. It's worse than a cold. Not as bad as bronchitis. Hurts like Hell. And is winning, in a big way. Sleep deprivation from Emmett John is one thing but this is just taking things to a whole new (totally unfair) level. *sigh*

Not Me Monday

6:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
This week...

I did not.... Tag! my nearest and dearest Nikky simply because I knew it would bug her because she hates Tag! memes. lol That would be considered antagonistic.

I did not.... put off buying Gavin's Halloween costume because I'm secretly hoping he'll want to be something else. That would mean I was trying to stiffle his individuality, which is something I swore I would never do.

I did not.... pretend to not see Elliott Richard eating his cereal out of his bowl like a dog because it was keeping him quiet. That would generally be a bad idea except when mommy is sick, in which case it's all about survival.

I did not.... try to think of new ways to say "move", "scoot", "goodbye" because I got tired of saying those same three words to Elliott Richard everytime he tries to snuggle/nearly smoother Emmett John.

I did not.... secretly wish that either my cold/flu combo would get gone super quick or get super bad just as quick and earn me a hospital vaca. I mean I'm not that overwhelmed and in dire need of a break. Seriously, I'm not. *shuffle*

I also did not.... secretly wish that I would lose my voice so that I wouldn't have to hear it anymore while repeating myself all day. Because that would be sad and much more complicated than just not repeating myself.

I swear to you...

2:46:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
I'm seriously NOT PREGNANT. I'd tell you if I were. And I definitely appreciate the support but there's nothing to tell or support because....


13 Signs I'm Pregnant

8:27:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 2 Comments »
Okay so I've been lacking in my Thursday 13 responsibilities. I apologize for that. (I know you've all been on the edge of your seats anxiously awaiting my first Thursday 13! lol)

This week my Thursday Thirteen is inspired by a very dear friend of mine who recently found out that she's pregnant! (Yippee!) And I promise you that I am not my own "dear friend". ;) lol Seriously, I'm not!

Thirteen Signs I'm Pregnant

1.... I am super thirsty all the time. I wake up so often for a drink of water that I polish off 32oz in about 8 hours of sleep.
2.... My breasts hurt so much it's not funny. Really, it isn't funny.
3.... Things that should make me cry, don't.
4.... Things that shouldn't make me cry, do. A lot.
5.... I am absolutely starving but the mere thought of eating - don't ask.
6.... My mother calls me to tell me she's dreamed about me being pregnant - again. She has this dream every time I get pregnant.
7.... Rob wakes up one morning and tells me "you need to pee on a stick". He always seems to know before me somehow.
8.... I. Am. Exhausted. I sleep all night. Take 4 hour naps. And still look and feel like a zombie.
9.... My complexion clears up. Over night.
10.... My cat, Cleo, will not leave me alone. She lays on my belly and purrs if I lay down or if I recline. Heaven help me if I dare to sit. She'll force her way onto my belly. It's honestly a miracle my children don't expect me to purr.
11.... I start dreaming about naming babies, even before I know that I'm pregnant.
12.... I get headaches - not migraines which are normal for me. Just plain, old, run of the mill headaches. Pregnancy is the only time I get headaches.
13.... And finally, my ex-mother-in-law is off somewhere filing a contempt motion seeking to have me thrown in jail. Seriously, she's done this with my last two pregnancies. lol

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Google it

4:06:00 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
gosselins without pity + pennmommy (Google) ~ Not a clue why this would lead you to my blog. I hope you found what you were looking for. "follow this blog" (Google) ~ Not sure how this brought you here but welcome just the same. :)
cherrio confessions (Google) ~ That would be my blog. :)
preppy gifts giveaways (Google) ~ No preppy gifts here, sorry.
stomach bug (Google) ~ Well, we certainly have plenty of this to share if you'd like.
giveaway "1 comment" (Google) ~ Yup, been there done that.
alton brown (Google) ~ Ah...I *heart* him. Maybe someday he'll know just how much I *heart* him. *sigh* lol
giveaway dress (Google) ~ I can promise that you will not find any dresses in this blog. I haven't worn a dress since my wedding day in 2003 and since I'm the only pink in a sea of blue, no one else is likely to be wearing a dress either. ;) lol
giveaway (Google) ~ Yup, been there done that.
pennmommy blog ~ No pennmommy posts here, sorry.
morellichaos blog ~ Hey, I know her! lol
24 week ultrasound pictures ~ We've definitely got some of those around here! lol


10:05:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I have been Tagged by Marie so now I have to write a list of 7 random things about me. So, let's see...7 random things...

  1. I was raised by "reformed hippies", which explains my view from the "left" most of the time.

  2. I have 2 sisters, 3 nieces, 3 nephews and now 1 great-niece. Besides the younger brother you already know about. (I'm a Great Aunt at 28...that's just crazy.)

  3. I'm ambidextrous.

  4. I hate talking on the phone but I will email and text message with you until the cows come home. I'm just horrible with ending phone conversations. I feel like I sound fake so I avoid phone calls at all costs, except for Rob and my Mom.

  5. I've kept a handwritten journal since I was a sophomore in high school. This is the first journal I've had that wasn't handwritten, which kills me.

  6. I love organized chaos but I can't live in extreme chaos or extreme organization. The extremes overwhelm me and make me panicky.

  7. I am obsessive about keeping baby books, pregnancy journals, and health record journals for the boys. It's my way of painting the image of the perfect life that I want for them even if it doesn't exist at the moment.

And now I have to Tag! 7 let's've probably all been tagged a zillion times by now but you'll have that.

Susie at Be Strong and Courageous

Laura at Laura's Loco Life

Nikky at Pleasantly Chaotic

Miraclebaby at Bedrest and Beyond

MckMama at My Charming Kids

Shannon at Exploring Holland

Julie at Baby Olsen Chronicles

Tuesday Toot

4:08:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 4 Comments »

Let's see...what can I toot my own horn about today? Um...

I got all of the trash and recycling out to the curb with plenty of time left to get Gavin ready for school and Emmett John dressed for the drive. :)

De-lurk yourself!

12:00:00 AM Posted In Edit This 3 Comments »

Today is Delurking Day (or week, no one is quite sure) in the Blogosphere! So please, I know you are out there. I know you are faithfully reading my blog and following our crazy, roller coaster story. Please step out and delurk - if only for today. :)

Scrambled Ramblings

4:35:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
Raging migraine.
Active children.
Laundry and dishes calling my name.
No energy to care about them.

Lots of milk and soy free foods.
Slowly figuring this new diet out.
Might not be so bad.

Am I negative?
I prefer realist but whatever.

Can I change my name?
Nah, they'd just learn the new one.

I must be seriously stressed.
The twins won't leave me alone.
I love cats.

I got my Stellan bracelet in the mail today.
Ordered one for Rob and Elliott Richard.

Emmett John is feeling better.
Thank God for small favors.

Are you confused yet?
Yeah, me too.

Not Me Monday

7:00:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 3 Comments »
Let's see...this week...

I did not...sit in a court room trying to figure out what I saw all those years ago. Because that would be a waste of energy since I can't go back and correct the issue.

I did not...tell the twins that there's a chinese restaurant with their names on it. Because I love my Siamese twin kittens and Chinese restaurants really do not serve cat - seriously, they don't.

I did not...ask the boys if they had ever heard of gypsies.

I also did not...ask my neighbor if she knew of any gypsies passing through town. Because that would be mean and generally not good parenting.

I did not...sob because Emmett John was sick and screaming in my ear, Elliott Richard hadn't made it to bed yet (and it was almost an hour past bed time), I had a migraine and was in the middle of a fibro flare - all while Rob was at his aunt and uncle's.

I also did not...sob partly because I was so overwhelmed and also so jealous that he was there and I was here.

I did not...start working on this week's "Not Me Monday" 7 days ahead of time and set it up to post next week so as not to overlap them. Because that would make it official that I am a sad woman with no life of my own to speak of.

My Life

2:55:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »

(Sarcasm? What sarcasm? lol)

A Lifetime

2:43:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I can't believe it was just yesterday morning when Emmett John was projectile vomiting all over the both of us. It feels like a lifetime ago. I'm pleased to announce that no one has been puked on in nearly 24 hours. Emmett John seems to be doing much better. I even managed to get the kitchen floor scrubbed, some dishes done and my lunch made while he slept in the swing - something he's been unwilling to do since he got sick like a week ago. Now if only I could find some way to keep my eyes open. lol

What I've Learned

12:54:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
Do y'all have any idea how many products have milk, caisin, whey or soy in them?! It's insane!

Vegetable Oil - Soy (in fact it's mostly soy - where are the rest of vegetables?)
McDonald's French Fries - milk (not sure where or why there's milk in fries)
Wendy's Chicken Nuggets - milk
Ramen Noodles - soy
M&M's - milk
Tortillas - soy
Pam Cooking Spray - soy
Pizza Hut Pizza - milk in the sauce and the dough

That's just to name a few. It's making it difficult to find stuff to eat. Here's what I've found so far:

I Can Eat:
  • Steak
  • Chicken Breasts
  • Salami
  • Peanut Butter
  • Fruit
  • Veggies
  • Eggs
  • Rice milk & rice milk products

I haven't had a chance to get any rice milk products so I'm not sure what they taste like. I just hope the ice cream is good. And can I just say that a huge piece of chocolate cake or an ice cream sundae or a pizza with extra cheese have never sounded so good in my entire life!

Duck Groupies

1:09:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »

And we're off

9:38:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
diarrhea for a week + projectile vomiting + lethargy + not nursing well = doctor's appointment at 11:30am for Emmett John

The Park!

1:28:00 AM Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »

The "Duck Groupies" with a few geese (a.k.a. Bullies)

Feeding the ducks

Grinnin' and chillin' at the park

Walking the track

I love this picture.

All tuckered out...

Beyond tuckered out...

Carried away...

1:28:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »

Scoop and carry...the "new" way to get around after school! (lol)

Sleeping Beauties

1:28:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »

Mr. Emmett John catching some zzz's with Pa-Pa G.

Please excuse the mess...

6:05:00 PM Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »
While we redecorate & reorganize. It was time for the blue to go.

(Internet Explorer is doing everything possible to make this as difficult as possible. Thank you Bill Gates & Microsoft.)

Register to vote!!!

11:26:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »

It's almost time to vote for our new political representatives, including our commander in chief. I don't know yet who I will vote for, however, I will vote. I strongly urge all of you to register (by October 4th in some states) and vote.

An easy way to help

11:21:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
All you have to do is go to and vote for your favorite charity. Only vote once! They will give $2 for each vote!

I voted for the March of Dimes for obvious reasons. ;) But you can vote for any one of the nearly 50 charities available. Just remember, you can only vote once! But you can feel free to pass on the site to as many people as you'd like. :)

Yippee skippy

3:58:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 4 Comments »
(That was sarcasm by the way.)

So yesterday at Emmett John's appointment Dr. H asked me how the "bread and water diet" was coming. Which struck me as odd but got lost amongst everything else we talked about. So when I called and left our update this morning I asked the nurse if she could find out just how strict my milk and soy-free diet is supposed to be.

Prior to today I was only supposed to leave out the "main milk products" and all soy based. So I couldn't have:

ice cream
cottage cheese
cream cheese
sour cream (you get the idea)

Well, now I'm supposed to try my best to not have anything with any milk or soy products in it. At least until we get the whole positive blood/stool tests quandary figured out. Which brings us back to...

How to Read a Milk-Free DietAvoid foods with the following ingredients:
1. artificial butter flavor
2. butter, butter fat, butter oil
3. buttermilk
4. casein
5. caseinates (ammonium, calcium, magnesium, potassium, sodium)
6. cheese
7. cream
8. cottage cheese
9. curds
10. custard
11. Ghee
12. Half and Half
13. hydrolysates (casein, milk protein, protein, whey, whey protein)
14. lacalbumin, lacalbumin-phosphate
15. lactoglobulin
16. lactose
17. lactulose
18. milk (any derivative – powder, protein, solids, malted, condensed, evaporated, dry, whole, low-fat, non-fat, skim, goat’s milk)
19. nougat
20. pudding
21. rennet casein
22. sour cream, sour cream solids
23. whey (including all forms, such as sweet, de-lactosed, protein concentrated)
24. yogurt
25. “D” on a label next to “K” or “U” indicated presence of milk protein

The following may contain milk proteins:
1. flavorings: caramel, barvarian cream, coconut cream, brown sugar, butter, natural
2. chocolate
3. luncheon meats, hot dogs, sausages
4. high protein flour
5. margarine
6. Simplesse®


3:37:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Life is a crazy thing.

I sat in the waiting area at the outpatient lab in the hospital with Emmett John this morning. Waiting to register him soi could drop something off (that's another post). While we sat there and waited, I noticed a few things that touched me in one way or another.

I watched strangers help a 92 year old woman they didn't know simply because she needed help.

Then I watched an obviously physically and emotionally exhausted father struggle with his 3 or 4 year old son. I chuckled when he told his son he was "more persistent than diarrhea". (lol) Then I found myself praying when his phone rang and he told the person on the other end that it was highly likely he has liver cancer.

I can't really explain it but witnessing these two events touched me. I know I'm often over-loaded between home, kids, PTA and other stuff but really, I can't imagine. I can't imagine wanting my independence so strongly and yet having to rely on people I've never met and likely never see again. Or going to the doctor with my son believing that I'm going for a standard med check to make sure I'm on the correct dose, only to learn that it's likely I have liver cancer.

They were both so positive, too. She was so appreciative of the help she received. He was so stressed it was etched in the lines of his face, yet he played with his son and joked around with me when Emmett John began screaming.

I only hope that I can handle things as well as they were, should I ever find myself in a similar situation.

**I started this blog on Wednesday October 1st. That's why it says "today" but applies to events from yesterday. lol***

Story Time

1:54:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Elliott Richard: Mommy, I tell story you.
Me: Okay, which story will you tell me?
Elliott Richard: On-a on-a time, story. A end.

Tales of fussy babies, medical tests and florescence

10:48:00 AM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
First, I'd like to say that I really appreciate all of your prayers and positive thoughts for my little Emmett John. While life could definitely be worse, things have still been far more complicated for him than any baby deserves. So it helps to know that so many are thinking of him and sending prayers up on his behalf. Thank you.

Now for the update on Emmett John's tummy issues...

He had an appointment with Dr. H yesterday morning already scheduled so that we could follow-up on how the Prevacid is working and to get Emmett John the rest of his two month shots. (Thanks Julie for pointing out that they could be split up into more than one visit. That honestly never occurred to me.) Well, we went. And now we still need to go back for the rest of those shots.

Emmett John now weighs 14lb 14oz. He lost 3oz in a day, which Dr. H said isn't an issue because he had gained just over 8oz in the week before the loss. Dr. H gave Mr. Emmett John the once over and said it's a stomach bug. (duh, again!) He said that the slowed urine output and extreme fussiness would be more worrisome if he didn't have the diarrhea. Since he does, he's concerned but not too much. Now the issue is the fact that Emmett's diarrhea went from pretty much straight liquid to this 50/50 split of liquid and florescent green mucousy-goo. (Yeah, sorry for being gross but it is what it is. lol) Just to be on the safe side Dr. H checked Emmett's stool for blood, which came up positive again. So Dr. H decided to send the rest of the contents of his diaper to the hospital (via mommy taxi cab) so that a full workup can be done to try and get to the bottom of this positive test business.

Dr. H opted to pass on the rest of the shots because he didn't want to chance Emmett spiking a fever and us not being able to tell if it's his tummy bug or the shots. So we skipped the shots, again. Dr. H told me to keep an eye on Mr. Emmett John and call this morning with an update. Other than that, we are to call if he begins vomiting, spikes a fever, is crying inconsolably, or generally becomes very lethargic.

So I called this morning and left our report with Dr. H's nurse. She called back and said that Dr. H is very pleased that Emmett John seems to be turning the corner and hopefully things will continue to improve. I also asked about my diet since the blood test keeps coming up positive and he would like "ideally" for me to cut any and all milk and soy products etc out of my diet. At least until we get the blood deal figured out. (Yay. That's sarcasm by the way.)

Other than florescent green poo, things are going pretty well today. He's still kind of fussy. Only wanting to be held. And currently working himself up into a scream as I finish this. It's only taken me like 4 hours to get this written, if that gives you any idea of his current mood etc. (lol)


12:11:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 4 Comments »
Mr. Emmett John has had varying degrees of diarrhea since Friday night. Last night his temp was hovering at around 100.1. Then when he woke up at 8am this morning his diaper was wet (nothing new) and his diarrhea had progressed to the point of being basically straight water no solids at all. I felt horrible that my little man is sick but I wasn't all that worried. Afterall, Emmett John is the youngest 3 - this isn't my first rodeo. I wasn't worried until we hit 1pm - 5 hours later - without a wet diaper.

At that point, I called Dr. H's office. They wanted to see him but Dr. H was off today so we saw his partner. Dr. K, AKA Dr. No-clue. She checked him out. Declared it a stomach bug. (duh) Told me it could last as is (clear fluid diarrhea without any solid parts) for weeks. Then told me to watch for a bowel obstruction and sent us home. (I still don't understand the leap from stomach flu to fine to bowel obstruction but whatever.)

Now we are home. We've had 4 wet diapers - total - today. He's super fussy, sleepy and clingy. Luckily, we already had an appointment with Dr. H tomorrow to follow up on the med switch and get the rest of his 2 month shots. So I can ask him what he thinks. No matter how you cut it though, I'm worried.

And now I'm fighting keep my eyes open, so I think it's time for bed. Assuming these stupid cats catch a hint and leave me to sleep in peace. Otherwise, I may be forced to kill them.

Ah...true love...

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