My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Mama Bear reporting for duty

8:37:00 PM Posted In , , , , Edit This 1 Comment »
Okay, so I've sat "idly" by and watched as this whole shared parenting thing has unfolded. I've read my husband's posts, now removed. I read all the comments that were posted. And now it is time for the Mama Bear to report for duty and squash this nonsense.

First, I feel for every husband/father that has been wrongfully judged by the courts. Obviously, I feel for them more than ever since I've been one of them for the past seven years. It isn't right that anyone - husband/father or wife/mother - is able to lie and manipulate the courts to do their bidding. Our justice system is supposed to be one of truth and justice. Unfortunately, in my experience truth and justice are rarely present in modern day courtrooms - civil, criminal or juvenile/family. Our system is perfectly flawed and often times the good slip through the cracks.

Second, I have no obligation to justify my life to anyone. I do not have to post the entire story. In fact, the very reason I do not post the story in its entirety is because a) I am currently involved in open litigation and b) to protect Gavin. I do not know you (you know who you are and you know if you are excluded in this) and therefore do not need your pity or sympathy.

Next, I tried to keep this whole legal snafu out of open court. I tried mediation. The mediator determined that my ex-husband and his mother were completely unwilling to mediate, which makes the process a moot point. You cannot negotiate with people who are unwilling to give. So please do not assume that because I am involved in open litigation that I chose to be there. I did not. I know that open legal battles are ultimately not in Gavin's best interests. However, as his mother it is my job and privilege to protect him. Unfortunately, that requires me to be involved in open litigation at this time. Such is life I'm afraid.

Also, I am not trying to alienate my son from his paternal biological family. Quite the contrary. When DCS was called (by Gavin's pediatrician) and thereby involved, my husband and I were investigated to determine if it was in fact a case of Parental Alienation. The final determination was that it was NOT Parental Alienation and in fact, we had done more than most to try and facilitate healthy contact and safe visits. When we say that they live 2 hours away; this is the truth. It is not an attempt to alienate them. In fact, while we do not enjoy the drive we are not the ones refusing to drive. They are. If you had gone back and read any of the past posts you would have learned that we had supervised visits setup here in Gavin's hometown (because it was determined by DCS and family court that they were unfit for anything more than supervised visits); however, they decided more than a year ago that they did not want to be supervised and were no longer willing to drive to see him. I had no part in this decision. And for the record, the supervision was put in place because of their actions and testimony in court - they did it to themselves. I had no part in it.

I have learned over the years that while some are meant to be doctors or lawyers; some are meant to be parents and some are not. My ex-husband most likely was not intended to be a parent; however, through actions and his own freewill this continues to be the case. When you say that "Fact is, men don't wake up one morning and say, "my wife and kid(s) need me, I'm outta here"." how would you know? Do you know every man, every father out there? No, you do not. The irony of the situation is that this is basically what my ex-husband did. When we were married he spent his time getting drunk, getting stoned, hanging out with friends, and most likely cheating on me. I spent my time taking care of Gavin.

Do you know where he was for Gavin's first birthday? No? I do. Out using.

Do you know where he was for Gavin's first Christmas? No again? I do. He was asleep on the couch. When I begged him to get up and watch Gavin open his gifts do you know what he told me? He said he didn't care and that he would see what Gavin got when he woke up.

What about Gavin's first word? First steps? That's right, he wasn't there.

Were you there the time my ex tried to put his fist through a table? No, you weren't. You didn't see that. Gavin and I did. Were you there with us while he pinned me to a door by my throat? No, you weren't. I was there. Gavin was there. We have the scars from it. You don't. So please, do not lump us in with your "evil mother/victimized father" group because the fact of the matter is that isn't us.

The fact of the matter is, you are simply generalizing to serve your own agenda. (I bet you didn't expect that I had friends who would come to my "rescue".) I do not know that it helped your cause. In fact, I'd be willing to say that it's hurt your cause because my friends defended me. Because I have people who love me and were unwilling to let your comments go. You know it's true what they say, word of mouth advertising can do more to hurt or help you than nearly every other type. How would you say your "advertising" was going now?

So there, now you know more of the back story. Do you feel better? Does it make things easier for you to spin? Does it bother you at all that what you claim to be fighting against - prejudice and unfairness - is exactly what you are perpetuating? Of course, I'm just the mother and not the father; so my injustice is irrelevant to you. Don't worry. You can justify it by saying "She must either be a really bad actor, or is experiencing the justice that is 99.9% reserved for men."? I'm truly sorry that men are victims of injustice.

I'm also sorry that women are abused and beaten and then victims of injustice as well. You won't stand up for them will you? I can't tell you how many "wife beaters" I've personally seen get away with their abuse. But don't you worry about us because we are strong and we will eventually come out on top. We don't need people like you.

So please, keep your ill-informed assumptions to yourself from now on. (After all, you know what they say about assuming...)You aren't doing your "cause" any favors and we certainly don't need your insanity around here.


Lindsey Fay said...


I stood up and applauded this post, and that's no joke.

Keep your head up : )

Ah...true love...

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