My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

At 4am...I knew...

10:05:00 PM Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »
I knew at 4am this morning that today was going to be one of "those" Mondays. Emmett woke up fussing his little head off. Nothing I did helped him. He wasn't hungry. He didn't need changed. He didn't want to cuddle. I nursed him. Nothing. I burped him. Nothing. Nothing worked. He finally fell back to sleep at 6am. I wasn't far behind. Unfortunately, he woke up again at about 7-7:30am, which brought my total sleep for the night to a whopping 3 hrs. I'm not used to this because he's normally such a good little sleeper.

FYI: when you've only had 3 hrs of sleep it's probably not a good idea to try and get some left over birthday cake for breakfast. And if you *just have to have* that piece of cake, make sure your plate is safely on the table. That was my mistake...the plate. The plate crashed to the floor. Shattered. And little bits flew up and nicked the top of my left foot. What fun.

Since then, my day has been a blur of fussy screaming/crying Emmett John. A nap - thank God. More fussing. More screaming. Nursing. Diaper changes. Trip to the grocery store. Still *more* fussing. And now I'm pinned to the bed by a sleeping but not fussing Emmett John.

I made my first phone call of the new school year to Gavin's school today. School starts August 18th. I've got my first PTA meeting with the school director and my partner in crime a week before school starts. (Hi Debbie!) Then we've got Orientation a few days after that.

I'm torn though. I'm so excited for school to start again. But at the same time, I'm terrified. I don't know how to juggle everything. I have a school full of parents and I don't know how to get them excited to help out. I can't figure out how to get them involved. I'm an ADHD adult and I know I can keep this organized if only I could tap into that part of my brain. I have to be on the top of my game to make this work. Right now, I can't figure out how to get back there.

A Short Tribute to My Grandmother....

2:07:00 PM Edit This 2 Comments »
My grandmother is just the sweetest person in the world. She just recently got her first computer. It's a Mac and I don't even understand Macs but she has caught on really fast and we are very proud of her for that. My grandmother has entered the 21st century and is now emailing and surfing the web.

Lizze and I both regret that we cannot visit her more often. Our lives simply don't afford us the ability to go anywhere anymore. However, she faithfully reads this blog and keeps up to date of all happenings. We are very greatful that she takes the time to read this blog. She also manages to somehow know when we need to talk because she just happens to call at that moment. She is never a bother when she calls, even though she may feel like it. We don't get many calls asking us how we are so it's nice. It makes Gavin's day to get letters in the mail from Great Grandma because it makes him feel important. She never forgets birthdays even if she's a little late remembering :)...... Oh and she LOVES taking pictures...... :)

Well I have to get back to the challenges in my life but I will leave you with this picture.

















My Father on the far left (whom Emmett is named after), me, on my lap is Elliott Richard and the my grandmother is on the far right.....




Thanks Grandma. Keep the emails coming. We can't always replay but we do enjoy reading them.

We Love You...

Rob, Lizze, Gavin, Elliott and Emmett

Reality Check.....

1:11:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
If today is any indication of whats to come the rest of the week has in store, augggh.

The day began with a giant meltdown because he pushed the wrong button on the remote to his TV. Instead of asking for help he lost it and I mean lost it. It took me 30 minutes to get through to him, which is more like me talking and Gavin wondering when he is getting hi slego's back. His doctor has decided that Gavin may be over medicated and so we have cut his meds in half. This really doesn't make any sense because the problems are there with or without the meds. It was more manageable on the meds I guess. Anyway, now all hell is breaking lose and we have to wait a "couple weeks" to find out if the reduction in meds is going to work. Most of me is screaming bu**shit on this move because it doesn't make any sense. He wasn't getting worse on the meds, the meds were no longer helping... I know it sounds like the same thing but it is different.

Elliott is in the "TERRIBLE" two's right now. He is "SCREAMING" all the time. He doesn't listen very well right now. I know he is two but he is way advanced for his age. I know everyone says that about their kids but Gavins doctors are telling us this. Other then that Elliott is doing good.

Emmett is going through a really fussy phase right now. I don't think were are ready to look at colic yet but he crys "CONSTANTLY" right now. Even Lizze is struggling to be able to comfort him. But other then that he is physically healthy.

Lizze and I are really trying to figure out life. We just cannot seem to catch a break. All three of the kids are constantly screaming and we are getting pushed further and further past our limit. When I turn around I can't even see our limit anymore. We so despratly need a break. Lizze and I have gone out 2 or three times in past 3 or four years.
Lizze made a whole bunch of new cards but we can't get enough time to put them online. The computer is in limbo right now. I spoke last week about our hard drive failure and how we lost 500gb of our info (ranging from all past taxs, all of our company records and the past 8 years worth of pictures (totalling around 14,000 pictures). I was able to recover some of them but not all. Seagate sent me a new hdd but sent out the wrong one. So I called to talk to customer service and ask for the correct one. The guy I spoke with happened to here all the chaos in the background and took pity on me. He is going to find an exact match for my dead drive so I can swap out the logic board and hopefully recover all of our info. He is going to sift through over 600 of my model drives they have in stock to do so. Please cross your fingers because he is supposed to call me today with the results.

Lizze is supposed to be in court next week. Our attorney and Gavin's doc's are trying to make it go away. Which should be possible since the whole thing is based on misinformation, no scratch that, the whole thing is based on lies and we can easily prove everything but that's not the point. We shouldn't have to endure this abuse any longer. Our lives are hard enough as it is and we only get one try. No of this makes any sense why they would do thins, it won't benefit them in any way shape or form. There is NO WAY Lizze can be separated from Emmett for an entire day. Emmetts pediatrician won't let him go all the way down there. Which is good because we wouldn't take him anyways. As it stands I will stay home with Emmett and try to bottle feed him but I don't know how well that will go over. We just need to be left alone so we can pick up the pieces and begin to rebuild our family and hopefully move forward, with Gavin.

As it stands I just don't know how much longer we will last.....

Rediscovery

5:03:00 AM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
I'm slowly rediscovering exactly who I am with a newborn/infant in our home. I am sleep deprived (duh). I have an overwhelming desire to be "super woman". (Overwhemling is the perfect word too because being super woman is just that...overwhelming.) I am a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister. (Not necessarily in that order.) I am tired, achey and always on the alert. I am happier than I've been in a long time.



My hormones have finally evened out. The only time I still get a surge of them with the need to cry is during those perfect, kismet moments with Emmett. The sight of him in my arms still has the power to bring me to tears. The sound of his wimpers/sighs as he tries to get comfy. The deep, body-shuttering sigh when he has a fully belly and sleep-heavy eyelids and is perfectly content.

Ah...true love...

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