My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Just wanted to share this.....Some Quiet Moments....

11:06:00 PM Posted In , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Elliott and I hiding out in our "Man Cave".. We both fell asleep yesterday and Lizze apparently snapped a picture...when she should have been laying down :)

Elliott playing XBOX with his daddy...He is so darn cute....

We'll be with you in a few minutes...Part Deux

10:12:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
Okay, so I posted yesterday about my disasterous trip to L&D on Monday. Well, Rob and I thought long and hard and finally decided to call a family friend who works for the hospital I was at on Monday. He is upper Administration and he was unhappy but he isn't involved in the medical aspect so he referred me to the Clinical VP of the Maternity Unit. She called us literally 5 minutes after I got off the phone with the upper Admin.

Rob spoke with her for nearly a half an hour. Just telling her everything that had happened on Monday. She was appauled! She just kept apologizing and saying "that never should have happened". In the end she urged us to call Dr. D first thing this morning because she wasn't comfortable with the treatment I received. She said that she would take care of the nurses but "The Man-Handler" is someone else problem. She promised to call that person and have "The Man-Handler" dealt with.

Now I'm not looking to get anyone in trouble. However, "The Man-Handler" has no business treating OB patients. Especially not high risk OB patients in preterm labor. I firmly believe that her man-handling is a big part of the reason that my preterm labor has gotten so much worse over the past few days. The fact that she blantantly didn't agree with either my preterm labor diagnosis or the treatment prescribed by Dr. D just goes to show me how little experience she has as an OB. I just pray that it's a rotation and not her career path of choice.

So I posted earlier that I was waiting for a nurse to call me back from Dr. D's office. She called me back and we spoke for a while. Basically Rob and I covered the whole drama from Monday. The nurse was horrified. She took the information down and called Dr. D and spoke with Kelli, the NP (nurse practioner) and called me back. Dr. D wanted me seen today so an appointment was made with Kelli for 1:30pm.

Here are the stats:

Weight: 172 lb.
Tiny's HB: 137 bpm

We got there at 1:30pm. Saw the nurse at 1:45pm. Talked to her and she took me over to another room for a NST (non-stress test), which a test that monitors for contractions, fetal heartrate and fetal movement. It basically is to see how Tiny handles the contractions. We couldn't get Tiny to play along with the heartrate monitor so we just went with the contraction monitor without the other two.

The test began at 1:55pm. I had a contraction #1 at 2:05pm, which I felt but it wasn't nearly as bad as some of them. Nurse comes in, "Oh...look at that. Let's see what happens next." (Like I'm some sort of science experiment! lol) Then at 2:14pm I had contraction #2, again not nearly as bad as some of them. Nurse comes in sees #2 and dahses out for NP. NP and nurse return and rip strip and dash back out together. They left to call Dr. D. A new nurse comes in and takes me to an exam room saying, "We need to run some tests." (Grrreeeeat.)

They performed an fFN test and the litmus test to see if I am leaking fluid. I'm thrilled to report that BOTH tests came back NEGATIVE! (Yay!) That means I am NOT leaking fluid and that I will most likely NOT go into full-fledged labor in the next 14 days. (Woo whoo!) Then they left to call Dr. D because they wanted to discuss admitting me to the hospital. (Fantastic.) He was still at the hospital performing c-sections. This was at about 2:30pm. At 3:00pm Dr. D called but had to hang up quickly because he was needed in an emergency c-section. Finally at 4:00pm he called back said that since my fFN was negative I could come home but I had to "stay down".

So now I'm home. I still have an ultrasound scheduled for next week and appointment immediately after the ultrasound. I'm still having gobs of contractions and they made me promise I would call if things got worse or anything changed.

I feel bad about calling our family friend in Admin at the hospital but then again, I don't. If we hadn't called, we would have taken Monday at face value and not called Dr. D. And who knows what would have changed between now and next week if I'm already contracting every 10 minutes! God's timing is certainly perfect. The even crazier thing is that I don't make phone calls like that. Ask Rob. I don't complain to higher-ups. I don't "get people in trouble". I am one of those people who swallows the ill treatment and learns from it for next time. So the fact that I made that phone call in the first perfect timing.

Another Day......

8:20:00 PM Posted In , , , , , , , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
Yet another day has come and is about to go......I spent all morning trying to keep Gavin from melting down and keeping Lizze as comfortable as possible. I am so tired anymore, I can't even begin to explain...Gavin is honestly sucking the life right out of me. I just can't keep up with everything anymore.

I met with Pattie last night and we were discussing where Gavin is and where he is heading. He is in another manic phase right now. He is once again losing touch with reality. It becomes more and more apparent with each passing day just how much he is struggling... I have spent the last seven years of my life fighting for his safety and protection in court along with my wife. I have given him everything I have and it just isn't enough.

Now I have Elliott who needs my undivided attention. Lizze is on even more restrictions and her problems are getting worse every day. Tiny is just along for the ride at this point and in order to protect Tiny I have to keep Lizze safe and comfortable and STRESS FREE.

I am finding that it just doesn't seem possible to keep everyone safe and happy anymore.

Gavin loves Elliott but most of the time can't stand to be around him because Elliott is loud and very active and Gavin gets frustrated and Elliott ends up getting knocked over and pushed around. I can't allow this to happen. But at the same time I feel terrible sending Gavin to his room all the time but what else is there to do? The doctors are telling me if that's what we have to do to keep Elliott safe then we just do it.... That is much easier said then done. I feel like he is being banished to the "highest room in the tallest tower".

We keep coming back to the whole residential treatment issue and I just don't know what to do. Ultimately the decision is Lizze's (as he is not my child) and I don't envy her. This is a terrible situation to be in. I feel like I am inside a compactor when Gavin is around. My whole body hurts and I feel like I am being crushed... I can't get mad at him because he is a victim and this is not his fault. This poor child's life has been turned upside down and inside out so many times. I can't imagine what he is feeling (although nobody know how he feels anything about anything).

Elliott Richard is starting to pay a price for all of this... He doesn't like it when Gavin touches me. Elliott at 2 years of age is yelling at Gavin when Gavin hops down the steps on one foot. Elliott tries so desperately to engage with Gavin and Gavin refutes him almost every time and Elliott cries. What am I supposed to do with that... When Gavin throws a fit Elliott tried to stop him. Elliott will go to Gavin and try to kiss him to make him better. We have to minimize their contact and interaction. I don't even like sending both boys to the same place when I take Lizze to the doctors. People just think we are over reacting and Gavin is just being normal...People try to explain away his behaviors by trying to tells us that he just going through a phase and he'll grow out of it. Every time I hear this from someone I scream on the inside because I cannot break down. To much is riding on me continuing to move forward....

I don't mean to sound like I am complaining about my life. I love my wife and kids and will continue to do everything in my power to protect them. I just feel overwhelmed and broken right now.....This probably doesn't make much sense...I just felt this pressure building up and needed to let off some steam.

That's it for now. I have to go give Lizze her injection again.....

Bed Rest ~ Day 16 Holy Cow!

10:09:00 AM Posted In , , , Edit This 0 Comments »
What Tiny is up to this week: At this point you’ve pretty much adjusted to the fact you’ve got a moving little gymnast inside of you, but now they’re going to kick up the party a notch because they can hear and react to sounds from the outside world. Sounds from your alarm clock, a thunder roll, or that darned car honking at you across the intersection can actually jar their little ears enough to elicit a kick or violent bout of squirming. Of course this also means that their little ears are picking up the sounds of your voice and those near you. So go ahead, sing a lullaby to your little angel—if they start kicking, it’s likely they just want you to stop… or maybe it was a kick of approval? You decide. Your baby's tiny taste buds are still growing and their bones are continuing to ossify (harden), their tiny veins are visible through their translucent yet wrinkly skin. (Think of it this way: they’ve been swimming in the equivalent of a long hot bath for the past 23 weeks, so you can’t blame them for being a little prune-like.)

Wow! This is my 300th post! That's pretty cool. Of course, when you're confined to a couch just about anything qualifies as cool anymore. lol

I had more crazy pregnancy dreams last night. There was one about a Ma & Pop General Store. Everyone hung out there and apparently I started some sort of group but couldn't remember doing it. Whatever I had done was causing everyone to be really angry with me for doing it. The store sold a ton of different kinds of highlighters and they all had special...abilities I guess. It was just odd.

Well I'm sitting here waiting for a nurse to call me back from Dr. D's office. I spoke to a few other medical professionals yesterday about my experience in L&D Monday and they weren't happy with the level of care I received so they urged me to call Dr. D's office first thing this morning. My big concern is since "The Man-Handler" got ahold of me, my contractions have become more intense and more consistant. I'm not having 4-6 an hour but I'm consistantly having them like 20 mins apart. To me the consistancy is just as concerning as the frequency. But we'll see. I'll update when I have more.

16 down ~ 119 to go

Ah...true love...

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