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My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Bed Rest ~ Day 60

11:06:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 3 Comments »
Okay, so I've opened my Etsy store and I must admit I am really nervous about this. I'm terrifed that I'm going to end up like those poor people on American Idol. You know the one's that everyone just loves to laugh at in the beginning of every season. They go there and sing their hearts out. They suck and Simon always asks, "Do you honestly think you can sing?" At this point they always reply, "My friends and family said I'm an amazing singer! You just don't know talent when you hear it!" Now it's obvious to you, me and the dog or cat that this person couldn't carry a tune in bucket, however, they are convinced they are amazing because their friends and family said so. Now whether or not the friends and family are simply tone deaf or didn't have the heart to tell this person the truth, we'll never know. But I so desperately do not want to be that person! So I'm trusting that you, my friends and family, would not steer me wrong. :)

Other than that, things are pretty quiet around here. Gavin had a meltdown of massive proportions at Mom and Dad G's last night. Rob just happened to call during the meltdown and it was still going on 20-25 minutes later. It all started because Jenn and her boyfriend, Matt, had bought chinese for dinner and opted not to share. Which they are well within their rights to do. Especially since the last time they got chinese they offered to share with Gavin and he ate it all himself. Well Gavin didn't like this plan of not sharing so he lost it. Finally I had Jenn take over and do what Rob and I have to do. I affectionately call it "channeling our inner teenager". Simply put you have to throw as much attitude as he's dishing out right back at him. You have to get the head wobble and the finger waving and crossed arms going. Then you have to tell him, "We are SO NOT doing this. I'm not having it. It's just not happening." Sometimes it takes a few tries but he usually gets the point and stops. A lot of the time in situations like last night, he starts the fit because he thinks that the fit will get whoever has "wronged" him to give him what he wants. Last night, he got going and was simply building up steam to keep the fit going until Jenn and Matt caved. I'm very proud of them for not caving.

Poor Tiny has been suffering with one case of the hiccups after another for the past few days now. Tiny doesn't seem to mind them at first but after a while I think it gets to be annoying and he begins to take his frustration out on me and whichever organs happen to be within reach. lol They say that the hiccups help the baby's lungs to develop. I'm not sure if it works that way for my kids though. Elliott Richard had hiccups nearly 4 times a day nearly everyday toward the end of my pregnancy and his lungs were still premature. So who knows. Tiny is currently residing in the breech position. Head jammed up under the middle of my ribs and sitting on my poor cervix. At least it's harder to land kicks to the cerivx if he's sitting on it. lol

Well, I'm off to make some more cards and some gift tags for my Etsy store.

60 down ~ 75 to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 59 We are now OPEN FOR BUSINESS!

3:03:00 PM Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »
It's official I have my Etsy store up and running. WE ARE OPEN FOR BUSINESS! :) I only have a few cards listed so far but I'm going to get some more together and posted soon. I've also got a basic website up and running as well. Please check them out. Send the links on to your friends and family.

Etsy Store

My "Business" Website

59 down ~ 76 to go

Yay! I got tagged! :)

9:37:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
I never get tagged! I always end up just swiping these things and doing them anyway but no one ever actually picks me. Apple picked me! Apple picked me! :) Yes, I'm pregnant on bed rest and the little things make my day. lol Now on to the questions! :)

What I was doing ten years ago: Let's see...ten years ago would have been Friday, May 8, 1998. (Yes, I went back to see what day it actually fell on. lol) So I was still a senior in high school with 28 days (give or take) to graduation. Odds are I was in school finishing up those last few assignments. Oh and I believe that I was deciding during school that day that I would in fact go to my Senior Prom completely stag. I went by myself. Not with a group of single friends. Just me. And I had the absolute best time of my life. My dress was borrowed from my cousin Maddy and I was hot! Or so all my guy friends said. I had a lot of fun that day. Ah...good times. Good times. :)

Five things on my to-do list: "Bake a baby". Take potty breaks. Eat. Take my medications/get my injections. Make some cards.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire: I would buy a new house. Pay off my parents' house/buy them a new one. Pay off Rob's parents' house. Set up college funds for the boys. Donate to March of Dimes, Domestic Violence Shelter and Autism Speaks. Donate a large sum to Gavin's school. Pay off our bills. Go on a family friendly cruise. Spend some on Rob and the boys - fun stuff. Build a little "playhouse" sized place for me to create in and stock it with everything I could ever possibly want/need. I think that about covers it for now.

Three bad habits: Pop. Fast food. No exercise (even when I'm not on bed rest).

Five places I've lived: Um...there was a street in my hometown. A different street in my hometown. A third different street in my hometown. An apt in Hell. And my current home. (Sadly, I've only lived in two cities my entire life. Home and Hell. I prefer Home.)

Five jobs I've had: Mother. Wife. Sister. Daughter. Friend. (That's probably not what they meant but oh well. Those are the most important jobs I'll ever have. Period. But if you must have the standard answer here you are: Fuddruckers (bussing tables), Office Max (cashier), Staples (cashier/customer service/copy center), HH Gregg (cashier/customer service), Stark State College (Administrative Assistant to the Dean of Continuing Education) exciting huh?)

Tagged: Nikky, Julie, Slade, Jen, Merrilee

Busy day...

6:56:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
So I spent part of the day making cards. I made 9 thank you's - 6 for Kate and 3 to sell on my Etsy store. (More info about my Etsy store and website in another post.)

While I was buried in my card making supplies Annie came over for her "play date" with Elliott Richard. The jury is still out on how that went. Elliott had fun but at the same time I don't think he appreciated her scheduled/scripted play style. He's a more free spirit and he prefers to play with whatever seems amusing at the time. Understandablly she had things planned out to do because she only had a limited amount of time to play. Elliott had fun but didn't really seem to see the joy in her play style. She also brought him and Tiny 3 books a piece. They got: "Are you my mother?", "Go to bed!", "Shapes" (he picked this one because there is a ball on the cover), "Touch and Feel Baby Animals" (Elliott got a kick out of the different textures.), "If you're happy and you know it...", and "Bearenstine Bears and too much teasing". So by the time Tiny gets here, he and Elliott Richard will have quite the collection of books for story time. I'm excited because maybe then I won't get stuck reading the same book every night for months on end. :)

I took a little nap. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, Lizze! You lead such an exciting life!" lol I know. Some times it's too much even for me.

And now Rob and Elliott are playing hide-and-go-seek. Elliott doesn't quite understand how to play but he enjoys chasing Daddy while Daddy tries to hide. lol

Thank you for the heads up...

8:34:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 5 Comments »
However, I know that I've "slipped" and made reference to Tiny's sex. ;) Rob and I have told a few people on our own. And now that my mother is planning my sprinkle she has mentioned that unless I want everything in the neutral colors of green and yellow (which my sister Kate has assured me that the neutral clothes simply aren't as cute as the other stuff) I need to tell everyone Tiny's sex. But you can't expect me to just come out and say it can you?! ;) lol I mean where's the fun in that?! lol

So if you're burning to know Tiny's sex, start reading! It's mentioned a few different places - blogs, comments etc. There may even be a picture some where. But I'm not telling where! :) lol

Happy hunting!

29 weeks!

8:26:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
What Tiny is up to this week: If you’ve been feeling butterflies moving around in your belly, it’s not just your run-of-the-mill pre-birth performance anxiety. No, it’s your amazing baby with a case of the hiccups: a fairly common occurrence at this point resulting from practicing breathing for their big birthday. In addition, to getting a round of butterfly-like hiccups, your little swimmer has arduously managed to accumulate enough baby fat to account for nearly 3.5% of their overall body weight. Yeah, compared to we adults, it’s not a lot, but when they’re little like that—it’s certainly a healthy (and warming) accomplishment in its way. Another fantastic accomplishment: your baby's spleen is now in charge of hematopoiesis—the 10 dollar name for the process involved in building up certain important blood components. Another fantastic-accomplishment: your little monkey has been peeing into their amniotic sac for a little while now (this is why potty training takes a while) and if you didn’t know, actually swallows it along with the rest of the amniotic fluid. Although the concept is nasty, their urine is sterile and as part of the amniotic fluid base, is replaced several times throughout the day. So if you didn’t know before, now you can tell people, that yes, you drank your own urine—you were still in the womb, but nonetheless, you’ve been there.


Tiny has been getting the hiccups more and more frequently lately. Heck, when we were in L&D this past Saturday, he had them 3 different times! I'm glad to know it's tied to Tiny practicing breathing but I'm not sure how much good it does because Elliott Richard had them an average of 3-4 times a day and his lungs were still immature. I feel movement all the time now. I can also tell when Tiny's trying to get comfortable because I feel the sharp point of an elbow or a knee dragging across the inside of my belly. lol It kind of feels like if you were to bend your finger and drag your knuckle across your arm, only it happens on the inside of my belly. If that makes any sense. lol

Bed Rest ~ Day 58 Crazy Pregnancy Dreams

8:13:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Let the crazy pregnancy dreams begin. I know I've had a few pregnancy dreams up to this point, however, these are different.

When I was pregnant with Gavin I had a few of the "typical" pregnancy dreams where you leave the house without the baby, drive away with the baby in the carrier on top of the car...that sort of stuff. But the main dreams I had revolved around nursing. I would dream I had had him and was nursing him. These dreams would seem so real that I would wake up devasted when I realized it was all just a dream.

With Elliott Richard my dreams revolved around the "typical" pregnancy dreams with a few nursing dreams thrown in. Mainly though I had dreams about things going horriblly wrong with the pregnancy/labor & delivery because everything with his pregnancy was so crazy and stressful.

This time around I've had a few pregnancy dreams in the beginning. I don't remember what they were about but they've been pretty "vanilla". Mainly I've had "normal" dreams but I'm pregnant in all of them. So I'm dreaming that I'm going about life as usual (or at least what passes for "as usual" in my dreams) only I'm pregnant.

Last night was my first nursing dream so far. I was trying to nurse Tiny at every feeding while in the NICU and then they refused to allow me to take Tiny home until I could produce like 40 oz in addition to what I needed to produce every three hours for feedings! So basically the NICU wanted me to feed Tiny and then immediately following that feeding they wanted me to pump 40 additional ounces before they would release Tiny to come home. At one point I was just sobbing because I kept getting so close but they still refused to release him until I pumped 40 oz. It was so stressful!

58 down ~ 77 to go

9 down ~ 9 to go

8:39:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Lisa just left a few minutes ago. It was a nice little visit to break up my week. :) I can't say it enough, I just love her. Today was a nother painless injection. Although I'm sure it will hurt later. Tiny was sound asleep when Lisa tried to get his heartrate. We tried shaking my belly and poking but Tiny wasn't having any of it. Here are the stats for the week:

BP: 100/70
Tiny's Heartrate: 122 bpm

Bed Rest ~ Day 57

7:13:00 AM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I can't believe it's only Tuesday. I feel like it should be Thursday or Friday.

I'm grumpy today...for a lot of reasons. Some of those reasons are valid and a big deal. Some of those reasons are more of annoyances and the "icing on the cake". I guess this is my way of warning you. I'm going to do some updating but it will likely be heavily sprinkled with whining and pity parties. You have been warned. ;)

I'm still having the contractions/major irritablities every 20 minutes or so. I called Dr. D's office yesterday to make sure that I shouldn't be doing anything differently. The first nurse I talked to tried to reassure me but I persisted because I didn't feel comfortable with the answers I was getting. She finally said she'd talk to Dr. D and then she'd call me back. A few hours later Lori, one of my favorite of all Dr. D's nurses, called me back. She must have talked to me for 5-10 minutes. Answering my questions and just generally reassuring me. I felt so much better after talking to her. She didn't "poo-poo" me or blow me off at all. When I asked her if I should be doing anything differently at home or if there's anything more medically we can do. She said that we are doing everything medically we can right now. She said that there's a chance I may stay dilated to 1 cm for the rest of the pregnancy and I should try not to worry about it but she understands why I would. She said at home I should stay down more than I have been. She said to lay on my left side, push the fluids and only get up to use the bathroom. *sigh* At this point if staying down all day and only getting up to use the bathroom will keep Tiny inside, then that's what I'll do.

I also talked to her about the disaster that was PT last week. She confirmed that Dr. D had intended for them to just do heat and massage, however, she also agrees that going back at this point would be a horrible idea. So the only option I have for my back pain at this point are my pain meds. And while I hate the idea of taking those, the idea of my preterm labor getting worse from the stress caused by the pain is a bigger concern. So I'll take them.

It's only 8:26am and I already had to take my meds for my back. For some unknown reason (at least it's unknown to me) Elliott Richard decided that 3:00am was a good time to wake up. After a half an hour I was finally able to get him back to sleep. Only to have him wake up again at 4:30am and refuse to go back to sleep. Finally at 5:45am I gave up. I woke Rob up and told him that I was done. At some point last night while I was trying desperately to get Elliott Richard back to sleep, I feel asleep with my head at an odd angle on his bed. He didn't sleep. But for the briefest of moments, I did. Unfortunately, that tiny nap gave me a massive crick in my neck. Then I went and took a nice long hot shower.

I love hot showers. For that brief period, I couldn't feel the cramping and contractions. My back didn't hurt quite as bad. And I wasn't completely exhausted and overwhelmed. Sometimes I just wish I could hide in the shower and not worry about anything.

57 down ~ 78 to go
8 weeks down ~ 11 to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 55 L&D Update

11:46:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 4 Comments »
I tried to write this last night but I was just too exhausted. It wasn't happening, sorry.

The good news first: We're home! :) We got home last night at about 11:00pm. I was discharged from L&D at about 10:30pm but we had to go pick Elliott Richard up from Grandma and Grandpa G's. By the time I was discharged, I was exhausted, sore and had a migraine forming.

Now the run down...

We got there at about 8:00-ish, I think. Apparently there was some freak, "full-moon effect" going on last night because triage in L&D was packed! Lucky me, I ended up in one of the antepartum rooms (which are super nice by the way). I asked the nurse if I was in an actual L&D room and she said those were actually a little bigger than the room I was in, which was pretty big all on it's own. (I think Rob may have taken pictures but I'm not sure.)

They hooked me up to the monitors. Well, at least the nurse tried to hook us up. The monitor for my contractions was a piece of cake. However, Tiny was not in the mood to be monitored and kept "running" away. Shawn, my nurse, tried for 15-20 minutes before she gave up and asked another nurse to try. The second nurse tried for another 15-20 minutes before she gave up. They finally just opted to leave the monitor on my belly and catch Tiny's heartrate whenever they could. After they gave up, I shifted to get more comfortable and I was finally able to catch Tiny! (hahaha)

So they monitored me for about 2 and a half hours. Turns out that what I'm having aren't full blown contractions, however, they are bigger irritablities. (Irritablities are like muscle spasms in my uterus.) Then in between the stronger irritablities I was having a lot of tiny irritablities. They ran a few tests. I think they reran my fFN test, which was negative again. And I think they may have checked to make sure I'm not leaking fluid. I'm not. (Yay!) Then they checked to be sure that I'm not dilating. I didn't exactly fail but these irritablities are definitely doing something. Up to this point I've been "long, thick and closed", which is exactly what we want at 28 weeks pregnant. As of last night, I'm now a "fingertip dilated", which is more or less a centimeter dilated. While that's honestly not much and I could very well stay here for the rest of the pregnancy, it's scary for me because it means that while I'm not having full-blown contractions what I am having are actually slowly accomplishing something. (sigh)

In the end, they sent me home to continue what I've been doing. Take my Procardia. Stay off my feet. Rest as much as possible. And now I'm supposed to take my Darvocet as needed for the really painful contractions and general soreness.

Honestly, what getting to me at this point is the exhaustion and soreness. My whole stomach feels like I spent the past few days doing nothing but stomach crunches. It hurts to touch it. It hurts to leave it alone. It's just plain sore. And having a muscle (or a few muscles) constantly contracting is just physically exhausting.

L&D Stats:
BP: 100/65
Tiny's Heartrate: 139 bpm
My Pulse: 100 bpm

55 down ~ 80 to go

Here we go again...

7:22:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 4 Comments »
I called Dr. D's on-call nurse. Answered about a zillion questions. And now I'm waiting for Grandma and Grandpa G to come and pick up the boys. Off we go again. On the bright side, she did not poo-poo me. And if anything super bad should happen, at least we made it to 28 weeks.

Prayers much appreciated.

Bed Rest ~ Day 54

2:17:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
It's been a rocky weekend and it's only Saturday...that can't be good.

I've been having a lot of contractions over the past few days. I'm consistantly having at least 3/hr. Some of them aren't too bad but others HURT. I'm still torn between going in and being the "girl who cried labor" and not going in. At this point, I think I'll just wait it out. My biggest concern is that I'm absolutely exhausted. Not all of the contractions hurt but the act of having them round the clock like this, is physically exhausting. I'm not sleeping very well because of them. So I'm just exhausted.

I know more has happened. I can't remember it. I think I may just go take a nap and let Rob update you on everything later.

I will be sure to post if we decided to call/go in.

54 down ~ 81 to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 52

9:59:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 5 Comments »
I haven't blogged today. I haven't even been online today. I've been having a lot of pain and contractions today. My back is slightly better but not much. I just generally feel "off". I've been told to go in to L&D by friends. Rob is leaning that way. I'm concerned that I'm going to be dubbed the "girl who cried labor".

52 down ~ 83 to go

28 weeks/3rd Trimester - Yippee!!

4:51:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 3 Comments »


It's official! We've made it to 28 weeks! Tiny's survival rate has just gone up to 90% if birth were to take place today. Yay!!! I am also now officially in the 3rd Trimester!!! I feel as if we are in the home stretch now.

What Tiny is up to this week: You know how you’ve been feeling a bit like a barn with legs? Well, that feeling won’t subside before… well, you know, when you finally give birth. For the time being, you’ve got yourself a baby in the business of collecting fat and lots of it! In spite of the dubious joys of being a human-barn, this baby fat business is very serious and you’ve got to put up with it because it’s going to keep your little porker warm and healthy after birth. Other good stuff from inside: their eyes are doing lots of blinking this week because they’re now able to respond to light and dark. Also, their industrious little bone marrow is now a major construction site for developing red blood cells, while their super-cute adrenal glands are actually producing androgen and estrogen—which will stimulate your hormones to begin milk production. Can you say, “Moo?”


Tiny has been moving up a storm lately. Especially since I've been recovering from pneumonia. I think the change in my voice (it was super deep and wraspy) scared Tiny. When I would talk movements would stop, almost as if Tiny was confused by this new voice. lol I don't have any belly pictures for 26 or 27 weeks. I was just too sick and out of it. I kept trying to get them done but it was more effort than I had the energy for. I'm sure Tiny will understand someday. :)

Bed Rest ~ Day 51

4:13:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Today started out so nicely. Granted I had to literally drag myself out of bed because I've been so exhausted lately but other than that, a good morning.

I had my first (and last) physical therapy appointment today at 12:45pm. There is no way I will be doing that again. Even if I wanted to, I don't Rob would go for it. I thought I was going for heat and massage therapy...wrong! She did a basic exam (bend this way, stretch that way sort of thing), which I know she needed to do to get a baseline and whatnot. What I didn't expect was for it to hurt so badly. All I did was bend and touch my toes a few times, lean back a few times and a stretch 3x for 30 seconds. After I did the stretches she wanted me to get up and try this belt thing. I couldn't do it. I literally could not get off the table.

Now I have a high tolerance for pain but this was un-Godly. On that lovely scale of 1-10, my pain was way past 10. I just laid there and cried. She (the PT) wanted to get heat on it but it was a struggle for me to move. After rolling me on my side (at that point you could have ripped my arms off and I'm not sure I would have noticed), she was able to get the heat on my back. Then after a few minutes (I have no idea how long it was.), I was able to sit up. Then after sitting with the heat for a few minutes, I was finally able to get up.

That was 3 hours ago and I'm still in gobs of pain. I caved in and took a Darvocet and it's not even touching it. I have muscle relaxers but I'm hesitant to take them right now. Mainly because I've been having a lot of cramping with some contractions since the whole ordeal. I'm afraid if I take the muscle relaxer on top of the Darvocet that I'll be so out of it, I wouldn't be able to keep up with the contractions/cramping.

So no more PT for me. I'll have to find another way to cope with the pain for the rest of the pregnancy. *sigh* I have no idea what that other way to cope is, unless it's pain meds and muscle relaxers. Hopefully, Dr. D's office will call with some ideas.

51 down ~ 84 to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 50 Poking and Probing and Tests...Oh My!

1:48:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Ah...50 days down. Slowly but surely we're getting there. We'll be 28 weeks tomorrow. The "golden number"...I'm completely thrilled! I already told Rob that I want to celebrate tomorrow. :)

I had my bi-weekly appointment with Dr. D this morning. It was scheduled at 10:30 a.m. and I thought it would be an in-and-out kind of appointment. I was wrong. We didn't have to wait very long to be seen. Although it felt like ages because I had to pee so bad. (lol) The we went back and got the BP, measurements and whatnot out of the way. Chrissy, the nurse, asked if the new Nurse Practitioner, Rhonda, could come in and see me as well as Dr. D. I said that was fine. I really like her. She's very nice and friendly. I felt really comfortable talking to her, which is unusual for me. It usually takes me a while to get comfortable with medical professionals. (Trust issues and all that jazz.)

So we talked about my contractions and the bruised/sore feeling I've had the past few days. So we talked for a while and at first she was talking about how I wasn't having "true contractions". At that point Rob got a confused expression on his face and asked why they weren't "true contractions". So then we had the whole "preterm labor history" discussion blah blah blah. So she went and spoke with Dr. D and they decided to perform and NST just in case. While we were waiting for the NST machine to become available, Lori came in because she had realized that I was due for my fFN test. (Fun fun) So we did that. Dr. D checked to make sure I'm not dilating, which I'm not. (Yippee) Then it was time for the NST.

It took nearly 45 minutes to get the number of good movements we needed. Tiny has been sleeping all day (even after the graduation cake for breakfast!) and was not in the mood to play along and move. We tried poking my belly, shaking my belly and drinking lots of ice water. Nothing. In the end, we got enough movements and only a few contractions. So we were able to come home. We're just waiting on the results of the fFN test.

The Stats:
Tiny's Heartrate via Doppler: 127bpm
Tiny's Heartrate via NST: 133bpm
Weight: 178.5 lb
(Through fried chicken and a steady diet of graduation cake since Sunday, I was able to gain 3.5 of my 4 lost pounds back!)
Glucose Hell Results: 131
I PASSED! (Only just barely, 139 is apparently failing.)
Oh, and I'm thrilled to report that my appetite has finally returned! :) I have been eating us out of house and home since I woke up this morning. :) Yippee!

8 down ~ 10 to go

9:02:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Yet another 17P injection down. (Yippee!) Lisa just left a little bit a ago. It was nice to actually get to visit with her for a few minutes without having to worry about infecting her. :) All in all, it was a pretty painless visit. Seriously. The shot didn't hurt during or after, I fully expect that to change over time but for now I'm pain-free. The only hiccup was the fact that Tiny was sleeping, apparently very deeply, and unwilling to wake-up so long as we were trying. As soon as we gave up, he kicked a few times very strongly and then went back to sleep. Of course, I just ate a piece of graduation cake so it's only a matter of time before the conga line starts up. lol

BP: 100/70
Tiny's Heartrate: 120 bpm

Morning Update

9:35:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 5 Comments »
I just talked to Dr. D's office. *le sigh*

On the Bright Side
At this point I do not have to go in because I have an appointment tomorrow morning. They just told me to keep an eye on it all. Take a bath or shower. And generally rest most today.

On the Crappy End of Things
My Heparin has been increased to 10,000 units BID. That's an entire syringe thingie!!!! I asked if I had to relocate the site of the injections from my arms and she said I should be alternating between my arms and stomach (No freaking way!) or my arms and thighs. Thighs are still iffy but at least I have more fat there than my stomach at this point. Here let's use that crappy scale of 1-10 that I love so much to rate my freak-out factors...

Current shots in my arms: Freak-out factor of 5 (I hate it. It sucks. But I can turn away and close my eyes and "find my happy place".)
Current shots in my stomach: Freak-out factor of 15 (It terrifies me more than I can say.)
Current shots in my thighs: Freak-out factor of 8.5 (I was so freaked out and terrified that I almost puked. That is how bad my needle phobia is.)

On the list of Ultra-Mega-Super Crappy Things
We just learned that the new dose of Heparin (10,000 units in 1cc of fluid = 1 shot BID) that I need is persona-non-grata. Poof. Gone. None to be had. However, they do have 5,000 units in 1cc of fluid per vial, which means 2 shots to get what I should be getting in 1 shot. That means 4 shots per day!

I'm done at this point. Seriously. Stick a fork in me. I'm done. I want out. I want it to stop. I want to just be left alone with the rest of my pregnancy. No more shots. No more bed rest. No more meds. No more contractions. That's it. I can't take anymore. I've spend the morning crying and trying not to puke because of all of it. If the pharmacy calls and says that there is absolutely nothing that can be done to get around 4 shots per day, I will burst into tears. I was finally starting to get my appetite back. It's gone again. I don't even know that anything sounds good to eat at this point.

I just need a break. Why can't I catch a break? Just a tiny, little break.

Bed Rest ~ Day 49 Rambling, Disjointed Update

8:20:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Life is slowly returning to "normal". Meaning basically that I am slowly getting over my pneumonia. (But I'm still struggling a bit so please forgive the disjointed thought process of this blog. lol) Gavin is in school and will probably be returning to my mother's this evening. Rob is trying to fight off something similar to what I had. So far he appears to be winning the battle. (Prayers that he beats it quickly would be much appreciated because we really can't afford for Rob to get sick right now.) Other than that it's just life as usual here.

We are trying to find a rhythm and groove for our day-to-day lives. Obviously this is a struggle with Gavin involved to begin with. Then you throw in the bed rest, high risk pregnancy, Elliott Richard, my health, Rob's sanity and the new Spring season. Spring and fall are my favorite seasons because they are so beautiful. They are my least favorite seasons because they mean more housework. We are struggling to stay above water as it is and now we've got yard work to be done. Boys itching to go outside and play. A lilac bush that causes me horrible migraines right outside my window. The list just goes on and on.

Our neighbors have these beautiful landscaped yards that they keep up with meticulous efficiency. And I would love to have those yards but honestly, our lives simply do not afford us that luxury. I told Rob last night that we need to consider scaling down the flowers and whatnot that we do have to the simplest and most attractive option available and leave it at that. The easier the yard and yard work are for Rob...well, it's just one less thing he has to worry about.

In a few hours we have a company coming out to give us an estimate on 6x6ft white vinyl fencing for our yard. Gavin's MRDD SSA, Andrea, thinks she has found funding to get the fence paid for since Gavin is a runner. As soon as the door opens, he off for the car or into the street. Trying to get him to wait on the sidewalk is a complete impossibility at this point because when he grows bored he'll just take off. If one of our neighbors (the few he knows and we are friends with) happen to be outside, off he goes. Too bad she can't find funding to cover "The Leak". :(

Yesterday, was our sister Kate's college graduation. (Technically she's Rob's sister but I don't call them my sisters-in-law too often.) We didn't get to attend the graduation because of the bed rest. :( Kate said it was best that I didn't come though because apparently it was really hot! So while I'm sad and disappointed that I missed the ceremony, it's good that I didn't go. And I feel better knowing that Kate understands. After the ceremony we had a big family party for her at Mom & Dad G's. Rob and I went because I just transplanted myself onto their furniture for a few hours. :) It was so nice to get out of the house. Even if I was sitting in someone else's house. lol The food was delicious! (Fried chicken and pizza - yum!) The cake was even better! (Tiny definitely approved. lol) Overall, it was a pretty good day. (Minus the meltdowns from Gavin and whatnot - but I'm just not in the mood to focus on that at the moment.)

I think I may have overdone things though. Because I started to get this nagging "sore and bruised" feeling in my belly yesterday. Then last night I was having some pretty strong contractions with a lot of cervical pain even though they weren't consistent. Some of them woke me up clutching my belly. I have to call Dr. D in 15 minutes to find out my new Heparin dose anyway so I think I'll mention it then. I haven't had too many since I woke up but I woke up nauseous too, which is unusual. So who knows. Odds are they are going to want me to come in, which will throw Rob's whole day off. :(

49 down ~ 86 to go

Take Me Away......

9:44:00 AM Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
I am completely overwhelmed. I now have what Lizze and Elliott have/had (I feel like crap) and Gavin is driving me crazy.... He will not stop talking and repeating himself. He is picking on Elliott and not listening at all.
I made the mistake of getting a game for the 360 that Gavin and I could play together. The first time he was playing it he was doing fine with the game but then Elliott touched him. Gavin completely lost it and started screaming at him and swinging his elbows around in an attempt to make Elliott go away.
All Gavin will talk about is how he wants to play the game again. I told him he doesn't get to play games when he does things like that. He could have really hurt Elliott. Gavin is just not ready for video games, even the very simple ones...
I don't know what we are supposed do. Someone out there has to know what we are supposed to do.. All of our doctors and case workers keep telling us that we have already done so much more then most parents would have done so good advice is hard to come by. We need new ideas..

My huge concerns right now are:
1)Should we let Gavin and Elliott even play together (supervised of course).
2)How do we get through to Gavin???
3) How do we do any of this without feeling guilty.
4) Do we continue to fight Lizze's ex- mother and law to protect Gavin at the expense of the entire family???
5) If we don't let Gavin and Elliott play together how do we keep them separated?
6) How do we secure ourselves financially with all we have going on?????
7) How do we protect Gavin??
8) How do we protect Elliott and Tiny???
9) When do Lizze and myself get to take care of ourselves???
10) Are we trying hard enough, if not, what can we be doing better???

These are just s few of the things I worry about everyday...There probably isn't an answer to these questions....Gavin is melting down right now because he was digging in a hole in the wall with his fingers and Lizze told him to stop. Instead of stopping he just hid around the corner and did it again. She asked him a total of 4 times and finally sent him to his room... Now he is screaming and crying in his room... I am completely lost.....
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