My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Please forgive me

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I have been putting a "water mark" via Photobucket on my photos - both new and old. I am trying to keep these from taking too much away from the pictures themselves; however, at the same time I am trying to make it so that the pictures cannot be copied from my blog and printed out for personal use.

Again, I'm sorry for the generic nature of my "water mark". I will see what I can do to make it more professional and less intrusive in the future. For now, I have to work with what I have.

Thank you for the understanding! :)


Tuesday Toot

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Today, I survived 24 hours Savella-free; which led to me spending the day feeling like I had been set on fire.

Tonight, I start my Lyrica. I pray that it's a "wonder drug" like Dr. T hopes it will be.

Six Word Saturday #11

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Gavin celebrated 1st Gotcha Day Anniversary!


Saturday 9 #6 ~ Jealousy

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Saturday 9: Hey Jealousy

1. Tell us a story when you got jealous. I hate to disappoint you but I'm not the jealous type. Just ask Rob; it drives him crazy.

2. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My past and the effects it has on me. I hate feeling like a different person, or less than a person, or an incomplete person because of what I've been through and what I've survived. I wish I'd never been through anything at all. I wish there had never been any trauma to survive.

3. Who do you mess with the most? My hubby, Rob. My sista, Trisha. - for fun
Myself, the head games I play with myself are by far the cruelest.

4. Do you have any special talents? What are they? Some say I'm a good writer. Others say I'm an okay artist. Pretty much anything creative seems to be my "thing". If you ask me, I guess my "talent" is surviving. Most shrinks agree that not a lot of people could survive my life.

5. If you could have a secret fling that no one would ever find out about, would you? Nope. It's wrong but if that isn't reason enough for you...See #3.

6. What's the furthest you've been from home? Florida and Texas.

7. How many Saturday 9 player's blogs do you typically visit? I try to visit each and every one of them - unless the link is broken. I only comment when the mood strikes me though.

8. Some great bloggers lose their "mojo" and quit blogging. Could you see that happening to you? I go through phases. Sometimes I blog multiple times a day and it still doesn't feel like enough. Other times it feels like too much to blog once a month or when something major happens. So I just roll with the punches and go where the wind takes me. That way I don't get completely burnt out and give it up altogether because blogging is important to me. I blog to keep a record of our lives for my boys since I can't really write very much anymore.

9. What's the biggest mistake you've made so far this year? Honestly, I've made too many to listen them all. Let's go with...not keeping appointments when I should have. Not speaking up when I should have. Not pushing for what my sons needed. Not taking better care of myself. Yeah, that'll do.


Small Talk Six #4 ~ 6 things (good or bad) that you credit your mother-in-law for

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Today's Small Talk Six is:

6 Things (Good or Bad) That You Credit Your Mother-In-Law For

1.) Rob. Does he have flaws? Absolutely. So do I. But he is a wonderful man, husband and father due in no small part to how she and Dad G raised him.

2.) A large chunk of what little sanity I have left. She's watched the boys for free - more often than not on a moments notice - so that I could go see my therapists over the last decade. Thanks to her whatever sanity I have left is due to her generosity.

3.) A lot of the inspiration and motivation I have to create my greeting cards. When the mood does strike, it's mostly thanks to her and Rob that I am able to do anything about it. A lot of my supplies were her's at one point. My magazines and such came from her as well. She's always been very supportive without being pushy of my creativity.

4.) The health and in part, the existance of Elliott Richard and Emmett John. Not because of Rob. When I was pregnant with both boys, she helped take care of Gavin and then both Gavin and Elliott Richard. She helped take care of me. She helped in so many ways that without her it would have been so much more difficult to have made it to the end.

5.) Two words: free babysitting. Yup, it's the one thing that no all grandparents do and/or believe in. But Grandma G loves it and helps out with it whenever she can. It's a Godsend and has helped us out of a jam - especially at the last minute - more times than I can count.

6.) Love, compassion and understanding. She gets me, which isn't something a whole lot of people can say. She knows that I like my privacy. She can tell when I'm having a bad fibro day better than just about anyone. She remember what foods I like, which I don't. My favorite drinks. It's like I've been her daughter forever; not just 8 and 1/2 years. She is one of the best people I've ever had the honor to know and I love her.
(Between you and me World Wide Web, I may have been robbed the first time around, but I won the Mother-in-Law Lottery this time!)

If you would like to join in the fun of the Small Talk Six just head on over to and grab the topic and the graphic. Enjoy! :)


Friday Fill-In #5

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ffi we go!

1. The crickets sing, me to sleep on chilly fall nights.

2. Be true to yourself wherever you are, in whatever you say and whatever you do.

3. I want to get far away from the insanity and drama that seems to find me.

4. Every day of Fall, I wake up in pain; someone please, tell me this was a dream nightmare.

5. But as for me I choose Edward, Twilight and OME.

6. As for me, I come from a place few have been to and no one understands.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out with Rob and Trisha, tomorrow my plans include sleep and recovery and Sunday, I want to take the boys trick or treating!


I Don't Wednesday #5 Food

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I Don't Wednesday #5: Foods I Don't Eat

I don't ... eat liver and onions. I know I tried it once and it didn't taste horrible. It's just the idea more than anything else. Ick.

I don't ... eat peanut butter. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich will cross my lips only very rarely. I do eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, especially during the holidays because they always taste better then. But peanut butter is gross. There is just something about it...the smell, the texture. No thanks.

I don't ... eat Burger King. I don't know what it is about their food but I don't like it. It smells good from a distance. The closer I get; the worse it smells. I just won't eat it.

I don't ... eat cookie dough ice cream. Cookie dough alone? Yes. Ice cream of just about any other flavor (within reason)? Yes. That particular flavor? No. It spells complete sugar overload for me. I can't stomach it. I'm getting queazy just thinking about it.

I don't ... eat spaghetti with sauce. When I was pregnant with Elliott Richard, pasta with sauce was one of (if not the big) my food aversions and it just carried over. Now I struggle to be in the house when Rob makes it for dinner for everyone else. It just turns my stomach. I used to be able to eat at least pasta prepared different ways without the red sauce; not anymore. I can't even eat that since my pregnancy with Emmett John.

I don't ... eat chicken noodle soup. Campbell's chicken noodle soup is okay. But honestly, even that is pushing it. Rob loves chicken noodle soup, especially homemade chicken noodle soup. So he makes it quite a bit and when he makes it; he makes a lot of it. But I just can't eat it.



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As soon as I can figure out how to make the graphic I want with the very limited graphic programs at my disposal, I will have these really cute graphics to go with a new thing I'm adding to the blog. It will be the "Ketchup" where I catch you up on whatever the topic is. Haha Isn't that cute? I thought it was. I just can't get the graphics I want made, which is frustrating me. However, I realized that I haven't posted an actual update in weeks so I guess I'll have to get started without my cute little graphics. :(

But that will have to wait until tomorrow because it's 12:36 am now and I need to go to sleep...soon. First, I need to finish some blog rounds. Nighty night all.


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Saturday 9: Inside Job

1. When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up? It would have been better - at least in my case - to phrase this question as "When you were young, what didn't you want to be when you grew up" but since it wasn't worded that way; I'll answer it the way it was worded. I wanted to be a piano teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a writer. There were actually very few things I didn't want to be. Oh and of course, a mother - that was the first one I can remember wanting to be.

2. Did you ever pursue that career? A mother, yes. Piano teacher, nope. I quit piano lessons after 1 year. Doctor and laywer, nope. Although just recently I was able to add freelance writer to my list of yes, which is very cool for me. :)

3. If you are not in that field, what changed? I opted to go the motherhood route first, which made studying the other fields more difficult. Not impossible true but definitely more difficult; plus with everything else I had going on with my first marriage and then seperation etc. Yeah, there really wasn't time.

4. What is your current job? Mother of three. Wife of one. Freelance writer. Greeting card creator when it's needed.

5. What's the best part of what you do? Mother of three: Watching my boys grow into individuals - each with their own likes and dislikes and wonderfully unique personalities. Wife of one: Knowing that I will get to spend the rest of my life with someone that I can grow old with and love. Someone who loves and respects me, for me. He doesn't try to control or abuse me. He simply loves me for who I am, not who he expects me to be. Freelance writer: Writing is a huge part of who I am. It's a part of my soul. It's been a desire of mine to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Greeting card creator: I get to be creative.

6. Do you have plans to do something else down the road? If something else presents itself along the road that looks appealing or that I have always wanted to do; I'll look into it. You never know. For now, I'm happy with my careers/jobs.

7. How did you get your present job? If you are a stay at home mom, how long did you need to plan that move? I'm a stay-at-home/work-at-home mom. I became at stay-at-home mom in 2003 after I lost my student worker job when I left college. It made more sense for me to stay home with Gavin than to work because I would be working just to pay for child care so I could work. I've been a stay-at-home mom ever since. I became a work-at-home mom first when I started making greeting cards in 2006. Then I added to it with my freelance writing job at this summer.

8. Did your parents influence your choices of jobs over the years? Nope, not in the least. Even when I was looking for my first job at 15-16 years old, my high school boyfriend Jay drove me to pick up applications and to interviews. They drove me to work once I had the jobs but I chose the places to apply and whatnot. I pretty much marched to my own drummer.

9. What advice would you give your children on careers? I want my boys to do whatever makes them happy. If working at the Circle K makes them happy and allows them to make enough to live off of, then more power to them. If they would like to go to college and become something else; that is obviously fantastic too. I will support them (emotionally) either way. Financially, I'm only supporting them for so long. I'm not the First National Bank of Mom here, ya know? ;) lol


Six Word Saturday #10

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I love Fall. It hates me.


Small Talk Six #3 ~ 6 of your favorite sweet treats in the whole world

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Today's Small Talk Six is:

6 of Your Favorite Sweet Treats in the Whole World

1.) Cheesecake. Hands down. I mean honestly do I need to remind you of this post, or this one or this one or even this one here? Because I will. If that's what it takes. I'm just saying.

2.) Chocolate. I am the original choco-holic. When I was about 13 or 14 years old I had a therapist that decided/determined in a very unscientific manner that I was allergic to chocolate. I decided that she was a quack and refused to go back. Like giving up chocolate was a viable option. HA!

3.) Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream. I'm still trying to understand how some of you have not yet had this wonderful dessert. It's just not right I tell you.

4.) Southern Sweet Tea. It's like standard sweet tea on steroids. So just like much of the South it's bigger and bolder. The tea is darker. The sweet is sweeter. It's great.

5.) Danish Puff. How I went through the first 20 years of my life without knowing the wonder that is Danish Puff...well, it just isn't right. Every Holiday Season Dad G makes Danish Puff. I think it's a Slovak tradition made of sugar and spice and wonderful fluffy things. Once they are all mixed together it's light and airy and amazing. Every year I try and convince him that I need 1 or 2 or 10 just me but he just laughs and hands me 1 to share (*sigh*) with my family.

6.) Cake. I'm not picky on this one. Ice cream cake. Wedding cake. Birthday cake. Chocolate cake. Devil's food cake. Cake is cake and all cake is good. Dang it, now I want cake. to convince Rob that I need cake?

If you would like to join in the fun of the Small Talk Six just head on over to and grab the topic and the graphic. Enjoy! :)


Thursday 13 ~ 13 Things for the Future I'm Hoping For

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1.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when my daily and/or weekly dose of drama will be limited to "Mom, he won't share that toy!" or one of my neighbors getting drunk and running her mouth.

2.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Emmett John will not be a medical mystery. He will not have any specialists and will only need to see Dr. H for well baby visits and the occasional sick visits.

3.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I can write what I want, when I want on my blog and not worry about who is reading it.

4.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I can pay my balance off to John (my attorney) and not have someone (who shall remain nameless - we all know who though) file something else. At which point, my balance will return again because John has to prepare to fight, again. It gets old.

5.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Elliott Richard will decided that he no longer "likes to be pee-pee soaped" and he wants to use the potty. Then we will only have Mr. Emmett John to put in diapers. And we will also be able to put Elliott Richard into pre-school, which I know he would love.

6.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Dr. T is able to find a medication or combination of medications that works to not only keep the pain from getting worse but also lessen it to some extent. That would be amazing.

7.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when the boys could spend the night away from home - some with their Aunt Trisha and Uncle John and some with their Grandma and Pa-Pa G - so that Rob and I can get away from home for a weekend. We haven't been away from home (hospital/NICU stays so do not count) since our first wedding anniversary, which was Thursday September 3, 2004 if your curious.

8.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I am secure enough in myself as an artist and a woman that I can sit and loose myself in my art and not be weighed down by thoughts of "It's not good enough" or "It's not perfect" or "Crap! It's all crap" get the general idea. I want to just get lost in my art and not care what anyone thinks; including myself.

9.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I don't need a therapist anymore. A day when I've put all the horrific pieces of the puzzle that is my life back together. The pieces I've carried with me for the past 20+ years. The pieces I've fought to hide out of shame for things I didn't do. The pieces I only see in nightmarish flashbacks when I sleep. Someday I'll have them all put together and I won't be haunted anymore.

10.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Rob and I have managed to survive the Terrorist 3's. I'm also hoping for that same day in the future ... when all three boys have also managed to survive the Terrorist 3's. (Whoever dubbed them the "Terrible 3's" was clearly either on crack, had never raised a child of their own or had been blessed with one of those rare children that didn't become a Terrorist between the ages of 2 and 1/2 and oh say 9 - since Gavin is still a Terrorist at times and I don't know when it will wear off.)

11.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when we are able to set up a routine and get into a groove and the slightest little thing doesn't throw everything out of whack.

12.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when my boys will grow up to be men. They will be happy and healthy doing whatever it is that they chose in life. I don't care their preference in partner or job. I don't care where they live, although I'd like it to be somewhat close to where ever we are. I just want them happy and healthy - in all ways. (Since obviously #10 needs tohappen first in order for this one to take place. lol)

13.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I'm spending far less time dreaming of the future and planning for it and a whole lot more time actually living in it.

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***Edited to say*** Okay, so I meant to finish this before it auto-posted at 8:00 pm on Thursday. Obviously, that didn't happen. lol Sorry about that. So now it is 9-ish am on Saturday - just a few days late - and I'm finishing it because the idea of a partially finished post on my blog is driving me crazy. lol


I Don't Wednesday #4 Regrets

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I Don't Wednesday #4: Regrets

I don't ... regret leaving my ex-husband. If I hadn't left, I wouldn't have met Rob. Rob wouldn't have led to his family and I honestly could not have asked/prayed/wished for better in-laws - parents or siblings. They are amazing. Rob also helped me to create two beautiful boys. So really, what more could I ask for there? Oh yeah, Rob is pretty great too. ;) lol

I don't ... regret looking for Mom (aka Mary) starting when I was 16 years old. I don't ... regret finding her when I was 20 years old even though it didn't turn out how I had hoped. I don't ... regret looking for Trisha on MySpace on a whim 3 years ago even though that didn't turn out how I had hoped either. Because it's all turning out how I had hoped in the end, which is how it should be.

I don't ... regret standing up for myself or my family when it was the right thing to do. Even when it wasn't the popular thing to do.

I don't ... regret wearing my heart on my sleeve even though most would say it's "weakness". At least people have always known where I was coming from and where I stood.

I don't ... regret getting married by the mayor of North Cheerioville rather than having a big wedding that we couldn't afford and would have needed loans to pay for. Besides now I get to take the next 3 years to plan my dream wedding and make sure I can make it as cheap as possible. :)

I don't ... regret starting my family before everything else. That was the path I chose for my life and I stand by that decision.


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I finished some personal things and closed the proverbial door on others.


Honest Scrap

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Jessica loves me! She really loves me!

Okay, maybe that's a slight exggeration but she did give me the Honest Scrap award for my blog. :) Something I'm super excited about by the way. :)

Jessica is from Mental Vomit, a blog which I simply adore! She and I have quite a bit in common but I won't go into the how's and why's, just trust that we do. Anywho, she has bestowed this wonderful award upon me and now I must abide by the rules of the award...and away we go!

*Say thank you and give a link to the presenter of the award {Check}

*Share “10 Honest Things” about myself

*Present the award to 10 other bloggers whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design or to those who have encouraged me

*Be sure to tell the 10 bloggers chosen that you are giving them the Honest Scrap award and provide the guidelines for them

Share "10 Honest Things" about myself, hhhhmmmm. I was planning to use something similar to this for my Thursday 13 this week. Oh well, let's see what I can come up with.

1.) I have been secretly coveting this award for as long as I've had a blog. I try to be very honest on my blog, without hurting others whenever possible. So I was seriously thrilled when Jessica gave it to me. (Yeah,I'm a dork, I know.)

2.) I have gotten so used to having migraines that it takes me an average of two weeks to figure out that I have a sinus infection and not just a particularly nasty migraine headache. Like now. Oy.

3.) I have been in therapy off and on for the past 15 years (since I was 14 years old) and I'm only just now finding out some of the serious reasons I should have started in the first place.

4.) When I was 9 or 10 years old, I wanted to have 6 kids. I wanted them all to be girls. I had all of their names picked out - most of which I had stolen from my favorite television shows at the time. (So think of all the popular tween shows from like 1989 and 1990 and you've got a pretty good idea of the names I had picked out.) Oh yeah, and I wanted sextuplets because I figured having them all at once had to be easier than one at a time to me. (Like I said, I was 9 or 10 years old. I knew nothing! lol)

5.) During my childhood, tween years, and teen years I was abused and misused by various different male individuals (and one female). None of them were ever held responsible - for various different reasons, all which were out of my control and had nothing to do with me "not wanting to". Is it any wonder why I've been in therapy since I was 14 years old?!

6.) When I have had enough...or I'm overwhelmed with a situation etc I begin to twirl my hair at the crown of my head (something my neice - who happens to look a lot like me when I was her age also does) or pick at my fingernails.

7.) I have two collections of angels. One set is made of various Christmas themed angels. The other set is a set of collectors Josef birthday angels. My Granny gave me both. I got a Christmas angel every Christmas and a birthday angel every birthday.

8.) You can tell how bad my migraine and/or fibro is on any given day by which of my pets are following me around the house. If Cleo is following me around; it's pretty bad. If both, Cleo and Maggie are following me; then it's really bad.

9.) I wish I were neat and organized but my brain literally doesn't work that way. I've tried to force it; but I just don't know how to make it think and work that way.

10.) I have struggled with the first 9 for like the last hour and a half. But I give up on #10. Sorry; however, some of 1-9 are very deep and detailed scrap so that should make up for the lack of a #10. lol And since this is my blog and my 10 Honest Scraps, I say it does. So there! (How's that for maturity for ya? Yes, I'll be sure to bring that up with Mollie (my therapist) next week. :p lol)

Now I need to present the award to 10 fellow bloggers. In no particular order:

  1. Ellyn at Profoundly Seth
  2. Amber and Dee Dee at Our Micro Preemies
  3. Dragon's Lair Designs
  4. Cate at Show My Face
  5. Cynthia K at Crumbs in the Minivan
  6. The Masto Mama Chronicles
  7. Trisha at Minivan Mayhem - The Postlewait Papers
  8. Julie at Julie Olsen's Journey
  9. Nikky at Pleasantly Chaotic
  10. Latree at Dandelion

And now that I've followed all the rules that come with this award, I'm off to...find something else to do. Watch television with Rob. Blog. Post some pictures to the blog. Who knows.

Just an FYI: I started this post at like 8:30am on Monday 10/12/2009. I wasn't able to finish it thanks in part to children, sinus infections/migraines, chores, and life until 11:00pm Monday 10/12/2009. It is now 1:51pm Tuesday 10/13/2009 and I am editing it because I was rushed to finish it by the previous stated time for the previous stated reasons. Now I am happy with the finished product. I think...


Small Talk Six #2 ~ 6 unconventional things you think people should celebrate by throwing a party

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Today's Small Talk Six is:

6 Unconventional Things You Think People Should Celebrate by Throwing a Party

1.) Divorce ~ All divorcees should have a party to celebrate the end of their lives together just as they had the beginning. It may sound heartless of me but I think it would bring a lot of closure if they did. Nothing wild and crazy, mind you (unless that's what they want), just something quiet and tasteful. Just the girls.

2.) Death ~ When I pass away I want my family to have a party, not a wake, to celebrate my life and what I meant to them. I want them to mourn me in their own way, in their own time. But when they come together, just before or just after my funeral, I want them to celebrate my life. Celebrate everything I survived. Everything I accomplished. The beautiful children I raised and the family I helped to create. My life.

3.) Gotcha Days ~ Gotcha Days are the days that Adoptive Parents got their Adoptive Children; hense the name "GOTcha Day". They should celebrate those days because they are special; it is the day when that child was chosen for those parents. When I was a child my adoptive family celebrated my Gotcha Day every year. Now that Gavin has a Gotcha Day, the Day that Rob's Adoption of him was final, we will celebrate it. I don't know if other Adoptive Families celebrate this but I think they should. It helps to remind the Adoptive child that while they may have joined the family through different means, they are just as special and loved as the Biological children. Sometimes Adoptive Parents seem to forget that.

4.) Sobriety ~ Sobriety is a challenge to achieve and once achieved it's a challenge to maintain. I think that some people celebrate this day on some level. I think they all should. Just like a Gotcha Day or a birthday, every year on the date with a big party. Without the alcohol, of course, having alcohol at the party is just silly. But it should definitely be a HUGE shindig, every single year.

5.) Midnight Video Game Releases ~ Whether some people want to admit it or not, video games are no longer "just for nerds". They are a huge part of everyday culture. As such, the truly popular games are released at midnight (much like the newest Harry Potter or Twilight movies) with big gaming tournaments in the stores leading up to midnight. I think it's only right that the gamers should then get together for an all-nighter filled with pizza, pop, chips, cookies, cake and candy...oh and the game, of course.

6.) Natural Demise of Abuser/Attacker (natural meaning not caused by you) ~ If you have never been the victim and subsequent survivor of domestic violence, rape, assault etc then you probably won't understand this one. You also probably think I'm sick, twisted and morbid; which truthfully I am on occassion but this isn't one of those. All of the anti-anxiety medications and therapy in the world can only get you so far. A dog, alarm system and Civil Protection Order can only protect you so much. Even taking a self defense class, a few times, can only help to a certain point. The nightmares still come. Your life is still changed and tainted. Deep in your brain there still remains that one certainty, that when the abuser, the rapist, the attacker is is the threat. On that day, you will party. Maybe not with cake and balloons. Maybe just with the first good nights sleep without having to have the dog, alarm and medications. Either way, you will celebrate.

If you would like to join in the fun of the Small Talk Six just head on over to and grab the topic and the graphic. Enjoy! :)


Saturday 9 #4 ~ Lie to Me

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Saturday 9: Lie to Me

1. Can you tell when someone is lying to you? With some people, I can. With others, I can't. It depends on: the person, the lie, and how well I know. Also how much I care whether or not I'm being lied to. Sometimes I just don't care.

2. Tell us about one of your flaws. Do you live with it or try to correct it? I tend to get tunnel vision and become very obsessed about things. Sometimes I live with it and sometimes I try and correct it. It all just depends on what I am obsessed with and why.

3. When was the last time you laughed hard and what struck you as funny? As sad as this sounds, I don't remember.

4. Tell us about a time when you should have tried harder. In high school. I should have gotten better grades and gone to college right out of high school.

5. If you won the lottery, what would you buy first? I will pay off all of our bills first - house, new car, utilities, credit cards - all of it, paid off.

6. What movie do you know every word to? Chicago & Twilight

7. What was the best thing that happened to you this week? Gavin had another amazing week. Rob was super understanding, compassionate and caring.

8. What was the worst thing that happened to you this week? More drama.

9. What do you think is the biggest difference between men and women? The ability to create children vs birth them. There are times I think we don't give men the credit they deserve. But then I change my mind because I'm a woman and I can. ;) lol


Ah...true love...

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***My Baby Boys***

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You are *here* too!