Cheerio Confessions

Ah the joys of the NICU. I left off with the breastpump, the liquid gold lifeline to Elliott Richard and my complete and utter lack of control. I was devasted. Plain and simple.

I had worked so hard and for so long to ensure that this very thing did not happen and look where he ended up?! In the stupid, flippin' NICU. It was unbelievable and completely inexcusable in my book. I truly didn't know what to do.

Once Elliott was in the NICU it became more and more apparent just how bad things really were. He had a pneumothorax (collapsed lung) on the left side from trying to breathe but not being able to. No sooner did they get his left side diagnosed and his ride side collapsed. He had IV's going every which way. As soon as they had one placed - in his foot or a hand or his head (it took ages for the bald spots to grow back) it would blow and they would have to place another one. He had heart monitors. Feeding tubes because they weren't feeding him orally yet. Then he was on a CPAP. Then a nasal canula. Then when they figured out he had two collapsed lungs and pneumonia; they intubated and sedated him.

For the first 4 or 5 days we couldn't even touch him. I would pump religiously every 2-3 hours; to the point where they had too much milk for him. Then I would walk it down to the NICU no matter what time of day it was. I would hand it to his nurse at the time. Then I would sit.

I would watch him monitors and learn the beeps, which ones were okay. Which ones were cause for concern. Which ones brought everyone running. I would sit. I would listen. I would watch him sleep. I couldn't hold him. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't do a single thing my instincts were screaming at me to do. And there were moments when I thought it would kill me.

They kept me in the hospital as long as possible. They were even able to move me to a larger room and get a second bed so that Rob could stay at the hospital with me. We had a huge black lab, Hermione, at the time and Rob would let her out at night. Sleep at the hospital and go to the NICU in the middle of the night with me. The get up and go home to take care of her first thing in the morning before coming back to be with Elliott Richard and I at the hospital again.

Gavin was staying with my parents. My mom would take him to school in the morning. Rob would pick him up from school in the afternoon and hang out with him until my mom got off work. Then she would meet him for the exchange and he would head right back to my side at the hospital.

Once I was discharged from the hospital they gave me a room for free to stay in while Elliott Richard was still in the NICU. At first, it was in the Post Partum Ward so it was right down the hall from the NICU. Then they moved me to the Peds Unit, which was on another floor and through what felt like a maze of hallways to reach. I hated that room. It hurt to walk to. It took forever. And the Peds Unit is a petri-dish of illness! Why would you put the mother of a preemie there?!?!?!? I was infuriated!

Over time, I felt this horrible weight. This guilt because I would talk to the other mothers. I would watch them celebrate as their babies made it to 3lb or 4lb or 5lb. Here I sat with my 7lb monster baby. In the end though, we really weren't all that different. None of us wanted to be there. We all wanted the same ending; to leave with our happy, healthy babies safely sleeping in our arms.

The days wore on. I know there was a point when Rob and I were cleared to enter the NICU and we walked back to find they performing a medical procedure on Elliott Richard. I was mortified.

At one point the doctors and nurses were explaining to us how serious things were. They couldn't get him breathing on his own. They couldn't seem to wean him off the vent. They didn't know what was wrong, exactly. They were trying everything but were running out of ideas and if they didn't come up with something soon they were going to ask our permission to send him to top notch Children's Hospital 2 hours away.

During this time we were also offered the "support of clergy", which in hindsight I understand. At the time though, it felt to me that they were giving up. It felt like everyone was saying, "Well, you better call a priest and have him baptized because he isn't going to make it out of here." That felt like giving up to me. I refused, rather rudely if I remember correctly. How dare they give up on my baby!

I remember Rob and I asking why they hadn't given him surfactant if it would help him to breathe on his own without the ventilator. They said it was too late, he was too old, it wouldn't help. Finally, after days of on again, off again with the ventilator they decided to give the surfactant a try. He was still intubated but they were working towards weaning him off it.

After the move to the Peds Unit room, Rob "made" me go home. I say "made" because I didn't want to go. I would have slept in a chair next to Elliott Richard's isolet if they would have let me. I was terrified to leave. Terrified they would call and tell us to hurry back and we would be too late. Terrified they would call and say we were already too late. Simply terrified to be here while he was there. I hated it. I hated Rob for a while too. Not a rational response, true. But allow me to remind you that I was 1-10 days post-partum during this time. Rational responses don't usually happen a whole lot during that time anyway.

That's when Elliott took matters into his own hands.

I was visiting him and stroking his hand because he was sedated while he was intubated so this was permitted. His nurse stopped by his isolet and said that she was on her way to grab his next dose of sedation because he was due for it. I just nodded and kept on watching him. Well, he woke up - wide awake - and extubated himself. Even though he was restrained, he just reached up and *pop* it was out and he was breathing on his own. I was dumbfounded and just sort of stood there with my mouth open attracting flies. ;) When the nurse came back I told her what he had done and she mirrored my expression and said, "Oh my." After she spoke with the Neonatologist, he said that they could leave him extubated and see how he did. He was never intubated again after that.

From that point on, things went that way for Elliott. He decided he was done with his IV and *pop*. This was not long after he extubated himself so went with the same idea of "Let's see how he does. Maybe he knows more about how he's doing than we do." Then went the feeding tube.

It was towards the end of his stay. All he really had left to do was gain weight and learn to nurse or take so many oz per feeding. Well since I wanted to nurse exclusively that made it kind of hard to do the whole "take so many oz per feeding". Rob wanted me to give him bottles of pumped milk just so we could get him out of the hospital sooner, which I understand now. But then it just pissed me off. If I was going to nurse exclusively once we got home didn't it make more sense to make sure he was going to get the hang of it now while we are at the hospital and are going to be aware if his weight drops or something?! I didn't want him to stay in the hospital but at the same time I didn't want to give him bottles to get him home to start nurse exclusively and have everything come undone. It was the topic of a great many debates and battles between Rob and I during those last few days. In the end, he was nursing well. He didn't want the bottle once he figured out the nursing. And he was gaining small amounts of weight so they let us go home anyway. :)

All told Elliott Richard spent 10 days in the NICU. Those were some of the longest 10 days of my life.

(You're supposed to sing the title to the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas".)

3 Sick Boys

Yes, you read that correctly all three of my boys are sick, again. Isn't that always how it seems to go in the Cheerio household though? I'm not sure if it's better this way or not. I guess it is. I know it would definitely be much easier without the #1 down there. But I digress.

Elliott Richard

Elliott Richard was first. For all the "gory details" see this post here. He will finish up his antibiotics tomorrow. Yippee! Because even though he's on the "bubble gum" meds that most kids love he's 3 and a terrorist and therefore he enjoys being difficult.

Things were just starting to return to "normal" (not a term that usually applies to our household). Meaning that Elliott Richard was sleeping in his bed rather than on the couch in the living room with Daddy. He was sleeping through the night again. Wasn't super whiney or clingy. He was himself again. He seems to be doing much better. Although he's developing a cough, but I'll get to that in a moment.

So things were starting to look up...and then...

Emmett John

Emmett John, never one to be out-done in anything, was next. Friday afternoon he spiked a fever. By Friday night, his fever was 102.8. By Saturday morning it was 103.2 so off to see Dr. Beth we went. No ear infection or strep. It was just a virus. She said to let it run it's coarse and by Monday the fever should be gone. If Monday morning the fever was still there or his cold symptom had returned, I was to bring him back in.

So we suffered the weekend. No one slept. Emmett John screamed a lot. I considered clawing my eyes out and super-gluing my ears shut. But decided against it in the end. We all survived (I use that term loosely).

Monday morning, always the over-achiever, Emmett John still had his fever and his cold symptoms had returned with avengance so off we went to see Dr. M. But really, let's be honest here, what's a week in the Cheerio household without a visit (or two or three - keep reading) to the pediatricians' office? He checked out our young bebe and thought for sure he had strep throat so he did the swabs - rapid and 48hr. Both ended up coming back negative.

So now he's just a super-clingy grump. He doesn't really want to eat. But he downs water and juice like they are going out of style. He's exhausted but won't sleep. Wants to snuggle but doesn't want held. My fellow mommies out there know this drill well. *sigh*

Gavin

Then of course, Gavin had to jump on the bandwagon. Although truthfully, it's not like he had much of a choice, with two sick little brothers the odds were stacked against him in a major way. So a week or so ago Gavin developed a cough. As the week went on the cough got worse. The problem that Patty brought to our attention at our appointment on Tuesday was timing. The cough started about the same time that Dr. R increased Gavin's dose of Zyprexa. Patty was worried that the Zyprexa was possibly that Gavin is over-medicated and it's causing decreased respiratory function. Of course, I mean what else would you expect from a Cheerio Child?!

So I called and made an appointment with Dr. M. The appointment was actually going to work three ways. Here's what they are and why:

a.) If Gavin is over-medicated, the dose will be changed.

b.) If Gavin is sick, hopefully it's something that will be fixed with anti-biotics.

c.) Everytime Gavin gets a tickle in his throat he proclaims that he has asthma, which he does not.

So I was hoping to find answers to all three of those when we met with Dr. M. Although truth be told, Dr. H has already told Gavin on numerous occasions that he does not have asthma. Heck, even his original pediatrician Dr. Mike told him he didn't have asthma. But he's still convinced that he does.

So we went. We saw. We talked. Some of us more than others. Dr. M asked Gavin a bunch of questions to rule out asthma, which he was able to do, again. Then as Dr. M and I were talking about the cough - when it came on, the meds he's taking etc - Gavin kept jumping in with random Aspie statements. "I like pancakes." Things that given the given the context of the conversation really didn't make much sense. Gotta love those Aspies. :)

Dr. M checked him out and let us know that:

a.) He is not over-medicated. Huge relief there.

b.) He is sick.

c.) He also does not have asthma, although I don't know that this will put an end to the debate.

Apparently, Gavin has some funky form of bronchitis. The normal anti-biotics won't work on it because of the cell walls or something. And the anti-biotic they would normally prescribe is Zythromax or something in that family but Gavin is allergic to those. Even if he weren't he can't take them because they increase the levels of the Zyprexa in his blood stream. So he's on an anti-biotic I've never heard of before, which after three boys (especially Emmett John) I didn't think that was possible. lol And I have to take him back on Monday so that Dr. M can listen to his lungs and make sure that he's improving etc.

Back to Emmett John

Now we get to go back to the pediatrician today. In the last 24hrs Emmett John has developed a rash that started on his back so I thought it was heat rash. Then it began to creep. It creeped to his sides, stomach and now it's creeping down both arms and legs. So I called and talked to Paula, one of the lovely nurses, and she talked to Dr. M. He said that he felt Emmett John should be seen because of Gavin and Elliott Richard both being sick. So at 4:15pm we will be back at the pediatrician's office. This time we get to see Dr. H though. Yippee! So we'll see what that brings us. Oy vay.

2 Ped Appointments

Yeah, it was 2 ped appts if you only counted Emmett John with Dr. M on Monday and Gavin with Dr. M yesterday. However, if you count Emmett John with Dr. Beth on Saturday and now Emmett John today. The grand total is now 4 ped appts but that doesn't work with my title at all. ;) lol

1 Fibromyalgia Flare

Yeah, that would be me. Of course, who else would it be. I love living in Ohio. Really, I do. Lately though, this weather, it's killing me. The ups and the downs - the weather is just crazy and it's downright killing me. I've been flaring off and on for nearly 2 weeks now. But that's another post entirely, believe me.

A Baby on the Way

Okay, so he's not so much "on the way" anymore because I started this post 5 days ago and let's face it, that's kind of a long time for active labor! (Ouch!) On Thursday, August 6th my cousin Sam went into labor with her second child, first boy. If you would like to see his stats and a picture of him head on over to her blog. Try and prepare yourself though ~ seriously.

Welcome to the World and to the Family, Mr. Evander Benjamin!

Some of you may remember me posting here about Mr. Emmett John and his ear infection that would not die and the very real possibility of him having to get tubes. Well, Trish and I took him to see his ENT Dr. KR this morning. He's been a real crank butt lately so I was afraid the nasty infection has returned.

WRONG! :)

Dr. KR said that his ear are clear and perfect! He went on to say that most kids get their ear infections in the winter and the fact that Emmett John has had this many nasty ones in the summer could indicate that winter is going to be particularly nasty for him. But "he's not God, that's just his educated opinion". Those are his exact words. lol

He said that the next time Emmett John gets an ear infection to have Dr. H call him and he'll arrange for the tubes. Or we can call him and say "That's it! We're done! Put the tubes in because we can't take it anymore!" lol Either way, he'll set it up and get it done. So for now, we wait and see.

Then, not one to be out-done, Elliott Richard has been feeling under the weather for the past few days. I've been trying desperately to get ahead of it by drying him up with Benedyl at night. I lost. Yesterday, he woke up and started coughing and hacking. Then last night he went to bed. Fell asleep. Woke up vomitting like 15 minutes later.

I called Dr. H this morning and got him in at 2pm. Rob took him because Emmett John and I were exhausted and napping. Turns out that Elliott Richard now has the ear infection. Oy vay. So he's on Amoxicilian and napping right now, which means he'll either never sleep tonight or sleep like the dead tonight. With Elliott Richard you just never know.

Ah the joys of life in the Cheerio house.

Or is it a train?!

Seriously, given my luck, I hope it's not a train.

I took Mr. Emmett John to see Dr. H this morning at 10:15am. (I also doubled booked myself without realizing it and missed my appointment with my therapist but I digress.) He checked out both of Emmett's ears and said they look good. They aren't perfect by any means but they look "like ears that are on the mend rather than getting worse again".

Yay!

At first he was under the impression that Mr. Emmett John has had a few more ear infections then just these last few. So he wanted me to push Dr. KR for the tubes next week. After he looked back through his medical records, he changed his mind. Now he wants me to be sure and mention it to Dr. KR and if he looks at Emmett's ears and they are infected again, even after finishing the Augmentin, then he wants me to push for the tubes. Other wise he said to just follow Dr. KR's lead on what to do.

So for now, there is hope! :)

For now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

I just hope it isn't a train...please keep praying!

You know, kind of like "The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe" only not. In my story there isn't any fun or adventure. No one makes any new friends. Or triumphs over evil.

In my story, the dryer puts out heat but doesn't tumble. The washer washes. The dryer doesn't dry. And we are running out of clothes. We don't have the money for the laundromat. My sister has graciously offered the use of her dryer, as has Grandma G but that's only going to work for so long. I'm mechanically challenged, meaning I can't fixing things to save my own life so I can't fix it. Rob's thrown his back out and is going to try and fix it but I don't know how that's going to work.

Mr. Emmett John has an appointment with Dr. H tomorrow morning at 10:15am to get his ear infection rechecked. I've been giving him his Augmentin twice a day, on a full stomach just like Dr. M said. For the first few days he was getting better. His mood was improving. He was sleeping better. He was our happy, independent little guy again. Then some where around Saturday morning (happy birthday to me, right?) he started pulling, smacked and poking at his right ear again. His mood took another nose dive and he became really clingy again. Now I could be wrong here, and I honestly hope that I am, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the ear infection had started to clear up and is now back. :( I really hope that I'm wrong. But I honestly won't be at all surprised if I'm right.

Then there are "The Terrorists". I have 3 of them now. Yes, you read that correctly, Mr. Emmett John has joined the ranks of the Terrorists. It's a sad day in the Cheerio Household. I'm not out-numbered 3-to-1. And they are taking full advantage of it! True, they can't, and don't, work together (what terrorists do though?) but that doesn't make them any less terrifying. Or any less of a handful. Or any...less...exhausting.

In fact, it almost makes them worse because at any given moment I've got Elliott Richard over here jumping on the couch, which he knows he shouldn't be. Then I've got Gavin over there throwing toys, again something that he knows he shouldn't be doing. And finally I've got the trifecta with #3, Mr. Emmett John off in the corner trying desperately to pull his diaper off for God only knows what reason a 1 year has for wanting his diaper off. No is listening because they all claim I was talking to "that one over there". I'm pulling my hair out by the roots, or at least seriously considering it. The Terrorists are all grinning from ear-to-ear and couldn't possiblly be any happier. And so it goes. Afterall, who am I, a mere mortal of a mother, to deny them these silly, crazy life experiences?

Sorry I've been MIA again. It's been a crazy month for a few different reasons. I'll go into some of it when I'm ready, but not now. For now I'd like to focus on Mr. Emmett John. He's turned 1! (I have pictures and video that I will be sure to post - as soon as I find them.) And he's been sick. You're surprised, I know. But this is crazy even by Emmett John standards.

About a month or so ago, I took him in to see Dr. M because Emmett John had been super fussy and grumpy. Totally inconsolible. Picking at his food. He didn't want to drink. Wouldn't sleep. Completely not himself. He didn't have a fever or anything. But there was clearly something off. So away to see the pediatrician we went...completely expecting to find nothing.

Wrong!

Turns out that Emmett John had a horrible, bright red ear infection in his left ear. He just happens to be one of those kids who doesn't have any signs of an infection (fever etc). So Dr. M gave us a prescription for the pink "bubblegum" medicine (that I can't remember the name right now). He took that for 10 days. About 4 days after he finished that he was still Super Grump. So I called them back. (This was last Wednesday.) Guess what happened then?

Yup. Away we went to see Dr. M again. He checks. Again expecting to find nothing but an over-protective mommy. Wrong again. Now he's got a nasty, bright red ear infection in his right ear. Again, he didn't have a fever. He was just a grump who wasn't sleeping, eating, drinking etc. So we left that appointment with a prescription for Omnicef. Believing that it would clear up the infection and when we returned today all would be right with the world.

Wrong again!

We saw Dr. M again this morning bright and early at 8:45am. I was hoping against hope that he would find no more infection. Even though I knew that his behavior was indicative of his ear infection still hanging around. I was right. Dr. M checked and his right ear is still bright red and inflamed. Now Mr. Emmett John is on Augmentin, which is the last and strongest medication they are willing to try. If this doesn't work, when we see Dr. KR on July 29th for his continued hoarseness we will also discuss having tubes placed in his ears. :(

We go see Dr. H next Wednesday to see if the Augmentin has worked. We would see Dr. M again except he will be on vacation, lucky guy. So while it's a small thing, in the great big scheme of things, if you could pray that his ear infection clears up in the next week. I would really appreciate it.

My laptop won't connect to the internet. So we will have to put off the finishing of my doozy of a post part deux - don't worry you haven't missed it, I'm still writing it. So yes, it's likely to be just as long, if not longer than my previous doozy of a post. Now on to the update...


My dr's appointment @ 9:00am? Check.
Fasted for cholesterol test? Oops. That's a negative.
Topamax increased? Check.
Allergy meds prescribed? Check.
Other meds prescribed? Check.
I even lost a pound!
Home by 10:00am.

Appointment w/Dr. R @ 11:00am? Check.
Changed the dose of his Zyprexa.
Waiting to hear from Psychology unit at local Children's Hospital about scheduling testing.
Learned that Zyprexa will have to be stopped a minimum ONE WEEK before testing. (Oy.)
Gavin behaved wonderfully so we rewarded him w/lunch of his choice. He wanted orange chicken and lo mein. He ate it all in a single sitting.
Home by 12:15pm.

Came home. Rob was feeling sick so he slept for the rest of the day. I wolfed down my Steak Escape. (I *heart* Steak Escape!) And took my sister, who was kind enough to baby-sit the fuss-pots (a.k.a. Elliott Richard and Emmett John) all morning, to a "Special Person's Tea" w/my niece.

Came home, again. Emmett John napped for a little bit. Elliott Richard spiked a fever, again. Gave him his Motrin and called Dr. H's office, again. (I swear they should name a room after us at this point.) Made an appointment to see the CNP at 4:30pm. I don't care for her but it was either her or the one doctor I prefer to avoid, especially when it comes to Elliott Richard.

Made it the office at 4:30pm w/Elliott Richard, Emmett John and Trisha in tow? Check.
Elliott Richard freaking out over shots? Check.
Explain to him no shots today? Check.
Elliott Richard still freaking out? Double check.
CNP calls us back.
Aunt Trisha to the rescue, asks CNP if there will be shots. That's a negative - no shots today.
Elliott Richard calms down.
Emmett John seems fascinated by being on the "other side".
CNP checks out Elliott Richard.
Bronchitis. (Of course.)
Opinion of CNP changed? Double check.
Homeward bound at 5:00pm w/prescription for Zithromax.
Pickup chicken nugget happy meal as reward on the way home.

Now it's 8:13pm. I have no internet on my laptop. The ice in my Polar Pop is melting. My buffalo wings are getting cold. Elliott Richard is looking for ANY excuse to not sleep. I just wanted to vegg, do some blog writing, South Park watching and Polar Pop drinking. Alas it was not meant to be.

Ah well, on the bright side Rob is the only one left to get sick. On the crappy side, when he gets sick with what we've been passing around he usually ends up hospitalized. Are we having fun yet?

And does anyone else find it odd (funny haha odd or crazy interesting odd) that Emmett John was the only one hospitalized for this so far and he's also the only one who recovered without antibiotics?

Once again, the entire month of May sucks! If you are confused by this declaration, read here first and then come back to this post. Now on with the post. Here is what my past week has looked like. (Sound familiar? You have no idea.)

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009
Okay, let's be honest here. After the week before, I have no idea what I did on Saturday. I could go and check my datebook but I don't think I have anything written in there either. So...moving right along...

Sunday, May 24th, 2009
My little brother Zach graduated from high school today. I had planned to go to the ceremony. In fact, I really, really, really wanted to go to the ceremony. It just wasn't meant to be. Between all the craziness the week before, my body was done. My body just couldn't go anymore. Besides the fact that my body had been pushed beyond it's point of no return, Emmett John woke up this morning running a fever of 101 degrees. Now this alone didn't concern me too terriblly much. It was the fever coupled with the fact that he was near inconsolible that had me concerned. But it was a low grade fever so I didn't think too much about it. Then as night fell (of course) his fever jumped to 103 and the Tylenol stopped being effective. He was still completely inconsolible to boot. At about 10 o'clock that night Rob and I made the decision to take him to the Emergency Room. Rob stayed at home with Elliott Richard and Gavin because Elliott Richard hasn't been feeling well off and on for the last few weeks. And Trisha and I took Mr. Emmett John to the local ER.

We got there and got him registered. Then we waited. For 4 hours we waited. Finally, at about 2:00 or 2:30 am they called us back. By then he had the Tylenol in his system for 4 hours and his fever was slowly returning. They gave him the once over and the all clear - no ear infection, strep throat, croup/pneumonia etc. Then they gave him some Motrin and told me to alternate Children's (not Infant's) Motrin and Tylenol until his fever broke and sent us home. They offered to do a chest x-ray if it would make me feel better but since the doctor didn't feel a need for one, I didn't see why we should torture him. The three of us got home at about 3:00 am or so. Climbed into bed and passed out.

Monday, May 25th, 2009
Happy Memorial Day to all!

We were supposed to go to a picnic at Rob's parents' house but since Mr. Emmett John was still running his 103.3 degree fever we opted to stay home. Nothing with Emmett John had changed at this point. He was still running his crazy high fever. He was still inconsolible - to the point where if I offered him a breast, he would bite me. He also still had diarrhea - for the past 3 weeks. We were alternating the Motrin and the Tylenol. I was taking his temp every time he was due for Motrin because honestly, the Tylenol wasn't doing squat. And his temp was still consistantly 103.3 - 103.5 degrees. He was sleeping, fussing, eating, fussing - lather, rinse, repeat. At one point we tried to call the answering service at Dr. H's office but the phone just rang and no one ever answered. In the end, we just kept doing what we were doing and went to bed early.

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
First thing Tuesday morning I called and made appointments for all three boys to see the doctor. Dr. H wasn't in the office but we were going to see one of the other partners. Then as the morning went on Rob and I decided that it was more important to get Emmett John in now. Gavin and Elliott Richard could wait.

So Aunt Trisha and I took Mr. Emmett John in to see Dr. C at about 11:00 am. He weighed 21lb 8oz, which is loss of about 5oz from the week before. Then we saw the doctor. She looked him over and agreed with the ER, proclaiming it to be a virus and said we should call if he began vomiting or his fever jumped up etc. So again, we came. We saw. We left with a very sick little boy and no answers or help.

Jump to about 10 or 11:00 pm that night...I'm on the phone with Dr. C. Emmett John's fever is now 104 degrees. He hasn't had a wet diaper since 11:00am that morning. And his chronic diarrhea 5-7 times a day for 3 weeks has just stopped. He does nothing but scream, claw at my face, bite me - where ever he can get ahold of and scream some more. He won't nurse. Everytime I try and nurse him, he latches on and takes a few sips before biting me hard and pulling off and screaming some more. Dr. C said that she would support me taking him back to the ER, if that's what I wanted to do. She said if I felt comfortable enough I could take the next 4 hours and try and get him to lay down with me and nurse. If he nursed, then we could call first thing in the morning and make another appointment. If he didn't nurse, then I was to take him straight to the ER for blood work and IV fluids.

So my sister went home and we went to bed. Praying the whole way. I laid down with Mr. Emmett John and explained the situation. Said one more prayer and tried to nurse him. Wonders never cease, he nursed! So we all got comfy and went to sleep. Crisis averted...or so we thought...

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
I remember waking up at like 2 or 3:00 am and thinking Emmett John was due for his Motrin but he wasn't hot or even warm. Then I remember thinking "Thank God! His fever's finally broken!" before I fell back to sleep.

At 5:00 am Mr. Emmett John woke up screaming. Rob and I woke up scared out of our minds because that is not how he usually wakes up. I checked him and he was burning up. Rob runs for the Motrin, Tylenol and themometer. I give him the meds and take his temp. It's now 104.5 degrees. I'm done playing games. This has gone on too long.

Rob is trying to call the answering service at Dr. H's office. It's still just ringing - much like on Memorial Day. I got dressed and woke up my sister. Got Emmett John ready. And prepared to return to the ER. Mama is through playing games.

We walked into the ER. They checked him in. Took his vitals. Took him back to a room. A PA came in and asked questions. I told her everything. The temp. The fact that it was now 6:30 am and he had wet 1 diaper in 19+ hours. The diarrhea. The screaming. The refusal to nurse. EVERYTHING. A nurse came in to check his vitals again. I told her everything as well. The stupid doctor with a God-complex came in and I told him everything. He looked at my baby and told me it was a virus. He said "his mouth is still moist and he has a few tears so there is nothing wrong with him and I won't torture him with blood work and an IV to make you feel better" - his exact words. Then he stormed from the room. He tried to slam the door except the doors are spring loaded and don't slam. But he tried.

The nurse came back with Zofran for the nausea my baby didn't have. When we questioned her on it, she couldn't come up with a good reason other than "the doctor ordered it and I have to give it to him". Then she gave him Motrin and a bottle of orange Gatorade. I turned to her...this nice nurse...a caring woman...and I begged her for help. I cried and I begged. I told her that I understand they have the degrees and I'm "just the mother", however, this is my baby. There is something seriously wrong but they won't listen. I begged her to make them listen and if they wouldn't listen, I begged her to page Dr. H. She said she couldn't page Dr. H, only Dr. God-complex could do that. She said she would talk to him. She never came back. It's now 8:00 am and we've been there for an hour and a half.

At 8:30 am two new nurses come in, to "torture my son to make me feel better" per Dr. God-complex. They took his blood - twice because the first set clotted from sitting. Then they gave him an IV. Emmett John screamed. I sobbed. His right hand and inner elbows are bruised from these women. I feel horrible. When they were done I sobbed to my sister. Begging her for reassurance that she would tell me if she felt this were unnecessary. She said she would tell me. I sobbed with my baby because these "professionals" were causing me to question myself, my gut, my mother's instinct. When I know that I know my child better than they do. We sat there while 350cc's of fluid ran into my little boy. Then at 9:30 am the PA returned.

She marched into our room. She did not make eye contract. She starred at the wall to the left of Trisha when she spoke. She spoke quickly and then she left. This is what she said to me:

"The labs came back on your son. They were perfect. There is nothing medically wrong with your son. If he gets worse, please bring him back in. Whatever you believe, we are in the business of helping people here."

My baby hadn't urinated in 21+ hours at that point. He wouldn't nurse. He was running a fever of 104.5 degrees. And yet "there is nothing medically wrong with your son". As if this weren't enough, one of the butchers - I mean nurses who did his IV came in to discharge us. She felt the need to comment on the fact that Emmett John does not take a bottle.

Her: So he's 11 months old and doesn't take a bottle?
Me: Yes.
Her: You still nurse him? (As if it's a nasty, dirty thing to do.)
Me: Yes.
Her: You should wean him immediately and put him on a bottle.
Me: No. Where do I sign so we can leave?

I was horrified, mortified and stupified. My beloved hospital, that I hold in the highest esteem, had let me down. I was born there. All three of my boys were born there. I go there for everything. I absolutely love my hospital. And here I was, devastated by this experience. Crushed by the PA who knew nothing. Insulted by Dr. God-complex. More than a little irritated by the nurse who was obiviously offended by the idea of my nursing my 11 month old. Who were these horrible people? How had they been allowed to work in "my" hospital?! I felt so let down.

We came home and I was completely defeated at that point. I was ready to give up and quit fighting. Clearly the professionals knew something I did not, and perhaps it was time for me to just call it quits. Rob and I got into a horrible argument. I don't remember what it was about. All I remember is that in the end he said I couldn't give up. That if I wasn't going to fight for our boys, who would. That I knew them better than anyone else and they needed me to be their voice. And so I fought on.

I called Dr. H's office. Linda answered the phone. I love Linda. She is one of the floating nurses so sometimes she takes care of us. I told her everything as well. Including the nightmare ER story. She said that since he had seen Dr. C last she needed to tell Dr. C everything. I begged her to tell Dr. H as well. In the end, she said that Emmett was such a complicated case that she was just going to go straight to Dr. H and she would call me back.

About an half hour later, Linda called me back. She had spoken with Dr. H and while he was booked solid because he had taken a few days vacation over the long weekend (imagine the nerve! j/k) he wanted us to see Dr. K. Now you might remember that I don't really care for Dr. K per this post here. So I was a little less than thrilled with this arrangement. But this was the partner that Dr. H wanted us to see, so we would see her. Besides, could she really be any worse than Dr. God-complex?!

So 11:15am Emmett John and I arrived at the office and were whisked away by one of our favorite nurses, Mel. Mel just adore Emmett John so we always love seeing her. I told Mel about our morning trip to the ER and she was shocked. Then Dr. K came in the room. I went back to the beginning - back to when I took Emmett in for the hoarseness and we started the Zyrtec, which made him super grumpy and we thought caused the diarrhea. Then we stopped the Zyrtec, which stopped the grumpies but the diarrhea kept going etc etc etc. When I had finished, she asked me if he always looked that pale and yellow. Nope. She didn't like his color. She didn't like that one minute he seemed okay and then the next he was screaming bloody murder, clawing at my face and biting any part of me he could reach (literally). She said that she and Dr. H had discussed the case before we got there and wanted to admit him to either the local hospital (where we had been in the ER that morning) or the local Children's Hospital. I asked her if she felt he needed to be in the Children's Hospital, if he was that bad. She said if it were surgical, she would send him there in a heart beat but if I was okay with the local hospital, that he would be well taken care of there. I agreed since they were going to admit him and bypass the ER. She then asked if someone could bring me my things because while she didn't think he needed the Children's Hospital just yet, she didn't want me to go home. She wanted me to take him straight there. (Oy.)

She called the Peds Unit and made all the arrangements for me. Then she sent us on our way. On our way out, I stopped to thank her. At which point, I burst into tears. I stood in the hallway, holding Emmett John and sobbing. Telling her how grateful I was for her. For her willingness to just listen to me. That she didn't blow me off. She didn't treat me as a crazy, over-protective mom. That she understood that maybe I do know my children better than she does. And just because his mouth is still a little moist and he sheds a tear or two, doesn't mean he isn't dehydrated...once a baby's mouth is dry and he stops producing tears - it's too late. She hugged me and asked me to call and give her an update. I promised I would. And we left. It was 12noon.

Emmett John and I made it to the hospital at about 12:15pm. We were in the Peds Unit, in his first room by 12:30pm. Registration was taken care of and vitals taken by 1:00pm.

21lb 13oz (way off)
29.75in (again, way off)
94% O2 levels
114/57 BP

His nurse, Cara, was super nice. She liked to call him "Sug", like "sugar" without the "ar". He liked the crib, which I find humorous since he's never his own at home. He hated the scrubs/pajamas. They ordered him full meals because he is 11 months old and apparently at 11 months old, he should be eating more than me! (Who knew?!) He loved the breaded chicken breast. Thought the mashed potatoes were okay. Had fun picking up the corn kernels. But mainly ate the applesauce.

They did a cath to get a urinalysis. His bladder was empty except for 10 drops. (No joke.) So they put a bag over his penis, which he hated just as much as the cath. Then they took his blood, which angered him to the point of squeezing a bit of pee out. At the point the plan was to try and get 10 oz into him every hour by mouth. If we could do that, then we wouldn't plan an IV. We tried applesauce. Nope. We tried Gatorade. Nope. He didn't like their sippies. We tried pudding. Nope. Finally, against all odds (because he really hadn't nursed much in two days) I tried to nurse him. Wonders never cease (again), he nursed! IV avoided for the time being. At this point I asked the nurse if they had a room with a crib for him and a bed for me, since I would be sleeping there to nurse him to try and avoid the IV. She pulled some strings and *poof* Emmett John and I were in a double room. :)

Grandma W and Aunt Trisha came up and visited us for a bit before we switched room, which was nice. I mean the nurses were all lovely. And Dr. Tim, Dr. Mike, Dr. De are all wonderful. But they don't have time to chat. And the TV is only so entertaining. Emmett John isn't much for conversation. So it was nice to see some "big people" for a little bit, ya know? :) lol

Once we were in our new room, Daddy came up and visited us and brought me some McDonalds. (Yippee!) We hung out for a little while but he went home early because he was sick (and looked horrible). So it was just Mr. Emmett John and myself. It actually worked out pretty well, Rob being sick just then because Gavin was with my parents. And Elliott Richard was with Rob's parents. So at least he got to go home and actually get a little bit of undisturbed rest, which is a difficult thing to come by in our house.

I tried a few times, unsuccessfully, to get Emmett John to sleep and put him in the crib. It worked really well when he was hospitalized at 2 months old for suspected sleep apnea but no dice this time around. Finally, I ended up taking him to bed and surrounding us with the half dozen pillows and nursing him to sleep. (Score! More nursing!) When our super cool nurse came in (of course, I can't remember her name now) I told her, "Look, I'll be honest. I co-sleep at home. I tried to put him in the crib but it's just not happening. If you talk to Dr. Mike, he was my pediatrician for like 6 years. He'll tell you that I a) know what I'm doing and b) do it safely." She said the hospital recognizes that moms co-sleep now and it's viable "life-style choice" (???) and I just have to sign a paper saying I am "blantantly refusing to place my child in the crib". (Oy vay.) Whatever. I signed the silly paper. Emmett John and I slept all night - well, he slept all night and nursed all night, which means I didn't really sleep at all. But that's a sacrifice I was willing to make. :)

Thursday, May 28th, 2009
Bright and early Thursday morning, our nurse and a lab tech woke us up. And by "bright and early" what I really mean is 6:00am! The lab tech was perfectly nice and all, but she was a bit much at least for that early in the morning. Since Emmett John and I happened to be snuggling in bed when they burst into the room, I was "lucky" enough to get the job of holding him down while "Super Happy Lab Tech" poked him. (Yippee?) After that we got to snuggle for a while. Then the doctors made their rounds. They said that Emmett's labs from last night were a slight improvement over the ER labs taken that morning. (Dr. De also made it a point to say that whoever told me his morning labs were perfect was clearly mistaken because they weren't. His morning labs showed he was definitely becoming dehydrated. Thank you Dr. God-complex. We were still waiting on his morning labs since they had just been take not that long ago. Dr. De felt that his morning labs would again be an improvement from both last night and yesterday morning. As long as that held true, we would be going home - hopefully before lunch! :)

After Dr. De and Dr. S left, we snuggled some more until breakfast arrived. Emmett had some scrambled eggs, Canadian bacon, plain Cheerios (lol) and Baby Mum Mum snacks. We had a highchair in our room so he sat and had a blast. While I got to sit and eat my breakfast in peace, for once. After that, we snuggled and hung out some more until around 10:00 am. That's when Dr. De came back in and gave us the all clear!

We could go home! :)

Emmett John was released with the understanding that if his fever returned, he stopped eating or stopped urinating again I was to call them and bring him back to the Peds Unit - not the ER. Also his morning bloodwork was better but still not where they wanted it to be. So she gave me order for more bloodwork. She said I had to have the blood draw done first thing Wednesday morning (that was yesterday - Yes, I'm still working on this on Thursday June 4th.) and follow that with an appointment with Dr. H that afternoon.

The rest of Wednesday was spent at home (Yay!) napping and snuggling and nursing. (Double yay!)

Friday, May 29th, 2009
Oh come on now, you didn't really think that was the end of our week, did you?! I mean, if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you've figured out that my family doesn't do anything the easy way and they don't do anything half way either.

Friday morning started out okay. Then it quickly became apparent that Emmett John was doing okay again but Gavin needed to be seen by the pediatrician. So I called Dr. H's office, again. Dr. H didn't have any available appointments but Dr. K did so Rob and I took him in to see Dr. K. Trisha stayed with the babies because Gavin needed to have some bloodwork done and depending on what Dr. K found, we were going to try and have it done while we were there.

We got there. We checked in. The nurse weighed him and we learned that he's gained 10lbs since January!!! Holy cow! It took him nearly three years to gain the last 10lbs he managed to put on.

(I just spent an hour finishing this post and when I hit "post" my internet crapped out on me in mid post. So not only did it not post it but it lost everything I had just worked so hard on! ARGH! Moving right along...)

When Dr. K came in she came him the once over and determined that he has a pretty nasty sinus infection. In fact, she said that the first round of antibiotics may not be enough to kill it off. She also that although we had hoped to get his routine bloodwork for his Depakote levels, LFT's and CBC out of the way while we were there we wouldn't be able to do that. She felt that with him as sick as he was it was bound to throw his LFT's and CBC off. So the bloodwork was a no good. Of course Gavin was thrilled. :)

In the end, we went home with a prescription for horse pills for Gavin. Then we spent the rest of the day resting, napping and trying to recover.

Saturday, May 30th, 2009 & Sunday, May 31st, 2009
And of course in true Cheerio fashion, things just kept on getting better. It wasn't enough that Emmett John was recovering from his fever and diarrhea, which had come back (the diarrhea not the fever). Gavin was sick, which just makes him grumpy-er. And then Elliott Richard spiked a fever of 102-103 degrees. Elliott being sick and running a fever adds a whole new layer to an otherwise "dull" weekend - because you know our lives are so dull and without excitement.

Elliott Richard being being sick amounts to our weekend going something like this:

Motrin every 6 hours.
Hours 1 and 2: he's super grumpy and inconsolable.
Hours 3 and 4: he's perfectly normal.
Hour 5: he's passed out cold.
Hour 6: he returns to super grumpy and inconsolable.

At night, forget about it. He sleeps for little bits at a time. But mostly he tosses and turns except for Hour 5 when he's passed out cold. Emmett John is still co-sleeping and nursing at night so I had him. Plus he's been nursing all night long trying to make up for lost time while he was sick and not nursing at all. So Rob "volunteered" to "sleep" on the couches with Elliott Richard. And by "sleep" I mean Elliott slept and tossed and turned while Rob stayed up all night and kept an eye on him and helped him back to sleep.

That was how it went...all weekend long. By Sunday night, we were all driving each other crazy. The boys were getting on each others' nerves. Rob and I were getting on each others' nerves. We were fighting like crazy. It was just a bad situation overall.

So again I say, I hereby decree the demise of the month of MAY. Period. End of story. If you unfortunate enough to have a birthday and/or anniversary in the month of May, then you can choose to now have it either in the month of April or the month of June. The choice is your's but it must be made because I'm sick of this crap and I'm not doing it next year. I'm done.

Seriously. I want out.

Historically, for the past 7 years the month of May has sucked. And not just sucked in the terms of "Oh wow, this is kind of lame" sucked. It has sucked in terms of "Next year I am skipping the month of May", sucked in terms of "deep space vacuum" sucked. (little nerd girl joke there - sorry) Every year I go into the month of May with the mindset that this year will be different. This year May will not suck. Every year since my Grandma M died on May 11, 2002; May has sucked. Positive mindset or not. Until this year.

This year things were shaping up a bit differently. This year May 1st through the 10th was great. We had our normal bumps and bruises but nothing major. May 11th was a little sad for me but nothing I couldn't handle. We made it through May 12th through the 17th. The first 17 days of May were normal (for us), calm (for us) and completely unlike May for the past 7 years. Then I picked Gavin up from school on Monday, May 18th. Allow me to explain.

Monday, May 18th, 2009

The day started out normal and innocently enough. Gavin was feisty and angry, nothing new. However, he wasn't hungry even though he went to bed without dinner the night before since he chose to pitch a massive meltdown during dinner rather than eat. This seemed slightly odd to us but we figured maybe he wasn't really hungry the night before. Maybe it had all been a power struggle. So we went about our day and then I picked him up from school at 3:00pm. Gavin decided that he didn't want to do his work, much like every other day. Only on this day he decided to try and physically intimidate one of his teachers. He tried to hit her. She stopped him. He also spent a lot of time physically assaulting himself, which led her to trying to prevent this behavior. While lecturing Gavin on our way home my sister called me. It would appear that the poo-cloud was raining on our family as a whole, not just us. That's her story though. Just trust me when I say that it's the nightmare of mothers with teenage daughters everywhere.

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

This morning I was helping Gavin get ready for school and a thought occurs to me. Here's the conversation I had with Gavin. I'm serious.

Me: Gavin, you weren't hungry when you woke up yesterday were you?
Gavin: Nope.
Me: Is that because you ate something that wasn't food? (Gavin, like most Autistic kids, has PICA.)
Gavin: Yup.
Me: Was it the strings from your blanket? (He's been known and seen Dr. H for pulling the threads out of his comforter (yes, he insists on sleeping with it even when it's 70+ outside - that would be the sensory integration disorder) and eat them.)
Gavin: No.
Me: (having a light bulb moment) Did you eat your toothpaste? Is that why you went through it so quickly?
Gavin: Yes.
Me: What other things do you eat that aren't food?
Gavin: Paper. Strings. Toothpaste. But not toe-jam. Well, not anymore. But I used to. (I kid you not.)
Me: What paper?
Gavin: The paper on my desk.
Me: Why would you do that?
Gavin: Well, I was hungry!
(Now Rob and I had checked out his desk Monday night - separately. Rob thought I had cleaned it off. I thought Rob had cleaned it off. And we both forgot to mention it to the other one. Rob and I would later figure out there were roughly 12-24+ sheets of paper (copies, construction paper, art paper, art projects, cardboard, paper scraps etc covered in copier ink, crayon, marker, color pencil, pencil, pen, glue etc) not to mention a bunch of little plastic "gumball machine toys". All of these things are now gone.)

After this conversation I took Gavin to school. A.) Because Dr. H's office didn't open until 8:00am and I didn't know what he was going to want me to do. and B.) Because at the time I didn't realize just what was on the desk. So a little while later I called Dr. H's office and spoke with a nurse. She said she would speak with Dr. H and call back but I should call Poison Control in the meantime just to be safe. So I called Poison Control and they said that given Gavin's age and size the crayon etc wasn't a concern. Their bigger concern was the amount of paper and whether or not it was going to cause a bowel obstruction. (Oy.) They told me to follow whatever Dr. H said to do.

Well as if all of this wasn't more fun than a barrel of monkeys (it wasn't) I also woke up with a very sore throat Tuesday morning. So while waiting to hear back from Dr. H I called my Dr. N and made an appointment for that morning. So Trisha, Emmett John, Elliott Richard and I left. We dropped Elliott Richard off at Grandma G's fully intending to pick him up on the way home. Then Trish and I went to my appointment while Rob waited to hear from Dr. H. I had a sinus infection, strep throat, and upper respiratory infection. I suppose anything worth doing (or having) is worth doing well.

While I was sitting at Dr. N's office, Dr. H called Rob...personally. Dr. H had already called the head of gastroenterology at the local children's hospital who said to keep an eye on Gavin. As long as he was asymptomatic there was no need to bring him in. That was before we realized everything that had been on his desk and was now missing. Once Rob explained the desk contents et al Dr. H said he wanted us to pick Gavin up from school and take him straight to the children's hospital emergency room. He said they would be the best equipped to handle Gavin and his situation. So Rob, Trish, Gavin, Emmett John and I made our way to the Emergency Room.

All told we spent 2-3 hours there. They "probed" him to be sure he wasn't blocked. Gavin loved that, let me tell you. They did x-rays to be sure that he hadn't swallowed anything made of metal, which turned out clear. Thank God. Then the Attending had to check his nose to make sure he hadn't shoved anything up there. He thought he saw a marble up there so that led to another procedure, which led to Gavin being wrapped like a burrito - something we'll be using for blood draws in the future. In the end, all was clear. The paper will pass. If there were toys, they were made of plastic, didn't appear to be causing any poisoning, and seemed to be passing with the paper. If he became sick, started vomiting, complaining of stomach pain or still hadn't pooped in 3-5 days we were to call Dr. H for a follow-up. Luckily none of those things happened. And the paper seems to be leaving the building.

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
You know, I don't remember what happened on Wednesday. Oh wait! Yes, I slept as much as humanly possible to try and feel somewhat human again. It didn't work. And when Rob picked Gavin up from school we learned that Gavin had cussed in school. However, when asked about it, he lied. This led to a giant meltdown. As Gavin was melting down, Rob and I gutted his bedroom. We stripped it of every piece of paper we could find. Every tiny toy. Every big toy. Every everything that could fit in his mouth.

While we were doing this, Jenn was watching Elliott Richard and Emmett John. And the phone rang. It was Grandpa G calling from the local hospital. Apparently, Grandma G had been outside gardening. When she stood up, she heard a *snap*. All she did was get up and she broke her ankle. Dad sounded pretty freaked out on the phone. She's okay. But she's pretty shaken up because she truly didn't do anything except stand up and her ankle snapped.

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

We woke up. Things were moving along fine. The morning was calm and quiet. Gavin went off to school without incident. Mr. Emmett John and I laid down at about 9:00 am for our usual morning nap. (Yes, my fibro is that bad that I have to take naps - usually more than one - everyday.) The house phone rang but no one answered it. Then my cell phone rang. It was the school. When the school calls, it's never good news. I answered and spoke with the school guidance counselor. Now it's important to keep in mind that I drop Gavin off at school at 8:00am. The school was calling at about 9:00am. During that hour Gavin did little else besides meltdown. All because his teachers had the nerve to ask him to write his name and do his work. He refused. You're surprised, I know. He melted down for 45 minutes. Finally, the guidance counselor decided to try and help him by holding his hand with her hand and physically helping him to do his work, not force him to do it but actually help him. This led to Gavin throwing his pencil across the room. Before holding his classmates "hostage" by blocking them from leaving the room. Then when they did get the class evacuated the guidance counselor was getting ready to give Gavin the chance to get himself under control or she was calling me. She was about to offer his that chance, when he threw the pencil at her head and missed her by about an inch. At that point, she'd had enough and she told him that she was calling Mom. She left the room expecting him to continue with his meltdown. He didn't. He followed her and cornered her in the office, ordering her not to call me. By the time Rob and I arrived at the school Gavin, the Principal, and Mr. B (the IEP Coordinator) were locked in the office with another teacher Ms. J sitting outside as a watchman. In the end, we took him home early. He spent the day in his room without toys or anything fun to do. We had plans to do his work he was missing by coming home early but the day took a very different turn once we arrived home.

While we were at the school, Rob's little sister, Jenn, babysat Elliott Richard and Emmett John. Now as I was leaving that morning to take Gavin to school, I saw a red female pitbull she was either currently nursing or had recently stopped nursing pups without a collar or tags limping through the neighborhood so I called the county dog warden. I made it very clear that she did not appear aggressive just scared and possibly injured. I just wanted her reunited with her pups and I didn't want her hit by a car. So while we were gone the dog warden showed up at our house where he is greeted at the door by Maggie Sue, our tan female Boxer/American Bulldog non-nursing with collar and tags non-limping secured dog. Jenn answered the door and Elliott Richard takes Maggie by the collar saying "bad dog...stop barking". The dog warden told her that Maggie was a pitbull and she was going to "bite that baby". So when we got home from dealing with Gavin and the school we now had to deal with the county dog warden or risk losing our beloved Maggie. Rob called them and was on the phone for what seemed like forever. In the end we had to produce copies of the paperwork from the vet stating that she isn't a pitbull and that our vet had done a temperament test on her. We also had to present her to the head dog warden for an examination to prove that she isn't a pitbull. In the end, he sided with us and ruled that she is in fact a Boxer/American Bulldog mix. Thank God for small favors!

If he had ruled against us, we would have had two choices. In our county, if you own a pitbull mix you have to have a $100,000 insurance policy, a 6 foot fence surrounding your yard and if we ever took her for a walk she would have to be on a 6 foot chain leash with a muzzle. So if he had ruled against us, we either had to find a way to afford the new fence and insurance policy. Or we were going to have to return Maggie to the humane society. Luckily, we don't have to think about that...ever again. :) When Rob left to take her to see the dog warden though. I was devastated. I am not a dog person. Period. But I am absolutely a Maggie person and the idea of having to give her back broke my heart.

Of course, what week of chaos is complete without a visit to Dr. H for Mr. Emmett John? (Have I mentioned this is his third appointment in as many weeks? We've been busy, Mr. Emmett John and I, but that's another post.) I had to take Emmett John to see Dr. H at 2:00pm because he's had diarrhea for almost 3 weeks. He isn't sick. He isn't on any medications. At first we thought it was a side effect of the Zyrtec he was taking for his allergies so we expected it to clear up once it was out of his system. It hasn't. Now it's also gotten to a point where he's loosing weight because of it. So now we find ourselves back in the familiar land of Emmett John being sick and us not knowing why. I dropped off a stool sample at the local hospital so they could run a half dozen different tests to try and find the cause. We won't have the results back until Tuesday though since Monday is a holiday.

And so Thursday comes to an emotional close. All of the up-and-down up-and-down this week so far has made me nauseous. And I usually love roller coasters.

Friday, May 22nd, 2009
We finished out the week with a fairly calm day, by the rest of week's standards anyway. Gavin went to school where the Head of the local MST program sat in his classroom and observed him for an hour or so. He was in the office for 3-4 times in that hour, so Gavin did not disappoint. Which believe it or not, for once we were actually worried that he would hold it together and keep all of his bananas, thereby having a pretty good day. It would figure, wouldn't it? A woman comes to the classroom just to see his behavior and he has a wonderfully well-behaved day? lol That didn't happen though. Thank God again.

Then at 2:00pm Rob and I met Patty at Dr. R's office for an appointment with him to discuss what to do with Gavin.

They would like him to have some pretty heavy duty, in depth psychological testing done. The problem is that this particular testing is an art when given to adults but to give it to children and interpret it correctly is even more of an art. So it's even more difficult to find someone who not only performs the test but is good at it. Dr. R is going to find the people who perform the test. And Patty will review them and pick out just the right one.

Then we discussed medications. Dr. R said he doesn't like to pick a medication and work his way through the doses. Then if it doesn't work, move on to the next medication. However, in Gavin's case he said he doesn't see any other choice. So we left his Depakote alone, although he needs more blood work done. (Thankfully Rob and Grandpa G are taking him this time.) We also left his Klonopin alone. Dr. R did make the decision to increase Gavin's Zyprexa in the hopes that it would calm him down. Right now, all it's doing is doping him up, which I suppose is better than nothing. Although truthfully I don't want him to go through life doped up. At the same time, I can't have him lashing out at people and trying to assault others.

We also discussed if Rob and I should consider a different school for Gavin. I love his school. I think the world of everyone there. However, Rob and I are wondering how long Gavin is going to be able to stay there. Also most of the staff is young and looking to start their own families very soon. Gavin is violent enough when it's just him against himself or a staff member. The last thing we need is for it to come down to Gavin against a pregnant educator. Then there's the fact that he's constantly influencing the behavior of his classmates with his outbursts and meltdowns. There are a few options that Dr. R wants us to look into. So Rob and I will probably spent the summer researching them. Then we will tour them in the middle to the end of August and make our final decision then.

Overall, I guess it was an okay appointment. Rob left feeling better about it than I did. But it is what it is, I suppose.

That was our lovely week. I'm glad it's over. Although truth be told I don't expect the next week to be much different. Nor the one after that. Or the one after that. After all, it is the last 4 days of school this week. None of them are "education days". They are all fun days. And then it's summer vacation. I hate summer vacation, for a multitude of reasons really. But basically, I reached my saturation point for stress, drama and needless shenanigans a long time ago so I just don't have the patience for any of it anymore.

Mr. Emmett John has a future in the military. Interrogating terrorists. His specialty will be in the field of using sleep deprivation. I become more convinced of this as time goes on. I didn't realize how a kid could be a picky sleeper until Emmett John.

Because of his milk and soy allergies, if I have ANY milk or soy Emmett will wake up the next morning at 3 or 4am screaming. When I say ANY, I mean any. It's taught me to check labels 5 and 6 times so I can avoid that early morning wake-up call. 

If he is stuffy, he will sleep fine (stuffy and all) until about 4am (see a pattern yet?) and then suddenly he will wake-up screaming because he's stuffy. Now to me, he doesn't sound any worse at 4am than he did when we went to bed at 10pm. But for some reason he seems unwilling to deal with it anymore after 4am. 

And then, there was last night. Mr. Emmett John wasn't feeling good all day yesterday. However, when he was asleep is when he seemed the calmest and things were going pretty well for him. When he was awake, he was fussy and grumpy. You could just tell he was uncomfortable. So I figured when we went to bed for the night that he would sleep fairly well. Wrong. We went to bed at about 11pm. He was exhausted but wouldn't sleep. (I should have known then something was hinky.) At about 12:30am he finally fell asleep on my shoulder so we went to bed. He woke up fussing and then all out screaming by 3am. So he and I went downstairs so that Daddy and Elliott Richard could keep sleeping. He screamed and thrashed and thrashed and screamed until about 4:30-ish. At that point, I gave him some gas drops and Tylenol because I had exhausted all other options. Those helped him to calm down enough to fall asleep for brief period of time so long as he was on my chest. So I built a little fortress around us on the couch and dozed off and on while he slept for the briefest of periods. For the rest of the night, he would sleep for a bit. Wake up screaming. Nurse for a moment. Sleep for a bit. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Now it is 9:30am. I hope you'll excuse me if this post makes little to no sense; I am so beyond exhausted that I can't even see exhausted anymore. And now I'm off to try and accomplish something...maybe I'll wash some dishes. The laundry might be easier though. Or maybe I'll just pass out on the couch. Yeah, that's sounds like a better option.

It's Wednesday, the week is officially half over. So let's do a quickie...a quick loose-end wrap up that is. ;) lol

I can't wait for the weekend to get here. I love Friday to Monday because we don't have any appointments. Then between Tuesday to Thursday we are hammered! So I live for the weekends. (lol) Next week is Thanksgiving break at school. They only have school on Monday, which I will spend at school helping to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the students for lunch. So it's likely going to be a long week next week.

I'm thrilled to inform you that the Twins are both officially healthy again! I spent Monday morning scrubbing our Mudroom and making it fit for a sick kitty. So Cosmo had his own apartment for a while complete with room service! (lol) I got his pad all decked out for him and then Gavin and I stopped by the local chinese restaurant on our way home from school to pick up a pint of plain white rice. Once he ate that he seemed to make a complete turn around. Now all three of our kitties are back in the general population of the family. :) The added bonus being the complete lack of poo dribbles all over my house. :) (Woo who!)

The bane of our neighborhood existence is now GONE! (Double woo who!) There was a house the was once a part of our neighbor's Ron and Herman's house. Then when the city made our street wider they made the owners at the time remove a wing and relocate it. Well, it stood literally 6 feet from our garage. The people who used to live there...well, it was bad. They abused their dogs, which led to many calls to the dog warden and Humane Society from me. They abused each other. (One of our first nights here we had to call the cops because one of the daughters was fighting with her baby-daddy and he was brandishing a gun!) It was just a nasty situation. They were foreclosed on a few years ago. Then an attorney bought the house and left it empty. Well, transients were sleeping in it and it then someone has been setting empty houses fires lately, so we finally got the city to agree to destroy it. Yesterday while Gavin, Emmett John, Grandma G and I were with Dr. H the city finally came in and started the demo. They are wrapping up today, which is awesome! If someone had set fire to the house it was so close to ours that we wouldn't have stood a chance. It's kind of freaky though because they are breaking up the foundation and a concrete slab on the back of the lot next door so our house keeps shaking. It feels like they are nudging our house with the construction equipment. Rob took some video for me so I'll have to pick one and post it later. :)

I thought I had more to update on but I can't remember anymore right now. I still haven't heard from Dr. H's office but I will be sure to update when I do. I think I'm going to go lay down now...Mr. Emmett John got sick this morning and I'm feeling pretty nauseous myself. Ick.

I know I've said this a few times but I'm going to say it again, I feel half-dead. I look like Hell. (Maybe if I'm daring, I'll take a picture with my cell phone and post it. Then I came blame my Hell-ishness on the picture quality. lol) I am currently in so much pain that my toes hurt, my teeth hurt and even the hairs on my head hurt! Rob asked me if this could be my fibro coming back rather than me being sick. And while I admit that the fibro is probably a huge factor in all my aches and pains, I don't think the rest of it is the fibro. I'm researching fibro diets to see what they recommend diet wise but honestly, of the two Emmett John's dairy and soy free diet is more important in my book. You never know though, maybe the two diets are similar and it just takes time to balance it out.

I can't believe it was just yesterday morning when Emmett John was projectile vomiting all over the both of us. It feels like a lifetime ago. I'm pleased to announce that no one has been puked on in nearly 24 hours. Emmett John seems to be doing much better. I even managed to get the kitchen floor scrubbed, some dishes done and my lunch made while he slept in the swing - something he's been unwilling to do since he got sick like a week ago. Now if only I could find some way to keep my eyes open. lol

diarrhea for a week + projectile vomiting + lethargy + not nursing well = doctor's appointment at 11:30am for Emmett John

First, I'd like to say that I really appreciate all of your prayers and positive thoughts for my little Emmett John. While life could definitely be worse, things have still been far more complicated for him than any baby deserves. So it helps to know that so many are thinking of him and sending prayers up on his behalf. Thank you.

Now for the update on Emmett John's tummy issues...

He had an appointment with Dr. H yesterday morning already scheduled so that we could follow-up on how the Prevacid is working and to get Emmett John the rest of his two month shots. (Thanks Julie for pointing out that they could be split up into more than one visit. That honestly never occurred to me.) Well, we went. And now we still need to go back for the rest of those shots.

Emmett John now weighs 14lb 14oz. He lost 3oz in a day, which Dr. H said isn't an issue because he had gained just over 8oz in the week before the loss. Dr. H gave Mr. Emmett John the once over and said it's a stomach bug. (duh, again!) He said that the slowed urine output and extreme fussiness would be more worrisome if he didn't have the diarrhea. Since he does, he's concerned but not too much. Now the issue is the fact that Emmett's diarrhea went from pretty much straight liquid to this 50/50 split of liquid and florescent green mucousy-goo. (Yeah, sorry for being gross but it is what it is. lol) Just to be on the safe side Dr. H checked Emmett's stool for blood, which came up positive again. So Dr. H decided to send the rest of the contents of his diaper to the hospital (via mommy taxi cab) so that a full workup can be done to try and get to the bottom of this positive test business.

Dr. H opted to pass on the rest of the shots because he didn't want to chance Emmett spiking a fever and us not being able to tell if it's his tummy bug or the shots. So we skipped the shots, again. Dr. H told me to keep an eye on Mr. Emmett John and call this morning with an update. Other than that, we are to call if he begins vomiting, spikes a fever, is crying inconsolably, or generally becomes very lethargic.

So I called this morning and left our report with Dr. H's nurse. She called back and said that Dr. H is very pleased that Emmett John seems to be turning the corner and hopefully things will continue to improve. I also asked about my diet since the blood test keeps coming up positive and he would like "ideally" for me to cut any and all milk and soy products etc out of my diet. At least until we get the blood deal figured out. (Yay. That's sarcasm by the way.)

Other than florescent green poo, things are going pretty well today. He's still kind of fussy. Only wanting to be held. And currently working himself up into a scream as I finish this. It's only taken me like 4 hours to get this written, if that gives you any idea of his current mood etc. (lol)

Mr. Emmett John has had varying degrees of diarrhea since Friday night. Last night his temp was hovering at around 100.1. Then when he woke up at 8am this morning his diaper was wet (nothing new) and his diarrhea had progressed to the point of being basically straight water no solids at all. I felt horrible that my little man is sick but I wasn't all that worried. Afterall, Emmett John is the youngest 3 - this isn't my first rodeo. I wasn't worried until we hit 1pm - 5 hours later - without a wet diaper.

At that point, I called Dr. H's office. They wanted to see him but Dr. H was off today so we saw his partner. Dr. K, AKA Dr. No-clue. She checked him out. Declared it a stomach bug. (duh) Told me it could last as is (clear fluid diarrhea without any solid parts) for weeks. Then told me to watch for a bowel obstruction and sent us home. (I still don't understand the leap from stomach flu to fine to bowel obstruction but whatever.)

Now we are home. We've had 4 wet diapers - total - today. He's super fussy, sleepy and clingy. Luckily, we already had an appointment with Dr. H tomorrow to follow up on the med switch and get the rest of his 2 month shots. So I can ask him what he thinks. No matter how you cut it though, I'm worried.

And now I'm fighting keep my eyes open, so I think it's time for bed. Assuming these stupid cats catch a hint and leave me to sleep in peace. Otherwise, I may be forced to kill them.

I won't go into details (you can email me if you know me and would really like them) but I've been having some health issues as of late. I had a doctors appointment today to try and find the cause...here's what we found, what we didn't find and what the plan is.

What we found:

• I'm slighly anemic.
• A whole bunch of cysts.

What we DIDN'T find:

• The cause of my health issues.

The plan:

• I have 2 weeks for my body to straighten itself out. If it does not, I will
  have minor outpatient surgery in 14-ish days.

Yeah, so today has sucked.

I am writing this from my hospital bed in Emmett John's hospital room. He's been a fussy for few days so his ped, Dr. H increased his zantac dose yesterday. Then today he was still fussy. I actually had to wake him for a few feelings. The biggest concern were the 2 times he was gasping for air...trying to catch his breath.

We saw Dr. H at 4:30pm. Emmett John new weighs 12lb. 11oz! That's nearly a one pound gain since his appointment last week. Dr. H said the fussiness is probably reflux and a little tummy bug, which is giving Emmett John the runs. The missed feelings and gasping were his biggest concerns. Those concerns earned him the admission to the peds unit at the hospital.

So here we are. They are watching him on the monitors for the night. They are also keeping an eye on his intake (times he nurses) and output (diapers) to make sure the tummy bug doesn't dehydrate him. The current plan is to watch him tonight and send us home tomorrow with an apnea monitor. So long as no surprises happen tonight. I don't see a whole lot of sleep in my future tonight so I'll update if anything changes.

Okay, I should try and sleep now; while he's asleep since I don't know how long it will last. Oh and not only is my "Tiny" gaining nearly a pound a week but he's grown 3 inches in a month!!!! He's now 24.5 inches long! I swear he's going to pass Rob up at this rate!

Prayers (even though I'm still boycotting there's no need to punish Emmett John) and positive thoughts would be much appreciated. Thank you.

The first day of summer vacation has been a disaster. It started at 7am with Gavin beating on our door because he thought his TV wasn't working (even though he hadn't even turned it on, cause if he had he would have seen it was working). Then he beat on the door an hour later because we were sleeping to long, I guess.

I lost track of the meltdowns today. It started first thing this morning and continued until about 7pm this evening. I think Gavin scared the teller at the bank today because out of nowhere he started screaming and screaming as loud as he could. Then he started to lash out at Elliott who was trying to kiss it and make it better. Gavin hasn't listened ALL DAY LONG. I am losing my mind. Elliott is not feeling good again and keeps waking up and screaming and we are having a hard time comforting him..

Lizze isn't doing good. Her contractions are raging right now. Some are lasting pretty long and are really painful... We are living in our bedroom because we have a window air conditioner in there (Gavin can't stand the air so he hangs in his room). We have to keep the windows on the first floor closed because the people in our neighborhood are not nice and have zero class. They curse and yell and do drugs right outside my house. We cannot allow the kids to play out side in our fenced in yard because our neighborhood is going down the drain.

I keep wondering what kind of life we are giving our kids. It breaks my heart to see my family falling apart and I don't know what to do about it... Our quality of life is nothing anymore... I want so much more for my wife and kids but no matter what I do nothing works or something else happens and drags us right back down.

Elliott is screaming I got to go. Hopefully tomorrow is better....

I will keep you posted on Lizze's condition...

I am completely overwhelmed. I now have what Lizze and Elliott have/had (I feel like crap) and Gavin is driving me crazy.... He will not stop talking and repeating himself. He is picking on Elliott and not listening at all.
I made the mistake of getting a game for the 360 that Gavin and I could play together. The first time he was playing it he was doing fine with the game but then Elliott touched him. Gavin completely lost it and started screaming at him and swinging his elbows around in an attempt to make Elliott go away.
All Gavin will talk about is how he wants to play the game again. I told him he doesn't get to play games when he does things like that. He could have really hurt Elliott. Gavin is just not ready for video games, even the very simple ones...
I don't know what we are supposed do. Someone out there has to know what we are supposed to do.. All of our doctors and case workers keep telling us that we have already done so much more then most parents would have done so good advice is hard to come by. We need new ideas..

My huge concerns right now are:
1)Should we let Gavin and Elliott even play together (supervised of course).
2)How do we get through to Gavin???
3) How do we do any of this without feeling guilty.
4) Do we continue to fight Lizze's ex- mother and law to protect Gavin at the expense of the entire family???
5) If we don't let Gavin and Elliott play together how do we keep them separated?
6) How do we secure ourselves financially with all we have going on?????
7) How do we protect Gavin??
8) How do we protect Elliott and Tiny???
9) When do Lizze and myself get to take care of ourselves???
10) Are we trying hard enough, if not, what can we be doing better???

These are just s few of the things I worry about everyday...There probably isn't an answer to these questions....Gavin is melting down right now because he was digging in a hole in the wall with his fingers and Lizze told him to stop. Instead of stopping he just hid around the corner and did it again. She asked him a total of 4 times and finally sent him to his room... Now he is screaming and crying in his room... I am completely lost.....