My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

27 weeks

2:05:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 2 Comments »
What Tiny is up to this week: Your not-so-tiny-anymore brilliant baby(about 2 pounds and 14.5 inches long!) is slowly rotating in preparation to “head out.” Obviously, this doesn’t happen overnight, but when you start to feel an unfamiliar pressure on your cervix, you’ll know you’ve got a fully flipped baby locked and loaded for the countdown to their birthday! Even now, at the beginning of the third trimester, their little lungs are already capable of breathing air while the pulmonary vascular system can provide sufficient gas exchange and the central nervous system can generally regulate rhythmic breathing as well as their basal body temperature. For what it’s worth, at this point in a healthy pregnancy a premature child (with intensive care) could easily win on the show: “Survivor: The Early Years.”

Tiny has been a busy little bee this week. I feel the kicks and elbows and flips all the time now. Tiny doesn't seem to have the hiccups nearly as often as Elliott Richard did. The kicks and punches are growing so strong now that my whole belly jiggles afterwards (not in that jolly "bowl full of jelly" way either!), which is really cool to watch. The only problem is that Tiny seems to have a way of watching me. If Tiny is moving and grooving and I uncover my belly to watch, the movement stops. As soon as I cover my belly again, away we go! (lol) In that respect, Tiny fits right in with Gavin and Elliott Richard - independant and strong-willed and already marching to the beat of a different drummer. (lol)


1:48:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 6 Comments »
I am so overwhelmed, over-loaded and exhausted. I have coughed my throat and vocal cords completely raw. I can't speak above a whisper without the sensation that my throat is being slit. (At least how I imagine that feels anyway.) I've lost 4 pounds in the last two weeks. Dr. D says I'll gain it back once I feel better but what if I don't have that much time? I have to choke down food to feed Tiny. I can't taste it and I hurts like Hell to swallow. But I suffer through it anyway. I live on ice cubes right now. Trying desperately to stay hydrated because they said Tuesday I was getting dehydrated. The more I improve, the more I cough. The more I cough, the worse my throat/vocal cords get. The worse they get the worse I feel and more overwhelmed I become. I'm so far beyond my limit that all I want to do is cry. Only I can't cry because it stirs up my nose and cough, which again just exacerbates the issues. So I sit here. Feeling completely alone and cut off from the world. Trying to hold it together. Trying to stay sane. Trying desperately to eat and drink enough. Trying not to cry. Patience in my household is a thing of the past at the moment. Everyone is irritating everyone else. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I don't dare turn to Rob. (You've read his posts, he's drowning as it is.) I can't call my mom because I can't talk. And while Elliott Richard is cute, he isn't much for the deep conversations.

I feel as if I'm holding the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm not carrying it because carrying requires me to get up and move around. *sigh* I'm holding it all and I feel as if I'm being buried alive under neither the weight of it. I'm chasing my tail...Go on bed rest. Stay down. Help Rob. But don't get up. Watch Elliott. But don't get up. Keep an eye out for preterm labor. But don't over-react. Gain a lot of weight so Tiny has a better chance at birth. Crap, I lost weight. Gain it back. Can't swallow. Find a way anyhow. Can't talk. Figure it out. Appease your friends. No wait, do what you need to do to survive. But don't forget to call them or their feelings will be hurt. I just can't take it anymore!

If I knew that it wouldn't jeopardize my health or Tiny's I would say forget bed rest. I would do the laundry, the dishes, take care of Elliott Richard, take care of my duties at school, do the shopping and the running around. I would take care of all my jobs that have been dumped on Rob and are contributing to his drowning. Then I could say forget the Heparin shots too. And that would be one less thing for Rob to worry about. I would do all the things that I always did. If only I knew that I could get away with it. If only I knew that it wouldn't be an issue. If only I knew that Tiny and I would make it out okay.

Bed Rest ~ Day 45

11:06:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I'm here. I'm alive. Throat is swollen from coughing. Slowing coughing up the goo. Patience is running thin in our household. Will post more later.

45 down ~ 90 to go

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