My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Hormones, gotta love 'em!

7:39:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I am a hormonal mess. Of course, I'm 30 weeks and 6 days pregnant but still. I feel silly for being so filled with all these emotions. I honestly don't know how I am able to hold all of these emotions.

One of my absolute favorite television shows is "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit". I love it because with my history of being abused there's nothing quite like watching a show where the bad guys are caught, justice is swift and "the system" works to protect the right people (rather than protecting the low-lifes). Usually I can handle the cases covered in the show because I know that somehow, some way in the end justice will be had.

Lately, the cases are getting to me. I just watched an episode where a 16 year old girl went to NYC seeking an abortion. By the time she saw the doctor she was 24 weeks and the abortion was illegal. I only half watched the episode, although I've seen it before (there are very few SVU and CI episodes I haven't seen), because I was distracted by my own thoughts. I just don't understand it. And I admit it, I shed a tear for the situation as a whole.

Another show Rob and I really enjoy is "Bones", which is based on the life of an actual woman. Last night was the Season Finale and I cried through the whole thing. I won't say what happened in case anyone watches and hasn't had a chance to watch it yet but it just tore me up emotionally. Rob kept asking me if I was okay because I was so emotional over the whole thing. I didn't feel so bad about being emotional over "Bones" though because at least it's about an actual person, which means these things took place at some point.

It's all just so over-whelming right now. I'm trying to help Xander grow as long as possible. I haven't slept in what seems like forever. My back is killing me. My ex-mother-in-law couldn't seem to care less about the fact that Tiny's life is at risk with her playing these games. (See below for more info.) I'm trying desperately to get my Etsy store up and running but it's slow going and a lot harder than I planned on. "The Leak" has gotten worse and now parts of our walls are actually rotting out completely. We still have no idea how we will be able to afford to fix this. We don't qualify for the city grants that are available because we owe city taxes. And can I just say that I never realized how much Noggin shows could wear down a person's sanity! If I have to hear one more high-pitched cartoonie laugh...well, it won't be pretty.

The Legal Update: My ex-mother-in-law has filed a second contempt motion against me claiming that I refuse to have contact with her and have cut off her visitations with Gavin. Anyone who knows me or knows the situation knows that's a flat out lie. Nick and I exchanged email addresses. He stopped responding to my emails when I told him he was over-stepping boundaries. I'm not refusing to have contact with her, to my knowledge she hasn't tried to contact me. Plus Rob, Nick and I decided a year ago that she would fill the grandparent role and nothing more. That it isn't her job to try and be Gavin's mother, he already has one of those...ME! She's asking to make-up all the visits she missed over the past year. So she basically wants to make up roughly 25 Friday - Sunday unsupervised visits, a few holidays and 2 weeks this summer (on top of the 2 weeks and every other weekend unsupervised visits she feels entitled to). PLUS wants another 30 days of jail time and an additional $250.00 in fines. Apparently she's forgetting that we all signed an agreement stating that they would only have supervised visits and that would only change if/when Gavin's psychologist decided it should change. But it's just that fact that now she filed it. Oh and the continuance we were ranted...it requires me to be in court 8 DAYS after my due date!!!!! That's unreal!

For those who are looking for more...

1:56:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
I have been gently reminded that I need to post an update. (You know who you are. :p lol) So here it is...

Let's see...um...I snuck out yesterday with Rob and Elliott Richard. The plan was to get in the car and go for a ride and then come home. That was it. Not really cheating on my bed rest. More of bending the rules on location.

So we went to the store. Rob and Elliott went in. I stayed in the car and gabbed on the phone to my friend, Debbie. When they came back Rob put Elliott in his car seat and Elliott started screaming "Let go!" which has become his latest defence against the car seat. (lol) Then he started coughing and Rob saw him cough up blood. As soon as he brought it up, he swallowed it again. Then he just started to scream and cry. We tried to look inside his mouth to see if he was cutting a tooth or had bit his tongue but Elliott wasn't playing along. Then it dawned on us that over the past few days, Elliott's had not "black and tarry" stools but definitely black and grainy.

We debated going straight to the Emergency Room but decided that since we were so close to his pediatrician's office we would try there first. Rob called and spoke with a nurse and we were able to get in to see someone right then, which was nice. It wasn't Elliott's regular pediatrician but one of his partners in the practice. We spoke with her and told her what was going on. She said that it could have been a nose bleed. But she didn't really see any evidence of that. She asked if he had been coughing long, thinking he had coughed so much that he had irritated things and the blood came from there. He doesn't have a cough. Just coughed up blood the one time. She said there were a few things it "could be" but no evidence of any of them. So now we are playing the "wait and see" game while we do a test here at home that will help them determine if there is blood in his stool. Hopefully we'll have that finished today or tomorrow so we can send it in and get the results. I just hate playing the "wait and see" game. I feel like we should be doing something. Although I know that if we were to be doing more right now, that would mean a bunch of invasive tests for Elliott. So a lot of pain and suffering and tears and maybe no more answers than we have now. So I'll wait.

For now, he hasn't coughed up anymore blood. Which is good. And his stools have gone back to being a little more normal. So for now, he is doing okay.

I just got off the phone with Dr. D's office. I needed a refill on my muscle relaxers for my back. (Since physical therapy was a bust.) Plus my paperwork on my Heparin injections states that I should start recieving weekly NST's and biophysical profiles (ultrasounds) but I wasn't told last week to schedule those for my appointment next week. And I haven't been sleeping. Between the contractions (that are useless and accomplishing nothing but exhausting me), the back ache and my fibro...I'm not sleeping and I can't survive like this much longer. She talked to Dr. D and called me back. She added the NST (I'm not sure about the BPP.) to my appointment next week and called in scripts for my meds. Hopefully tonight I'll get to sleep...ah dare to dream.

Other than that I'm trying to get some cards made for the Etsy Store. While I relax and try to stay sane. On the bright side, Xander is having a grand 'ole time in there. We've been having these daily battles over who gets to claim my ribs. He feels justified in jamming his head, or butt or any other body part right in the middle of my ribs. I, however, feel that with everything else going on I have a right to evict him from my ribs in the name of breathing (which he doesn't seem to feel is very necessary) or not tasting my food a second time (again this doesn't seem to be a big deal to him). So we've taken to doing this little song and dance of him jamming himself up in my ribs. And then me trying as gently as humanly possible to nudge him down and out of my ribs. This dance will probably continue until he makes his official appearance.

Speaking of his appearance, I've decided that I will do everything within my power to make it to 37 weeks, minimum. If we make it to 37 weeks, then odds are HUGE that we will go home together. I can nurse him without any issues like we had with Elliott Richard. We won't have to decide between nursing or bottle feeding and which will get him released sooner. I won't have to pump. We will spend two, maybe three days in the hospital and then come home. So that's my goal...37 weeks.

Another Day...Week...Injection...

11:00:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I had injection #11 this morning. Painless during and buring after, I should be used to it by now but it messes with my back. I think it's from sitting to favor the injection side that throws everything out of whack.

The Stats
BP: 100/70
Tiny's Heart Rate: 120 bpm (He was still sleeping, lucky dog!)
I'm tired. I'm bored. I'm hungry but nothing sounds good. I keep trying to come up with a good blog to write. I just don't seem to have one. Sorry. I think I'll go try and find a snack and then I'll work on Tiny's Pregnancy Journals and Calendars.
Oh what an exciting life I lead...

71 days down ~ 64 days to go
10 weeks down ~ 8 weeks to go
11 injections ~ 7 injections left

Ah...true love...

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