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My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

23 weeks Belly Pictures

4:30:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
And here we are in week 23. More belly rubbin's going on in this picture. Tiny just seems to be all out front. At least to me that's how it seems.

How observant are you? Did you notice the hospital band still on my left wrist? That would be because we took these pictures just after we returned home from the hospital on Saturday, March 29th. ;)

And here we are from the side.

Sorry about the cheesey grin but it's gets difficult smiling for all these belly pictures. :) lol Plus Rob inevitablly does something to make me laugh, which then makes it just that much harder for me to smile a normal smile.

You can't really see the hospital band in this shot but know that it's there. lol

On a side note, my hair is getting really long! As seems to be my way, I had my Auntie Sharon perm my hair a few months before I found out I was pregnant with Tiny. (The same thing happened with Elliott Richard.) My wonderful, talented Auntie does all of my hair cuts and I was hoping to snag her on one of her precious days off over the weekend. Then I ended up on bed rest and now I can't go over there. :(

Looks like I'm doomed to have split ends and hair in desperate need of a trim for the rest of my pregnancy. *sigh* ;)

Random Television Based Ponderings

9:41:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Okay, so let's be honesty and face it...when on bed rest there is very little to do besides watch television, play my DS, and keep up with pregnancy journals etc. Honestly, I record gobs of television's show. Some I watch. Some I play as background noise and a change of pace from Noggin. But the fact of the matter is, there are times when I just sit on my bed and wonder "What the heck?!" For example...

Big People Shows
The Flavor of Love 3 ~ I watched 1 and 2. I picked the "winner" both seasons. Obviously they didn't work out if there is a need for season 3. I really didn't get into it this season but I've started watching it purely for the "say what" factor. What are these women thinking?! Do they honestly and legitimately want to be with this man forever? Do they understand where he's "been"?! (Ew to the nth power!) I just can't understand why these woman subject themselves to this. I mean there are twins willing to share him! (Again, I say - ew to the nth power!)

The "say what" factor is the level of confusion felt during any episode (with shows like Flavor of Love it typically happens in most, if not all episodes) where you are left sitting there saying "say what" or some variation thereof.

Paradise Hotel/Island Whatever ~ Why?! Again, much like with Flavor of Love, why do this? What part of this show is a good idea? Who wakes up as a couple and says, "I know what our struggling relationship needs...infidelity!" Honestly, there are better ways to try and save your relationship and prove your love than to test your temptation on an island, in a hotel, on a boat (who cares where they are) and pray that you don't sleep with someone or your significant other doesn't cheat first.

Moment of Truth ~ Now I admit, I watch this show from time to time. But even for my strong stomach for most this television, it's a bit much. Why do people do this to themselves? Is money really that important?! I've lost count of how many marriages, families, friendships, careers have been ruined in the name of the "all mighty dollar". Why?!

CSI (and all similar shows) ~ First, I love most of these shows. Second, I understand they are supposed to be professional. I also understand that the average viewer has no real world knowledge of the criminal investigation field. However, does it strike anyone else as odd that they need to explain the obvious to their co-workers? Or what about the fact that lab work is rarely ever done without the beeps, bops and boops accompanied with flashing lights and screen changes? Yes, they make for "more entertaining television" but do they annoy anyone else besides me?

Children's Shows on Noggin
Max and Ruby ~ First, I say - where are the parents?! The only two adults you ever see in the show are sporadic appearances by the Grandma and the Bunny Scouts leader. Sometimes the candy show owner pops in as well. But 95% of the time it is Ruby, who is maybe 8-9 years old, serving as primary care giver for her little brother, who is maybe 3-4 years old. She bathes him. Dresses him. Feeds him. Takes him shopping for clothes. I think I've seen a family portrait on the wall, once. But seriously, I get that it's a kids' show but where's the parental supervision?!

Franklin ~ I'm confused. If we as humans, eat the flesh of another human that makes us cannibals. Rightfully so. So if a turtle eats other small woodland animals (that turtles wouldn't eat in real life) does that make him a variation of a cannibal? What about pets? It just seems wrong to me that a turtle has a gold fish as a pet. And his friend Beaver has a hamster as her pet. Oh and speaking of Beaver, why are Franklin and his family (parents and sister) the only ones with actual names. Every one's name is simply a variation of their species. ie Bear, Beaver, Fox, Goose etc. Don't they deserve names as well? And if Franklin is a turtle (which he is) and he wears his shell (which he does) why does he need clothing?

These are just some random things I've been pondering about in regards to telelvision shows. :)

T-Minus 2 hours 21 minutes

9:38:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
In 2 hours 21 minutes (from the moment that I'm typing this up of course) Tiny will be 24 weeks!!!

Y'all know what that means don't you?

AGE OF VIABILITY BABY!!!!!!!
*does happy couch dance*

Hot off the presses! Check it out!

4:16:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Okay so we've done this song and dance before: Girl reads blog. Girl likes blog. Girl feels the need to notify the world about the blog. :) Here are the newest inductees into my "Blogs Of Note" club....


A Day in the Life ~ Jen is a stay-at-home of two, a 2 yr old daughter and 10 mo old son. She found my blog through random circumstances (the best kind) and then I found her's through her Blogger Profile. It's new. It's fresh. It's honest. I like it. :)


Monday, March 17, 2008

Purpose of this blog
I'm starting this blog as a little experiment. I want to see how many people I can meet through this new world of blogging and whether or not you can make friendships this way. It is going to be interesting to say the least. The worst case scenario is that nobody reads this blog or wants to get to know me. If that happens then I still have a wonderful "memory book" of what was happening in my life. Or, I good make one new friend. And lets face it, I think most of us could use a new friend.
Posted by Jen at 2:24 PM


Journeys of a Peaceful Little Flower ~ I know Tressa in real life. She is a beautiful, peaceful soul. Her blog title is very fitting. She just started her blog so let's show her some love! :)

Introductions
Hi everyone! This is just a nice little post to introduce myself and tell you all what you can expect in the upcomping blogs.My name's Tressa, and I'm a counselor working in a charter school for kids with Autism and other special needs. I've been living in Canton, OH for a year now, but I grew up in New Castle, PA. I went to Youngstown State University for my bachelor's degree and my master's degree. I love Canton, and I'm glad to have found someplace that feels like home.Hmm...some other things about me. I study martial arts (Karate, and I've done a bit of Jiu Jitsu too), I love to bake, I write children's picture stories (I'm trying to get published soon), I'm a cat person (although I don't have any at the moment), I'm vegan (for anyone who doesn't know, that means I don't eat anything that comes from an animal), and I'm wild about singing, dancing, and musicals. I'm very spiritually strong, and my religious/spiritual path has been very arduous at times.Well I guess that's good for an intro. I'll primarily use this blog to vent my feelings, share my opinions about those issues which I feel strongly about, and generally keep people up to date on the ins and outs of my life. Leave comments for me! I love to know what others think about my thoughts!
Posted by Tressa at 4:02 PM 2 comments
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I Hope You Dance ~ Raelyn is a stay-at-home mom to two little girls. It is an account of her life, especialy right now as she is going through a pretty difficult time medically. So she could use all of the prayers and positive thoughts you have to spare.


Raelyn - 32 year old Mom to the best girls ever. I am currently dealing with Trophoblastic Disease and will be starting Chemo 2/4. But I have faith in God and know that with him all things are possible.
And so now, as always, I say: Go! Read! Comment! Pray! Share the love, folks! Share the love! :)

Bed Rest ~ Day 22 Ouch!

3:25:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 6 Comments »
Alrighty, I don't have the ultrasound pictures yet because Rob needs to scan them for me first. He's promised to do that tonight. So sometime between now (3:31pm EST) and when I go to bed (midnight-ish) you'll be able to see them. Believe me, they are worth the wait! :)

Here are the stats:

Weight: 176 lb.
BP: 90/60
Tiny's Heartrate: 142 bpm
Tiny's Weight: 1 lb 7 oz (Yay!)
Fundal Height: 24 cm

Our first appointment was at 11:00am for the ultrasound. I thought it was going to be a quick in and out just to check my cervix. Nope! :) She did check that but she also did a full biophysical profile (took all the measurements and whatnot). My cervix is actually longer (4.2 cm now, 4 cm two weeks ago) today that it was at the last ultrasound, which means the bed rest is working and the contractions are not! :) We have three new pictures of Tiny to show off. And boy are they cute! (Not that I'm biased or anything.) Tiny is measuring in the 55% for the gestational age. And some measurements were even coming up 2 weeks ahead of schedule. Barb said Tiny is 1 lb. and 7 oz which is a good weight for this point in the pregnancy. (Remember: big baby = fewer issues if the NICU is needed.) She read in my chart that we were worried last week about the posibility of leaking fluid so she took a few minutes to check that too. I have plenty! (Yay!)

After the ultrasound we saw Dr. D. Rob asked him about the home contraction monitoring that Lisa keeps mentioning. Dr. D said that in his experience it isn't very accurate at 24 weeks, it can still be pretty touch and go. He said if I make it another 2-4 weeks we'll consider it then. (sigh) He said so far things are looking really good because the contractions aren't causing any cervical changes. He's still concerned about how long this will hold out for so he ordered the Celestone (steroid) injections to help with Tiny's lung growth. Let me tell you (in case you don't know from experience) those suckers HURT!!!!!! Granted, I don't like shots but ask Rob it actually takes a lot from a shot to make me cry. This one, made me cry. Rob rewarded me with a double cheeseburger, small fry and large sweet tea from McDonald's afterwards though. :) The "best part" is that I get to go back to Dr. D's office tomorrow for the second dose. Which means 4 shots today (1 - 17P, 2 - Heparin and 1 - Celestone) and 3 tomorrow (2 - Heparin and 1 - Celestone). Other than that, we go back next week for another checkup and repeat fFN test. Then we will go every two weeks for a while before the weekly appointments and biophysical profiles start.

So far, so good. Tiny is moving up a storm. Barb was able to get some really good pictures of the heart that she couldn't get two weeks ago because of Tiny's position. Dr. D is encouraged by my lack of change so far. And other than a migraine and two sore hips, I'm actually feeling pretty good. I just took my migraine meds so hopefully they will kick in soon and I'll just have two sore hips to contend with. ;) lol

22 down ~ 113 to go
3 weeks down ~ 12 weeks to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 22 5 down 13 to go! (a massive medical rundown)

8:41:00 AM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Let's do a medical run down this morning. :)

Here are the stats from my trip to L&D the other night. (See this post for details.)

Weight: 174 lb.
BP: 111/66
Pulse: 81 bpm
Tiny's Heartrate: 133 bpm

Elliott Richard had his 2 year checkup yesterday morning at 11:00am. Rob had to take him while I stayed at home. :( He said it went really well. No shots - he's due for Hep A but they decided to hold off for another 6 months to a year. They lab pricked his finger to check his lead levels. We haven't heard back yet, which could be good news. But I don't know how long it takes to get those results back. Our house is apparently in a "high risk" zip code. Nevermind the fact that our house is over 100 years old. Both of which put the boys at an increased risk for lead posioning. No news is good news, so hopefully we won't hear from them. :) They discussed whether Autism is a concern for Elliott Richard (one of our biggest worries). Rob said they talked about it and filled out a questionairre. In the end Dr. H (Elliott's pediatrican) said that Elliott doesn't show any of the warning signs for Autism that would cause him concern. (Yay!) Overall, a good visit.

Best of all, my tiny little Twitterbug is becoming quite the chunky monkey! He's always been in the single digits of the growth chart but no one was worried because we was consistant. He's now in the 25% for both weight and 40% for length! WOO WHOO! Here are his stats:

Weight: 26 lb
Length: 33.7 in

Now for me again. :) Lisa just left. Yup, you read that right. LISA IS BACK! (Yay!) Now on to the good stuff. The appointment went well. Tiny was quiet the whole time she was hear and now that's she left Tiny is, of course, moving and grooving all over the place. lol The shot was slightly painful but in the correct place, which is much more important. :) Here are the stats:

BP: 110/63
Tiny's Heartrate: 142 bpm

And that's all for the medical rundown for now. I have an ultrasound (yay!) and appointment with Dr. D at 11:00am and 11:30am respectively. I'll be sure to post the rundown when I get home. And hopefully I'll be able to post pictures from my last ultrasound and today's. Along with the pictures I promised you guys the other day. :)

22 down ~ 113 to go

"Too Many Bunnies"

11:23:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
First, I want to say a big THANK YOU to those of you who have been helping in my search for "Too Many Bunnies". There is another book by the same title, however, it's a different story line.

The book I'm looking for is about Benny the Bunny. Benny has lots of siblings and he gets upset because they won't allow him to play, so he goes looking for a new family. Eventually he returns home and all is right with the world.

Elliott Richard just loves this book. I think the rhythm of the story is soothing. But I think he likes the voices I make for the different friends Benny makes during his travels. :) lol

I'll look for our damaged copy to see who wrote it tomorrow morning. I know that it's an older book so maybe they've stopped printing it. :(

Thanks again for all the help though! :)

Bad little monkey...

9:19:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Yeah, so I've been a bad blogger today. It's just been me. In bed. Watching television. Hanging out with Elliott Richard. Same stuff, different day.

In terms of my preterm labor...it's been an okay day. I've had more contractions today than I've had the last few days. My siatic nerve is all bent out of shape today, which HURTS. I've had a migraine off and on...mostly off.

I'm just kind of...blech. I'm frustrated because Elliott Richard loves this book entitled "Too Many Bunnies". I can't remember who wrote it. We read it, to death. Literally. It's fallen apart and we've lost some of the pages. I figured I have a few dollars in a giftcard on Amazon.com and I would replace it. But NO! I can't. They don't have it. That's right, I said it. AMAZON.COM DOES NOT HAVE A BOOK I NEED/WANT! ARGH! I even googled it...NOTHING. I just want to replace his favorite book. I want to be able to read it to him again because the older he gets, the more he enjoys our story time. But I can't because I can't find it. :(

Bed Rest ~ Day 21

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I was making lunch for myself a little bit ago and I came up with this whole blog I was going to write. It was going to be one of those blogs that I wish I could write all the time. The light-hearted, funny, witty blogs that make our lives seem so much better than they really are. Then I read what my darling husband posted last night...I cried.

I wish there were something I could do for him. I'm sorry that he had to let his card go. I know that pain when you feel that a piece of you has been wrenched away and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Only I know it in a different way. I wish he didn't have to know that pain. It changes you, in the very core of who you are. I wish he didn't have the weight of our entire world on his shoulders. I wish there was something I could do to make it all better. He is my hero, especially right now. I know he hates to give me these injections but without him I would have to give them to myself. (I cannot describe to you the fear and panic just thinking about that brings to mind.) Even when he does the simple things in life (the dishes , the laundry, bathing Elliott Richard and putting him to bed), he is my hero. I try and tell him this but I don't think he believes me. He is though, he's my hero and without him I would be lost. Plain and simple.

Bed Rest ~ Day 20 Recap of Day 19

7:48:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Okay so I promised updates last night but those just didn't happen. Sorry about that.

Everything is okay. About as good as can be expected at this point. I didn't sleep very well last night - combination of crazy dreams (that I can hardly remember and don't have a clue as to how I should describe them) and Elliott Richard not sleeping well because he kept kicking his blankets off. Now we're just snuggling and watching "The Upside Down Show". (I hate this show.)

Last night went pretty well. We still don't know what's going on but I was treated LOADS better this time around. The longest wait we had (besides lab work being processed) was for Transport to come and pick me up. The Transport chick was a little...odd. I think she was trying to lighten the mood and make me feel more comfortable with stories of women who had waited in the ER waiting area so long they were "clamping their legs together to keep the baby in". Not something a pregnant mother in preterm labor, with a history of preterm labor, really wants to hear but oh well. lol

The nurse whose tag line last week was "We'll be with you in a few minutes" was working again last night. She didn't help us. She actually didn't even look at us beyond the initial glance. I was registered and weighed. Once in my room, I had no sooner gotten in the gown and situated in bed before my nurse came in and introduced her self. She finished the whole registration process and hooked me up to the monitors and left. Only to return within five minutes with the doctor! *shock* Both my nurse and my resident were really, really nice. He checked me (still high and firm) and ordered some tests (blood work and all that good fun stuff). Rob and I hung out (hence the crappy picture of me in the previous post) for a while. The nurse brought me some ginger ale to drink (yum) and even said Rob could get me food (double yum)! :) So he went and got me one of the hamburgers the hospital makes. (I don't know why but I love these hamburgers!) Not long after my delicious hamburger the doctor came in and said he felt it was just "normal pregnancy stretching" and that most of my tests were normal. One of the tests was being held up in the lab and they didn't want to make me wait because it could take quite a while for it to come back. They took Rob's cell phone number and were going to call with the results no matter what they were. But Rob told the nurse we could go the "no news is good news" route, meaning she would only call if there was something wrong. (We haven't heard anything so all must be right with the world.)

I don't agree with that because by now I know what "normal pregnancy stretching" feels like. These cramps were directly tied to the backache. I only had the backache with the cramps...never one without the other. Granted they weren't timable or anything but they were regular and painful. All that matters though is that the cramps and backache weren't accomplishing anything in terms of dilation and whatnot. So I'll just stay down (surprise surprise) and talk to Dr. D about it at my appointment this week.

Once we were home, Rob set up my new Bed Rest Haven. And then Dad G brought Elliott Richard home with FOOD! (Yum) Once the living room was all rearranged, Elliott Richard was in bed and our tummies were full...I was too pooped to post. lol

I've got pictures to post but I need to upload them first. So they're coming...just give me a few. :)

20 down ~ 115 to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 19

11:46:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Well, last night was interesting. I had really disturbing and upsetting dreams. I don't remember what they were about except it involved my family and I woke up feeling hurt and panicked.

I'm now on my couch. Trying to find a scrapbook so I can make a scrapbook of Gavin's ultrasound pictures and belly shots. The few belly shots I have left anyway. Thanks to certain people most of them were lost. I'm also having a lot of cramping with a dull low backache that comes and goes, which isn't good. The plan of attack is to lay on my left side, drink nauseating amounts of water and eat lunch. Hopefully by then this will have passed and I won't need to call in. However, if I need to call in they are going to make me go in at least I won't starve while I'm there.

I'll keep you updated and with any luck I'll be able to post the blog I had planned. ;)

19 down ~ 116 to go

I *heart* surprises!

3:19:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
With the exception of the migraine that would not quit, today has been a pretty good day.

I made some popcorn last night but couldn't stomach it, so I spread it around outside this morning for the squirrels. Now I've got squirrels, robins and all sorts of other birds as visitors. :)

Then I'm sitting here, working on a cross stitch project when UPS pulls up. I didn't think anything of it at first because my neighbors often get packages but then he came to my house! Rob went and got the package for me because we were thinking it was for him. The only packages I ever get are when I beta test something and I'm not involved in any betas right now.

Turns out the package was for me! :) Inside was a pregnancy journal!

I *heart* journals! I already have a pregnancy calendar and journal for Tiny. Now I have another one! :) Yay!

Well I'm off to start my new journal. :)

Bed Rest ~ Day 18 My Lil' Contry Bumpkin

10:36:00 AM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 5 Comments »
I am a country girl. My Granny was born and raised in Oklahoma. She was a country girl through and through. As I explained here, I was extremely close to my Granny. I am a child of hippy parents with strong southern influences in my upbringing. And people wonder how I ended up so far outside the box?! lol There hasn't been a box made that can hold me! hahahaha

But I digress. My children have always shown a love for music from the get-go. I give birth to "dancers". ;) lol

Gavin's favorite song was Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle". His favorite group was Dixie Chicks. If he wasn't very active, I could play Dixie Chicks and be rewarded with some "dancing".

Elliott Richard's favorite song was Christina Aguilera's "Can't Hold Us Down". (Notice a pattern here? lol) But really any Christina Aguilera song would do. He wasn't picky.

I think their love of Christina is what laid the ground work for them to have similar music tastes with Rob. Rob likes rock, 80's...basically all things with a strong beat and then country. I'm the opposite. I love country. I would listen to country and bluegrass and jazz all day. (Sadly I am alone in my love of jazz.) I like select songs from other genres but I am a country girl at heart, through and through. I even have a country accent on certain words and phrases. (frog = frawg etc)

Well it would seem that Tiny is a little more like me than the rest. ('Bout time!) I played Christina for him this morning fully expecting the pattern to continue. Nope. Tiny was quiet. There were a few bomp, bomp, bomps but no "dancing". Next I tried Rascal Flatts. (I heart Rascal Flatts!) Ladies and gents, we've got dancing! HAHA I'm no longer the only "country bumpkin" in the family! :)

Bed Rest ~ Day 18 Introductions

9:05:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
I was in a bit of a pretty major funk last night. I had just reached that point where it's all just too much. The shots. The appointments. The bed rest. My funk was so deep that I was getting irritated because Tiny wanted to show off the latest gymnastic moves and that was preventing me from slipping into a coma-like sleep. Rob went and got some Taco Bell, which I had been craving to try and pull me out of it. It just wasn't happening. So I went to bed and tried to sleep it off. (The food seemed to have lulled Tiny into a food coma. lol)

I dreamt of my Granny last night. She died on May 11, 2002. That's the day that I changed forever. But that's another post. I used to dream of her often after she died. As the years have passed I haven't had as my visits from her. This may sound crazy, or maybe it won't, either way it's what I believe so :p on you! lol I believe that my Granny visits me in my dreams. I've had visits from other family members as well. But my Granny is my only steady visitor.

I had dreams of my Grandpa C, my Mom's dad, throughout my entire pregnancy with Gavin. This is significant (to me at least) for a few reasons. First, I had never dreamt of him before that time and I have yet to dream of him since Gavin's birth. Second, Gavin was born the day before my Grandpa C's birthday. Third, I was working at Staples while pregnant with Gavin and I had a customer come in one day who could have been Grandpa C's clone. No joke. I looked as if someone had plucked this man straight out of a picture I've seen of my Grandpa. Every where I turned during that pregnancy, my Grandpa C was there. Again, this has not happened since.

The last visit from my Granny I remember vividly was just after Elliott Richard was born. I dreamt the family had a big cookout/reunion (something her side of the family has every summer for the 4th). At that reunion I was able to introduce her to the great-grandson she had never had the chance to meet (on Earth anyway). She was able to hold him and kiss him. And I felt better having had that opportunity. (Writing this is causing me to get all teary eyed.)

My Granny was a huge influence on my life growing up. I was convinced that the sun rose and set with her. She was only about 5 feet tall but her personality was so much larger! She loved life. She was creative and compassionate. I don't think she ever missed one of my swim meets or gymnastics meets or major life events, even if they were hours away. I was (and still am to this day) her only grand-daughter.

I am struggling to find words that adequately describe her and the emotions tied to her. All I can say is when she died, I was forever changed. There was honestly a moment when I thought the pain of her death was going to drown me. Someday I still feel like that.

So when I am given the opportunity to "spent some time with her" via my dreams...that marks the beginning of a good morning.

Last night I dreamt of her again. She picked me up and took me shopping for things I would need and want while on bed rest. She bought me gobs of snacks, some slippers that looked like tennis shoes (I used to have some of these but I wore them out.) and a bunch of puzzles and doo-dads to help keep me busy. Then she took my mom and I out to lunch. We all sat around the table and chatted up a storm while we ate. When we were finished Tiny was going crazy, just moving and grooving like mad. Which gave me the opportunity to have my Granny feel the movement. I woke up feeling much better and at peace with everything. The funk was gone.

I miss my Granny, every day. But I miss her most during major life moments such as these.

18 down ~ 117 to go

God, Autism, Anger...Oh My!

8:27:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
So I have a counter on my blog that will tell me if and when people stumble upon my blog through search engines. Usually Google is the search engine that brings the most people in. Well apparently today a Google search led someone to my blog. This is what they searched for:

03/27/08 10:54:12
how to stop being angry at God for gaving me an autistic child (Google)

Now for me, this brings about a mix of thoughts and feelings.

Am I angry with God because Gavin is Autistic? At times, yes I am. I wonder why our little boy was taken from us. Why he was so perfect and developmentally on target (for the most part) and then *BAM* he was gone. I wonder why God thinks I can handle so darn much. I guess maybe I question God more than I'm angry with him. Although I don't know that questioning him is any better.

Do I habor angry or hatred toward God for the challenges he's place before me? No. Again, it would be nice if he didn't have quite so much faith in me and my abilities to handle stuff. But I'm not angry for the challenges I've endured. Those challenges have made me who I am and while I may not always be happy with who I've become; for the most part I'm pretty comfortable with who I've become.

If given the chance to change it all, would I? Depends. There are certain things that I did out of ignorance (signing my divorce decree without asking more questions, blindly trusting attorneys because I thought they knew better etc) that I would change if given the chance. There are things that I did and I knew in my gut at that moment were the wrong choices for me to make (saying "I do" to Nick being a HUGE one). Those I would change if I could. But to change it all? If it has to be an all or nothing choice, I choose to leave it alone. There's no way for me to know what I would loose by changing things. That's not a risk I'm willing to take.

Now, please understand that simply because I am not angry with God because Gavin is gone does not in any way shape or form mean others should not be angry. Anger is part of the healing process. I've been angry. I'll be angry again, I'm sure. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. Everyone has to deal with this situation and process in their own way. Whatever that may be.

For the most part, I'm not angry with him for Gavin's Autism because I don't know what he has in store for us later. I don't know why he placed this angel in our lives. But I'll struggle and muddle my way through until we figure it out.

Bed Rest ~ Day 17 Check it out!

3:53:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 3 Comments »
Okay so I woke up this morning with a migraine. I took my meds and then took a nap. And guess what! Yup, I woke up from my nap with another migraine. I just can't win today! lol

Well ladies and gents it's that time again. I've found some new blogs that I just love love love! So that means I feel a desire to introduce you. I urge you (very strongly) to click the links and check them out! :) Without further ado...

London McCalling ~ Shannon, Matt (her dh), Waverly (I just adore this name!) and Oliver are all from the US but have relocated to London, England when Matt was offered a job (possibly transferred). What began as a blog about their new lives in London has also become a blog about the family's struggle to find a diagnosis for Waverly and to ultimately cope with the diagnosis and how it effects them all as a family.



Friday, March 21, 2008
We Have A Diagnosis
Waverly has mucopolysaccharidoses (MPS), specifically it is known as MPS III or Sanfilippo Syndrome. Even though we have been waiting anxiously for a diagnosis, nothing could have prepared us for this devastating news. I am not emotionally or physically capable of writing more at the moment. Here is a link for further information: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001210.htm


I went back yesterday and read her blog from beginning to end. Her family is beautiful and I feel for her during her struggle to find and cope with a diagnosis for Waverly because we've been in a similar situation with Gavin for the past 7 years.



What the heck was I thinking?! ~ This is Nikky's blog. Nikky is married to Chris, a military officer currently stationed in Texas (I have a huge soft spot for those serving in the military but that's another blog.), and currently pregnant with their first child.




February 06, 2008

Transitioning from Myspace to the Open Waters of the Net
at 11:57:00 AM
Blogging on Myspace is easy. No one reads them. Ever. Well that is unless you have friends who seem to hang on every written word you write. What the heck could I possibly say that is that freaking important?! Nothing that I know of!!

Mostly I have ranted about my trials and tribulations of infertility, the continuing shifting waters called community college, my periodic rants about people I find incredibly stupid (like my recent rant about a cult-like "church" from Kansas). Although I have raved about incredibly brave people (men and women serving in the military) and an outstanding group of people who I recently had the privilege of seeing The Patriot Guard Riders. I am not going to say that some of my ranting (and raving too) has not been without some controversy. (I know there are at least 3 people who will read this, roll their eyes and laugh)

So, here I go. Making my world wide web debut into blogging. No flameing (at least no real live flames) please.


Nikky is another due date buddy that I have found with God's help through blogs. Her original due date was July 25th (two days after me) but has recently been moved to July 18th (just as great a day since it happens to be MY birthday! lol). She is currently a college student working to find a balance between her roles as wife, student and mother-to-be. Her blog strikes me partly because we are "due date buddies" but also because we seem to have similar personalities. Plus she's just cool. :)

There now you have been formally introduced. So...Go! Read! Comment! :)

17 down ~ 118 to go

Today is a day of processing...

2:21:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I've been thinking a lot today. Let's face it, there's not much more for me to do anymore. Plus when I have to take my migraine meds, well, they tend to get me thinking and feeling chatty. I don't know why. Anywho...While I've been thinking I've been trying to process some Tiny related stuff.

I am 23 weeks and 1 day pregnant. My pregnancy is considered a "high risk" pregnancy. That means the risk to myself and Tiny is greater than found in a "typical" pregnancy. I am currently considered in preterm labor. I am on medications and bed rest to try and fight the preterm labor and allow me to make it full term. It is questionable as to whether or not I will make it full term. Here are an estimates of Tiny's chances for survival:

23 weeks ~ 17% (10% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
24 weeks ~ 44% (40% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
25 weeks ~ 61% (50% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
26 weeks ~ 72% (60% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
27 weeks ~ 72% (70% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
28 weeks ~ 85% (80% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
29 weeks ~ 88% (90% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
30+ weeks ~ >94% (100% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)

So if I were to give birth to Tiny tomorrow there would be a 17% chance of survival. That means there is a 83% chance that Tiny will not live. Also they wouldn't use heroic measures because the age of viability is 24 weeks in the state of Ohio. Although I just did a bit of research and found that in the state of Ohio the age of viability is actually 20 weeks although this is not often the "practiced" age, meaning that technically they can sometimes assist a fetus in survival at 20 weeks but the odds are less than 1% depending on the size and weight of the fetus at birth.


There seems to be some confusion among family and friends as to the exact nature of our current situation. Allow me to try and clear that confusion up.

My pregnancy is a gift from God and a blessing, I have no doubt of this. However, my pregnancy is also in a constant state of...shall we say crisis. At any given moment the medications could stop working and my preterm labor could reach a point where it can't be stopped. At 23 weeks it's, unfortunately, all but guaranteed that Tiny will not survive. And if Tiny did survive, survival isn't any kind of promise of a quality of life.

Some feel we are being overly cautious or "making a big deal out of nothing". I assure you, that is not the case. I may be in a state of "constant vigilance" but that is simply because I am currently the only one who can speak as Tiny's advocate. No one else knows exactly what is going on physically with us. And I tend to feel that it's better to be safe than sorry. I would much rather find out I have an infection or what have you before hearing that I'm in preterm labor or my water has broken. However, I would never forgive myself if I didn't go and get these things checked out, only to discover later that I was right and we lost Tiny because I didn't speak up.

We'll be with you in a few minutes...Part Deux

10:12:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
Okay, so I posted yesterday about my disasterous trip to L&D on Monday. Well, Rob and I thought long and hard and finally decided to call a family friend who works for the hospital I was at on Monday. He is upper Administration and he was unhappy but he isn't involved in the medical aspect so he referred me to the Clinical VP of the Maternity Unit. She called us literally 5 minutes after I got off the phone with the upper Admin.

Rob spoke with her for nearly a half an hour. Just telling her everything that had happened on Monday. She was appauled! She just kept apologizing and saying "that never should have happened". In the end she urged us to call Dr. D first thing this morning because she wasn't comfortable with the treatment I received. She said that she would take care of the nurses but "The Man-Handler" is someone else problem. She promised to call that person and have "The Man-Handler" dealt with.

Now I'm not looking to get anyone in trouble. However, "The Man-Handler" has no business treating OB patients. Especially not high risk OB patients in preterm labor. I firmly believe that her man-handling is a big part of the reason that my preterm labor has gotten so much worse over the past few days. The fact that she blantantly didn't agree with either my preterm labor diagnosis or the treatment prescribed by Dr. D just goes to show me how little experience she has as an OB. I just pray that it's a rotation and not her career path of choice.

So I posted earlier that I was waiting for a nurse to call me back from Dr. D's office. She called me back and we spoke for a while. Basically Rob and I covered the whole drama from Monday. The nurse was horrified. She took the information down and called Dr. D and spoke with Kelli, the NP (nurse practioner) and called me back. Dr. D wanted me seen today so an appointment was made with Kelli for 1:30pm.

Here are the stats:

Weight: 172 lb.
Tiny's HB: 137 bpm

We got there at 1:30pm. Saw the nurse at 1:45pm. Talked to her and she took me over to another room for a NST (non-stress test), which a test that monitors for contractions, fetal heartrate and fetal movement. It basically is to see how Tiny handles the contractions. We couldn't get Tiny to play along with the heartrate monitor so we just went with the contraction monitor without the other two.

The test began at 1:55pm. I had a contraction #1 at 2:05pm, which I felt but it wasn't nearly as bad as some of them. Nurse comes in, "Oh...look at that. Let's see what happens next." (Like I'm some sort of science experiment! lol) Then at 2:14pm I had contraction #2, again not nearly as bad as some of them. Nurse comes in sees #2 and dahses out for NP. NP and nurse return and rip strip and dash back out together. They left to call Dr. D. A new nurse comes in and takes me to an exam room saying, "We need to run some tests." (Grrreeeeat.)

They performed an fFN test and the litmus test to see if I am leaking fluid. I'm thrilled to report that BOTH tests came back NEGATIVE! (Yay!) That means I am NOT leaking fluid and that I will most likely NOT go into full-fledged labor in the next 14 days. (Woo whoo!) Then they left to call Dr. D because they wanted to discuss admitting me to the hospital. (Fantastic.) He was still at the hospital performing c-sections. This was at about 2:30pm. At 3:00pm Dr. D called but had to hang up quickly because he was needed in an emergency c-section. Finally at 4:00pm he called back said that since my fFN was negative I could come home but I had to "stay down".

So now I'm home. I still have an ultrasound scheduled for next week and appointment immediately after the ultrasound. I'm still having gobs of contractions and they made me promise I would call if things got worse or anything changed.

I feel bad about calling our family friend in Admin at the hospital but then again, I don't. If we hadn't called, we would have taken Monday at face value and not called Dr. D. And who knows what would have changed between now and next week if I'm already contracting every 10 minutes! God's timing is certainly perfect. The even crazier thing is that I don't make phone calls like that. Ask Rob. I don't complain to higher-ups. I don't "get people in trouble". I am one of those people who swallows the ill treatment and learns from it for next time. So the fact that I made that phone call in the first place...is perfect timing.

Bed Rest ~ Day 16 Holy Cow!

10:09:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
What Tiny is up to this week: At this point you’ve pretty much adjusted to the fact you’ve got a moving little gymnast inside of you, but now they’re going to kick up the party a notch because they can hear and react to sounds from the outside world. Sounds from your alarm clock, a thunder roll, or that darned car honking at you across the intersection can actually jar their little ears enough to elicit a kick or violent bout of squirming. Of course this also means that their little ears are picking up the sounds of your voice and those near you. So go ahead, sing a lullaby to your little angel—if they start kicking, it’s likely they just want you to stop… or maybe it was a kick of approval? You decide. Your baby's tiny taste buds are still growing and their bones are continuing to ossify (harden), their tiny veins are visible through their translucent yet wrinkly skin. (Think of it this way: they’ve been swimming in the equivalent of a long hot bath for the past 23 weeks, so you can’t blame them for being a little prune-like.)


Wow! This is my 300th post! That's pretty cool. Of course, when you're confined to a couch just about anything qualifies as cool anymore. lol

I had more crazy pregnancy dreams last night. There was one about a Ma & Pop General Store. Everyone hung out there and apparently I started some sort of group but couldn't remember doing it. Whatever I had done was causing everyone to be really angry with me for doing it. The store sold a ton of different kinds of highlighters and they all had special...abilities I guess. It was just odd.

Well I'm sitting here waiting for a nurse to call me back from Dr. D's office. I spoke to a few other medical professionals yesterday about my experience in L&D Monday and they weren't happy with the level of care I received so they urged me to call Dr. D's office first thing this morning. My big concern is since "The Man-Handler" got ahold of me, my contractions have become more intense and more consistant. I'm not having 4-6 an hour but I'm consistantly having them like 20 mins apart. To me the consistancy is just as concerning as the frequency. But we'll see. I'll update when I have more.

16 down ~ 119 to go
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