Cheerio Confessions

Things are looking a little crazy at the moment. The blog is in a bit of upheaval. Please excuse it all. It occured to me the other day as I was organizing my files that my photos of Rob and the boys were outdated. Well Elliott Richard's and Emmett John's were from Christmas time but honestly they were just placeholders until I could find some that I truely liked. You're all probably wondering who the heck "Henry James" is...I need to post about him. It's coming. With a few other posts I'm working on. For now, just know that things that appear off kilter but I'm working it. =)

Well, Christmas has officially come and gone. There are now...what, 364 days to Christmas 2010. Or something like that. Thank God! No offense to Jesus or Mary or anything but I'm telling you what...every year the Holidays get more difficult to survive.

I had everything planned out this year. I was going to start preparing just after Halloween so that I wasn't running around like a chicken with my head cut off come Christmas Eve. It didn't work. I didn't get any of the gifts made that I wanted to. I didn't get the kids all figured out etc so I could help them create their gifts for everyone. My Mom was the only one who's gift was completely finished in time to give to her. And I was running around up until 30 seconds before she came in the door to get that wrapped etc.

But it's not just the prep work. Or the decorating, which I can't even manage to find a way to get done anymore. It's all of it. It all seems so complicated. Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not a Scrooge by any means. I just noticed this is all.

Take toys for example. You have the gifts that Gavin and Elliott Richard received, which were taped in and twist-tied in. Am I the only one who thinks this is complete and total overkill? But I digress...their gifts are protected with the strength that I thought only Fort Knox could offer. Then you have Mr. Emmett John's gifts. Most of his gifts were what I affectionately call "Old School" toys. He received the pull behind telephone, the shape block sorter and the little "bed bug bopper". None of those were taped or twist-tied. You opened the box and pulled them out. End of story.

Heck even if you compare video games! When I was a kid, the Nintendo was the "in thing". Everyone either had one, knew someone who did and/or wanted one so badly they could almost taste it. True, by today's standards the graphics are horrid. However, the controls were easy and straight forward. Up was up. Down was down. You get the idea. Nothing was overly complicated. Now there are 3 different major systems with beautiful graphics in their own right. Each specializes in a different type of game genre. And each seems to have their own unique way of making the controls complicated.

Sorry to be all doom and gloom, I'm just over-whelmed from all the running and buying and wrapping and the going and visiting and whatnot. I still think it holds true though - things have gotten far to complicated over the years. At times, I really do feel that it's almost complicated simply for the sake of being complicated. But that's just me. =)

Aside from taped and twist-tied to death new toys (more pictures to come tomorrow), the Cheerios are doing well. We are exhausted and well-fed. We had a blast with family. And now we are all attempting to recover. Except the boys seem perfectly content to stay hyper and completely bouncing-off-the-walls. (lol) Our Christmas was beautiful and everything a Christmas should be. And we hope that you and yours had a very Merry Christmas!

Its been a while since I've posted (sorry about that) but I felt like posting an "I Don't - Wednesday" today...and away we go!

I Don't Wednesday #6: KetZchup

I Don't ... Know why I haven't posted in so long.

I've started ketZchup posts but they are all so long and unfinished and the longer it takes me to finish them - the more behind I become. I hate being behind like this. So they are still waiting to be finished.

I Don't ... Know why I don't just start from the here and now.

You know...Say, screw the postS waiting to be finished and move on. To Hell with those damn wanna-be posts!

I Don't ... Know why I just wrote that "I Don't" because I do know.

I Don't ... move on because for starters, I'm suffering from some serious OCD. Secondly, someday I will publish this blog. Someday it will be added to the other journals I have that chronicle my life. And to cut those things out would be to remove large sections of my life.
As it is, I'm already not blogging HUGE, GINORMOUS parts of my life over the past 3 to 6 months because it has been made quite clear to me that if I chronicle those happenings:

A) I would be using MY BLOG against others. You know, because that's why I started it. Revenge. Spite. Viva la Revolution! And all that jazz. *insert eye roll here*
B) I would be hiding behind MY BLOG even though the thoughts, feelings, expressions, etc that are/have been/would be covered (if I were to cover said taboo topics) have already been shared privately (via emails and a very few phone calls) with the parties involved. So I'm not hiding behind anything. But whatever.
C) I would be discussing other people's lives and that isn't right. Nor is it fair.
Now I have not had a single complaint about my blog from people - except for a few loons who felt that I was being unkind to my dead-beat-dad exhusband once upon a time. So I stand corrected - by myself - that I have had a few complaints over that past 2 years or so. That being said, in case it has escaped anyone, I tend to discuss other people's lives on a pretty regular basis - when I can find time to blog that is. I discuss my own and those of my family (ie Rob, husband; Gavin, 9 year old son; Elliott Richard, 3 year old son; Emmett John, 17 month old son; Maggie Sue, nanny-dog; Cleo, cat). I discuss my sister, Trisha, my Mom, Mary. (See Mom, I'm posting again. lol) I discuss quite a few people. Yet no one else is screaming unfair. But don't worry ... I think I have come up with a way to discuss what I want without further pissing anyone else off. Hhhhhhmmmm........I'll have to think about that some more.

Anyway, I digress.

I Don't ... Believe how quickly the month of December is flying by!

I had it all planned out so that the boys could do our usual traditions - make ornaments, make Christmas gifts for Grandma & PaPa and now for Grandma Mary (who they are beyong super excited to include to the traditions this year!) etc. Plus there are Godparents to consider. Then while I get the gifts together for the 3 boys. I'm also putting together a group gift for the boys. Plus a few surprises. I've had it all figured out, planned out and ready to go on paper since mid-October.

I was so sure I had it all figured out. Then I forgot to take my Lyrica for 1 flipping day! Which has thrown me off by like 3 days! So I'm back to not being able to drive again; so unhelpful right now!

I Don't ... Know how to care for Gavin effectively all the time.

Sometimes its a breeze. Sometimes I see the damage others have done to him before the legal system finally got a clue. Before I finally got a clue. Sometimes that damage is more than I can deal with and I know that they knew what they were doing - whether they deny it now or not. Sometimes I wish for the chance to interrogate them about it, with the chance to only get honest answers and then smack them all silly in the end. Sometimes I wish for a winning Lotto ticket, too. None of those things is going to happen.

I Don't ... Know how to raise Gavin his way.

Elliott Richard his way. Emmett John his way. Without making any of them feel singled out. Without damaging any of them.

I Don't ... Know how to survive anymore.

Surviving is usually the only thing I know to do. It comes naturally. After a lifetime of various rings of my own personal hell. Surviving is as natural to me as breathing. Lately, I can't seem to remember how.

Just Elliott Richard and I goofing off a bit...letting off a bit of steam before bed. Sometimes it's great having a tiny 3 year old Terrorist in the house. Of course, there are still plenty of moments when I'd like to ship him off - like just now when his playing with the "tiny ball" (trackball on my blackberry Ruby - yes, I named her but she's a post all by herself) while I was typing this post which placed an entire sentence worth of letters scattered about the rest of the post. *sigh* Ah well, the fun definitely out weighes the other stuff. (lol)

Gotta run! My Terrorist is frantically waving "The Cat in the Hat" with an angry pout on his face. This could get ugly...

Lizze
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I have been putting a "water mark" via Photobucket on my photos - both new and old. I am trying to keep these from taking too much away from the pictures themselves; however, at the same time I am trying to make it so that the pictures cannot be copied from my blog and printed out for personal use.

Again, I'm sorry for the generic nature of my "water mark". I will see what I can do to make it more professional and less intrusive in the future. For now, I have to work with what I have.

Thank you for the understanding! :)

1.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when my daily and/or weekly dose of drama will be limited to "Mom, he won't share that toy!" or one of my neighbors getting drunk and running her mouth.

2.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Emmett John will not be a medical mystery. He will not have any specialists and will only need to see Dr. H for well baby visits and the occasional sick visits.

3.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I can write what I want, when I want on my blog and not worry about who is reading it.

4.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I can pay my balance off to John (my attorney) and not have someone (who shall remain nameless - we all know who though) file something else. At which point, my balance will return again because John has to prepare to fight, again. It gets old.

5.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Elliott Richard will decided that he no longer "likes to be pee-pee soaped" and he wants to use the potty. Then we will only have Mr. Emmett John to put in diapers. And we will also be able to put Elliott Richard into pre-school, which I know he would love.

6.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Dr. T is able to find a medication or combination of medications that works to not only keep the pain from getting worse but also lessen it to some extent. That would be amazing.

7.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when the boys could spend the night away from home - some with their Aunt Trisha and Uncle John and some with their Grandma and Pa-Pa G - so that Rob and I can get away from home for a weekend. We haven't been away from home (hospital/NICU stays so do not count) since our first wedding anniversary, which was Thursday September 3, 2004 if your curious.

8.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I am secure enough in myself as an artist and a woman that I can sit and loose myself in my art and not be weighed down by thoughts of "It's not good enough" or "It's not perfect" or "Crap! It's all crap"...you get the general idea. I want to just get lost in my art and not care what anyone thinks; including myself.

9.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I don't need a therapist anymore. A day when I've put all the horrific pieces of the puzzle that is my life back together. The pieces I've carried with me for the past 20+ years. The pieces I've fought to hide out of shame for things I didn't do. The pieces I only see in nightmarish flashbacks when I sleep. Someday I'll have them all put together and I won't be haunted anymore.

10.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when Rob and I have managed to survive the Terrorist 3's. I'm also hoping for that same day in the future ... when all three boys have also managed to survive the Terrorist 3's. (Whoever dubbed them the "Terrible 3's" was clearly either on crack, had never raised a child of their own or had been blessed with one of those rare children that didn't become a Terrorist between the ages of 2 and 1/2 and oh say 9 - since Gavin is still a Terrorist at times and I don't know when it will wear off.)

11.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when we are able to set up a routine and get into a groove and the slightest little thing doesn't throw everything out of whack.

12.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when my boys will grow up to be men. They will be happy and healthy doing whatever it is that they chose in life. I don't care their preference in partner or job. I don't care where they live, although I'd like it to be somewhat close to where ever we are. I just want them happy and healthy - in all ways. (Since obviously #10 needs tohappen first in order for this one to take place. lol)

13.) I'm hoping for a day in the future ... when I'm spending far less time dreaming of the future and planning for it and a whole lot more time actually living in it.

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***Edited to say*** Okay, so I meant to finish this before it auto-posted at 8:00 pm on Thursday. Obviously, that didn't happen. lol Sorry about that. So now it is 9-ish am on Saturday - just a few days late - and I'm finishing it because the idea of a partially finished post on my blog is driving me crazy. lol

I Don't Wednesday #4: Regrets

I don't ... regret leaving my ex-husband. If I hadn't left, I wouldn't have met Rob. Rob wouldn't have led to his family and I honestly could not have asked/prayed/wished for better in-laws - parents or siblings. They are amazing. Rob also helped me to create two beautiful boys. So really, what more could I ask for there? Oh yeah, Rob is pretty great too. ;) lol

I don't ... regret looking for Mom (aka Mary) starting when I was 16 years old. I don't ... regret finding her when I was 20 years old even though it didn't turn out how I had hoped. I don't ... regret looking for Trisha on MySpace on a whim 3 years ago even though that didn't turn out how I had hoped either. Because it's all turning out how I had hoped in the end, which is how it should be.

I don't ... regret standing up for myself or my family when it was the right thing to do. Even when it wasn't the popular thing to do.

I don't ... regret wearing my heart on my sleeve even though most would say it's "weakness". At least people have always known where I was coming from and where I stood.

I don't ... regret getting married by the mayor of North Cheerioville rather than having a big wedding that we couldn't afford and would have needed loans to pay for. Besides now I get to take the next 3 years to plan my dream wedding and make sure I can make it as cheap as possible. :)

I don't ... regret starting my family before everything else. That was the path I chose for my life and I stand by that decision.

Jessica loves me! She really loves me!

Okay, maybe that's a slight exggeration but she did give me the Honest Scrap award for my blog. :) Something I'm super excited about by the way. :)

Jessica is from Mental Vomit, a blog which I simply adore! She and I have quite a bit in common but I won't go into the how's and why's, just trust that we do. Anywho, she has bestowed this wonderful award upon me and now I must abide by the rules of the award...and away we go!

*Say thank you and give a link to the presenter of the award {Check}

*Share “10 Honest Things” about myself

*Present the award to 10 other bloggers whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design or to those who have encouraged me

*Be sure to tell the 10 bloggers chosen that you are giving them the Honest Scrap award and provide the guidelines for them

Share "10 Honest Things" about myself, hhhhmmmm. I was planning to use something similar to this for my Thursday 13 this week. Oh well, let's see what I can come up with.

1.) I have been secretly coveting this award for as long as I've had a blog. I try to be very honest on my blog, without hurting others whenever possible. So I was seriously thrilled when Jessica gave it to me. (Yeah,I'm a dork, I know.)

2.) I have gotten so used to having migraines that it takes me an average of two weeks to figure out that I have a sinus infection and not just a particularly nasty migraine headache. Like now. Oy.

3.) I have been in therapy off and on for the past 15 years (since I was 14 years old) and I'm only just now finding out some of the serious reasons I should have started in the first place.

4.) When I was 9 or 10 years old, I wanted to have 6 kids. I wanted them all to be girls. I had all of their names picked out - most of which I had stolen from my favorite television shows at the time. (So think of all the popular tween shows from like 1989 and 1990 and you've got a pretty good idea of the names I had picked out.) Oh yeah, and I wanted sextuplets because I figured having them all at once had to be easier than one at a time to me. (Like I said, I was 9 or 10 years old. I knew nothing! lol)

5.) During my childhood, tween years, and teen years I was abused and misused by various different male individuals (and one female). None of them were ever held responsible - for various different reasons, all which were out of my control and had nothing to do with me "not wanting to". Is it any wonder why I've been in therapy since I was 14 years old?!

6.) When I have had enough...or I'm overwhelmed with a situation etc I begin to twirl my hair at the crown of my head (something my neice - who happens to look a lot like me when I was her age also does) or pick at my fingernails.

7.) I have two collections of angels. One set is made of various Christmas themed angels. The other set is a set of collectors Josef birthday angels. My Granny gave me both. I got a Christmas angel every Christmas and a birthday angel every birthday.

8.) You can tell how bad my migraine and/or fibro is on any given day by which of my pets are following me around the house. If Cleo is following me around; it's pretty bad. If both, Cleo and Maggie are following me; then it's really bad.

9.) I wish I were neat and organized but my brain literally doesn't work that way. I've tried to force it; but I just don't know how to make it think and work that way.

10.) I have struggled with the first 9 for like the last hour and a half. But I give up on #10. Sorry; however, some of 1-9 are very deep and detailed scrap so that should make up for the lack of a #10. lol And since this is my blog and my 10 Honest Scraps, I say it does. So there! (How's that for maturity for ya? Yes, I'll be sure to bring that up with Mollie (my therapist) next week. :p lol)

Now I need to present the award to 10 fellow bloggers. In no particular order:

1. Ellyn at Profoundly Seth
2. Amber and Dee Dee at Our Micro Preemies
3. Dragon's Lair Designs
4. Cate at Show My Face
5. Cynthia K at Crumbs in the Minivan
6. The Masto Mama Chronicles
7. Trisha at Minivan Mayhem - The Postlewait Papers
8. Julie at Julie Olsen's Journey
9. Nikky at Pleasantly Chaotic
10. Latree at Dandelion

And now that I've followed all the rules that come with this award, I'm off to...find something else to do. Watch television with Rob. Blog. Post some pictures to the blog. Who knows.

Just an FYI: I started this post at like 8:30am on Monday 10/12/2009. I wasn't able to finish it thanks in part to children, sinus infections/migraines, chores, and life until 11:00pm Monday 10/12/2009. It is now 1:51pm Tuesday 10/13/2009 and I am editing it because I was rushed to finish it by the previous stated time for the previous stated reasons. Now I am happy with the finished product. I think...

Saturday 9: Lie to Me

1. Can you tell when someone is lying to you? With some people, I can. With others, I can't. It depends on: the person, the lie, and how well I know. Also how much I care whether or not I'm being lied to. Sometimes I just don't care.

2. Tell us about one of your flaws. Do you live with it or try to correct it? I tend to get tunnel vision and become very obsessed about things. Sometimes I live with it and sometimes I try and correct it. It all just depends on what I am obsessed with and why.

3. When was the last time you laughed hard and what struck you as funny? As sad as this sounds, I don't remember.

4. Tell us about a time when you should have tried harder. In high school. I should have gotten better grades and gone to college right out of high school.

5. If you won the lottery, what would you buy first? I will pay off all of our bills first - house, new car, utilities, credit cards - all of it, paid off.

6. What movie do you know every word to? Chicago & Twilight

7. What was the best thing that happened to you this week? Gavin had another amazing week. Rob was super understanding, compassionate and caring.

8. What was the worst thing that happened to you this week? More drama.

9. What do you think is the biggest difference between men and women? The ability to create children vs birth them. There are times I think we don't give men the credit they deserve. But then I change my mind because I'm a woman and I can. ;) lol

Human contact overload. Wanted: deserted island!

I don't ... understand some people. I don't ... understand how they can believe something so strongly one week and then when that clearly didn't work out well for them they change gears so completely. How does that work?

I don't ... understand how people claim to "know" what I am going to do next. And even though it hasn't happened, they still claim to "know" that it will. How do they know my mind better than I?

I don't ... understand when doing what is best for my family became the wrong thing to do. I knew that it wouldn't be the popular decision. I knew I would be making people unhappy. However, it was the same decision across the board for all. Yet, I was only judged by one. I don't ... understand.

I don't ... understand the new policy for "Health Care 'reform'". It just reads like a foreign language to me. Almost as if Obama doesn't want the American public to understand it.

I don't ... understand how Obama-Mamas trust most of what comes out of Obama's mouth. I'm aware this makes me unpopular in alot of crowds but it's how I feel.

I don't ... understand why all of my articles that I write lately keep coming out like high school term papers - overly-serious, pretensious crap.

I don't ... understand why the FDA keeps approving medications for fibromyalgia when they really doesn't work very well.

I don't ... understand why I'm so drawn to these "Lockdown", "Lockup" jail shows on National Geographic and MSNBC channels on television. Something about them simply fascinates me. I don't ... understand why.

All by myself!

I am so tickled that I have taught myself how to create HTML blog buttons! Now I have one for my blog. One for my Examiner.com Articles page. And one to link you to the OME sisterhood. I always thought these were super difficult to create and perhaps the really fancy ones are; but my easy ones are so much fun and easy to make! :)

YIPPEE!

I also have a bunch of stuff to update you about. After I finish my second article and get some other work done first. :)

I've got pretty awesome news but I don't want to share it yet because it's not quite final.

Emmett John is having his surgery to have his tubes placed on Thursday, Sept 10th.

I have to schedule to have an EMG on my lower body to try and determine why I'm having bi-lateral leg pain and numbness. Insurance wouldn't pay for the MRI but they'll pay for the torture. Jerks. Bright side, I can take 2 Xanax before the EMG, which will help since I'm beyond phobic when it comes to needles.

Gavin's first day of school is tomorrow. So we opted to stay home and lay low today. Nice and calm day.

I'm trying to get my new organizer all set up and filled in, which is taking much longer than it should because Mr. Emmett John keeps trying to help me. lol I figure once I get that done...His surgery (15 minutes) and recovery (about 12-24 hours at home) done...And my test done...I'll be back to my blogging self. Or maybe before that, who knows. ;) lol

Please pray that his surgery goes off without a hitch.

I just wanted to spend a few minutes with you and tell the world how I feel about you....

We have been together for 9 long years and been married for 6 short ones. I know that "long years" sounds bad but we have been through one trauma after another, year after year. Most couples wouldn't survive half of what you and I have been through together. There is just something about us that defies logic and statistics. We always joke that no one would have ever put us together because we are like oil and water.

I wanted to take this time to tell you in written words (I know how important written words are to you) how much you mean to me. These are my most treasured memories.... So far.

I remember the first time I met you (you know the first time I'm talking about) and I learned about some of what you had been through.

I remember I felt so sorry for you because no one deserves to be treated like that.

I remember after knowing you for only a brief moment, I felt proud of you because I realized you were NOT a victim.

I remember the first time I saw you at the park.

I remember our first kiss was at dusk standing in your Aunt Paula's porch.

I remember our first movie was Space Cowboy's.

I remember the first time we ate together was at M & H.

I remember the first time I met Gavin was at the park because we wanted to date for a little while before I met him.

I remember Gavin spilling his lemonade all over me that day.

I remember the fear I saw in your eyes as that happened because you thought I would be upset and walk away.

I remember us daring each other to say "I love you" because we were both to scared to be the first one to say it.

I remember parking the car in Rosemary's driveway and talking for hours and hours about nothing just to be together.

I remember you nursing me back to health both physically and emotionally after I destroyed my back on a call and decided to end my career as a Fire/Medic.

I remember your Grandma M taking me ( I was terrified of her at the time) to Burger King and telling me it was my turn to take care of you now.

I remember the worst day of your life and the pain in your eyes when you learned she passed away.

I remember that seeing you in so much pain was the first time my heart had ever truly been broken.

I remember asking you to marry me as we were walking to my car after I picked you up from school that sunny afternoon (if anyone is wondering she said yes).

I remember you being there for me on the worst day of my life, when I Grandma B passed away.

I remember our wedding day in North Cheerioville and dinner at Papa Bears after because we didn't want nor could we afford anything fancy and just wanted to be married.

I remember our honey moon at the cabin and you wearing your hooded jacket (looking like Kenny from South Park) in 90 F weather because you were hiding from the bugs.

I remember cutting it short and spending the next few days in the hospital because we both caught some freak virus.

I remember the day we found out you were pregnant with Elliott Richard and all the water you had to drink because I made you take like 6 tests just to be sure.

I remember the first time I heard his heart beat and yours together at the same time, amazing.

I remember witnessing Elliott Richard's birth and being so full of emotion and truly feeling what love was for the first time.

I remember standing there and looking at you in amazement because you created this perfect, tiny little child.

I remember a few minutes later begging God to take my life and spare our sweet Elliott Richard after he was born premature, both his lungs ruptured and we almost lost him.

I remember that was the longest 14 days of my life.

I remember we both felt so helpless not being able to touch him and seeing him in so much pain every day.

I remember being so afraid to leave to get food or sleep because we didn't want him to be alone if God was going to take him.

I remember that even though you had spent 6 months on bed rest and weeks in labor you were my rock and I was a complete mess.

I remember the first time you held him in the NICU, you looked so beautiful and at peace for the first time in a long while.

I remember learning you were pregnant with Emmett John and how excited we were.

I remember how much you taught me about courage and selflessness during the 8 months of bed rest leading the birth of our youngest miracle.

I remember having to be told over and over again how perfect he was when he was born because we were so scared something was going to happen.

I remember watching you hold Emmet John for the first time while I stood in awe of what you had just accomplished.

I remember the day we went to court and I finally after 8 years got to adopt Gavin.

I remember all the joy and pain that comes along with raising Gavin together.

I remember how fiercely you protected him and always do.

Now there are some things I would like you to remember.

Please remember the first time I saw you I knew you were the one. My soul mate. My penguin...

Please remember that you the strongest most beautiful woman I have ever met and I am truly honored to be your husband.

Please remember that I am completely and hopelessly in love with you.

Please remember that not a day goes by that I don't know how lucky I am to have you in my life.

Please remember that I am eternally grateful for ALL that you do for us even though you don't think it's enough.

Please remember that you are the glue that holds this family together.

Please remember that I will always, always be here for you...

Please remember that I would do ANYTHING to take your pain away.

Please remember that I am so sorry that I can't.

Please remember that I will forever be grateful that you read my email.

Please remember that I am also grateful you didn't listen to your cousin when she warned you about me saying I was a "Mac Daddy". Yes I am talking about you Sam :)


It seems like only yesterday and at the same time it feels like forever ago that we said I do. Does that even make sense? It's like time revolves around us.
Actually, time is meaningless for us because soul mates were created to be together no matter how long it takes to find each other, so time is irrelevant. I believe soul mates are like a circle with no beginning and no end. I know you are my soul mate.

I can't remember or imagine us not being together. That being said..... I have a question I have been meaning to ask you....


Scroll down.......For dramatic effect..




































































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Keep scrolling....































Your almost there.....











Ok here goes nothing......























Lizze I have loved you from the first day we met. Every day I find myself looking forward to spending the next day with you. You are the most amazing mother and the best wife I could have ever hoped for. You are truly so much more then I deserve...





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(Rob is getting really nervous)


















Keep scrolling....























(Rob takes a deep breath and gets down on one knee)










Elizabeth Ann Cheerio (name has been changed to protect the Cheerio family),

Will you do me the honor of marrying me......... again?

This time I want to take our time and do it right. I want to pick a church we are both comfortable and happy with. I want to be married in front of God and our family including those we have gained since the first time :)

I want us to have a new start. I want this to be when we finally put everything behind us and move forward together as a family. What do you say?


I will anxiously await your answer......


Your Loving Husband,

Rob

Thursday 13 ~ Reasons I Married Rob & Why I Love Him Still

1.) As corny and cheesey as I'm sure this will sound, it felt right. Granted, this was long before Twilight but he was my Edward. Once we met, I was drawn to him. Perhaps that's part of the reason why the Twilight series holds such a strong appeal for me. ;)

2.) The first time Rob and Gavin met, we went to the park. Keep in mind, this was before the "switch was flipped" and things with Gavin changed. Then we went to dinner at one of my favorite local places. While waiting for our food, Gavin dumped his cup of lemonade in Rob's khaki short wearing lap. It looked like Rob had peed himself. I was sure I would never see Rob again. Rob says that's the moment he fell in love with me.

3.) After the "switch was flipped" and things with the divorce became more difficult, I gave Rob the chance to leave. I offered him an "out". No hard feelings. I would understand. He stayed. Most men would have run. True love stays.

4.) He supports me. No matter what. Even when I don't support myself or my own dreams, there's Rob cheering me on.

5.) He finds the things in me endearing that most would try and quash. Like my love of office supplies. Or my obsession with books and the written word. Or the "battle" we have over which is better, technology or the books and the written word. Like the 100's of pens I have around the house. Or the journals and notebooks. My crazy taste in music and movies. Or how I will watch the same movie or read the same series (ahem, Twilight) repeatedly. He loves these things about me.

6.) I knew from his baby pictures that he was going to make some cute babies! ;)

7.) He's never once laughed at my phobias, ever. He holds my hand and strokes my hair when I have to get shots (needles). He takes care of me when MRI's are needed (small places). He's always there. He never laughs, no matter how silly they may seem to him.

8.) He gave up the fire department for us. I never asked him to do that. I never would have. That was his. His before we came along. And his for as long as he wanted it, I never hinted. Never thought. I knew that was his first love when we started dating and I was okay with that. When he quit; I knew how deep his commitment went.

9.) When my Granny died on Saturday, May 11th 2002, he took care of me for a week. He didn't push. He just loved me. If I hadn't had him and Gavin then, I wouldn't have made it through. He was there and that meant the world to me.

10.) When my world shattered that first weekend Gavin spent with them and I laid in his bed and cried. Paralyzed. Totally unable to move for two days. He slept on couch cushions upstairs so I didn't have to move before I was ready. He didn't push me then either. He was there. And I survived that too. With him.

11.) Every terrifying moment of my pregnancies with Elliott Richard and Emmett John, he was there. He gave me my shots; so I wouldn't have to give them to myself. He stood up for me. He cared for me. He slept on chairs when beds weren't available. He held my hand. He brought me food. He cried with me. Even when he had to go home to feed a dog or take a shower; he never left my side because he would call. From the road. As soon as he got home. Before he left.

12.) The worse my fibromyalgia becomes, the more they find wrong, the worse my health gets the more things falls upon Rob. More chores. More kids things. More "Mommy duties". I sleep more. I take more hot baths. I take more meds. I cry more. My life gets more difficult. His life gets more difficult. Still he doesn't leave. Still he loves me. Still he picks up the slack and keeps on chugging. He takes Gavin to his appointments. He takes me to mine. He naps when/if he can. And we all just keep moving forward. As one family. One unit. One marriage with 3 beautiful children.

13.) Look at my beautiful man over there ~~~~~~>

How can you not fall in love with that beautiful soul?!

If you would like to join in on the fun of Thursday 13 follow the links below.

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Happy 6th Anniversary my Wonderful Husband!

I love you so much! I truly couldn't do it without you!

OME Sorority for all Twilight women!

If you are a woman (25 years +) and love Twilight stop by OME and check it out! The ladies are great. The boards are great. The moderators are great. (Of course, I could be biased because I'm both a lady on the board and one of the moderators. :) lol) We have a blast. But don't take my word for it, come and check it out for yourself. ;)

Thursday 13 ~ Things I Cannot Live Without (in no particular order ~ really)

1.) Blank Composition Notebooks ~ I need these to keep my thoughts organized. Computers are great and all but I need these to brain storm and whatnot. I can't do that properly with a computer.

2.) Pens ~ Pens, pens glorious pens. Pens of all colors, shapes and sizes. I collect them. I love them. They just so happen to go hand in hand with #1. Funny how that works, huh?

3.) My cell phone ~ But not for the reasons you may be thinking. Sure I love to talk, mainly to Rob and Trisha. However, it also has a camera in it and it's the easiest thing to grab to catch those fun, silly, adorable moments with my boys, my man, my sister, my dog.

4.) My Zune ~ I admit I didn't want it at first. When Rob bought it for me, I was not happy. Sure, it's blue, my favorite color. Now that I have it and I've learned to use it (and it's only taken me like forever) I can't live without it. I listen to it in the tub, when I write, when I just need some "me time".

5.) My laptop ~ Okay, so it's not "mine" per se but for now, it is. And for now, I can't live without it. I couldn't blog without it. I couldn't keep up with Twilight web sites without it (yes, I'm that obsessed). I've made some great new friends all over the world (Hi Latree!) with my baby and that just wouldn't have been possible without her.

6.) Rob ~ Yes, he's my husband. Yes, our marriage is seriously stressed 99.9% of the time. Lately though, things have taken a pleasant turn for the better. Stress or not stress, things are looking up. Stress or no stress, I couldn't do this without him. I need him by my side. He is truly my better half. My in-laws did a fabulous job raising him and I don't want to go through life without him.

7.) Trisha ~ My big sister. I love her. I looked for her for 10 years. It took MySpace to help me find her. (lol) We are alot alike. Then again, we are totally different. Logically, I know that I spent most of my life without Trisha in it; however, emotionally I feel like she's always been there. Kind of like when you have your children, I can't remember life before I had a sister.

8.) My boys ~ All of my life all I've ever wanted was to be a mother. I always thought I wouldn't be fulfilled until I had a daughter. Then I had Mr. Emmett John. Now I know that I wasn't meant to have a daughter and I'm more than okay with that. I am the mother of three wonderful, adorable boys and I wouldn't have it any other way.

9.) Books ~ I love to read. If couldn't do anything else for amusement for the rest of my life, I would want to read. Hands down. Well, read and write...you know what, never mind...I do love books but I can't pick any one thing over another. I'm too selfish. ;)

10.) Reality television ~ Some people say that reality television is the downfall of mankind. It kills brain cells. Blah. Blah. Blah. Yahooie kablooie. Whatever. I say that reality television is the single greatest television invention in a really long time. It is perfect. It's fun and mindless and just...ah...perfect.

11.) Chocolate ~ Chocolate is the perfect food. Honestly, anyone who can find something wrong with chocolate needs to have their head examined because you clearly have deeper underlying issues. Unless of course you are allergic to chocolate, in which case, you have my deepest sympathies and you are, of course, exempt from my prior assessment.

12.) My Blog ~ I've made it very clear at numerous different points in my blog that I prefer the pen and paper journal to the internet blog. However, being the mother of three small boys does not allow the time for a pen and paper journal. Also my arthritis in my hands is preventing me from writing as often and as much as I would like, which makes the blogging much easier than the pen and paper journal. My blog keeps me sane. It makes me happy. I just love it.

13.) Sleep ~ I love to sleep. I miss sleep. With three small boys, sleep is something that is often difficult to come by. (Says the mother with a coughing 3 year old on her lap at 12:15am while she scrambles to try and finish this blog that was supposed to have posted 15 minutes ago. ;) lol)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!

Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants