In My Next Life...
11:12:00 PM Posted In Daddy/Rob , Humor/Satire , Vent Edit This 1 Comment »If I come back as a man, I shall be married with lots children. I shall forget my wife's birthday cake and card (2 years in a row), so for all intents and purposes forgetting her birthday altogether. But I will tell her I had *intentions*. She will still love me.
I will tell her every few months how the children and I take her for granted. I will then say how we should appreciate her more. (This epiphany shall often follow a period when my wife has been sick and/or injured.) After the epiphany has been vocalized, I shall forget it ever happened and nothing will change. She will start to go crazy but still love me.
I shall spend 2 hours on the web researching new cell phone plans simply because I hate my current cell phone (not the cell phone PLAN just the phone itself). Then when my wife expresses an intense interest for something (it doesn't matter what), I shall scoff, roll my eyes and declare her "crazy". She shall be slightly crazier than before but still love me.
When it is MY birthday, I shall demand plans be made *for me* (it is my birthday afterall and I have standards) and gifts be bought. At which point, I shall remind my wife of how I had *intentions* for her last 2 birthdays. She will forgive me (again), make the plans and still *somehow* love me.
I will do all of these things, and more, and when my wife has FINALLY had enough and she screams to the Heavens how absolutely insane I am; I will throw up my hands and call her a "drama queen". Which will push her *completely* over the edge. Other women will pitty me. For I am the single father of all those children. Now without a wife and mother because she has dropped her basket (doctors still aren't sure why or what happened). They will line up to date me and be my new "babies' mamas".
If I am a cat, I will still be a male. I will eat, sleep and poop all day. I will not use a litter box. I will use my owner's shoes. Sometimes I will pee on her leg. She will still love me.
Nah, I think I'll be a man...
