Cheerio Confessions

Just for fun and because I find it mildly interesting here are the evolutions of my son's nicknames.

Gavin
Pregnancy: Munchkin Man
Infancy: Munchkin Man, Little Man, Punkin
Toddler/Preschool: Squishie (this came about sometime after seeing "Finding Nemo")
Early Childhood: Squishie Fishie (this came about after my mom found gummy fish candies called "Squishie Fishies")

Elliott Richard
Pregnancy: Marshmallow (what can I say, it seems stupid now but he looked like one of those tiny marshmallows at my 6w ultrasound)
Infancy: Twitterbug (to this day I have no idea where this came from, I was nursing him in the wee hours of the morning and I said it. It fit so it stuck.)
Toddler: Twitterbug and Boo-Boo (again, no idea where Boo-Boo came from)

Emmett John
Pregnancy: Ladybug (before we knew the sex) Tiny (after we found out)
Infancy: Tiny or Tiny Doodlebug (and for the record, doodlebugs are really ugly bugs but I just can't find another name that fits)

Okay, so both Rob and I have addressed the "shared parenting trainwreck" from our perspective stand points. And now it is time to move right along...onto more relevant happenings in our lives.




So we went expecting that Dr. H would say we hadn't seen anything on the Apnea Monitor so we could take it off. Thereby chalking the whole nightmare up to the stomach bug and vomitting as Dr. D (not the same Dr. D as my OB) had done. Wrong. When we asked how long Emmett John would need the Apnea Monitor his response was, "As long as neccessary to figure out what's going on." Okay, makes sense.


Please don't misunderstand me here. Obviously, if the monitor is what's best for Emmett at this point then that's what we'll do. Rob and I were just under the impression that they had sent him home with the monitor more to sooth my worried mind. So when Dr. H decided to go for the long haul it just took us by surprise.


Emmett has his first (?) appointment with the Apnea Clinic on September 23rd. At that point, Dr. D will have the info downloaded off his monitor and review it. She'll then discuss the findings with Dr. H and they'll decide what our next move will be.


Up until the past few days the only alarm we've received was the "loose lead" alarm, which happens whenever one of the leads pops off. Emmett John has become very talented at getting the wires between his toes and *POP* off goes a lead. lol

There are four different lights that we need to be concerned with (not
listed in order of importance):

1. The "Loose Lead" light - comes on whenever one or both of the leads has come
   loose or popped off altogether.


2. The "Bradycardia" light - comes on whenever Emmett John's heart rate drops
   below 80 bpm.


3. The "Tachycardia" light - comes on whenever his heart rate jumps above 220 bpm.


4. The "Apnea" light - comes on whenever he stops breathing for 20 seconds or
   more. (The monitor begins recording the episode when he stops breathing for 16 seconds but the light and alarm don't go off until 20 seconds has
   passed.)

Early Friday morning we were awoken by an alarm and I fully expected to see the "loose lead" light lit. Wrong. Imagine my surprise to find the "bradycardia" light lit. A few hours later, the same thing, his heart rate was dropping below 80 bpm.


Then yesterday the same thing again. Early in the morning we were awoken by the "bradycardia" light. Then while he and I was waiting in the drivethru at Walgreens for my prescriptions another alarm. Again I turned and looked expecting to see the "loose lead" light lit. This time it was the "apnea" light! Emmett John wasn't breathing! I was completely freaked out! His color was okay, from what I could see, but he wasn't picking it back up on his own. I started screaming his name and gently shaking him. (The people in the car next to me looked at me as if I was a lunatic.) And he started breathing again and the alarm shut off. I was shaking like a leaf. Emmett John simply went back to sleep as if nothing had happened. (Must be nice.)


Then last night Rob and I were talking while Emmett John slept and it happened all over again. The alarm went off. The "apnea" light went on. And again we had to gently shake him to get him to start breathing again. Luckily, we made it through the night last night without any alarms at all - "loose" or otherwise.


I had sincerely hoped to never see any of the lights lit except the "loose lead" light because there really isn't any way to avoid that one. I don't know what will happen on the 23rd now. We had hoped to go and have the info downloaded and learn that nothing had happened so everything was fine. I don't know if that will happen now.

I started this post at about 9:00 am before I finished it Rob, Elliott Richard, Emmett John and I ran out to the store. While we were out and about, Emmett John had 3 more apneic episodes in less than 20 minutes!!! Rob called Dr. H's office and spoke with a nurse. Dr. H then called us back. We are to report to the Apnea Clinic without an appointment at abour 1:00pm. They will download the info and determine if these are actual apneic episodes or something else. Then the apnea doctors will talk to Dr. H and figure out our next move.

Okay, so I've sat "idly" by and watched as this whole shared parenting thing has unfolded. I've read my husband's posts, now removed. I read all the comments that were posted. And now it is time for the Mama Bear to report for duty and squash this nonsense.

First, I feel for every husband/father that has been wrongfully judged by the courts. Obviously, I feel for them more than ever since I've been one of them for the past seven years. It isn't right that anyone - husband/father or wife/mother - is able to lie and manipulate the courts to do their bidding. Our justice system is supposed to be one of truth and justice. Unfortunately, in my experience truth and justice are rarely present in modern day courtrooms - civil, criminal or juvenile/family. Our system is perfectly flawed and often times the good slip through the cracks.

Second, I have no obligation to justify my life to anyone. I do not have to post the entire story. In fact, the very reason I do not post the story in its entirety is because a) I am currently involved in open litigation and b) to protect Gavin. I do not know you (you know who you are and you know if you are excluded in this) and therefore do not need your pity or sympathy.

Next, I tried to keep this whole legal snafu out of open court. I tried mediation. The mediator determined that my ex-husband and his mother were completely unwilling to mediate, which makes the process a moot point. You cannot negotiate with people who are unwilling to give. So please do not assume that because I am involved in open litigation that I chose to be there. I did not. I know that open legal battles are ultimately not in Gavin's best interests. However, as his mother it is my job and privilege to protect him. Unfortunately, that requires me to be involved in open litigation at this time. Such is life I'm afraid.

Also, I am not trying to alienate my son from his paternal biological family. Quite the contrary. When DCS was called (by Gavin's pediatrician) and thereby involved, my husband and I were investigated to determine if it was in fact a case of Parental Alienation. The final determination was that it was NOT Parental Alienation and in fact, we had done more than most to try and facilitate healthy contact and safe visits. When we say that they live 2 hours away; this is the truth. It is not an attempt to alienate them. In fact, while we do not enjoy the drive we are not the ones refusing to drive. They are. If you had gone back and read any of the past posts you would have learned that we had supervised visits setup here in Gavin's hometown (because it was determined by DCS and family court that they were unfit for anything more than supervised visits); however, they decided more than a year ago that they did not want to be supervised and were no longer willing to drive to see him. I had no part in this decision. And for the record, the supervision was put in place because of their actions and testimony in court - they did it to themselves. I had no part in it.

I have learned over the years that while some are meant to be doctors or lawyers; some are meant to be parents and some are not. My ex-husband most likely was not intended to be a parent; however, through actions and his own freewill this continues to be the case. When you say that "Fact is, men don't wake up one morning and say, "my wife and kid(s) need me, I'm outta here"." how would you know? Do you know every man, every father out there? No, you do not. The irony of the situation is that this is basically what my ex-husband did. When we were married he spent his time getting drunk, getting stoned, hanging out with friends, and most likely cheating on me. I spent my time taking care of Gavin.

Do you know where he was for Gavin's first birthday? No? I do. Out using.

Do you know where he was for Gavin's first Christmas? No again? I do. He was asleep on the couch. When I begged him to get up and watch Gavin open his gifts do you know what he told me? He said he didn't care and that he would see what Gavin got when he woke up.

What about Gavin's first word? First steps? That's right, he wasn't there.

Were you there the time my ex tried to put his fist through a table? No, you weren't. You didn't see that. Gavin and I did. Were you there with us while he pinned me to a door by my throat? No, you weren't. I was there. Gavin was there. We have the scars from it. You don't. So please, do not lump us in with your "evil mother/victimized father" group because the fact of the matter is that isn't us.

The fact of the matter is, you are simply generalizing to serve your own agenda. (I bet you didn't expect that I had friends who would come to my "rescue".) I do not know that it helped your cause. In fact, I'd be willing to say that it's hurt your cause because my friends defended me. Because I have people who love me and were unwilling to let your comments go. You know it's true what they say, word of mouth advertising can do more to hurt or help you than nearly every other type. How would you say your "advertising" was going now?

So there, now you know more of the back story. Do you feel better? Does it make things easier for you to spin? Does it bother you at all that what you claim to be fighting against - prejudice and unfairness - is exactly what you are perpetuating? Of course, I'm just the mother and not the father; so my injustice is irrelevant to you. Don't worry. You can justify it by saying "She must either be a really bad actor, or is experiencing the justice that is 99.9% reserved for men."? I'm truly sorry that men are victims of injustice.

I'm also sorry that women are abused and beaten and then victims of injustice as well. You won't stand up for them will you? I can't tell you how many "wife beaters" I've personally seen get away with their abuse. But don't you worry about us because we are strong and we will eventually come out on top. We don't need people like you.

So please, keep your ill-informed assumptions to yourself from now on. (After all, you know what they say about assuming...)You aren't doing your "cause" any favors and we certainly don't need your insanity around here.

This blog was started as a way for us to document our lives. This has been very therapeutic for us over the years. We are not writing to insight some type of riot or online warfare. We are not asking for anything. We write this for us. However it seems that there are a few ignorant people out there who can't keep their opinions to themselves. I would like to say that you quite obviously don't know how to read or you would know that this whole thing goes back 7 years. If you taken the time it took to post your comments and used that time to look back through our posts perhaps you would have realized there are details missing. This post was not meant for you. I was updating the people who have been following us for awhile and are familiar with what has been going on. I clearly said this was the "dime store version". If you had taken the time to read then you would know that everything that can be done has been done. You would know that the doctors and other professionals that were working for reunification have given up because not everyone likes to play by the rules. And just so you know, there is only one rule, Gavin comes first. You would know that not all families are the same. You erroneously lump everyone together in a very stereotypical fashion. Anyone with a thread of common sense would know that the system is not perfect. People slip through the cracks and yes, believe it or not there is corruption out there. I know that you don't like to admit that but in reality it is there whether you choose to see it or not. Honestly I don't even know why I am even dignifying you with a response but you have struck a nerve with me and I will speak my peace.

This blog, while public, is not intended for people like you to post cruel, arrogant and unintelligent responses simply to cause trouble or be hurtful. While we are grateful for you stopping by to peek into our lives we would appreciate it if you would TROLL somewhere else. This is in fact our actual life. I realise that it is difficult to believe but imagine what it is like for us to live it. While you may find this entertaining and an outlet for your obvious agenda we are all living through very difficult times. What we post here is true (believe me, at times I wish it wasn't)and while you are not privy to all the information, you will just have to accept that.
Did you even entertain the idea that this just may be really happening? Did you even stop to think that if this is really happening what our lives must be like? What Gavin's life must be like? If what's happening in our lives makes you that uncomfortable then please don't read about it.

I am sorry for whatever has happened to you in your life that has made you so angry and judgemental. However, we have done nothing to deserve your thoughtless comments. I quite honestly don't care whether you believe what you read here or not. We know what the truth is and that's all that matters. While I don't know you (anymore then you you know me)I do hope that your comments aren't a reflection of who you are as a person. I feel sorry for you and I truly hope your life improves and you can find something more fulfilling to do with your time.

We appreciate all the support we have received over the years and thank you all for your continued prayers. I also want to thank those of you that have defended us against these unwarranted attacks. We are proud to call you friends. I have never taken down a blogger comment or one of our posts before but I don't want this to get out of hand. We cling to this blog and I am more concerned with keeping it's integrity intact then entertaining the few that post comments looking to get attention. Let's move on and let them be.

Again I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They have made such a difference in our lives. We will always keep you in ours.

Thanks Again....

I've been thinking about calling Emmett John "Tiny Bubbles" because of the foam he's gotten so good at producing. There's even a song by Don Ho about "Tiny Bubbes"...how perfect!

Tiny Bubbles
words & music by Leon Pober
sung by Don Ho

Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
In the wine (in the wine)
Make me happy (make me happy)
Make me feel fine (make me feel fine)

Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
Make me warm all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna
Love you till the end of time

So here's to the golden moon
And here's to the silver sea
And mostly here's a toast
To you and me

So here's to the ginger lei
I give to you today
And here's a kiss
That will not fade away

Ah, true love and how it came to be...there are few things sweeter in life than a good love story. Don't you agree? Well, so do I. Here is the Story of how Rob and I met all those years ago. Then as a bonus, I'll tell you all of the ways we almost met and nearly did but didn't. :)

The Park (Coming Soon!)

The Fire (Coming Soon!)

The Engagement (Coming Soon!)

Our 1st Apartment (Coming Soon!)

I Do! (Coming Soon!)

Our Home (Coming Soon!)

***Bonus Content*** Coulda Been & Almost Was (Coming Soon!)

Our Support Teams

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As I'm writing these, it's occuring to me that there is a lot you guys don't know about me and my history. So as I feel the need. As I feel okay with it...I am going to share my story with you as well. Who I am. Where I've been. What I've been through. What I'm going through.

Crazy (Coming Soon!)

Nick (Coming Soon!)

What is PTSD?

PTSD to Me (Coming Soon!)

What is Fibromyalgia?

Fibromyalgia to Me (Coming Soon!)

Who I was/Who I wanted to be (Coming Soon!)

Who I am now (Coming Soon!)

*All of those old reruns of ''Full House" are suddenly funny again. (Even though you know they aren't.)

*Likewise, the Olsen twins are cute again. (Again, even though you know they aren't.)

*You fall asleep in mid-sentence while talking to your hubby.

*You can't seem to win a single game of solitaire because all of the cards look alike.

*That *thump* you felt on your chest was the hand holding your Hostess snack cake falling on its way to your mouth because you fell asleep in the middle of eating it.

*After looking everywhere for your lost keys you find them...In the freezer.

*After looking everywhere for your lost cell phone you find it... clipped to your jeans (that you are currently wearing). (Notice a theme here? lol)

*Remember all of those movies and television shows you watched with your hubby? Yeah, I didn't think so.

*Where you once needed a dark and completely quiet room in order to sleep...you now only need to be still for a few moments - sitting, standing, laying, walking...position is irrelevant.

*You're so tired and its been so long since you've slept that your body has forgotten how to fall and stay asleep. (My current state...)

***These are all very true and have happened to me at least once lately.***

I'm laying on the couch watching cheesy reality television with my Tiny little space heater on my chest. This child puts out more heat than most furnaces! Seriously. So it occurred to me tonight that I posted we were going home and then I just jumped into picture mode (because it's the easiest way for me to post anymore). So now that I've made good on my promise of pictures it's time for me to update on Emmett John.

First, allow me to take a moment to thank those of you who have been praying for my Tiny. He needs all the help he can get at this point. With that said, Emmett John is actually doing really well.

The Respiratory Therapist came to the hospital at about 5:30pm yesterday. She took about a half an hour to teach Rob and I how to use the Home Apnea Monitor. Once we learned about all the different lights and alarms I nursed Emmett John and we were released at around 6:30 pm.

On our way home we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. We had Emmett hooked up but opted to leave the monitor in the car since we would be with him. So of course, in keeping with the crappy luck this is our lives, he had an episode in the store but since he wasn't hooked up the monitor didn't record it. *sigh*

He's been hooked up from then on. We made it all night last night without any episodes and only one alarm because his leads came loose. (For a baby that doesn't sweat, these leads are sure sneaky and migrate really easily.) When we woke up I was freaked out at first because I had remembered the episodes but momentarily forgotten about the monitor so it scared me that he slept so well last night.

He made it most of the day without any issues too. Then this afternoon he was in his swing while I was updating some things on the blog. I heard him cough so I stopped and listened. Then I heard him cough again followed by gagging and choking. I can honestly say I haven't moved so fast in a very long time. I don't know how long the episode lasted. I know it was less than 20 seconds because the alarm didn't sound. I don't know if it was less than 16 seconds, which is the amount of time needed to trip the monitor to record. As horrible as I'm sure this sounds, I can only hope that the episode lasted at least 16 seconds so that Dr. H can see it and maybe find some answers. He sees Dr. H on Wednesday for his 2 month appointment so hopefully we'll know more then.

Other than that, he's had a pretty good day. As I write this, he's laying next to me on the couch trying to decide if he wants to smile and talk to me or fuss. Oops...sounds like he's chosen fuss. Gotta go.

These are pictures of Emmett John with his Apnea Monitor. Luckily, it's small enough that it's portable and easy to take every where he goes. I was worried that the pack part would be big and bulky like the Wallaby blanket box was.

We have our choice of two ways to use the monitor. We can keep it on him only when we have to leave him alone (ie in the swing, bouncy seat or while he sleeps). Or we can leave it on him all the time. Right now, I'm opting to leave it on all the time because I want to be sure that we catch whatever is going on. That way they can hopefully figure it out difinitively. Rather than stating what they "think it might be". As it is, we stopped at the grocery store yesterday on our way home from the hospital and decided to not use it since we would be with him. And of course, it happened while we were in the store. *sigh* So now he wears it all the time - except for bath time because that would be bad.

Mr. Emmett John and his monitor. The white one is on the right (white on right) and keeps track of his respirations. If he stops breathing for 16 seconds the monitor begins to record the episode. If he still isn't breathing after 20 seconds the alarm sounds. Believe me when I say that you can't miss this alarm. It hurts your ears and your head too for that matter. The black one is on the left (smoke over fire) and keeps track of his heartrate. If his heartrate drops below 80bpm or spikes above 220bpm the alarm will sound.

Emmett John checking out his new attachment. ;)

All dressed...can you find the wires? (Hint: They are not in his diaper. Wet diaper + electricity = super bad idea. And yes, the respiratory therapist said she tells everyone and she's had people actually question why it's a bad idea.)

Smiling Mr. Emmett John - he really doesn't seem to mind the wires too much. Although he is less than thrilled with the noise it makes. lol

More Brotherly Love

Emmett John (a.k.a. Captain Adorable) and his Rainbow

11lb. 13oz. of absolutely adorable chub and chunk!

Elliott Richard & Emmett John...Brotherly Love

Grandma & Pa-Pa G are on their way to pick-up Elliott Richard & Gavin so that Rob can come and pick Emmett John and I up. The Respiratory Therapist and our apnea monitor should be here in 1 hour at 5:30pm. After we learn how to use it...We are free to go! (Woo who!)

Our only medically related snag today is the fact that our insurance company apparently only pays for an apnea home monitor if the hospital staff witnesses an apnic episode. Since they haven't, insurance is fighting us. They'll pay for it in the end. And if they don't then I'll have a pretty hefty medical bill.

C'est la vie.

Elliott is ready for mommy and emmett to come home. He started cooking dinner.

Ah the joys of blogging from my phone...I accidentally sent the email/blog before I was finished.

Anyway. After using the monitor for a few days we will bring Emmett and monitor back in so they can download the information and review it. At that point Dr. H will decide if Emmett is okay or if he needs to be referred to the Apnea Clinic.

For now we are just hanging out. Emmett John is asleep on my shoulder. I'm watching reruns on bravo and having a pretty crappy day. (Lord knows I didn't have enough to worry about with Emmett in the hospital and having breathing issues - I need some family drama thrown in just for fun.) Thankfully, Emmett is doing really well.

Unfortunately, today is my cousin Sam's daughter, Sofia's 1st birthday party. I really wanted to go and take Elliott Richard and Emmett John. (Gavin and parties with large groups of people - especially with a lot of kids - don't mix well.) However, I obviously can't do that now that Emmett John is in the hospital and having health issues. Such is life the of a parent - so I know Sam will understand.

***Sorry we missed the fun, Sammers. I hope Sofia has a wonderful day. Happy 1st birthday Sofia!***

Honey,

Elliott and I are thinking of you guys.

Love Rob\Elliott

We're still here. Emmett John is doing well. He finally went back to sleep at about 6am, which allowed me tonal a few hours sleep...bringing my total grand to 3hrs! Woo who!

He hasn't had any more episodes of breathing issues. So the current plan of attack is to keep him until late afternoon, early evening. If during that time he still is incident- free they will discharge him with an apnea monitor.