My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

"Too Many Bunnies"

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First, I want to say a big THANK YOU to those of you who have been helping in my search for "Too Many Bunnies". There is another book by the same title, however, it's a different story line.

The book I'm looking for is about Benny the Bunny. Benny has lots of siblings and he gets upset because they won't allow him to play, so he goes looking for a new family. Eventually he returns home and all is right with the world.

Elliott Richard just loves this book. I think the rhythm of the story is soothing. But I think he likes the voices I make for the different friends Benny makes during his travels. :) lol

I'll look for our damaged copy to see who wrote it tomorrow morning. I know that it's an older book so maybe they've stopped printing it. :(

Thanks again for all the help though! :)

Bad little monkey...

9:19:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 2 Comments »
Yeah, so I've been a bad blogger today. It's just been me. In bed. Watching television. Hanging out with Elliott Richard. Same stuff, different day.

In terms of my preterm's been an okay day. I've had more contractions today than I've had the last few days. My siatic nerve is all bent out of shape today, which HURTS. I've had a migraine off and on...mostly off.

I'm just kind of...blech. I'm frustrated because Elliott Richard loves this book entitled "Too Many Bunnies". I can't remember who wrote it. We read it, to death. Literally. It's fallen apart and we've lost some of the pages. I figured I have a few dollars in a giftcard on and I would replace it. But NO! I can't. They don't have it. That's right, I said it. AMAZON.COM DOES NOT HAVE A BOOK I NEED/WANT! ARGH! I even googled it...NOTHING. I just want to replace his favorite book. I want to be able to read it to him again because the older he gets, the more he enjoys our story time. But I can't because I can't find it. :(

Bed Rest ~ Day 21

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I was making lunch for myself a little bit ago and I came up with this whole blog I was going to write. It was going to be one of those blogs that I wish I could write all the time. The light-hearted, funny, witty blogs that make our lives seem so much better than they really are. Then I read what my darling husband posted last night...I cried.

I wish there were something I could do for him. I'm sorry that he had to let his card go. I know that pain when you feel that a piece of you has been wrenched away and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Only I know it in a different way. I wish he didn't have to know that pain. It changes you, in the very core of who you are. I wish he didn't have the weight of our entire world on his shoulders. I wish there was something I could do to make it all better. He is my hero, especially right now. I know he hates to give me these injections but without him I would have to give them to myself. (I cannot describe to you the fear and panic just thinking about that brings to mind.) Even when he does the simple things in life (the dishes , the laundry, bathing Elliott Richard and putting him to bed), he is my hero. I try and tell him this but I don't think he believes me. He is though, he's my hero and without him I would be lost. Plain and simple.


6:48:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 3 Comments »
Today has been particularly rough for me. I feel like I am starting to crack. I am trying to take care of everyone and it's overwhelming to say the least.

Lizze has a new full time job and that is keeping Tiny in the oven as long as possible.... She was the glue that held us all together. Now that she is effectivly out of the picture for the next few monthes I have some big shoes to fill.

I am chasing after Elliott Richard all day long. He is into absolutely everything.. Lizze keeps trying to help which stresses me out even more because she shouldn't be. Gavin is, well, Gavin. In a perfect world Gavin alone would be overwhelming. I am trying to run a business so we can financially survive and stay on top of everything else. Business could be going better. We are in the time of year where the house's are just starting to go up again...Things will get busier this summer but I will have to sub all the punch out work out because Lizze will need me at home.

I am trying to focus my limited efforts on the computer repair and video processing side of our business because I can do that out of my home office. My Microsoft projects should start becoming available again in the coming months. I have been working for them for almost 10 years now and really enjoy it. My favorite is the Microsoft Office Accounting phase. I am really good at that and have recieved many awards for my work on that project. ***links removed to protect the family from crazies*** But over the past few years I haven't had as much time to dedicate to them as I would have liked. I have a feeling time will become harder to come by in the near future....

I just lost my medic card today. It expired on March 29, 2008. I have tried not to think about that because it is really depressing. Working as a medic was the only thing I had left from my career as a fire/medic. For those new here, I had an accident about 7 years ago while on a call. I destroyed my back and found out that I have degenerative disc through out my spine (not a good thing). I have been in constant pain since the accident. I have become used to it so I don't always notice it. However, it is always there, slowly eating away at me. I still managed to work as a medic for a few years after to take care of Lizze and Gavin but with everything we had going on it became to much. Next to being a husband and father it was the best job I'd ever had.
I have continued to keep my card up to date hoping maybe someday I would be able to use it but it is to expensive to renew this time around. I just can't justify spending $500 on something I may never use again.... I am really sad because it feels like a part of me has died...

I am really struggling to hold everything together...I can't remember anything anymore. The worst part of my day is having to give Lizze her injections. She is terrifed of needles and here I am injecting her twice a day. Her arms are all bruised up and I hate the fact that I did that to her. I know it's important but it doesn't make it any easier. She starts and ends her day with an injection. I really admire her strength and courage because she faces one of her biggest fears twice a day... She even tries to make me feel better about giving them to her.. Amazing, isn't she...

Elliott has his 2 year check up in the morning and guess what, he is getting several shots plus a finger prick to test for lead. I am not looking forward to that.

Gavin is going to Lizze's mother's for awhile. Between our parents they are going to carry the Gavin load for some time. This break is so crucial because the stress in the house is simply unbelievable. It's not in Gavin's best intrest to be here right now, nor is it in ours to have him here. So a big thanks go out to our parents.

I am done for now becasue my head is pounding and Lizze is due for her heprin injection at 8:00 pm. I have to get Elliott down and then I have dishes and laundry to do...

Please continue to pray for Lizze that she can make it through the next 115 days with as few complications and health risks as possible. Also for Tiny, Gavin and Elliott...
Sorry, if this didn't make sense but my head hurts and it pretty much made sense to me as I was typing. I am not meaning to complain about my responsiblity I just sometimes get ovrwhelmed like I seem to be today......Venting seems to help.....
Thanks 4 listening......

1:07:00 PM Edit This 3 Comments »
Cupcakes! Yum. That is all. :)

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Laptop is taking a dive. Rob is trying to revive it. That's why i'm mia most of today. No worries. :) <Lizze :)>

Bed Rest ~ Day 20 Recap of Day 19

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Okay so I promised updates last night but those just didn't happen. Sorry about that.

Everything is okay. About as good as can be expected at this point. I didn't sleep very well last night - combination of crazy dreams (that I can hardly remember and don't have a clue as to how I should describe them) and Elliott Richard not sleeping well because he kept kicking his blankets off. Now we're just snuggling and watching "The Upside Down Show". (I hate this show.)

Last night went pretty well. We still don't know what's going on but I was treated LOADS better this time around. The longest wait we had (besides lab work being processed) was for Transport to come and pick me up. The Transport chick was a little...odd. I think she was trying to lighten the mood and make me feel more comfortable with stories of women who had waited in the ER waiting area so long they were "clamping their legs together to keep the baby in". Not something a pregnant mother in preterm labor, with a history of preterm labor, really wants to hear but oh well. lol

The nurse whose tag line last week was "We'll be with you in a few minutes" was working again last night. She didn't help us. She actually didn't even look at us beyond the initial glance. I was registered and weighed. Once in my room, I had no sooner gotten in the gown and situated in bed before my nurse came in and introduced her self. She finished the whole registration process and hooked me up to the monitors and left. Only to return within five minutes with the doctor! *shock* Both my nurse and my resident were really, really nice. He checked me (still high and firm) and ordered some tests (blood work and all that good fun stuff). Rob and I hung out (hence the crappy picture of me in the previous post) for a while. The nurse brought me some ginger ale to drink (yum) and even said Rob could get me food (double yum)! :) So he went and got me one of the hamburgers the hospital makes. (I don't know why but I love these hamburgers!) Not long after my delicious hamburger the doctor came in and said he felt it was just "normal pregnancy stretching" and that most of my tests were normal. One of the tests was being held up in the lab and they didn't want to make me wait because it could take quite a while for it to come back. They took Rob's cell phone number and were going to call with the results no matter what they were. But Rob told the nurse we could go the "no news is good news" route, meaning she would only call if there was something wrong. (We haven't heard anything so all must be right with the world.)

I don't agree with that because by now I know what "normal pregnancy stretching" feels like. These cramps were directly tied to the backache. I only had the backache with the cramps...never one without the other. Granted they weren't timable or anything but they were regular and painful. All that matters though is that the cramps and backache weren't accomplishing anything in terms of dilation and whatnot. So I'll just stay down (surprise surprise) and talk to Dr. D about it at my appointment this week.

Once we were home, Rob set up my new Bed Rest Haven. And then Dad G brought Elliott Richard home with FOOD! (Yum) Once the living room was all rearranged, Elliott Richard was in bed and our tummies were full...I was too pooped to post. lol

I've got pictures to post but I need to upload them first. So they're coming...just give me a few. :)

20 down ~ 115 to go

6:46:00 PM Edit This 3 Comments »
We're coming home! Updates soon. <Lizze :)>


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We are waiting for test results. Everything is much better this time around. Updates later.

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On my way to l&d. Pray it's nothing big. <Lizze :)>

That's My Boy!!!!!!!!!

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Elliott is REALLY, REALLY into "Burnout Paradise" for the XBOX 360. I made him his own case so he didn't need to carry around the real one....

Bed Rest ~ Day 19

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Well, last night was interesting. I had really disturbing and upsetting dreams. I don't remember what they were about except it involved my family and I woke up feeling hurt and panicked.

I'm now on my couch. Trying to find a scrapbook so I can make a scrapbook of Gavin's ultrasound pictures and belly shots. The few belly shots I have left anyway. Thanks to certain people most of them were lost. I'm also having a lot of cramping with a dull low backache that comes and goes, which isn't good. The plan of attack is to lay on my left side, drink nauseating amounts of water and eat lunch. Hopefully by then this will have passed and I won't need to call in. However, if I need to call in they are going to make me go in at least I won't starve while I'm there.

I'll keep you updated and with any luck I'll be able to post the blog I had planned. ;)

19 down ~ 116 to go

I made this for Elliott's 1st Birthday......Just Found It...Again.

5:42:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
I (meaning Rob) made this for Elliott's first birthday. I thought we lost it with our last lightning strike (we have been hit twice in three years)this past summer. I just found it and thought I would share. I didn't make a new one for this year because we weren't able to celebrate his birthday do to current circumstances....

***While I appreciate the fact that everyone finds me so creative and this slideshow so moving (it is), I can't take any of the credit. I grew the subject (Elliott Richard) but Rob did the whole slideshow himself.***

I *heart* surprises!

3:19:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
With the exception of the migraine that would not quit, today has been a pretty good day.

I made some popcorn last night but couldn't stomach it, so I spread it around outside this morning for the squirrels. Now I've got squirrels, robins and all sorts of other birds as visitors. :)

Then I'm sitting here, working on a cross stitch project when UPS pulls up. I didn't think anything of it at first because my neighbors often get packages but then he came to my house! Rob went and got the package for me because we were thinking it was for him. The only packages I ever get are when I beta test something and I'm not involved in any betas right now.

Turns out the package was for me! :) Inside was a pregnancy journal!

I *heart* journals! I already have a pregnancy calendar and journal for Tiny. Now I have another one! :) Yay!

Well I'm off to start my new journal. :)

Bed Rest ~ Day 18 My Lil' Contry Bumpkin

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I am a country girl. My Granny was born and raised in Oklahoma. She was a country girl through and through. As I explained here, I was extremely close to my Granny. I am a child of hippy parents with strong southern influences in my upbringing. And people wonder how I ended up so far outside the box?! lol There hasn't been a box made that can hold me! hahahaha

But I digress. My children have always shown a love for music from the get-go. I give birth to "dancers". ;) lol

Gavin's favorite song was Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle". His favorite group was Dixie Chicks. If he wasn't very active, I could play Dixie Chicks and be rewarded with some "dancing".

Elliott Richard's favorite song was Christina Aguilera's "Can't Hold Us Down". (Notice a pattern here? lol) But really any Christina Aguilera song would do. He wasn't picky.

I think their love of Christina is what laid the ground work for them to have similar music tastes with Rob. Rob likes rock, 80's...basically all things with a strong beat and then country. I'm the opposite. I love country. I would listen to country and bluegrass and jazz all day. (Sadly I am alone in my love of jazz.) I like select songs from other genres but I am a country girl at heart, through and through. I even have a country accent on certain words and phrases. (frog = frawg etc)

Well it would seem that Tiny is a little more like me than the rest. ('Bout time!) I played Christina for him this morning fully expecting the pattern to continue. Nope. Tiny was quiet. There were a few bomp, bomp, bomps but no "dancing". Next I tried Rascal Flatts. (I heart Rascal Flatts!) Ladies and gents, we've got dancing! HAHA I'm no longer the only "country bumpkin" in the family! :)

Bed Rest ~ Day 18 Introductions

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I was in a bit of a pretty major funk last night. I had just reached that point where it's all just too much. The shots. The appointments. The bed rest. My funk was so deep that I was getting irritated because Tiny wanted to show off the latest gymnastic moves and that was preventing me from slipping into a coma-like sleep. Rob went and got some Taco Bell, which I had been craving to try and pull me out of it. It just wasn't happening. So I went to bed and tried to sleep it off. (The food seemed to have lulled Tiny into a food coma. lol)

I dreamt of my Granny last night. She died on May 11, 2002. That's the day that I changed forever. But that's another post. I used to dream of her often after she died. As the years have passed I haven't had as my visits from her. This may sound crazy, or maybe it won't, either way it's what I believe so :p on you! lol I believe that my Granny visits me in my dreams. I've had visits from other family members as well. But my Granny is my only steady visitor.

I had dreams of my Grandpa C, my Mom's dad, throughout my entire pregnancy with Gavin. This is significant (to me at least) for a few reasons. First, I had never dreamt of him before that time and I have yet to dream of him since Gavin's birth. Second, Gavin was born the day before my Grandpa C's birthday. Third, I was working at Staples while pregnant with Gavin and I had a customer come in one day who could have been Grandpa C's clone. No joke. I looked as if someone had plucked this man straight out of a picture I've seen of my Grandpa. Every where I turned during that pregnancy, my Grandpa C was there. Again, this has not happened since.

The last visit from my Granny I remember vividly was just after Elliott Richard was born. I dreamt the family had a big cookout/reunion (something her side of the family has every summer for the 4th). At that reunion I was able to introduce her to the great-grandson she had never had the chance to meet (on Earth anyway). She was able to hold him and kiss him. And I felt better having had that opportunity. (Writing this is causing me to get all teary eyed.)

My Granny was a huge influence on my life growing up. I was convinced that the sun rose and set with her. She was only about 5 feet tall but her personality was so much larger! She loved life. She was creative and compassionate. I don't think she ever missed one of my swim meets or gymnastics meets or major life events, even if they were hours away. I was (and still am to this day) her only grand-daughter.

I am struggling to find words that adequately describe her and the emotions tied to her. All I can say is when she died, I was forever changed. There was honestly a moment when I thought the pain of her death was going to drown me. Someday I still feel like that.

So when I am given the opportunity to "spent some time with her" via my dreams...that marks the beginning of a good morning.

Last night I dreamt of her again. She picked me up and took me shopping for things I would need and want while on bed rest. She bought me gobs of snacks, some slippers that looked like tennis shoes (I used to have some of these but I wore them out.) and a bunch of puzzles and doo-dads to help keep me busy. Then she took my mom and I out to lunch. We all sat around the table and chatted up a storm while we ate. When we were finished Tiny was going crazy, just moving and grooving like mad. Which gave me the opportunity to have my Granny feel the movement. I woke up feeling much better and at peace with everything. The funk was gone.

I miss my Granny, every day. But I miss her most during major life moments such as these.

18 down ~ 117 to go

God, Autism, Anger...Oh My!

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So I have a counter on my blog that will tell me if and when people stumble upon my blog through search engines. Usually Google is the search engine that brings the most people in. Well apparently today a Google search led someone to my blog. This is what they searched for:

03/27/08 10:54:12
how to stop being angry at God for gaving me an autistic child (Google)

Now for me, this brings about a mix of thoughts and feelings.

Am I angry with God because Gavin is Autistic? At times, yes I am. I wonder why our little boy was taken from us. Why he was so perfect and developmentally on target (for the most part) and then *BAM* he was gone. I wonder why God thinks I can handle so darn much. I guess maybe I question God more than I'm angry with him. Although I don't know that questioning him is any better.

Do I habor angry or hatred toward God for the challenges he's place before me? No. Again, it would be nice if he didn't have quite so much faith in me and my abilities to handle stuff. But I'm not angry for the challenges I've endured. Those challenges have made me who I am and while I may not always be happy with who I've become; for the most part I'm pretty comfortable with who I've become.

If given the chance to change it all, would I? Depends. There are certain things that I did out of ignorance (signing my divorce decree without asking more questions, blindly trusting attorneys because I thought they knew better etc) that I would change if given the chance. There are things that I did and I knew in my gut at that moment were the wrong choices for me to make (saying "I do" to Nick being a HUGE one). Those I would change if I could. But to change it all? If it has to be an all or nothing choice, I choose to leave it alone. There's no way for me to know what I would loose by changing things. That's not a risk I'm willing to take.

Now, please understand that simply because I am not angry with God because Gavin is gone does not in any way shape or form mean others should not be angry. Anger is part of the healing process. I've been angry. I'll be angry again, I'm sure. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. Everyone has to deal with this situation and process in their own way. Whatever that may be.

For the most part, I'm not angry with him for Gavin's Autism because I don't know what he has in store for us later. I don't know why he placed this angel in our lives. But I'll struggle and muddle my way through until we figure it out.

Bed Rest ~ Day 17 Check it out!

3:53:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 3 Comments »
Okay so I woke up this morning with a migraine. I took my meds and then took a nap. And guess what! Yup, I woke up from my nap with another migraine. I just can't win today! lol

Well ladies and gents it's that time again. I've found some new blogs that I just love love love! So that means I feel a desire to introduce you. I urge you (very strongly) to click the links and check them out! :) Without further ado...

London McCalling ~ Shannon, Matt (her dh), Waverly (I just adore this name!) and Oliver are all from the US but have relocated to London, England when Matt was offered a job (possibly transferred). What began as a blog about their new lives in London has also become a blog about the family's struggle to find a diagnosis for Waverly and to ultimately cope with the diagnosis and how it effects them all as a family.

Friday, March 21, 2008
We Have A Diagnosis
Waverly has mucopolysaccharidoses (MPS), specifically it is known as MPS III or Sanfilippo Syndrome. Even though we have been waiting anxiously for a diagnosis, nothing could have prepared us for this devastating news. I am not emotionally or physically capable of writing more at the moment. Here is a link for further information:

I went back yesterday and read her blog from beginning to end. Her family is beautiful and I feel for her during her struggle to find and cope with a diagnosis for Waverly because we've been in a similar situation with Gavin for the past 7 years.

What the heck was I thinking?! ~ This is Nikky's blog. Nikky is married to Chris, a military officer currently stationed in Texas (I have a huge soft spot for those serving in the military but that's another blog.), and currently pregnant with their first child.

February 06, 2008

Transitioning from Myspace to the Open Waters of the Net
11:57:00 AM
Blogging on Myspace is easy. No one reads them. Ever. Well that is unless you have friends who seem to hang on every written word you write. What the heck could I possibly say that is that freaking important?! Nothing that I know of!!

Mostly I have ranted about my trials and tribulations of infertility, the continuing shifting waters called community college, my periodic rants about people I find incredibly stupid (like my recent rant about a cult-like "church" from Kansas). Although I have raved about incredibly brave people (men and women serving in the military) and an outstanding group of people who I recently had the privilege of seeing
The Patriot Guard Riders. I am not going to say that some of my ranting (and raving too) has not been without some controversy. (I know there are at least 3 people who will read this, roll their eyes and laugh)

So, here I go. Making my world wide web debut into blogging. No flameing (at least no real live flames) please.

Nikky is another due date buddy that I have found with God's help through blogs. Her original due date was July 25th (two days after me) but has recently been moved to July 18th (just as great a day since it happens to be MY birthday! lol). She is currently a college student working to find a balance between her roles as wife, student and mother-to-be. Her blog strikes me partly because we are "due date buddies" but also because we seem to have similar personalities. Plus she's just cool. :)

There now you have been formally introduced. So...Go! Read! Comment! :)

17 down ~ 118 to go

I got a second to update......

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Today has been consistent with just about everything. Gavin is REALLY struggling right now. We are pulling our hair out trying to figure out what to do. Lizze and I are both extremely sleep deprived. I have been up with Elliott on and off since 1:30 this morning. I fear this is all starting to effect him. I can see how he is effected by all of this despite what others might say. Elliott Richard is effected by this......

Today has been rough because Elliott really wants to hang out with Gavin and Gavin wants nothing to do with him most of the time. It's heart breaking because Elliott just looks so devastated by that.

We have an emergency appointment with Dr. R's nurse practitioner in the morning. We have to do something to help Gavin find his way out of this. Hopefully we can adjust some meds and that's all it will take. School starts back up on Monday and at the rate he is going it will be a complete disaster.....

Gavin is really upset now because his Grandma M. refuses to see him. He hasn't seen her or his father (and I use that term loosely) in almost 9 months and he really misses them. We used to make excuses for why they did the things they did. We don't cover for them anymore. We tell Gavin that "Grandma M. and his daddy are both adults and we cannot make them do anything". We tell him that "he has done nothing wrong but sometimes grown-ups can do things that make us sad even though they loves us".

We know he is better off never seeing them again. However, it's important to him and therefore important to us. The contact will always need to be supervised in a controlled environment because neither one can be trusted and Gavin needs to feel safe. But outside of that we completely support Gavin's desire to see them.

She is currently refusing to see him on "principle". Real world translation: "She will only see on her terms because supervised visits are benegth her". His father has simply disappeared. That for me is very sad. I can honestly say if I were in her shoes I would do whatever it takes to see my kids or grand kids. I would cross ocean's, climb mountains and certianly drive 2 hours even if I could only see them a few minutes...YOU DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SEE YOUR KIDS..I just don't understand people.......

Well that is my rant for now. I had to stop typing for a little bit because Gavin was going after Elliott. Everything is ok. Gavin was freaking out because Elliott brushed against his hair....I am so tired... I'm sure Lizze will be posting later......

Thanks for listening.......

Today is a day of processing...

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I've been thinking a lot today. Let's face it, there's not much more for me to do anymore. Plus when I have to take my migraine meds, well, they tend to get me thinking and feeling chatty. I don't know why. Anywho...While I've been thinking I've been trying to process some Tiny related stuff.

I am 23 weeks and 1 day pregnant. My pregnancy is considered a "high risk" pregnancy. That means the risk to myself and Tiny is greater than found in a "typical" pregnancy. I am currently considered in preterm labor. I am on medications and bed rest to try and fight the preterm labor and allow me to make it full term. It is questionable as to whether or not I will make it full term. Here are an estimates of Tiny's chances for survival:

23 weeks ~ 17% (10% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
24 weeks ~ 44% (40% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
25 weeks ~ 61% (50% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
26 weeks ~ 72% (60% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
27 weeks ~ 72% (70% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
28 weeks ~ 85% (80% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
29 weeks ~ 88% (90% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)
30+ weeks ~ >94% (100% chance at life w/o any prematurity related disabilities)

So if I were to give birth to Tiny tomorrow there would be a 17% chance of survival. That means there is a 83% chance that Tiny will not live. Also they wouldn't use heroic measures because the age of viability is 24 weeks in the state of Ohio. Although I just did a bit of research and found that in the state of Ohio the age of viability is actually 20 weeks although this is not often the "practiced" age, meaning that technically they can sometimes assist a fetus in survival at 20 weeks but the odds are less than 1% depending on the size and weight of the fetus at birth.

There seems to be some confusion among family and friends as to the exact nature of our current situation. Allow me to try and clear that confusion up.

My pregnancy is a gift from God and a blessing, I have no doubt of this. However, my pregnancy is also in a constant state of...shall we say crisis. At any given moment the medications could stop working and my preterm labor could reach a point where it can't be stopped. At 23 weeks it's, unfortunately, all but guaranteed that Tiny will not survive. And if Tiny did survive, survival isn't any kind of promise of a quality of life.

Some feel we are being overly cautious or "making a big deal out of nothing". I assure you, that is not the case. I may be in a state of "constant vigilance" but that is simply because I am currently the only one who can speak as Tiny's advocate. No one else knows exactly what is going on physically with us. And I tend to feel that it's better to be safe than sorry. I would much rather find out I have an infection or what have you before hearing that I'm in preterm labor or my water has broken. However, I would never forgive myself if I didn't go and get these things checked out, only to discover later that I was right and we lost Tiny because I didn't speak up.

Just wanted to share this.....Some Quiet Moments....

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Elliott and I hiding out in our "Man Cave".. We both fell asleep yesterday and Lizze apparently snapped a picture...when she should have been laying down :)

Elliott playing XBOX with his daddy...He is so darn cute....

We'll be with you in a few minutes...Part Deux

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Okay, so I posted yesterday about my disasterous trip to L&D on Monday. Well, Rob and I thought long and hard and finally decided to call a family friend who works for the hospital I was at on Monday. He is upper Administration and he was unhappy but he isn't involved in the medical aspect so he referred me to the Clinical VP of the Maternity Unit. She called us literally 5 minutes after I got off the phone with the upper Admin.

Rob spoke with her for nearly a half an hour. Just telling her everything that had happened on Monday. She was appauled! She just kept apologizing and saying "that never should have happened". In the end she urged us to call Dr. D first thing this morning because she wasn't comfortable with the treatment I received. She said that she would take care of the nurses but "The Man-Handler" is someone else problem. She promised to call that person and have "The Man-Handler" dealt with.

Now I'm not looking to get anyone in trouble. However, "The Man-Handler" has no business treating OB patients. Especially not high risk OB patients in preterm labor. I firmly believe that her man-handling is a big part of the reason that my preterm labor has gotten so much worse over the past few days. The fact that she blantantly didn't agree with either my preterm labor diagnosis or the treatment prescribed by Dr. D just goes to show me how little experience she has as an OB. I just pray that it's a rotation and not her career path of choice.

So I posted earlier that I was waiting for a nurse to call me back from Dr. D's office. She called me back and we spoke for a while. Basically Rob and I covered the whole drama from Monday. The nurse was horrified. She took the information down and called Dr. D and spoke with Kelli, the NP (nurse practioner) and called me back. Dr. D wanted me seen today so an appointment was made with Kelli for 1:30pm.

Here are the stats:

Weight: 172 lb.
Tiny's HB: 137 bpm

We got there at 1:30pm. Saw the nurse at 1:45pm. Talked to her and she took me over to another room for a NST (non-stress test), which a test that monitors for contractions, fetal heartrate and fetal movement. It basically is to see how Tiny handles the contractions. We couldn't get Tiny to play along with the heartrate monitor so we just went with the contraction monitor without the other two.

The test began at 1:55pm. I had a contraction #1 at 2:05pm, which I felt but it wasn't nearly as bad as some of them. Nurse comes in, "Oh...look at that. Let's see what happens next." (Like I'm some sort of science experiment! lol) Then at 2:14pm I had contraction #2, again not nearly as bad as some of them. Nurse comes in sees #2 and dahses out for NP. NP and nurse return and rip strip and dash back out together. They left to call Dr. D. A new nurse comes in and takes me to an exam room saying, "We need to run some tests." (Grrreeeeat.)

They performed an fFN test and the litmus test to see if I am leaking fluid. I'm thrilled to report that BOTH tests came back NEGATIVE! (Yay!) That means I am NOT leaking fluid and that I will most likely NOT go into full-fledged labor in the next 14 days. (Woo whoo!) Then they left to call Dr. D because they wanted to discuss admitting me to the hospital. (Fantastic.) He was still at the hospital performing c-sections. This was at about 2:30pm. At 3:00pm Dr. D called but had to hang up quickly because he was needed in an emergency c-section. Finally at 4:00pm he called back said that since my fFN was negative I could come home but I had to "stay down".

So now I'm home. I still have an ultrasound scheduled for next week and appointment immediately after the ultrasound. I'm still having gobs of contractions and they made me promise I would call if things got worse or anything changed.

I feel bad about calling our family friend in Admin at the hospital but then again, I don't. If we hadn't called, we would have taken Monday at face value and not called Dr. D. And who knows what would have changed between now and next week if I'm already contracting every 10 minutes! God's timing is certainly perfect. The even crazier thing is that I don't make phone calls like that. Ask Rob. I don't complain to higher-ups. I don't "get people in trouble". I am one of those people who swallows the ill treatment and learns from it for next time. So the fact that I made that phone call in the first perfect timing.

Another Day......

8:20:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Yet another day has come and is about to go......I spent all morning trying to keep Gavin from melting down and keeping Lizze as comfortable as possible. I am so tired anymore, I can't even begin to explain...Gavin is honestly sucking the life right out of me. I just can't keep up with everything anymore.

I met with Pattie last night and we were discussing where Gavin is and where he is heading. He is in another manic phase right now. He is once again losing touch with reality. It becomes more and more apparent with each passing day just how much he is struggling... I have spent the last seven years of my life fighting for his safety and protection in court along with my wife. I have given him everything I have and it just isn't enough.

Now I have Elliott who needs my undivided attention. Lizze is on even more restrictions and her problems are getting worse every day. Tiny is just along for the ride at this point and in order to protect Tiny I have to keep Lizze safe and comfortable and STRESS FREE.

I am finding that it just doesn't seem possible to keep everyone safe and happy anymore.

Gavin loves Elliott but most of the time can't stand to be around him because Elliott is loud and very active and Gavin gets frustrated and Elliott ends up getting knocked over and pushed around. I can't allow this to happen. But at the same time I feel terrible sending Gavin to his room all the time but what else is there to do? The doctors are telling me if that's what we have to do to keep Elliott safe then we just do it.... That is much easier said then done. I feel like he is being banished to the "highest room in the tallest tower".

We keep coming back to the whole residential treatment issue and I just don't know what to do. Ultimately the decision is Lizze's (as he is not my child) and I don't envy her. This is a terrible situation to be in. I feel like I am inside a compactor when Gavin is around. My whole body hurts and I feel like I am being crushed... I can't get mad at him because he is a victim and this is not his fault. This poor child's life has been turned upside down and inside out so many times. I can't imagine what he is feeling (although nobody know how he feels anything about anything).

Elliott Richard is starting to pay a price for all of this... He doesn't like it when Gavin touches me. Elliott at 2 years of age is yelling at Gavin when Gavin hops down the steps on one foot. Elliott tries so desperately to engage with Gavin and Gavin refutes him almost every time and Elliott cries. What am I supposed to do with that... When Gavin throws a fit Elliott tried to stop him. Elliott will go to Gavin and try to kiss him to make him better. We have to minimize their contact and interaction. I don't even like sending both boys to the same place when I take Lizze to the doctors. People just think we are over reacting and Gavin is just being normal...People try to explain away his behaviors by trying to tells us that he just going through a phase and he'll grow out of it. Every time I hear this from someone I scream on the inside because I cannot break down. To much is riding on me continuing to move forward....

I don't mean to sound like I am complaining about my life. I love my wife and kids and will continue to do everything in my power to protect them. I just feel overwhelmed and broken right now.....This probably doesn't make much sense...I just felt this pressure building up and needed to let off some steam.

That's it for now. I have to go give Lizze her injection again.....

Bed Rest ~ Day 16 Holy Cow!

10:09:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
What Tiny is up to this week: At this point you’ve pretty much adjusted to the fact you’ve got a moving little gymnast inside of you, but now they’re going to kick up the party a notch because they can hear and react to sounds from the outside world. Sounds from your alarm clock, a thunder roll, or that darned car honking at you across the intersection can actually jar their little ears enough to elicit a kick or violent bout of squirming. Of course this also means that their little ears are picking up the sounds of your voice and those near you. So go ahead, sing a lullaby to your little angel—if they start kicking, it’s likely they just want you to stop… or maybe it was a kick of approval? You decide. Your baby's tiny taste buds are still growing and their bones are continuing to ossify (harden), their tiny veins are visible through their translucent yet wrinkly skin. (Think of it this way: they’ve been swimming in the equivalent of a long hot bath for the past 23 weeks, so you can’t blame them for being a little prune-like.)

Wow! This is my 300th post! That's pretty cool. Of course, when you're confined to a couch just about anything qualifies as cool anymore. lol

I had more crazy pregnancy dreams last night. There was one about a Ma & Pop General Store. Everyone hung out there and apparently I started some sort of group but couldn't remember doing it. Whatever I had done was causing everyone to be really angry with me for doing it. The store sold a ton of different kinds of highlighters and they all had special...abilities I guess. It was just odd.

Well I'm sitting here waiting for a nurse to call me back from Dr. D's office. I spoke to a few other medical professionals yesterday about my experience in L&D Monday and they weren't happy with the level of care I received so they urged me to call Dr. D's office first thing this morning. My big concern is since "The Man-Handler" got ahold of me, my contractions have become more intense and more consistant. I'm not having 4-6 an hour but I'm consistantly having them like 20 mins apart. To me the consistancy is just as concerning as the frequency. But we'll see. I'll update when I have more.

16 down ~ 119 to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 15

2:14:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , , , , Edit This 8 Comments »
My family is falling apart.

I don't blog about Gavin very often because I don't know how to "spin" it without making him out to be a monster or painting a rosier picture than is true. He isn't a monster. He's a beautiful little boy with a compassionate soul. He's also so difficult to control anymore. And to make matters worse, some people don't see how he's difficult to control so they think it's just us. Do I deny that he feeds off of our stress levels? No. Do I think our stress levels are the be-all end-all of his mood swings? No.

Gavin is Autistic. He is bi-polar. He is being medicated to bring him out of his manic phase. However, we are without a mood stabilizer so he's just being boomer-ranged into a depressive phase. He is a teeter-totter. Manic. Depressive. Manic. Depressive. Psychotic. Violent. Psychotic. Violent. It's 6 of one, half a dozen of another at this point.

When Gavin is manic, he gets sucked totally and completely into his own little world. Even more than what happens normally with Autistic children. He begins talking to people who are not there. It is next to impossible to get his attention and draw him out of his own little world. He is not a danger to himself or anyone else. But he's also on a completely different planet.

When Gavin is depressive, he's angry and violent. He has little to no fuse. No patience for anyone or anything. If we tell him "no", all Hell breaks loose. He claims he's "starving" and demands to eat but then he takes two bites and refuses to finish. He's lashing out at Elliott Richard for nothing at all. If Elliott dares to touch Gavin, Gavin will throw an elbow or a fist at him. And it's only getting worse.

We find ourselves, once again, faced with the decision of whether or not we should send him to inpatient treatment. We find ourselves, by Gavin's doctors admission; facing the fact that what's best for everyone, may not be what we want to do.

At this point we have one of three options available to us.

1) We continue with life as it is. Gavin at home and daily glimpses of Hell. Gavin will spend much of his free time playing in his room in an attempt to keep him separated from Elliott Richard (in order to protect Elliott Richard).

2) We make arrangements with the grandparents. Rob's parents take him during the day (during Spring Break) and after school once it resumes. My mother takes him after she gets off work. And we would take Gavin to all his appointments with Pattie and Dr. R. And he would come home on the weekends.

3) We visit an inpatient treatment facility and make arrangements to have Gavin admitted. This will be difficult because of the financial aspect of it, but that can be arranged.

Honestly, I don't like any of those options. The lesser of the three evils are 1 and 2. I would do 3 if Pattie and Dr. R felt it was necessary. Even 1 and 2 leave me feeling guilty and less of a mother. However, when I take a step back I realize that Gavin is having a greater effect on our family than is noticeable at first. Elliott Richard has started to mimic Gavin's behaviors. There's the very basic fact that I'm being asked to choose between my children. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to live with that. I feel as if I'm being asked to sacrifice one to spare the other. And again, I don't know how to deal with that.

There's so much looming over me right now. I'm stuck on this stupid God-forsaken couch and people keep dumping their crap on me! People call to see how I'm doing and dump their troubles on my couch on the way. Rob comes through and dumps his crap on my couch as he passes. Gavin just dumps his crap everywhere. And then I have the added stress of trying to find a balance between over-analyzing every little thing and making sure that I do what's best for Tiny. No one truly realizes just how difficult it is to be me right now.

I pray that you'll hear me when I say this: There are no cabana boys here! No daily massages. No bon-bons on a silver tray. No pretty drinks with umbrellas. It's me. On the couch. In my living room. Trying desperately to find something on 120 channels of NOTHING to watch. So I record every episode of Law & Order: SVU and Criminal Intent ever made because those are the only shows I can stand to watch over and over again. I cross stitch. I nap. I eat. I take potty breaks. Again I beg you, hear me when I say this: that is my life! From 7:00am to midnight, that is what I do. Every. Single. Day.

When I ask for help, it feels as if I'm being humored. When I beg for help, I end up feeling blown off or ignored. Do people not realize that I would love to have my biggest concerns "how many birthday parties I have to attend" or "where I'm going to drink myself into oblivion for St. Patrick's Day". I wish my days weren't spent with the following thoughts cycling through my head:

"am I doing enough to protect Tiny"
"how do I protect Elliott Richard from Gavin"
"how do I protect Gavin from himself"
"how do I help Rob without endangering Tiny"
"should I call Dr. D"
"if I go to L&D will they even take me seriously"
"was that another contraction? how many does that make now?"

Do any of you know what that's like?! Do any of you know how it feels to know that you are responsible for getting this tiny new life through to the end? Do any of you know how it feels to know that you could do everything right and it still not be enough? Do you know how it feels to know that even if (because it is an IF at this point) we make it to the end, it may not be close enough to the end? Or it may not matter anyway?

Some days I can't help but wonder, do any of you even care? Granted I'm pregnant and hormonal. I'm carrying your unborn niece/nephew. Your grandson. Your great-grandson. Your cousin. And yet no one can be bothered to go out of their way for us. Three people call me or text me in any given day. Three people email me on a consistent basis: Julie (without her right now I'd be lost), Tammy (my sidelines buddy) and Kelly (my other sidelines buddy). I have received two cards in the mail: one from Great Grandma Gene and one from Merrilee.

I understand that people are busy. I know that you all have your own lives. So if you can't call me, fine. (And honestly all the talking on the phone can be quite exhausting.) Send me an email. Or a card in the mail. (I keep all of my cards for Tiny's hatbox.) Send me a text message while you watch television. (I have unlimited texting now.) Heck, send me smoke signals! I'm desperate here. I'm dying to feel like I'm still a part of the world. I'm dying to feel like people care what the heck happens to us while we are locked away in our own little Hell.

15 down ~ 120 to go

5 down 13 to go

11:20:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Well my second temp nurse, Brenda, came out to see me this morning. She was super nice and absolutely wonderful at giving the 17P injection. Thank God. Here are the stats for the day:

Temp: 98.7
BP: 94/60
Tiny's HB: 141bpm

Overall it was a pretty laid back.

Sorry, I don't feel well and I'm not in the mood to write.

We'll be with you in a few minutes...

12:02:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 5 Comments »
4 hours later...

Seriously, here's the timeline of the evening. I'll fill in the details in the end.

4-5pm ~ I started to feel as if I was leaking amniotic fluid.
5:30pm ~ I called Dr. D's answering service.
5:45pm ~ I spoke with the on-call nurse. She told me to go immediately to the ER/L&D. Rob's dad picked up the boys.
6:15pm ~ We left for the hospital.
6:30pm ~ Arrived at the hospital. RAN up to L&D with ER nurse. (I'm not kidding.)
7:00pm ~ Finally got placed in a triage room!
8:00pm ~ First nurse came into the room to finally took my vitals and hooked me up to the monitors.
9:00pm ~ The man-handler (aka Dr.) came in, asked a few questions, did an exam and left.
10:30pm ~ Nurse came in to discharge me.

If you're observant, you noticed the HUGE time gaps. You also noticed that I saw a human being all of like 3 times in 4 hours. The ER seemed to take things far more seriously than L&D. When I say that the nurse ran us up stairs (I was in a wheelchair.), I'm not kidding. We ran up. The nurse in L&D checked me in and then left me to sit in my wheelchair in the "Family Waiting Area" for a half hour. Every 10 mins or so she would say "We'll be with you in a few minutes." (Hence the title of the blog.) After a half an hour, she finally took us back to a triage room. Where we sat for a full hour before Rob got up and went looking for someone. In that hour, no one came in and checked on me. No one took my vitals. No one checked on Tiny. Keep in mind that we thought I was loosing fluid. We were a little peeved.

Rob went and found a nurse. She came in and took my vitals and hooked me up to the monitor. I was having irritabilities every 2-3 mins. They didn't do anything about them. They questioned every medication Dr. D has me on. The resident wanted to know why I was on Procardia. When I explained she gave me a "look". The exam, I won't go there. Let's just say that resident's true calling was not as a doctor. Dominatrix, masochist, torture chamber artist would have been a good fit. Basically anything that doesn't require bedside manner etc. would have been a perfect fit.

An hour later we saw the nurse again for a few minutes and then she was gone again. We kept telling her I was due for my Heparin and Procardia. She said I could take my Procardia but when I asked for a glass of water I was told, "I'll be back in a few minutes." Are you noticing a pattern here? She came back almost an hour later, without the water. But she did go and get it. They never did give me my Heparin.

When they finally discharged me, my own nurse was too busy. She sent a nurse who nothing about my "case" and therefore couldn't answer any questions. However, she wanted me to take a wheelchair out because I'm supposed to be on bed rest. She got me in the wheelchair and then left me there in the hallway. My nurse wandered over and was telling me in the hallway (bye-bye patient confidentiality) about how they didn't find any evidence that I'm leaking fluid. Usually they say it's an infection but I don't have one of those either. So they finally decided that Tiny was putting pressure on my bladder and causing me to pee myself. (Because obviously I can't tell the difference!)

I know that's not what it was. I'm not saying I was definitely leaking fluid but I am saying that something was going on. And that something wasn't me peeing myself! Argh!

So that was my night in L&D. I felt ignored. And at times I wondered if it didn't have something to do with the fact that I hadn't reached the age of viability yet. Rob doesn't want me to deliver at that hospital now. I probably will though because they are a better facility. But last night definitely didn't instill any confidence in me, that's for sure.

11:05:00 PM Edit This 3 Comments »
Disaster. That about sums up the evening. Home now. Will post more later...if my laptop decides to play nice. *sigh* <Lizze :)>

6:33:00 PM Edit This 3 Comments »
Waiting for a rm. I may be leaking fluid. Please pray that I'm wrong, that Tiny is safe & sound & no cervical change. <Lizze :)>

6:10:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
On our way to L&D. Will update later. Pray! Pray! Pray! <Lizze :)>

Bed Rest ~ Day 14 TWO WEEKS DOWN!!!

7:47:00 AM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
More crazy pregnancy dreams last night. I hate when I can't even tell where they are coming from. Like my dreams I posted about...when was that? Yesterday or the day before...something like that. Those dreams probably stem from the nagging fear that I have that I'm over analyzing everything little thing because I'm terrified I'll miss the big stuff. The memorial service dream...well, I've had similar dreams for the past 6 years. Logically, I know that my Granny died 6 years ago. Emotionally, I keep maintaining the tinest shred of hope that it was all a horrible nightmare. But last night's dreams...I'll be darned if I can figure out where they came from.

My first dream was something to do with my best friend from high school. Rob and I were at her house only she was living with her dad. I was just odd. I can't remember much of it. Then we left her house and Rob disappeared. I was me only I looked like someone else and I was trying to sneak into some top secret business. I was getting away with it for a while and then they caught me. But I got away. (I'm just that good! lol) So I ran from the top secret business and end up at McDonald's with a job a bartender! lol I was actually pretty good too.

That's all I remember. They were so odd. I wish I could remember all the details but I can't. I think the McDonald's part was my favorite. lol

Now before I go about my morning routine of eating breakfast and working on cross stich projects, I feel I must introduce you to another new blogger friend. :)

Julie ~ Julie is married to Bob and currently pregnant with their first child. She and I actually share a due date, which is always fun. Julie is also currently on bed rest (again, which is always fun). Julie is...I just feel a connection with her. Therefore it is my duty to introduce you to Julie and her blog! :)

Go! Read! Comment! Pray! :)

14 down ~ 121 to go
2 weeks down ~ 13 to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 13 I don't know how they do it.

10:39:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I hate bed rest. I hate everything about it. From being tied down all day and night. To the needle sticks. (Did I mention that I was shaking during my morning Heparin shot today? Yeah, that hurts. Don't try it.) Rob says I take it all like a champ. Externally, maybe (although doubtful but whatever). Internally, I'm a big baby. I clutch whichever hand isn't attached to the poked arm closed so tightly that my fingernails leave grooves in my palm. And the only thought in my head during the stick is, "I'm doing this for Tiny."

Every sacrifice I make today, tomorrow and everyday for the next 4-5 months (not to mention the rest of my life) will be for Tiny. And I'm happy to do it all but deep down (or just under the surface, depending on the day of the week) I'm absolutely terrified by each and every change in my body. "Was that something to worry about?" "When was the last time I felt Tiny move?" And I know that if anything were to happen to Tiny, especially while I'm pregnant, I would fall apart. I don't know how I would handle it. I don't know how I would survive. But there are women out there, strong women who handle it. Who make it. Who put my injections and testing and blood draws to shame. These women are...there are no words to do them justice. And I don't know how they do it.

If you pray, please add these women and their families to your prayers. Please pray for peace. Peace of mind. Peace of spirit. Simply peace. They deserve that much (and honestly, they deserve so much more). Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. (The paragraphs under my brief descriptions are direct quotes I have taken from their blogs.)

Chrissy ~ Wife to Vinnie. Mother to Dominic, Mya and Eva Janette. Eva Janette was born on Monday, March 17, 2008 with Trisomy 18.

Peacefully from my chest to His arms and then to grandma Janet's @ 2:57am. She indeed made it Home for Easter! Her Home! We walked thru the front door of our home at 5:27am indeed a family of 5! Thanking Jesus for the time we had! 5 whole days 18 whole hours 10 whole minutes She has been healed and made WHOLE! And all in His timing!
Posted by Chrissy at 6:47 AM 51 comments

Yvette ~ Wife to Trayc. Mother to Tanner, Tayden and Tristan. Tristan Asher was born on Monday, December 3, 2007 with Trisomy 18.

Thank you to everyone who has commented on our blog since Sunday. We are overwhelmed with the amount of prayers and support for our family in the loss of our sweet, precious little boy, Tristan. They are being felt and are such an encouragement to us as we are being faced with the saddest and most difficult days of our lives. We are okay though and so is Tanner. We will post a more detailed account of what happened on Sunday in the next few days as we have been so busy with plans the past 2 days.How do I say this was totally unexpected and yet it wasn't. Tristan has been doing so good and had a great day on Sunday right up until 4:20 when his apnea monitor went off and then seconds later his heart monitor went off - THE HEART MONITOR HAS NEVER GONE OFF BEFORE!!! He went down quickly from there. I was on my way home from the store (15 min. away) and got home at 4:35 pm, Trayc handed Tristan to me and he passed away a mere 5 minutes later at 4:40 pm. Straight from my arms to Jesus arms.Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we have the "Celebration of Life" service for our little boy - We had 56 precious days!!!We love you all,The Hostetter Family

Posted by Yvette at 4:30 PM 78

Susie ~ Wife to Matt. Mother to Oceana and Joshua. Joshua was born on Monday, January 7, 2008 with an encephalocele - a neural tube defect - that has left a hole in his skull. His brain has grown out through the back of the skull into a membrane-covered sack.

Joshua was promoted to Heaven this morning around 3am. He went peacefully. It was good to know he never struggled, never needed morphine, and was with us to the end. He slept between us last night and we are still saying out goodbyes. 67 beautiful days and a bonus 7 hours.

Posted by Susie at 10:26 AM 256 comments

I don't know how these women do it.

***I want to be sure to mention that, unfortunately, I realize there are many more stories such as these out there. There are many more blogs. These are only 3 of them. They happen to be 3 of the blogs I frequent quite often. That is why they are mentioned here and the others are not. Although I may not read the other blogs or even know of their existance, I don't know how those women do it either. So even though we do not know them, if you've got a second, throw a prayer up to God on behalf of all the mothers we do not know but he does.***

Bed Rest ~ Day 13 Stick a fork in me...

7:00:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
I'm done. *sigh*

I did exactly as I was told. I took a tiny shower this morning and got dressed. I stayed on the couch until it was time to go. Then I got in the car and stayed there until we got to Rob's Aunt Carol and Uncle Rick's. Once there I went inside and sat in the most comfortable LazyBoy recliner ever. We left. Picked up Gavin at my Auntie Paula's, where I stayed in the car. And came home.

To me, it felt like nothing more than a few potty breaks with a change of scenery. To my body, it was apparently much more. I'm super crampy with tons of pressure, which is not good. On the bright side, I got out, which isn't likely to happen again soon. And Tiny has been moving and grooving like crazy! Even as I type this, my stomach keeps bouncing up and down. lol

It was so nice to get out of the house and see someone else's four walls though. Everyone was really understanding of the fact that I couldn't get up or do anything. Kate took Elliott Richard for a little while before the get-together. Then she took him to Aunt Carol and Uncle Rick's. She even helped to take care of both Elliott Richard and me while we were there. Overall, it was nice.

Everyone was asking what Tiny's sex is. I didn't tell. Grandma Gene kept trying to trick me by asking what color we are going to paint the nursery. And of course others were only interested in trying to find out Tiny's sex. *sigh* Someday they'll figure out that the more they push and the less interest they show in me or the pregnancy as whole, the less likely they are to find out Tiny's sex.

The boys made out like bandits. Grandma Gene gave Gavin a bank that is shaped like a soccer ball and when you put money in it, it plays a song. Elliott Richard ended up with it though because Gavin would have ended up throwing it around or using it as a typical ball. They both got CD's with kids songs on them. It will be nice to have some new CD's in the car besides Veggie Tales "Boyz in the Sink".

Aunt Carol also gave me the book, "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.

And now I'm just going to camp out on my couch for the rest of the night and pray that the pressure and cramping goes away.

13 down ~ 122 to go

Happy Easter!

1:13:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
T-minus 1 hour until my repreive begins! Woo whoo!

Today has been...interesting. The boys woke up at about 7:30am. The "Easter Bunny" had hidden the baskets and 3 eggs each for the boys, all in plain site. Green up high for Gavin. Blue down low for Elliott, to avoid any confusion. They found their eggs and then their baskets. It sometimes amazes me just how different my boys are.

Gavin struggled to find his eggs. Elliott zipped from one to the next. Once he found his basket, Gavin shrugged it off. The thrill of the hunt was over and he walked off to play with his toys. Elliott found his basket and sat down to inspect the contents. He looked at the stuff on top and chose his first piece, then his next piece. He would have gone for more but we removed the temptation. It's times like this that it is glaringly obvious to me, just how different my boys really are.

Tiny has been pretty quiet today, which is unnerving for mommy. I drank cold water. Ate some dark chocolate, Tiny's favorite. Nada. Finally, I went for broke...I laid on my belly. Tiny hates that. lol But it got a bunch of bomp, bomp, whatever it takes. Ever since then, I've been getting kicked and bomped all over the place. I think Tiny is staging a protest to prevent me from laying on my belly again. Again I say, whatever it takes.

9:41:00 AM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »

Blogger hates me!

8:40:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 0 Comments »
I had a blog all typed out. I just needed to add to it a little bit but Elliott Richard desperately needed to go to bed, so I saved it and then accidentally closed IE. Now, it's gone. *Poof!* How infuriating!

Oh well, that post will have to wait now. Because it took much effort to get it done the first time and I don't have the energy to do it again. Pfth! So we will move on to my next post idea...

So these are some random memories I've had going through my head the past few days...

~Back in 1997, I had my first (and last) AOL account and my very own desktop (thanks to my boyfriend at the time). One night I was cruising the AOL chat rooms and I don't remember what room I was in but I started talking to this girl. It was a very deep, very existential conversation about...toothpicks. Yup, that's right, I said toothpicks. I can't remember the conversation only that it was about toothpicks and I felt very mature to have had such a deep, existential conversation about them. lol

~One summer when I was maybe 6 or 7, I was spending the day at my Auntie Paula's hanging out with my cousins. Well, Maddy was out riding her bike and something happened that caused her to flip over her handlebars. She skinned her knees and was pretty upset. I remember walking her back to the house and struggling to handle both Maddy and the bike. (It didn't occur to me to leave the silly bike and come back for it later.)

~I used to ride to Kidron with my Granny (Grandma Miller) to go to the flea markets there. We would always stop at McDonald's on our way out of town. She would get her coffee and I would get mine (hot chocolate).

I'm not sure why these memories have been running through my head. But they have. Hopefully now that I've shared them with you, they'll leave me alone. lol

Bed Rest ~ Day 12

8:34:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
You know it's so frustrating to be in bed, half asleep and get a dozen new ideas for blogs - really good ideas - only to wake up in the morning and have forgotten everything except the fact that I thought of them.

I had crazy pregnancy dreams last night. The first dream I kept going into L&D saying I was in preterm labor and begging the staff to help me. The kept blowing me off so they could have big holiday parties. Rob was too busy watching television in the family waiting area to be of any help. And our families were there but kept telling me I just wanted attention, that there wasn't really anything wrong with me or Tiny. I finally got one of the interns/residents to take me semi-seriously but he refused to discuss anything with Dr. D. I told him he would under no circumstances be "catching" Tiny. So he had better call Dr. D or I would be delivering on my own. This upset him because he "only needed one more unassisted live birth to become a doctor". I told him to go find some other pregnant woman to do his "homework" with.

Then I was being dragged out of my L&D room to attend a memorial service for my grandfather. Half way through his ceremony, they began one for my grandmother who had passed away almost 6 years ago! They kept asking me to write a note to her. But every time I would try, the space I had to write it would shrink. Once it got to be small enough to fit inside a locket, I gave up. I just remember being so confused. I couldn't understand why if she had been alive for the past 6 years no one told me. So I would start to cry (I'm actually tearing up just thinking about it...I miss her like crazy.) which would jump start my preterm labor. Then the whole dream would start all over again.

I swear I hate pregnancy dreams sometimes.

12 down ~ 123 to go

Bed Rest ~ Day 11

11:01:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Let's see...pretty boring day here.

I woke up with a wicked headache/migraine that I have been unable to shake. Then I had some really bad cramping. So I just took a Darvocet hoping that it would knock out one or both of the issues. I don't know how great it worked at helping with the pain but I did sleep through most of today so I guess that's a something, right. The one thing I am noticing is that when my cramping gets worse, my contractions return/increase. So I need to try and keep both at bay so that I can enjoy my reprieve in two days.

In other news, I had all of these deep and existential things I wanted to blog about today. Now that I'm sitting here, I can't remember a single one of them. lol

Ah well, I guess I'll just go eat my "European Snack" of fruit, cheese and bread while I hang out with Rob and watch some (more!) television.

11 down ~ 124 to go

Gavin Update

4:09:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 3 Comments »
Yeah, yeah, yeah...I've posted like 5 times in an hour or so. I figured it would be easier to break it all up into smaller posts rather than have one of my marathon posts. Plus it helps to pass some time...Sue me. (It's all the rage right now, don't you know? ;) lol)

Gavin has been home from school all week. He started to come down with the nasty bronchitis that Rob had a few weeks ago while he was staying with my parents. Sunday night he was running a 101-102 degree fever. We started him on antibiotics Monday night but he still had a fever on Tuesday so we opted to just keep him home. Of course now he'll have been home 2 weeks by the time he returns to school after "spring break". But this past week has been relatively calm. Dare I say it, almost normal. Or at least what we imagine normal would be like.

That's when Rob and I figured it out...the fever. There are rumors of something called "The Fever Effect" in some Autistic children, however, I've never seen or heard of it happening to anyone I know personally. (It should be noted that it also does not happen/work with all Autistic children.) While Gavin had his 101-102 degree fever, he was "himself" again. By "himself" I mean the way he used to be before the switch was flipped. He was more tolerant and laid back.

Now that the fever has broken and disappeared, so has that Gavin. He's been antagonistic with Elliott Richard all day, demanding, impatient...generally just himself. For example, at around lunch time Gavin came downstairs upset that we had missed lunch and he wanted it "NOW". In reality we hadn't missed lunch, it wasn't even lunch time yet. Then once I made lunch, he didn't eat it. All day long he's been that way, gimme gimme...mine mine no no. You get the idea.

Rob was hoping to discuss the fever effect with Dr. R today but they had a digital snafu and had no record of our appointment. Ah well, there's always next time.

***Be sure to scroll down. There are many other new posts from today.***

I've been granted a REPRIEVE!

3:56:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Yup, you read that correctly! Dr. D has granted me a reprieve. I am permitted, so long as I am not having contractions or extreme cramping, to go from my couch to my car to a couch or LazyBoy recliner at Rob's uncle's house on Easter Sunday! Woo Whoo!! Now if I manage to stay down almost all day between now and then, hopefully I won't have any more cramping or contractions so I can go. :)

I can't tell you how nice it will be to get out of the house for something other than an appointment with Dr. D. Not that I don't love seeing Dr. D and his staff, because you know I do. It's just that they never have food for me...Easter Sunday will! :) And as a pregnant woman, it's all about the food! lol

22 weeks

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What is Tiny up to this week: The grow must go on! No wonder you’re getting so big, you’re now housing a wonder-baby who weighs nearly a pound and measures nearly a foot in length. Their perfect little pancreas is now further developed and they’ve also started producing their own hormones! Your baby's future in the circus as a world-famous tight-rope-walker is secure: their inner ear is now developed to the point that they have their own sense of balance. Lucky for your little explorer, balance also promotes physical dexterity, which has them actively feeling out their surroundings where skin, body parts, and the resident umbilical cord are the big sensory experiences. Your foot-long baby, is looking a bit like an oversized raisin right now as more and more wrinkles are showing up each week. Not to worry, all that excessive wrinkling is just their skin’s way of planning ahead for the time when they’ll start piling on that irresistible baby chub.

Tiny has been moving more and more lately. Of course, Tiny is difficult much like the boys in that Tiny will move and move and move until I place my hand (or someone else's) on my belly to feel the movement. The movement will then immediately stop. lol Tiny is the most active at 3:00 pm and 6:00 pm. If I eat dark chocolate I'm assured at least an hour of good, hard kicks and punches. lol Tiny hasn't had the hiccups too much yet. It will be interesting to see if Tiny has the hiccups as often as Elliott Richard did. (Elliott Richard had the hiccups nearly everyday, multiple times a day for most of the second half of my pregnancy. lol) It just amazes me how much Tiny grows every week.

Only 2 weeks to go until the age of viability. If you are curious, here's a list of gestational ages and survival rates. Age of viability is the youngest age a fetus can be and still survive but every week Tiny stays put, the more the odds increase. At 30 weeks gestation, survival is increased to nearly 100% with only like a 10% of disabilities later in life.

Bed Rest ~ Day 10 Let them eat snacks!

3:25:00 PM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Rob went to the grocery store this afternoon. He brought me home lots of healthy snacks. Yum yum yummy! He brought me mixed nuts, granola bars, hard candy, beef jerky for my snack box that's next to the couch with me. Then he brought me strawberries, blueberries, black berries, bananas, brick cheese, string cheese and popcorn! He bought other stuff for actual meals and whatnot but I mainly have been eating little meals and lots of healthy snacks to try and help with the heartburn. So now I've got lots of snack all right here where I need them. :) Yay!

That's my big news for the day. I've been trying to stay down...probably more than my 90%. I talked to Lori yesterday and asked her about the cramps I've been having. She said that we are literally doing everything we can and that won't change in 2 weeks. What we are doing now is all that can be done. She said that the only way to try and stop the cramps was to stay down more. So that's what I'm doing today and from now on. Because these cramps have got to go.

I'm almost finished with the cross stitch birth announcement I'm making for Tiny. I'll post some pictures once it's finished. Maybe I'll even show you the ones I made for Gavin and Elliott Richard. (Aren't you excited? lol)

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet here today.

10 down ~ 125 to go

Some have asked...

3:17:00 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
First, I want this to be known and understood...I am posting this because people have asked. I am not asking for things. I do not want anyone to feel that I am requesting gifts or anything of the sort. Please do not feel you have to act on the lists. I am simply giving the information that has been asked for. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Anyway, some have asked what sort of things I like. What sort of things I need. What sort of things they can do that might help.

Things I Need
~Puzzle books (word search, "fill it in", books with various different types of puzzles)
~Cross stitch projects
~Any fairly simple project that can be done while on the couch and laying down/reclining

~Hard candy
~Mixed nuts
~Granola bars
~Healthy high protein snacks (They will help Tiny to put on more weight between now and birth.)

Things that Might Help
~Come visit me (Please call first just in case Gavin is having an espeically rough day etc.)
~Send a card/note/letter (I keep them all and put them in a scrapbook for Tiny.)
~Bring dinner for the family

I am not asking you to spend money. You don't have to buy me new magazines, share your old ones. Remember you've read them but I haven't. :) lol Again I'm not asking for gifts. I am simply sharing the information that has been requested.

21 week Belly Pictures

10:01:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 1 Comment »
Some of you may notice that my 20 week belly pictures are missing. That would be because we forgot to take them. With all the craziness of L&D trips, doctor's appointments, Rob being sick and were forgotten by the wayside. Ah well, we've got all the rest of the weeks. ;)
Bare belly side shot
Side shot of the belly - I don't think I'll be wearing that shirt much longer. lol
My sad attempt at making a heart over my belly with my hands. lol

Random Elliott Richard pictures

9:57:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Elliott Richard showing the belly some lovin's. (Ignore me in the background, I just happen to come with the belly. lol)
"Feeding the piggy"
Otherwise known as putting his coins in the piggy bank.
He is one hungry piggy! lol

Goodies from Mom!

9:51:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
So it just occurred to me that I forgot to post a picture of the goodies from my Mom and some other pictures. I blame "Mommy Brain"...those who have been pregnant (especially on bed rest) will understand. ;) lol
The Goods: A Joy Nash book, a bag of Jordan almonds (finished those last night) and a box of assorted dark chocolates (finished those in a binge session Monday afternoon) lol

Thank you Mommy!!!! The chocolates were delish and I would be willing to take many more boxes just like that one off your hands, if need be. ;) lol

Bed Rest ~ Day 9 That crazy thing you do....

7:16:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 0 Comments »
So it's only 7:18am. I've been "awake" for about an hour. (Thank you Elliott Richard!) So it's the very beginning of Day 9. of the past times I've discovered is checking out my map of all the hits to the blog. It just fascinates me that I've had hits in Germany, India, Japan, Australia, and England. What can I say, I'm a nerd and that is just so cool to me. Well one of my counters also allows me to see which Google searches serve as referrals to my blog. Some of them are obvious how they led to me and then there's the search that led to my blog this morning....

"left handed" -pitcher -pitchers -batter -batsman -starter -reliever -hitter -baseman -guys -players -mets -orioles (Google)

Yes, that's right. They used that exact search of all baseball related terms and somehow ended up on my blog?! Wha-wha-what?! lol

9 down ~ 126 to go

Come and get 'em!

6:28:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 2 Comments »
So I have a new blog that I simply must share with you. As always the link will be posted on the right under my Favorite Blogs list. Without further ado...

Adventures in Surrogacy ~ Susan is a working mom with 2 sons of her own and 3 step-kids. She is currently in the hospital on bed rest while pregnant with twin boys for a gay couple in Sweden. This is her second surrogacy - the first one ended with the birth of healthy boy/girl twins. I can't imagine the level of sacrifice it must take to carry babies for someone else. Her story is truly humbling and amazing.

Susan is a new member on the Sidelines message board so I haven't had much chance to get to know her there, however, I feel I have known her for years after reading her blog. She and I share quite a few similarities. ;) lol

Also...Something else to check out for those of you bored and looking for "cheap entertainment" (i.e. my bed rest bound mommies ;) lol)...Rob discovered a show on the History Channel called "Ax Men". It's about loggers from...well, so far they've only been from Washington and Oregon states. It's pretty scary to see all that they go through to harvest the trees. On a side note, I'm finding myself torn between being fascinated by the show and horrified at all of the trees they are cutting down. Although they did mention in the episode I watched last night, that they replant new trees. So at least they are putting back what they take.

7 Things You May Not Know About Your's Truly

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Nathan started this the other day. I have decided to play along...why not, it's not like I have any other pressing matter to tend to.

7 Things You May Not Know About Me

1.) I have a natural aptitude for Chemistry and genetics. They just make sense to me with little or no effort on my part. What's more, I actually truly enjoy the subjects. I even wanted to get my masters in bio-genetic engineering after graduating high school.

2.) I have always dreamed of being a surrogate mother for another couple. Rob and I discussed it, in a non-commital what-if sort of way when we were engaged but decided against it. After the complications of Elliott Richard's and Tiny's pregnancies, I would never be choosen now anyway.

3.) I was adopted when I was 6 months old. However, I often forget because in my heart and head my family has always been my family, even without the genetic link. And friends who do not know I am adopted, often say I look a lot like my mother. (I love hearing this.)

4.) Persuant to #3, I had 3 different first and middle names in my first 6 months of life. Upon birth my birth mother opted not to name me. My foster parents took care of me for the first 6 months of my life and named me Alyssa Ann. (A gal can't go for 6 months being called "hey you" or "baby girl". lol) Then when it was decided who my parents would be they told my case worker they were going to name me Grace (I forget the middle name). So for my last few weeks my foster family called me Grace to help me adjust. Then when I was delivered to my parents, they had decided to name me Elizabeth in stead. (And people wonder why I'm confused much of the time! *hrmph* lol)

5.) I am ambidextrious. My eye doctor said based on which eye is stronger I should be left handed. I play most sports left handed. I do most things left handed. But I write mainly with my right.

6.) I was told 4 months before getting pregnant with Elliott Richard that I was infertile and would never be able to have more children. Guess they were wrong, huh? lol

7.) I found out a few years ago that in high school I was unofficially considered the "Least Likely to Conceive" because I was such a goody-goody that everyone apparently felt I would never have sex. Again, boy were they wrong!

That was much harder than I thought it would be, for what it's worth. ;)

Now y'all know a little more about why don't you post to your blogs so we can learn a little more about you?

Bed Rest ~ Day 8

11:30:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I think today I shall deviate from my game of "What I Did Today". I (probably) will not post everything I did or didn't do. Instead I will post about some new blogs I've found. I will post my thoughts on things. I will just generally kill time. (This may change later today.)

First order of appointment with Dr. D this morning. There really isn't much to report. Here are the stats:

Weight: 171lb
Tiny's HB: 140's bpm

I spoke with Dr. D about the cramps I've been having, which are getting worse by the way. He said that we are doing what we can at this point and we'll know more in 2 weeks. *sigh* I'm seriously debating calling tomorrow if they don't let up though...that's how bad they are. Of course, I forgot to ask about Easter Sunday. Oh well, now I'll just have to call tomorrow and figure it all out.

8 down ~ 127 to go (but who's counting right?)

4 down 14 to go

9:11:00 AM Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Well my temp-nurse Candace (Candy) just left a few minutes ago. She was very nice. Totally different from Lisa. I miss Lisa. :( This will probably sound funny but I prefer the way Lisa gives them. Lisa pushes the solution (progesterone in an oil suspension so it's super thick!) much slower than Candy did. It felt as if the whole solution was going to pool in a bubble in my butt! It didn't but that's how quickly she pushed it. Never mind the fact that she was just inches off to the right of my spine! Only one more week to go without Lisa.

Here are the stats from my visit with Candy:

BP: 96/60
Temp: 97.7 degrees
Tiny's HB: 147 bpm

I'm killing time until my mom comes to pick me up at 9:30-9:40 am to take me to see Dr. D. I'll post again after I get home from that appointment. I hoping and praying that I haven't begun to dilate. I'm terrified right now that all this pressure and whatnot is actually accomplishing something. I really don't want that to happen.

Prayers would be grately appreciated!

4 down 14 to go

8:55:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Well my temp-nurse Candace (Candy) just left a few minutes ago. I miss Lisa. :( Only one more week to go without Lisa.

Here are the stats from my visit with Candy:

BP: 96/60
Temp: 97.7 degrees
Tiny's HB: 147 bpm

I'm killing time until my mom comes to pick me up at 9:30-9:40 am to take me to see Dr. D. I'll post again after I get home from that appointment. I hoping and praying that I haven't begun to dilate. I'm terrified right now that all this pressure and whatnot is actually accomplishing something. I really don't want that to happen. Prayers would be grately appreciated!

Bed Rest ~ Day 7 ONE WEEK DOWN!

9:31:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
One week down! One week down! Only 14 weeks to go! *does the happy dance on my couch*

Today was pretty quiet. Even with Gavin home and sick. He spent most of the day zoned in bed. Poor little guy. We put our DVD player and a television in his room so he can lay in bed and zone in front of that at least.

I spent the day...oh, yeah...on the couch. I know...big surprise, right? lol I've had a lot of cramps today and a few contractions but not too many, not enough to call about at any rate. I'll be sure to mention it to my Matria nurse (not Lisa because she is in Disney World on vacation! :p lol Lucky duck.) tomorrow and then again to Dr. D at 10:00 am. I'm not sure if Dr. D will do anything though. Maybe increase my Procardia. I've managed to go a few days without massive Procardia-migraines too. (Woo whoo!) So given my luck in life, it would stand to reason that Dr. D would increase it and cause the return of the migraines.

So yeah, another day on the couch. Rob did some running around in the morning and his mom was nice enough to watch Elliott Richard for us. Which meant I got to watch whatever I wanted all morning long. I've been working my way through a dozen different Law & Orders, both SVU and Criminal Intent. Ah, to be able to watch what I want. Hey, what can I say, it's the little things in life.

Today is St. Patrick's Day. It's the one day of the year that everyone in America wants to be a nationality they aren't. Rather it's the one day of the year that everyone pretends to be a nationality they aren't so they can drink themselves into oblivion, guilt free. I love the day. It's one of my favorites. I'm 50% Irish, honestly and legitimately. But it also drives me insane because you get children in adults bodies. You get these guys out there doing "kegs and eggs" starting at all hours of the morning. Then they drink straight through the day. Killing as many brain cells as possible along the way. Not to mention whomever is unlucky enough to come across the "invincible" alcoholic drivers. Drives me insane. Especially the way they "announce" to all who will listen that they are "DRINKING GREEN BEER". Like they deserve an award for it. Or we should reward them for being complete goofs all day long. I'd like to just knock their heads together sometimes. Kind of makes me any of them know why we celebrate the day in the first place? Or do they just believe it exists to assist them in getting falling down, sloppy drunk? *sigh*

Rob and I are having a "great debate" over names again. I may have to post another poll. Sorry I can't share more about the debate but....y'all still don't know what Tiny is. ;) lol

I think I'm going to go grab a snack. Now if only I could find something that sounds good....

7 down ~ 128 to go
1 week down ~ 14 to go

Another update.....

8:13:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
I haven't posted in a few days. I have been trying to keep my family together. I have been busy beyond belief.

Let me start first by saying Gavin came home this morning. For those who don't know Gavin spent the past week with Lizze's mom because Lizze and I desperately needed a break. Gavin started to not feel good last Friday. He stayed over there in order to try and protect Lizze and the baby from getting sick (because that is the last thing we need). Grandma took really good care of him and he was really having fun. However, Gavin came home this morning sick still. Needless to say he didn't go to school today and probably won't the rest of the week. That means that he will have over 2 weeks off of school because of spring break. It turns out Gavin has bronchitis. I was sick for 2 weeks with that, only getting over it last week.

And if that wasn't bad enough it appears Elliott is coming down with the same thing. Hopefully, Elliott will be spared and Gavin has a speedy recovery. All I know is that this is going to be a really long week. Wish us luck....

On a side note. I wanted to say thank you to Debbie and her family. They made us dinner and brought it over this morning. She made us chili and it was really good. Thank you for your kindness......

That's all for now. Elliott is crying.......

Bed Rest ~ Day 6

9:30:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
Well, another day down. Today was more of the same.

Woke up. Hung out on the couch. Had cereal with Elliott Richard. (I miss being able to eat my food without sharing. lol If you think about it, when I eat I'm eating for 3! Me, Elliott Richard and Tiny!) Hung out on the couch some more. Ate lunch. Snuggled with Elliott Richard. Watched some repeats. Set up some movies to record. Played some DS games. Worked on the cross stitch birth announcement for Tiny. Put Elliott Richard to bed. And now, here I am.

See...nothing much to report because I.Have.No.Life. lol

Although I have been working with Elliott Richard on a modified version of the Ferber method for helping a child to sleep. I started last night but so far, so good. Granted I'm not leaving the room, yet. But I'm also no longer having to pat his back or rock him to sleep. Tonight as he was settling in the night, I was creeping farther and farther away. The good news is that for 2 nights in a row now, he's self-soothed to sleep. Yay! :)

Every other day or so, I've been posting a list as part of my daily Bed Rest countdown. It's come to my attention that some people don't truly understand how difficult it is to be placed on 90/10 bed rest. So tonight's list(s) (maybe I'll do more than one) will tackle that...

Things I Can't Do or Will Miss While on Bed Rest
~I missed ice cream with Elliott Richard for his 2nd birthday.
~I cannot go shopping.
~I cannot do my laundry.
~I will miss Easter.
~Long showers and/or bathes are no longer an option.
~No more playtime on the floor with Elliott Richard.
~No more participating at Gavin's school or the PTA.
~No more freedoms, period.

Things I Can Expect While on Bed Rest
~2 shots/day
~Days filled with worry and analyzing every cramp/twinge.
~Weekly doctors appointments with Dr. D.
~Medications with crazy side effects.
~More free time on my hands than I'll ever know what to do with.
~Drinking 60-100 oz of water a day.
~Spending most of every day on my left side.
~Every day spent looking at the same 4 walls.

I know there are more that I could list. These lists also don't do much to paint an accurate picture of what my life is like for the (hopefully) the next 4 months or so. But I wanted to give you a brief glimpse and show you that bed rest isn't me sitting around, eating Bon-Bons and watching soap operas. It's really frustrating to know that there are things that need to be done and I cannot do them. Likewise, it kills me to see home much stress and pressure this situation is putting on Rob and there isn't anything I can do to help him. So please try and keep this stuff in mind when you hear about someone on bed rest (for whatever reason)'s truly not all fun and games.

And for those of you who sent me emails or called me, I'm sorry if I caused you to worry. I was just exhausted and trying to form coherent, intelligent, witty blogs was the last thing I wanted to do. But your love and concern is grately appreciated! *hugs*

6 down ~ 129 to go

Ah...true love...

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