Cheerio Confessions

Rob and I were talking last night about a lot of things. While I was putting Elliott Richard to bed he read my blog. (He has access but doesn't read very often, which isn't a big deal since he lives it and all. lol) He said that while I'm honest I put a positive spin on things. I guess that's true. I am honest but there are things that I hold back on because for a while now Rob has been uncomfortable with the whole blogging thing. My blog is set to invite only so even if Nick or Pam managed to find my Blogger profile and try to access my blog they would see a message that says my blog is by invite only. No access. No risk. Unless one of you give them the url and your login info but since I know 99% of you personally and the rest of you either dislike them as much as I do or have no interest in them, I feel pretty safe. ;)

So I've decided that it's time for honesty. It's time for me to be a little blunt and completely open about our lives right now. Keep in mind a few things here: While I tend to be pretty honest and upfront about most things, there are some topics that are harder for me to discuss than others. Also this on again off again weather is killing me and my cold/sinus infection seem to be returning and the sinus stuff I take seems to make me a little loopy for some reason. So what I don't cover today I'll try and hit later. (Side note: I am horrible at spelling! Seriously. I apologize for any misspellings but my spell check doesn't work right now. So just ignore my typos.) Anyway, without further ado...

I have been "torturing" you guys with the fact that Rob and I know the sex of Tiny and you don't. Honestly, some of you do. Some of you don't. (Gavin doesn't even know but then if we told him we might as well tell everyone. lol) I haven't posted Tiny's sex on here because some family has access to the blog, although I seriously doubt that they exercise it. In theory I could post Tiny's sex here if I wanted to and our families probably still wouldn't know. That makes me sad. It makes me sad that my best friends (one of whom lives in NYC and the other knows who she is - hope you're feeling better, hon), my mother, my various internet moms (from all three pregnancies) and Gram (my newly internet adopted grandmother) are the only ones who really check this blog(at least that I know of because they let me know they've been here). (Tiffany, Nathan, and my Aunt Susie have access and are excused from this generalization because they have their hands seriously full at the moment.) Rob thinks I should post Tiny's sex and see who actually reads the blog to keep up with life in the our household. I don't agree. I'll know when the time is right for everyone to know and I'll tell you then. So asking (nicely or otherwise) and bribing (although fun and appreciated sometimes) won't work, so for your own sanity it's best that you not try. End of story. ;)

What's next...ah yes, money. We have none. (Can't get much more blunt than that.) Rob has "lost his job" in a manner of speaking. Rob is self-employed as a construction/contractor for a pretty big home builder here in town and the surrounding states. There is an allotment here in town that Rob has worked in since they opened it. He has been in every house in the neighborhood until now. Glen, the builder he was working for, quit. Glen's replacement (who's name escapes me at the moment) seems to dislike Rob. (We think it's because the last time Rob worked for him he was also working with a rather shady individual. Now please understand, Rob is not shady. In fact, he's one of the most honest and upfront people I know. But for a while his reputation was tarnished because he was associated with Bob before he knew the "Real Bob". Incidently, the "Real Bob" recently stole $6 off a dying 67 yr old man whom he, as a paramedic, was supposed to be saving, just to give you some perspective.) Anyway, this builder seems to be replacing Rob with someone different. This has killed our income. Right now we are living off of our income tax return but that will only last until the end of March, if we are lucky and don't buy things like diapers and gas. *sigh* Rob is actively looking for work with other allotments within the company, however, this also is the slow time of year. Homeowners are buying lots and picking homes but ground breaking probably won't happen for a few months yet and Rob isn't involved until closer to the end of the process.

The other thing to keep in mind is that Rob is self-employed for a few reasons. Could he go out and get any job to bring in something for the next few weeks, yes he could. However, that is not what is best for him or for our family. Rob has a herniated disc and degenerative disc disease in his back. He was told years ago that he needs surgery and shouldn't be doing construction. He has not had the surgery because it would require him to be completely out of commission for up to 6 months. He used to be a paramedic, a job that he loved, (He was saving a hemoraging pregnant woman when he destroyed his back.) but had to quit because he had to be away from home for 24-72 hours at a time and Gavin had become too much for me to handle on my own. To work a "normal job" Rob would have to have the freedom to sit down or stand as his back allows and needs. No employer is going to tolerate that and the pain of all the standing would kill him. When he got home, he would be useless to me and the boys. Rob does what he does to allow for fexibility in scheduling because of Gavin and his special needs. The work he does is not good for his back, by any means, but it allows for us to make enough money to survive on without requiring Rob to be away from home for 40+ hours every week. On a good day (for Gavin) I struggle to meet all his needs, however, now that I'm pregnant and already on light restrictions I am not allowed to have confrontations like the ones that are typical with Gavin. And I'm not allowed to care for Elliott Richard on my own now right either so I need Rob at home as much as time and income allow. This may sound irresponsible on our part but I assure you that this is the only and best way for us. I have made appointments to all of the agencies that may be able to help us at this point. I have calls into other contacts who may know of other assistance. We are doing all that we can at this point to plan for our uncertain future. (If you know of any help that I may not, please email me. When I say our financial situation is dire, I'm not being dramatic.)

Hhhhmmmm, where do I go from here? Ah, yes, the boys. We've been lucky with Elliott Richard. While he's technically considered a preemie, he was born at 36 weeks. That puts him a HUGE advantage over most preemies because we were able to keep him inside for 9 weeks despite the preterm labor that threatened us everyday. So even though he spent the first 10 days of his life in the NICU, he's fine now. Developmentally, he's right on target.

Gavin isn't quite so easy. Gavin was a typical baby until about 2 1/2 or 3 years old. Then it was as if he woke up one day and someone had flipped a switch. Gavin was gone. Prior to the switch being flipped, he was a typical little boy. Although now that I have Elliott Richard as a "point of reference" (as Gavin's doctors put it) I now realize that there were many things I should have noticed but didn't. The fact that we lived down south for 9 months with a family doctor rather than Gavin's regular pediatrician didn't help matters any. And yes, I blame myself for that. From start to finish, I firmly believe that our time in down south while I was married to Nick was the beginning of the end for my precious Gavin.

There are many different theories as to how Autism/Asperger's comes to be. Some believe it is vaccines. I don't agree. Autism as a whole is seeing a 300% increase globally. That means third world countries, under-developed countries - essentially, countries without access to vaccines. In order for it to be vaccines, all the children in that 300% need to have exposure to the same vaccines. Others believe it is genetic, tied to such factors as extensive drug use by the parents (I used socially until I found out I was pregnant with Gavin. In my opinion, Nick is an addict.) and the advanced age of the father. I tend to agree with this a little more. Personally, I believe that Autism is much like cancer. You may be born with a genetic predisposition to cancer but not develop cancer in your lifetime. However, you pass that genetic predisposition on to your children and they may develop cancer if the conditions are right and the gene is triggered. I think either Nick or myself or both of us carried this genetic predisposition and passed it on to Gavin. Then something happened, over time, to trigger it. I believe that had it not been triggered, Gavin would have been quirky but not necessarily Autistic. But once it was triggered, Gavin was locked away inside his own mind. Too far away for us to reach.

When Gavin was young, before the switch was flipped, he was quirky. The girls at his daycare used to worry because he would not play with the other children. He would play beside them but never with them. He also refused, to the point of violent meltdowns, to participate in group activities. I admit, I was young (20/21) and didn't know what this meant. I thought he was simply angry at me for leaving him in daycare. When Gavin was a baby (9-18 months) he was very attached to me. Everywhere I went, he went. Elliott Richard is the same, only he's different. Gavin was attached to me but it was more as if I were a safe place, not a safe person. If that makes any sense. His attachment didn't seem to be emotional. As Gavin has grown, his attachments have become less emotional over time and more forced. He gives hugs because he has learned that they are expected in certain situations. Gavin will memorize a social situation and what he did that was acceptable in that moment. He will then react the exact same way every time recognizes a similar social situation. Gavin has no filter. If he sees someone smoking, he doesn't think about whether he knows them or if he should say what he's thinking, he tells them that smoking is bad and they are going to die. Then he will walk away. He has called neighbors "scary vultures" and "black monsters" to their faces. He doesn't know it's wrong. He simply thinks it and says it.

We try and teach Gavin what is right and wrong. We try and teach him that just because he feels the need to hug Elliott Richard does not mean he can drag him kicking and screaming away from his toys to accomplish it. We try and teach him that it's okay to not want to be touched but it is not okay to push, kick and hit Elliott Richard when he's trying to get Gavin's attention. The blunt truth of Gavin is that he has kicked Elliott Richard in the chest because Elliott Richard touched Gavin's foot. Gavin has kicked one of our cats down the stairs. He has tried to throw a dog down the stairs. When I was pregnant with Elliott, Gavin attacked me. He has tried to slam my fingers in his bedroom door while I was trying to get in and stop him from hurting himself. (Our house is 100+ years old and the doors are all about 2 inches solid wood.) He has clawed at my face, my eyes, my arms. He has spit in my face and punched me in the side of the head.

Gavin has no gray area. Everything in his world is black and white. He over-generalizes everything. If Person A buys Gavin at toy "just because" at Wal*Mart. Then from that moment on every time he is at Wal*Mart Gavin's believes that he will get a toy. It doesn't matter who is with him. His whole life is like that. Good and evil, with no in-between.

In our home, routine is life. Our lives are not such that our routine is on a set time schedule. However, the same things happen in the same order everday. Regardless of the time we get up or doctors appointments etc. In our world, it is always A, B, C, D etc. Never A, Z, J, V etc.

I am not telling you these things about Gavin because I want you to think him a monster. He is NOT a monster. However, he is not typical either. Simply because your pregnancy, labor & delivery were textbook followed by text book typical children, does not mean that our lives work that way. Gavin attends a special school for Asperger's and ADHD children. They have been a God send! Make no mistake the staff are ANGELS and I will take on (verbally of course) anyone who dares to tell me differently. Without them, Gavin would not be able to attend school. Public schools (as I've stated in previous posts) are not a fit for Gavin in any stretch of the imagination. I honestly do not know where we would be without them. They are all miracle workers and the best part of my job as a mother and President of the PTA is that I get to watch them work miracles everyday.

Warning: This is where my honesty is about to get bitter and angry. You have been warned.

Some things make me angry, understandablly. There are people out there who believe that they know better simply based on age. WRONG. Some believe they know better because they have typical children who all turned out wonderfully. WRONG. Some people believe that I am too strict, too structured, too this that and the other thing. WRONG.

Just because you are older than me, does not mean you have more experience than me. I have seen things in my 27 1/2 years that most of you have only read about. My childhood was not text book, unless you happen to be reading a text book about an ADHD child. My young adult years were filled with anger, violence, abuse, drugs, alcohol, cops, court dates, legal battles...you name it and it was probably in there at some point. I did not get to go away to college. I did not get to date my soul mate for years before getting engaged, getting married and having children - in that order. The last 15 years of my life have been spent fighting for survival - my own, my children's, my husband's, my marriage.

Much of the things I have endured over the past 15 years are nightmares of my own creatation; I recognize that. I take ownership and responsibility for my actions. I will not take ownership or responsibility for anyone else's. I chose to marry Nick. He chose to abuse me in any way he could think of. I did not deserve it. I did not tolerate it. And while others are certainly within their rights to ask my advice and not take it, do not ask my advice and tell me that my opinion/p.o.v. (point of view) is wrong because it does not fit into your Bubble Gum Universe. I wish I lived in your Universe but I don't. I live in the Real World. Which is MESSY and UGLY and filled with PAIN and ANGER and nasty ugly things. While you may wish to live with your head in the sand and ignore the world outside your door, please remember that I live there and when you ignore the pain and suffering in the world...You are ignoring me!

I wish I had grown up with a deep faith in God. I wish I had a life in which that faith has never been tested and I've never been angry with God. But you know what, I haven't and that's okay. That makes me HUMAN. Some people prefer to live life worrying about what others will think. While I often take into considersation what others think, it does not run my life. I know my God. We are tight. He loves me and I love him. I don't have to go to church every Sunday to show my love for him nor for him to show his love for me. I was not married in a church. It was a civil ceremony with my parents and brother and Rob's parents and siblings. That does not doom our marriage.

I have lived my entire life clouded by judgement and none of that judgement has come from where it should - GOD. I will not live in judgement any longer. My life is not easy, even on a perfectly amazing day. My life is struggle and pain. My health sucks. Rob's back is blown. Gavin is Autistic. And by the grace of God, Elliott is "perfect" (in relation to the everyone else's issues). Gavin and I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from the abuse I endured and he witnessed down south. My life is not perfect. I'm tired of pretending that it is because it makes other uncomfortable. I appreciate every prayer that is offered up to God on our behalf but you know what, there are times when it would be nice if more than prayers were offered. If you really want to know what we need...Call and ask to take Gavin for the day or overnight. Call just to see how things are going. If something is going wrong in the pregnancy, ask us about it. If we don't want to talk about it, we'll let you know. If you care, sometimes it's just nice to be told or shown.

I'm tired of fake people. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am tired of fake people. (FYI...Fake people are normal people who act in a manner that is fake, shallow, self-serving etc)If you assume that we'll tell you if things are really bad, then don't be surprised when we don't tell you anything. Don't be surprised when you aren't included in the good because you don't care to be there in the bad. My life right now reminds me of that children's story about the little red hen. She gathers all the ingredients to make bread and asks for help along the way. Everyone is too busy to help with the work. Then when the bread is baked, everyone is willing to help her eat it. And that little red hen says NO, you didn't want to help me work so you won't enjoy the fruits of my labor. That's how I feel. If you can't be bothered to care about us when things suck. You won't get to enjoy the fruits of our labor. And you know what, life sucks. The sooner you learn it, the better off you'll be.

I'm NOT telling you these things because:
We are looking for hand-outs or hand-ups or whatever you'd like to call them.
We are looking for pity.
I am unhappy with my life.
I am trying to hurt anyone.

I AM telling you these things because:
I want to be completely honest (within reason, somethings y'all just don't need to know lol).
If you pray, you'll now know what to pray for.
If you want to help, you now know what we need.
If you ask me (or us) to go somewhere, do something etc you'll now know why we can't.
Everyone needs to know what our lives are like.
I'm tired of not sharing how I feel because it might upset people. (This is my blog. If you don't like it or can't handle it, don't read it. Most of you don't anyway.)
It's unhealthy for me to hold all this crap in.

Rob cringes every time I utter the word Ladybug now. He says that he hates it and even if we are having a girl I'm forbidden from using it. lol So I've been struggling to come up with a new nickname for our littlest baby-to-be because I have to call it something (and It or The Baby are NOT options in my book). Today it came to me...Tiny. Because well the baby is tiny and it's unisex so it will assist me in keeping from all of you what we are having! *insert evil laugh here* lol My new layout is also gender neutral. No more jumping between pink and blue depending on my mood. Now it's gender neutral layouts only for this blog...at least until July! lmao

On a completely unrelated side note, I have always wondered how everyone else got their pictures centered and perfectly sized and whatnot...had I just used the picture button up there rather than trying to paste the code into my posts all of my picture posts would have looked as nice as the last two picture posts! lol

Ultrasound picture from Tuesday, January 29th. Tiny is 14 weeks 6 days in this picture. On the right is the face (alien-looking though it is) and on the left is the body. The black circle in the body is the stomach, I think, it's black because the baby had swallowed some of the amniotic fluid. Which is supposed to happen to help the digestive tract to develop.

What the baby has been up to this week: Over the past three weeks your astounding growing baby has managed to stretch yet another 2 full inches (totaling about 4.5 inches) and weighs around 3.5 ounces. Yessireee, that’s some pretty serious growth... and with it comes several physical developments! For starters, their head to body ratio is finally starting to even out a bit as the rest of the body is actually growing faster than the head at this point. Yes, your little light bulb is not so top-heavy. Their adorable little limbs have lengthened, almost reaching their normal proportions which they will have at birth. Their eyes are still closed but moving and if you had an ultrasound, which many doctors recommend you have at about this time, you may even see your little one sucking on a thumb, not to mention the necessary signifiers to let you know whether you’ve got a wee lad or lassie.

The newest member of the family (I'm still NOT TELLING!) has been a busy little bee. I haven't seen any thumb sucking as of yet. However, I did see some belly rubbing going on! (Not my own. ;) lol) That was very cool. Then of course there was a bunch of arm waving while being pressed and pushed on during the ultrasound. My kids have never been very fond of the whole ultrasound experience. It's almost like they are offended at the intrusion. lol

“Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a Man! This pain is a part of being human--”“THEN—I –DON’T—WANT—TO—BE—HUMAN!” Harry roared, and he seized one of the delicate silver instruments from the spindle-legged table beside him and flung it across the room. It shattered into a hundred tiny pieces against the wall. Several of the pictures let out yells of anger and fright, and the portrait of Armando Dippet said, “Really!”“I DON’T CARE!” Harry bellowed at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”…“You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”

That's a quote from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". I love this quote. It feels me perfectly. I'm forever saying how I'm done, I want out and I don't care. But what Dumbledore says (yes, I'm aware that he is a fictional character) is true. I care so much I feel as though I will bleed to death with the pain of it.

Current Pregnancy Stats:
164lb.
150bpm

I'm trying to kill time while I wait for my OB to call me. Today has been crazy. I've had some cramping and a few contractions since Monday. The cramps aren't anything I haven't already had this time around. The contractions HURT. I had to stop what I was doing and focus and breathe they hurt so much. So I called the office today and they wanted me to come in.

We got there. I peed. They weighed me - I gained 3 pounds in a week. Don't ask me how. *sigh* I'm up to 14 pounds gained so far. The nurse must have been new because she went through my whole medical history, again. Then we talked to the nurse practioner and she was going to check me but didn't want to "stir things up" in case the contractions were effecting my cervix. So she sent me for an ultrasound at the hospital.

The hospital couldn't get me in until 7pm. So Rob stayed home with the boys and my mom took me. (Thanks again, Mom!) She did an internal and external ultrasound. During the external we got to see all of the perfect little body parts again. She even printed a couple of pictures for me to take home. :) It was really cool to see all the different parts again. The baby weighes about 7 ounces and is measuring about a week ahead of my due date. But she said that at this stage babies grow at such different rates that they don't change the due date, which is fine by me.

Then she did the internal and got real quiet. She said she could see something that she thinks was what the ER tech thought was a band. She said she thought it was a blood vessel behind my placenta. Then she took a bunch of pictures of the placement of the placenta for the doctor because she was concerned with it's placement. She checked my cervix - closed up tight like Fort Knox - and we were done. Then Mom and I had to wait for the utrasound tech to talk to the ER doc. Then the ER doc wanted me to wait around while she talked to my OB but finally let me leave because my OB wasn't talking non-emergency calls until 8:30pm. So the tech took my cell phone number and said that either someone from the hospital would call or more likely the doctor would call us.

So now we wait. I'll update when I have more to tell. And I'll try and get last week's ultrasound pics and today's scanned so I can share them. :)

Gavin does not ride the bus home. Either Rob or I pick him up and drop him off each day. I do not trust the local school district to transport my son. End of story. Period.

But I digress, Gavin does not ride the bus home. However, his classmates do. The bus that Gavin would ride (if I trusted them but I don't) stops in front of our house at 4:44pm each afternoon. (That's right, IF Gavin rode the bus he would be on said bus from 3:00pm - 4:44pm every afternoon. Those of you who know Gavin well, go ahead and imagine how quickly that would go wrong.) Well, his classmates Khrissy and Robert ride the bus that Gavin would ride. Today Gavin realized that the bus that stops in front of our house had Khrissy on it. Khrissy also noticed that she was parked in front of Gavin's house...

Khrissy likes Gavin. I think Gavin likes Khrissy. If I needed proof of Gavin's feelings...I now have them. I offer you sneak peek into the "mating rituals of 8 yr olds"...

I'll keep this short and sweet because I'm already cramping and stressed beyond measure at this point.

The Good:

I spoke with my attorney today. There was some question as to whether or not he would be able to represent me during this current legal snafu. We ended the conversation having decided that he was going to get flack from his bosses and they weren't going to be happy. However, we are currently in a fiancial crisis and we are still sending him payments. Granted they are small payments. But unless I win the lottery I'll never be able to pay off a lump sum. But he will take the flack and whatnot but will represent me. So that's the good.

The Bad:

I haven't even gone to court yet and I'm already cramping. Plus, TECHNICALLY they have an arguement. TECHNICALLY...TECHNICALLY....TECHNICALLY...I HATE technicalities!

The Ugly:

This legal snafu is going to be U-G-L-Y...UGLY. There are no two ways about it. For now, I have sent her an offer (through my attorney) for supervised visits, period. She will never have more than supervised visits. The most she could ever hope for are technically (there's that blasted word again) unsupervised visits at the supervised location. Meaning she would be at the supervised location but the monitor would not be right on them the entire time. Maybe the monitor would peek in the room or if she took him outside to their playground the monitor would stay inside and check on them through a window. But that is my offer. I doubt she's received it yet. If she recieves it and responds by refusing, I will ask my attorney to send one last letter stating that this is her last chance. If she goes forward with court and sets a date, I will withdraw the offer from the table. She will not have my offer waiting in Avenue A in case her court case in Avenue B fails. Sorry charlie.

I'm so tired. Please pray.

My 14 week belly pictures are temporarily lost in limbo somewhere. So until I locate them...Here are my 15 week belly pictures...

Belly bump with Elliott Richard. lol

Elliott Richard showing the baby some love.

Here's the little photogenic baby. He's recently discovered that the camera loves him and he loves the camera! lol


Elliott Richard opening his gift at Gavin's party


Elliott Richard's turn blowing out Gavin's candles.


Elliott Richard vs the cake


Chillin' with Grandma W.


Hanging out with Grandma G.


Who loves the camera? Not, Elliott Richard! lol


Sitting on Daddy's shoulder - Elliott Richard's favorite place to be.


I said, NO MORE!!!!!


Lovin' on the Daddy


I just want to beep your nose. SIT STILL!


It's easier to beep Mommy's nose when she's holding me. She can't get away! lol


*Muah!*


The revival of the push toy...I don't know what's up with that grin. It's seems to be the only one I can get out of him lately. lol

It's time to update y'all from the photo stand point. Aren't you excited? ;) lol Here we go...

First up, Gavin's 8th Birthday Party on Saturday January 26, 2008!


Opening presents


Humoring the adults by reading the cards...LAST! lol


*THE* gift...he was so excited I thought he'd pop a vein! lol


Singing Happy Birthday and blowing out the candles

Okay, so things are a little rocky right now. I'm stressed. I once again find myself with a migraine that my medications cannot touch. And I'm exhausted. But a wise woman once told me to focus on the positive. And if I find that I cannot focus on the positive to simply focus on Jesus. I am not to the point of needing to focus on Jesus alone at this point. So I choose in stead to focus on the positive. In no particular order, here are my positives:

*I feel "moving and grooving" everyday now.
*Elliott Richard is learning new words all the time. So far today I've heard "orine" (orange) and "hola".
*Gavin is so sweet.*Somehow I'm managed (with Rob's help of course) to raise
2 very polite little men. Even Elliott Richard says "thank you" and "welcome"
(you're welcome). He struggles with "please" but he'll get it with time.
*My husband is loving and supportive. I couldn't find a better man if I wanted to -
and I don't.
*I have a roof over my head.
*I have food in my belly.
*February is Italo's Pizzaria's "buy a large 1 topping for $6" month. I love Italo's Pizza.
*Most times my boys would rather have healthy snack (fruit and veggies) than junk.
*I have a Mother who loves me and helps me out with getting a break or taking care of the boys or last minute babysitting more times than I can count. Without her I
wouldn't be half the Mom I am. Heck, without her I wouldn't be nearly as sane as
I am.
*My birth mother was compassionate enough to give me life and give my parents the gift of parenthood.
*I have friends and family who love me.
*I have a good head on my shoulders.
*I am realitively healthy and the medical issues I do have aren't life threatening, just life annoying. ;) lol
*While Gavin is Autistic, he is "high functioning" which means I don't have to go his whole life without hearing him say my name or tell me he loves me.
*Elliott Richard is my little preemie miracle.
*Rob is always willing to allow me a precious nap or relaxing bath.
*There are so many wonderful people, some I know and some I'll probably never have the opportunity to meet, who are willing to pray for us.
*My God is an awesome God.

I could keep going but I think I've covered the basics. :) Feel free to leave a comment with anything else that you feel should make the list.

It always seems to go in my life that things are a trade off. Good for bad. Bad for more bad. Bad for worse. Very rarely, bad for good. I feel like I'm riding the New York Stock Exchange or something.

We need prayers. Lots and lots of prayers. Long story short, my ex-husband and his mother have not seen Gavin since mid-July. It was their choice!!!! Around the 21st or 22nd of January we received a letter from our attorney with a copy of a letter from my ex-mother-in-law's attorney 2.5 hours away. She was asking for visitation to resume, unsupervised. We made the offer that she could have supervised visits, period. If she was telling the truth and it really was only about seeing Gavin, she should have accepted the supervised visits. Especially since they are in Gavin's best interest.

Unfortunately, while we were in our appointment on Tuesday, January 29th her attorney was filing paperwork seeking to have me thrown in jail, again...

I say again because in the summer of 2005, just after I found out I was pregnant with Elliott Richard she filed to have me thrown in jail for contempt of court because I had refused to give her what she wanted.

(Another long story short, at the time she had every other weekend visitation and 2 weeks in the summer. The summer weeks had to be agreed upon by both of us - her and me. Summer of 2005, she dictated the weeks she was taking. I told her no because she had set them up in such a way that Gavin would be coming home for a few days at a time between visits. She didn't want her weeks to coinside with her weekends. She wanted to have her cake and eat it, too. I told her those weeks wouldn't work and gave her 3 or 4 different options to choose from. She refused and stated she would only take what she wanted, nothing else. Never mind that what she wanted clearly wasn't in the best interest of Gavin. Well, we were waiting for my court date and Couny CPS (Child Protective Services) got involved and began to investigate my ex-husband so they had to drop the contempt charges. In May 2007, when the whole CPS case ended when we all agreed - me, Rob, my ex, my ex's mother - that the previous visitation agreement would be disolved and we would work with Pattie (Gavin's psychologist) on the new one. Are you confused yet? lol Fast forward...)

...Her attorney refiled the contempt charges, seeking once again to have me thrown in jail. Based on my limited legal knowledge, they shouldn't be able to do this because we all agreed the previous arrangement was disolved. The problem is that to argue and prove that I need an attorney. My attorney cannot be my attorney any longer. So I will not have an attorney to aid in my defense. The problem is that we owe over $25,000 in legal fees. For my attorney to go to defend me costs $2,000 just for him to travel down there. Never mind the fees per hour while he's in court and whatnot. He cannot defend me any more because we owe too much money already.

I need prayers. I have spent the last 9 years (including the pregnancy) fighting to protect my sweet Gavin from these people who don't understand him and don't want to. (Although I suspect that even with his own issues, Nick is trying to do what it best for Gavin. I think this is all her and he's being drug along for the ride.) I have no money to pay my attorney. And I can't find an attorney willing to take my case because everyone knows everyone else down there. I have been praying to God to help us in protecting Gavin. Yet everytime I pray for this the road just seems to get harder and steeper.

Well, it's official. I've reached the point in my pregnancy where my belly is starting to "get in way". lol If I am standing up and I look down, guess what I see? Nothing. My feet have disappeared. (Now I am still able to lean forward far enough to find them again. But if I look straight down, they are gone.) This morning when I was doing he dishes for breakfast I leaned on the counter like I always do. Only this time I was told in no uncertain terms that "Hey lady, I'm down here you know!" lol Now please don't misunderstand me, I love these things. I love that my feet have disappeared when I'm standing. I love that I can't do certain things without reminder that my body is no longer my own. I love that my body is constantly changing. There is just something about pregnancy that has always...sat well with me, for lack of a better way to put it.

Gavin's pregnacy was pretty easy. I only had morning sickness of days when my stress level was especially high. This is when I experienced my first migraine. (Apparently they've decided they like me and I've had migraines ever since.) I even managed to work until was 7 or 8 months pregnant. Most of the problems I thought I had were really just me being 18/19 years old and pregnant for the first time. I didn't know what was what. I didn't know what to expect, even after reading every book I could get my hands on. The two biggest issues I had were my blood pressure (thanks to people who shall remain nameless) and once about 2 weeks before my due date I couldn't get Gavin to move for an entire day. It was scary but everything turned out okay. He was just running out of room to move. :) lol Gavin was born on Tuesday, January 18th, 4 days after his due date of January 14th. He was happy, healthy and perfect.

Elliott Richard's pregnancy was a complete 180degrees from Gavin's. The 1st trimester was all day sickness, cramping, headaches and worry. The 2nd trimester was pretty quiet. It was mainly my cousin Sam's wedding, Rob's brother Jon's wedding, Halloween and Thanksgiving. The 3rd trimester was a different story entirely. Starting at 27-29 weeks I began experiencing preterm labor. I had a DVT. I was hospitalized at various points for different lengths of time. And I ended up on bed rest. In the end, Elliott Richard was born at 36 weeks on Saturday, March 4th, 4 weeks before his due date of Tuesday, March 28th. He was angry, sick and perfect. He spent his first 10 days of life in the NICU.

This pregnancy has been a combination of the two. There are times when I worry because things are quiet and all is right with the world. After Elliott Richard I'm not used to this "calm pregnancy". I've had horrible migraines, worse than with Elliott Richard. I had all day sickness, worse than with Elliott Richard. And cramping, worse than with Elliott Richard. Then you add the "band" scare and 16 days of trying not to worry. But everything is just as it should be, right where it should be.

While I may change my mind later, I would definitely be willing to do this all again. if I could get Rob to agree. :) lol I love being pregnant. I love knowing that a new life is growing inside of me. I love knowing that I alone am responsible for this tiny person for the next 9-10 months. I love breastfeeding. I love newborns, its probably my favorite phase because they just change so much, so quickly. If I had perfect, "text book" pregnancies and I could get Rob to agree to it; I would be a surogate mother. I honestly love being pregnant that much. lol

I completely forgot to post about my crazy pregnancy dream I had last night! It was just...bizarre! Various friends and family members kept taking me out to eat. Every restaurant I went to, I would order my meal (steak and potatoes, pork chops etc.). Then when my meal would come it looked like what I had ordered but it was made entirely out of white, milk and dark chocolate!!!! Some of it was molded out of chocolate, some was chocolate shavings...whatever it took to make chocolate look like food. It should have been good because chocolate is one of my favorite foods of all time. But after a while, it just got old. lol

What we've been up to...
Your nearly four-inch long gymnast is happily mobile inside your womb and if you're really lucky, you’ll notice a point when your sneezing, coughing or laughing results in a little kick here or a poke there. Still, many women don't feel anything until the 17th week or later. Although the poking and kicking isn't very charming during sleeping hours, it’s a good sign as it means your baby is actually reacting to outside events. Yay! You’ve got yourself one active healthy baby! Their little elbows and knees are bending more freely this week and their little legs are finally growing longer than their arms and getting pumped up for prenatal Richard
Simmons. Many of their major organ systems are increasing in capacity—particularly that amazing tiny heart and complex circulation system, which is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood per day, and will increase to a very impressive 200 quarts per day by the end of the pregnancy. As far as hair goes, we’ve got some new scalp patterns beginning to develop on the head, although actual head hair is not yet present.

I feel like I haven't written a proper blog this week. Well, besides the long awaited update on Tuesday. The week has been crazy busy but nothing I really feel comfortable sending out into cyberspace.

I tried to take a nap a little while ago but didn't get much rest. There was some definitely some moving and grooving going on in there and I wanted to stay awake to feel it. :) Only problem is that now I'm even more exhausted than I was before I laid down. *sigh* Such is pregnancy.

Elliott Richard is growing like a weed! He's started telling us which way to go to get home or get where he thinks we shoud go. He'll point in a direction and squeal, "That way!" It's pretty cute. Of course, when you think about it, Elliott Richard is pretty cute, too. Not that I'm biased or anything.

We kept Gavin home from school today because he had an appointment with Dr. R., his psychiatrist. Then we lucked out because today ended up being a snow day, so at least missing school didn't count against him. We've been worried about some of his behaviors lately. Luckily, it isn't what we were afraid of. It would appear that Gavin is suffering from some S.A.D. coupled with a little bit of situational depression. We are going to try a new medication and see if that helps any. I'm hoping it does because he looks so sad and forelorn. :(

I'm 15 weeks pregnant and things are supposed to be settling down a bit. My energy should be returning little by little. The nausea should be subsiding and slowly over time it is. I still have days though where it hits me full force and I'm miserable. And I shouldn't be getting winded until I'm closer to the 3rd trimester but I swear do anything exhausts me and gets me out of breath.

The writers strike is still killing me! I miss my shows! I want them back! Until I get them back, I have been finding reruns of old shows I never got to watch and recording them. Right now, I'm hooked on "America's Next Top Model". Few things are more entertaining that watching a group of women living together while fighting for the chance of a lifetime. lol I admit, I'm a reality television addict. There are some who say it kills braincells and whatnot. But you know what, I'm a stay-at-home mom to 2 boys (1 with Autism) and I'm pregnant with my 3rd child. If I want to zone and watch people do things I would never do in a million years - leave me be! :p lol

I have a sink full of dishes calling my name. But I'm tired and didn't get much sleep last night so I'm trying to ingnore them for a while.

Okay, so it's now 4:40pm. I started this blog at 8:30am which is probably the time that will show on the final posting. This day has been crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

I'm up to my elbows in checks, order forms, cash and more order forms for the school fundraiser. All in all, we didn't do too bad. I just wish they gave me paperwork to fill out. I'm trying to come up with something on the fly to keep this info organized and it's just making the whole process more difficult.

The dishes still aren't done. Elliott Richard can't decide what he wants to do with himself. I have no idea what is for dinner. And I've got a raging migraine. I love my job as head of the PTST but I hate the stupid paperwork. It just hurts my head.

I had crazy pregnant lady dreams last night that were pretty funny. I can't remember what they were now. Story of my life.

I posted a week or so ago about how my outlook on religion has changed recenty and the events that led to the change. Well, my beloved new-found Gram has struck again. :) lol *see below*

"Waiting to hear whether the baby will go potty sitting down or standing up (") Of course it will be a while before that happens as we all well know. " ~Taken from a comment posted to my blog by Gram.

This part of her comment made me laugh so hard I cried, which I deseperately needed this morning. God works in mysterious ways. I can't express how thankful for all of the wonderful, mysterious occurances and people that have we've been blessed with lately.

There are moments as a mother, when you are either reminded of where you fell painfully short or where you excelled without even realizing it. Unfortunately, it seems that the former happens far more than the latter. Yesterday was one of those rare moments when I was reminded of what I had done right, despite all of the stress and hiccups in our lives.

For Gavin's birthday he was give two T-Rex models. One from Grandma and Grandpa W. The other from Grandma and Grandpa G. Both were horrible disasters. lol Last night we took them back to the store. The plan was for Gavin to pick up a game for the PS3. He didn't get to do that because Toys R Us still has most games in their store marked at full price ($60) where as every other store has marked them down to ($30-40). (Can we say RIP OFF?) So Rob and Gavin wandered around Toys R Us for a half hour - 45 minutes while I sat in the car and Elliott Richard slept. Gavin looked at everything, including toys he knows he can't have like guns and weapons.

Finally he decided on a movie...for me. He told Rob that I really love Harry Potter and I didn't have "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" yet. He wanted to get it for me. Rob told him that it was his birthday money and he could spend it any way he wanted (within reason of course) and he didn't need to get anything for me. Gavin told him, "No, Mommy really loves Harry Potter. I want to get it for her. I want her to have it." (I'm crying as I write this.) So he used half of his money last night. He bought "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", a Mega Blocks movie (who knew they made movies with/about legos?!), a bag of Skittles for himself and a bag of fruit snacks for Elliott Richard.

There are days when I try and try and try to get through to him on ANY level and I just feel so inadequate. Then there are moments like this one, where for a moment in time we are able to catch a small glimpse of the True Gavin. The Gavin that could have been before Autism. The Gavin he is when the Autism doesn't lock him away. There are moment when I question how wonderful a mother I really am. And then there are moments, like this one, where I realize that more of what I've tried to teach him has gotten through than I realized. He just can't always show us all that he's learned.

The morning was SO stressful it was unreal. Rob and I were at each other’s throats. Of course we overslept which just started the whole day off on the WRONG foot to begin with. Oversleeping set Gavin's day off on the wrong foot, I'm just praying that he was able to pull it out of the nosedive at school. Rob took Gavin to school then I took a quick bath and got ready. Then we took Elliott Richard to Grandma G's.

My appointment was at 9:40am. I got there with a full bladder, just in case because some ultrasound techs prefer a full bladder. They think it helps push the uterus forward, making it easier to view. Thankfully Barb (Dr. D's ultrasound tech) doesn't follow this rule. So I took care of that and Barb was calling me in. (ARGH! My keyboard keeps skipping letters even though I'm hitting them! Moving on...)

Barb did both an internal ultrasound and abdominal ultrasound. I think it lasted about a half hour total. I would have laid there for 5 hours if she had let me. Barb took at least a dozen pictures for Dr. D to review. Then she took 3 for us, which I'll have to scan and post later.

I'm stalling here. I know I am. I don't know why though. Maybe it's because I'm just not ready to share the news. I want to keep it *mine*. I want to bask in the glow that is the miracle of life growing inside me. I want to enjoy this and these next few months because they are truly the only time I will ever have all to myself. Where I won't have to share.

That's not fair though. Most of you have been there for me over the past 16 days. You've prayed for us. You've followed our story. Most of you have been very loving and supportive. Barb looked for half-an-hour, from every angle (literally) and she saw NOTHING!!!!!!! YIPPEE!

She didn't see a single band! She couldn't even see evidence that there had ever been a band in the first place. She showed us the heart, all four chambers, beating perfectly at 150 bpm. She showed us the bladder, all filled up. We saw the kideys, which I've never seen in an ultrasound before. We saw all ten little fingers and all ten little toes. (Clubbed foot is common with Amniotic Band Syndrome, which we DON'T HAVE!) We saw the brain. We saw all the tiny PERFECT little body parts. There was kicking and wiggling. Absolutely wonderful and miraculous.

Now you are probably wondering, did you find out the sex of the baby, Lizze? *shrugs* We certainly could have. Guess you'll have to wait to find out if we did. :p lol

Wow...I.am.exhausted. We were all running non-stop from 7:00am until about 5:00pm when everyone showed up for Gavin's 8th birthday party. I will post a big long post complete with pictures later, after I've recovered.

I'm sick. It is now official. My cold has migrated from a cold to a sinus infection to bronchitis. I called Dr. D's office and they are calling in some antibiotics for me. I'm supposed to stop taking the Sudafed because it stopped working when things started migrating to my lungs. She said I can try one of the other cold/sinus medications though to help me breathe a little easier until the antibiotics kick in. I can't wait to feel better. I just hope this doesn't put too big a crimp on our plans for Gavin's Family Birthday Party tomorrow night. He's been looking forward to it for a week now.

I just realized I sound like Darth Vader when I breathe. That's probably not a good thing. Of course, the nurse who called me back is new and she thought I was Rob when I answered the phone. Maybe I'm a bit more congested than I thought. lol

I think I'll go take a nap now.

What Ladybug's been up to in Week 14?
Isn’t it glorious? You and your little buckaroo have roped your way right into trimester numero dos! Are you ready to rock!? Okay, okay… maybe just a little rolling and poking. Needless to say, your baby will definitely be making themselves known in the upcoming weeks. At about 3.5 inches long, their little body and limber limbs are coordinated enough for loads of complicated motions. In fact, their whole body is moving right now! You're not feeling it because their current size is still a bit too small to make an impact you'd recognize. Still, their movements are recognizable on an ultrasound. Speaking of which, you shoud be scheduling one with your health care provider! Week 16 is the classic date as you can usually determine whether your little one is going to pee standing up or sitting down. Your baby is also starting to develop the ability to move their eyes this week, although the eyelids still remain fused shut. What's more, they can make all sorts of fun facial expressions as they practice squinting, frowning, and grimacing. Cute development of the week: their little hands can grasp at things and they may already be sucking their thumb!

Everything is currently pretty quiet on the pregnancy front. I have felt Ladybug wiggle here and there. I woke up to shift positions last night and she moved after I got comfortable again. It was pretty cool. :) I definitely can't wait until I feel her moving more often and when the movements are definitely more deliberate. I would be pregnant all the time just to feel that new little person moving and grooving in there. Well, so long as I could skip the complications and whatnot. But heck, even with the complications I'd be willing to do it. :)

T-minus 4 days to the ultrasound. Rob and I are getting a little more worried as it gets closer and closer. I'm still maintaining my faith that God is here and everything will be okay. I just hope that His idea of okay and our idea of okay are the same thing. lol I think the scariest part of it all is that if anything has happened in the last 12 days we will see it. There will be no doubt that something has happened because it will be staring us in the face.

I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone the other night. After we had exhausted all other topics of conversation, we finally ended up on Ladybug and the "band". She asked me if I had thought at all about getting an amnio and things of that nature. Truth be told, I haven't given much thought to whether I would have an amnio or not. Would the results change anything? No. Would it help us to know exactly what we are dealing with? Maybe yes. Maybe no. It may just give us more to worry about in the end. Either way, we will figure it all out if and when we need to. No use in worrying about now because it won't change anything.

It saddened me to learn that Heath Ledger had passed away the other day. I once had a crush on him back in his "10 Things I Hate About You" days. But I was saddened most by the fact that he has a beautiful daughter, Matilda Rose 2 years. She will have to grow up without a father. Michelle Williams will have to raise her trying to remember him in every day things so that Matilda Rose can somehow know her father.

It is one of my greatest wishes that no children be without parents. Be they adoptive parents. Be they natural/biological parents. Be they a mix of biological and step. It doesn't matter the mix. Every child deserves to be loved by two parents. If I were in a beauty pagent, and the question of "What do you wish for most?" were asked of me...I wouldn't say "world peace". Although that is an admirable choice. I woud wish for all children to know the love of a parent. I'll even take that one step further, I wish all children could know the love of a GOOD parent. In my book, parents who beat, belittle and generally abuse their children do not deserve to have the miracle of children in their lives. Period. End of story.

Now you are probably asking yourself, what does this have to do with Heath Ledger and Religion? I'll tell you. There is a group of parents who until now have been content to boycot the funerals and memorial services of sevicemen and women who have lost their lives so that these confused, self-centered and generally heartless people could have the right of Free Speech. I abhor these "people". How do you dare to boycot the funeral/memorial of someone who gave his/her life so that you might be free? How do they work that out?

Well, these same people are choosing to exercize their Right to Free Speech at the memorial service for Heath Ledger because of the role he played in "Brokeback Mountain". Apparently, in their topsy-turvy world playing a role well is grounds for boycot because they don't agree with the livestyle of that *character*. I'm floored by that.

In my 27 years, there are a few things about religion that have tripped me up. I've always just felt that God is an awesome God. He is a loving, forgiving God of everyone.

And you know, I had this whole blog planned out about how my thoughts on religion have changed lately. How things just fall into place the way they were meant to. The problem is that I started this blog 5 days ago and I don't remember that blog. I do remember how all this started...

On Christmas our family went to my parents house. While there I found a local newspaper article about a family from Michigan adopting a little boy who was born at 24 weeks gestation. I hardly ever read the paper. I read this one. I found the article, which listed her blog. It all started with that blog. Tiffany is so sure and comfortable with her spirituality and relationship with God. I couldn't help but feel moved by it. Tiffany's blog led to the Hummel's blog, which led to other blogs. Then eventually Tiffany's blog also led me to Nathan's blog. And through Tiffany, I also found Gram. Whom I've come to love as a my own Gram. Her kind words always seem to arrive in my Inbox just when I need them most. Something I am continually greatful for. What really amazed and touched me was the fact that each blogger was just as sure and comfortable in their spirituality and relationship with God as the last. Each was going through their own trials and yet, each was still so secure in their faith.

Slowly over time, while reading all these blogs I've come to rediscover my own spirituality and relationship with God. I've come to pray again and often. The freedom and relief I've found in turning over to God what I, alone, cannot control is beyond words. I have Tiffany, Gram, the Hummels, Nathan, Tricia and tiny Gwyneth to thank for it all. Without that newspaper article...without the unconditional love of mother from across statelines...I might not have found the unconditional love and support of God again, just when I needed it most. Then again, I don't know that that was an option. God puts the right people in our lives at just the right time.

Our God is an awesome God.

Mommy & Gavin at 14 weeks


Mommy, Ladybug, Gavin & Elliott


Mommy & Ladybug at 14 weeks

Gavin all grown up. He's the Big 08 now. ;) lol


"Crazy Elliott" see previous post for proof that it's genetic. ;) lol


Go on, tell me I don't make beautiful babies. I dare you!


You can't do it, can you? My boys are DARN CUTE!


Elliott wearing Daddy's hat. I love his expression. It just *screams* "Can we go NOW?!" lol

If you've ever felt you needed proof that I am crazy...here you go! :) lol


Rob said he was going to start taking pictures of the wall and I should just "jump in" whenever I was ready. So I did. lol


I like this picture of me. I don't know why.

Okay, so I promised 13 weeks pictures would be posted today. I thought I had more than one but Rob caught me making funny faces in all the others. lol

I am 14 weeks 1 day today. (I know. I know. I STILL haven't posted my 13 week belly pictures. I have them. I swear. I'll get them posted later. I promise.) I have been a wee bit stressed lately. (I don't know if y'all have noticed or not. ;) lol) Well, a large portion of this stress was because when I was pregnant with Gavin, I felt him move at 13 weeks on the dot. Then with Elliott Richard (who's name I seem to be having a difficult time typing today) I felt him move at 13 weeks on the dot too.

So, here I was 14 weeks and nothing! I had a few moments where I thought "hey, maybe?" but I wasn't sure and in my book it doesn't count. I wanted a movement where I *KNEW*. God finally answered that prayer last night.

I was laying on the couch watching television with Rob and I felt it. My instinctive reaction was to hold my belly in the spot of the movement and promptly burst into tears. The relief I felt in that moment, I can't describe it. It felt as if the weight of the world had just been lifted off my chest.

I haven't felt it again but I'm waiting. I know now for sure that she's moving and grooving in there. I can't wait for that first big KICK.

*does a happy dance* I felt Ladybug move! I felt Ladybug move! *finishes happy dance*

Now as far as I'm concerned this is a great, wonderful, fabulous thing. Our Income Tax Return should be here soon and that's great, wonderful, fabulous thing #2. And I'm holding out for the ultrasound on Tuesday to be great, wonderful, fabulous thing #3. *crosses fingers and says a prayer*

Okay, perhaps I should explain. Although I don't know that explaining will help. You'll probably still think me insane even with an explanaination. *shrugs* Such is life.

As I posted a while ago, I am in a funk. I am overwhelmed and overloaded. I am exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically. I am exhausted by "fake" people that I am surrounded by. I am exhausted by my life. I have every right to feel these things. However, they are not good for me or for our little Ladybug. And as it is my sincerest wish to give Ladybug every opportunity possible in which to grow and thrive, I needed to kick the funk.

Elliott Richard helped some by showering me with kisses all on his own. I didn't even have to ask for them, which is rare occurrance. However, the funk remained.

I got online fully expecting to do little more than follow link after link through mind-numbing blogs. First though, I thought I would check my regular "haunts". I started with Tiffany's blog, as is my new habit. She hasn't updated since the last, which I still haven't replied to. Then I moved on to Nathan's blog. I honestly didn't expect another post since he's posted at least twice today. But I checked hoping that maybe some new pics of Gwyneth and/or Tricia had been posted and those might de-funk me. What I found was a post about what the purpose of his blog was and what it wasn't. Completely understandable given the sheer magnitude of traffic he's receiving. I faithfully read the whole post. Nodding in agreement. Understanding as best I can from my limited vantage point. Until the end.

There is one statement that I remember above all the rest. This one statement is short and powerful. So powerful in fact, that it has mostly de-funked me. What is this short and all powerful statement you ask? Was it scripture? Was it faith related? (this is another topic/post entirely) No, my friends, it was poop related. That's right, I said POOP. His one simple statement that held the power to start my de-funking process was simply this:

Finally, this post is not meant to:
(obviously I didn't add 1-9 because they did not assist in my de-funking)
10) Scare you from praying for poop.

That was it. That did it for me. How wonderful is a world where thousands of complete strangers are praying for someone's preemie daughter to poop so that she might eat. What a wonderful world that we can pray for something as simple as a child's first poop because it signifies the beginning of her road to recovery, it allows her the opportunity to eat and grow, it shows that things are moving along just as they should. (Sorry for the pun there.)

If that makes me insane, I wear the badge proudly because it helps me to know that through all of us praying and one tiny little girl's will to live and thrive; we are able to do what alone we could not. Well, with God's help too. ;) lol And so again I say,

YAY FOR POOP!!!!! :) lol

It's official. I've got da funk. I think it's because of everything that is going on right now. I've been sick for about a week. It started as a head cold that moved to my sinuses that is slowly migrating into my lungs. No matter where it resides it is wearing me out on top of normal pregnancy exhaustion. Add to that, the stress of my up coming ultrasound (T-minus 6 days) and a new legal snafu. It all adds up to my energy level being nill and a little black cloud called "Da Funk" hanging over my head.

And that is the extent of my blogging for now. Typing is even too exhausting at this point. *sigh*

By the way, funk aside I am 14 weeks pregnant today. I have my 13 weeks belly pictures to post. As soon as I can summon the energy to do so.

I am utterly exhausted in every sense of the word. I have a sinus infection and migraine. I cannot get medication for the sinus infection untill tomorrow because Dr. D was not in the office today. The medication I have for the migraines is hardly putting a dent in the pain because of the sinus part. We, that being all 4.5 of us, went non-stop from about 10:30am until we finally got home at around 4:30pm! I have nothing left.

Gavin had his 8 year "well baby visit" although I suppose he's only a baby to me at this point. His pediatrician says it's his "8 year or 80,000 mile tune-up". lol Gavin is now 4 feet 4 inches tall. Dr. M said if he stays on course with his height, he'll be 6 feet tall!!!! *jaw drop* He also weighes 60 pounds, which is HUGE because he was 45-50 pounds for YEARS. He would eat nonstop but not gain much of anything. Maybe I'll be able to stop looking for slim clothes for him soon. He was supposed to have a booster of the chicken pox vaccine (new guidelines just issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics), which of course freaked him out. Then he was granted a reprieve because the chicken pox vaccine is a live vaccine and I'm pregnant. I've had chicken pox but Ladybug hasn't and that would be bad. Thank God (seriously, not taking his name in vain here) because we had told him no shots that morning, which is what we were told last year.

Then the boys and I dropped Rob off at an appointment and met my Mom, Grammy, Aunt Sharon and baby Sofia for lunch. We ate at a chinese buffet Mom and I go to a lot. The boys love it and it's pretty cheap. I ate but nothing really tasted all that good. I'm still suffering from a complete lack of appetite.

After lunch, we picked up Rob and dropped Gavin off at Occupational and Speech therapies. Then Rob dropped me off at the hospital so I could have my bloodwork done (blood type, genetic testing based on ethnicity etc). I was in and out in about 20 minutes. Woo Whoo! We had good timing too because just as I was going back the waiting room filled up out of the blue! It was crazy! Picked Gavin up and FINALLY came home.

Now I'm just trying to find something to entertain myself with. Nothing sounds very appealing at the moment.

It is too early and I am too tired to come up with a witty title. I couldn't sleep last night to save my life. Then at 2:30am Elliott Richard decided that he wasn't going to sleep any more. Ha. Nice try buddy. From 2:30 - 3:00 Rob and I tried the usual: patting his butt, bouncing him gently etc. No cigar. So at 3am I decided that it was time to introduce Mr. Elliott Richard to the world of "self soothing".

For those of you who are unaware, I am a "Good Earth Mother" as my Mother puts it. I breastfeed for as long as possible. I co-sleep. I practice attachment parenting. I do not use cloth diapers, although I may try it with Ladybug - at least while we are at home anyway. I am not a zealot by any stretch of the word. I believe in these practices but I do not believe they are the only way or the only option. They work for me.

I breastfed Elliott Richard until he was 15 months old. I would have gone longer but medical reasons prevented me from doing so. I breastfed Gavin until he was 6 months. My hope with Ladybug is that I will be okay medically and not need to cut things short. We co-slept with Elliott Richard until a few months ago. I co-slept with Gavin until around 6 months. That was my goal with Elliott Richard as well. Co-sleep for 6 months, give or take, then transition him to his crib. However, due to circumstances outside our control (Gavin's nervous breakdown last summer etc.) we were unable to move Elliott out of our bed/room. Waiting until he was 20 months old before moving him to his own bed was *way too long*. I know this. When the opportunity to transition him out of our bed, the crib was no longer an option. We had stopped using a playpen because he could get close enough to escaping that it frightened us. The same was true with the crib. So we transitioned straight to the toddler bed.

So far, he hasn't figured out that he can get out of bed in the middle of the night. He acts as if there is some unseen force keeping him in his bed. I've decided (last night at 3 am) to use this to our advantage. Unfortunately, in my quest to have the closest, most stable emotional relationship with Elliott possible I failed to teach him to self-sooth. Again, this is my fault. I should have taught him this early on. Extreme worry sprinkled with guilt after his release from the NICU clouded my judgement. So we are learning this very important skill now.

We did pretty well last night. We toughed it out from 3 -4am. I would have gone all night because I still didn't feel sleepy but Rob reminded me that we have a full day today. Maybe last night wasn't the best night to try this. lol So at 4am we gave in. (I'll pay dearly for this down the line, I know.) Let me tell you, there are very few feelings better than having your baby curl into your body and sigh because he is finally convinced that he is safe. But the ground work has been laid (and then disturbed) and baby steps will be made. Our hope is have Elliott in his own room, in his toddler bed at night before Ladybug makes her grand enterance. Then we'll move the crib into our room. Co-sleep until 6 months. And learn to self-sooth THEN. lol

Needless to say, Rob and I are exhausted. We will be running non-stop, as a family from about 10:30am to 4:30pm. Hopefully we all make it out alive and unscathed. lol

I'm probably the only one who cares but I just had to share! I am a reality television NUT! I just love it. I don't know why. I know it's mindless and maybe that's the appeal. I don't have to think. I can just zone for an hour at a time. At the top of my list of reality shows that I love love LOVE is Big Brother. Usually it isn't on until June or July every year. But it was just announced that season 9 will be starting in February!!!! :) WOO WHOO!! I just hope it doesn't interfere with American Idol. Although so far AI has been fairly disappointing. There's still time to turn it around.

T-minus 22 days!!!

Rob took me to the dollar movie tonight. I've been wanting to see "August Rush" since I first saw the preview. Long story short, it's about a boy who is given up for adoption. He is raised in an orphanage and hears the music in everything. Growing up he is convinced that the music within him will draw his biological parents to him and reunite them all. It follows Evan (August Rush) through his journey.

I wanted to see the movie because I identified with Evan as another adoptee. I ended up identifying with him in a completely different way.

Lately Rob and I have been trying to find a way to help me communicate more efficiently. The problem, it would seem, is that I am unique. I don't just march to the beat of a different drummer, at times I hear a whole different orchestra. Any my orchestra isn't playing music so much as it's reciting poetry. When it comes to communicating, I can write and convey my point of view very easily. When it comes to talking, I'm not nearly as efficient. Talking is difficult for me. It's all done on the fly. And for me, I'm in the middle of one thought and I have another 50+ running through my head at any given moment. It's impossible for me to keep up with my thoughts, while talking. Now writing, that's a horse of a completely different color. I can write and my thoughts seem to slow. What was a free flowing freeway while trying to talk. Has become rush-hour traffic, in New York City - a dead stop.

Well Evan, the little boy in the movie, is a musical prodigy. The music just comes to him. He hears it in everything, every where he goes. That's me when writing. I see words in every thing I do. I see stories and poems in every thing. It just comes to me. Flows from my fingers to the keyboard. At one point Evan says he loves music more than food. Now while I am a normal pregnant woman and food is VERY important to me, I honestly have always love writing more than food. Writing is life for me. Writing is as much a part of me as breathing. When I was a kid, I swore there were little mice in my head. And every thought I had, every thing I said was written on a huge black chalk board by the little mice in my head. Now as I grew up I realized there weren't any mice in my head. But my point is, that even then every thing was written. Every thought. Every feeling. Every - every thing was written first.

I don't know if everyone is like this. Does everyone have something that they love so much? So deeply? Does everyone have something that they simply aren't complete without? Not a person. Not a place. But a hobby. A passion. A desire greater than yourself. I hope everyone has something like I have writing. Like Evan has music. I can't imagine a life without it. And I don't know that I want to.

For those who care, I loved the movie. I cried the whole time. It just touched me. I've read reviews and it was hated and loathed by the critics. I never trusted them anyway. They are too consumed with the movies having the right balance of this and not too much of that. What a life that must be, to be so consumed with what's lacking that you are unable to be consumed by a story. So yes, if you are one to listen to the critics, then don't watch "August Rush". If, however, you are a romantic and a movie lover. If your goal when watching a movie is to get lost and live someone else's story for a while, then go watch "August Rush". And let a little boy and his love for music and a family he's never known, consume you as much as it consumed me.

I took this picture for one reason only - look at those CURLS!!!! :) I just love them!

My poor baby already has a receding hairline!!! lol


All bundled up. Trying to battle the post-tubby shivers.


Come on Mom! No more pictures!


Giving Gavin Lovins


Toddling around in Daddy's shirt


Nap time with Mom


He was eating an apple strudel muffin but now it's "All gone". :) lol

Here are my 12 week belly photos. Yeah, I'm late posting them. So sue me. :p lol


You *know* you're getting big when you don't mind your belly being photographed uncovered. lol


And of course, Rob's favorite...the black & white shot.

Here's what Ladybug is up to at the moment:
Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.

I can't believe I'm already 13 weeks. For those who do not follow the trimesters by the development of the fetus; I am now in the 2nd Trimester!!! :)

I haven't had too much cramping the past few days, which is a good thing. I haven't had any more bright red spotting since my last episode on Monday, which is an AWESOME thing! :) I'm still having massive migraines. And I'm having bouts of morning sickness, although it's striking at all times of day and night. There's no rhyme or reason, it just hits me out of the clear blue sky. I'd almost rather have it all the time because then I know I have to take my meds before every single meal. With this random morning sickness stuff, I can't prepare. I could eat breakfast and be fine. Then eat lunch and be *so sick*! Theoretically, it's supposed to end soon. Here's to hoping. *crosses fingers* At least I managed to accomplish some laundry before the morning sickness hit me this afternoon. It felt good to be able to get something done first though.

I think I've felt the baby move a few times. I'm pretty sure that it was the baby because it's right where we saw Ladybug's feet on Sunday in the ER ultrasound and it's always in the same tiny little area. I can't wait until I can tell for sure that it's the baby and it happens more frequently. Right now I'm playing the "was that the baby?" game. lol

Overall, things are pretty quiet on the pregnancy front. *knock on wood* So there really isn't very much to report right now. T-minus 12 days to the next ultrasound.

No, no, no! Not *that* time, at least not for a few months anyway. I think it's time to introduce Elliott Richard to the potty. *sigh* My little Twitter Bug is growing up so fast.

Yesterday he decided that he had to pee but didn't want to use his diaper. So he went into Daddy's office and peed on the floor!!! Problem is that it's apparently pretty difficult to control your aim when you have a diaper and pajamas on. So he got most of it all over himself. Being the smart little bug that he is, he then went and sat on the heating vent to try and dry himself off. lol I nixed that idea and plopped him into the bathtub. Where he promptly stood and properly aimed his stream here and there and all over the tub. lol

Then this morning he was in bed snuggling with us and we smelled something amiss. Sure enough, Elliott had left us a present. And to show us, he wiped it on his leg and his forehead! lmao So into the bathtub he went again! lol

We've been kicking around the idea of digging the potty out of "storage" for a while now. But didn't want to freak him out by it. But he's now telling us after he goes that he needs changed. He goes into a private corner to...do his business. And then the mess yesterday. I think it's time they were introduced. With any luck, he'll be mostly potty trained before Ladybug makes her appearance. *crosses fingers*

Okay, so I had my vent. I got it all out, which was good because then I wasn't carrying it around inside. If you read it, thank you. If didn't, that's fine too. Here is what transpired after that...release.

I took a bath. I played with Elliott Richard and he made me laugh so hard I cried. A completely different cry from the hours preceding the play date. It felt wonderful. Then we cuddled and I took him to bed. While he was falling asleep, he kept reaching up and throwing his arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. Again, I cried. (Hey, I am pregnant after all! lol) Then I decided. I can't change this. I can't fix it. Only God can, not me. So I prayed.

I've been praying a lot lately but it's mainly been "please bless and keep so-an-so" and "please keep and protect us". That sort of thing. Well, last night, I changed my tune a bit. I took a page from some of my new-found "everyday heroes" blogs. I turned it over to God. I asked him (okay, fine! At times I downright begged him...) to keep and protect my little Ladybug. I gave it over to him and I asked for one more miracle.

I feel a little better now about it all. I still cry if I think about it too much. And I spend most of my free time between thoughts praying and turning my little Ladybug over to God. But just like the little voice in my head (not to be confused with the bad voices people hear) yesterday, "If he leads me to it, he'll lead me through it". So, I'm just going to pray like mad and hold tight because it looks as if it's going to be a pretty bumpy ride.

Now there is a chance, that the band isn't there at all. There's a chance my little Ladybug was laying funny. Rob and I talked about it all last night. He kept asking, "Do you trust Dr. D?" and I do. He got me and Elliott Richard through alive and healthy. He's never steered me wrong. He is doing the extra ultrasounds because this is something we need to monitor. But he's also doing the extra ultrasounds because there is a chance we will see my little Ladybug on Jan. 29th and the band will not be there. I had an ultrasound done at 6 weeks and apparently if I had the bands they should have been starting to show up then. But my ultrasound was clean. And his ultrasound tech, Barb, is amazing! So I trust them. I recognize the fact that this is a possibility. But I also recognize the possibility that the ER was wrong.

That being said, if you pray or talk to God or whatever you call it, please pray for us. Pray that our little Ladybug stays put for another 6.5-7 months. Pray that Rob and I are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at us. Pray that the band breaks (or was never there at all). Pray that our wonderful boys continue to grow and thrive (as much as they can). Pray that Rob and I continue to stay strong and turn to each other during this roller coaster ride that is life. Or simply pray for the little things, a good nights sleep, a relaxing bath, good friends, supportive family.

If you are praying for us, thank you. If you are thinking of us, thank you. If you love and support us, please leave us a comment and tell us so. It's nice to know but sometimes it helps to read it also. :) And please know that I love each and every one of you. Only my nearest and dearest have access to my blog, so if you can read this, please know that you are loved. Even if I don't tell you as much as I should.

We had an ultrasound yesterday in the ER. I don't remember if I mentioned the "band" they saw and at this point I don't care to go back and look. Long story short, they saw a "band". The band is medically referred to as "Amniotic Band Syndrome" feel free to look it up if you would like to be depressed with me. Basically, there is a band - sort of like a rubber band - stretching across my uterus. At this point, the baby is not caught up in the band and this is good. If the baby gets caught up in the band, any number of things could happen. The outcome ranges from nothing happens or the band breaks (best case scenario) to mild deformities (grooves in the skin) to serious deformities (webbed fingers and toes) to critical deformities (amputated hands, feet or limbs).

I am devastated at this very moment. Perhaps later, I will not be devastated. Right now, I am.

Just once in my life, I would like things to go smoothly. I would like to not have a life full of drama. Just once in my life, I would like to catch a break! And not like, "oh look, the baby didn't lose her whole arm"! I want the band to break! I want my baby to come out perfect and on time! I want one blessed break in my life! Is that SO much to ask for? Honestly, is it?!

I keep hearing this little voice in my head "If he leads you to it, he'll lead you through it." But you know what?! I'm flipping tired of being led to it in the first darn place!!! Just once I'd like him to not lead me to it! I'd like him to steer me the other way and say "Nah, you know what, you've had enough so let's try this way instead". Just once I'd like the path I'm on, to not be the path of most resistance! I'd like to see what the path of least resistance is like! Just once. *sobs* Is that really so much to ask? People tell me that God must have great and wonderful things in store for us, what with all the Hell I've endured in my 27 years - specifically the past decade or so. I keep waiting to see just a glimpse of these wonderful things. I keep praying for my break. I keep maintaining faith that it's coming. But you what, I'm not so sure anymore. I just don't feel it anywhere near where I am and I don't know how much longer I can hold out for it.

I've always had the genetic blood testing done during my pregnancies. I always told myself that it wouldn't change anything. And you know what, it wouldn't. In the end, when push comes to shove, it doesn't change anything. But right now, in this very moment, it changed every moment of my life! Right now, it matters. Right now, I'm terrified of that test because of the other problems that are often linked to ABS. Right now, I don't want to know. I don't want ultrasounds every 2 weeks! I don't want the terror of will she be caught or won't she.

Right now, I just want to be left alone. If you love me, thank you. If you're sorry, please don't tell me so. I don't want to hear about a friend of a friend. I don't want to hear that it will be okay. I don't want to talk at all and talking involves listening. Feel free to think I'm being a brat. Feel free to think I'm handling this poorly. Right now, I just need to...feel what I need to feel. If you'd like to leave a comment so I can read it when I'm in a better place, please do. If you'd like to pray that the band breaks, by all means! We could use all the extra prayer power we can get.

But please, for the love of God, if you decide to look ABS up on the Internet DO NOT SHARE WHAT YOU FOUND WITH ME!!!! I don't care. I don't want to know. I already read more than I should have. So please just keep your new found knowledge TO YOURSELF! Thanks.

*sigh* Rob and I spent a good part of the day in the Emergency Room. Gavin spent the day with Grandma W. (thank you!) and Elliott Richard spent the day with his Aunt Kate (thank you too). I woke up this morning with more cramping only this time it was pretty strong. A little while later I had some more cramping and some bright red spotting, which is never a good thing. I told Rob and we talked for a while about what we should do. Eventually we settled on Rob calling Dr. D's office while I took a bath. The nurse wanted us to go to the ER, so we did after my Mom and Kate showed up to pick-up the boys. The receptionist was really nice. The triage nurse was super nice too. They got me in right away and the head of the ER was my doctor. I was thrilled because he was really nice. Completely different from the jerk I had last time - thank God! My nurse came in and she tried to find the heartbeat. She tried for 20+ minutes. Nada. I was so devastated. I just kept thinking "oh my God, I'm going to have to have a D&C." and "my baby is dead. I don't know how to deal with this." I felt as if someone had just dropped the weight of the world on my chest and walked away. So she went and got another nurse. Rob knew the new nurse from his days running calls as a paramedic. It took her maybe another 10 minutes before she actually found it. She found it and we listened for a few moments but I was too overwhelmed to say anything. So when she was done she went back and listened again to make sure I had heard it. After that came the nasty, uncomfortable medical stuff - I'll spare you guys those details. ;) They took some blood to check my hormone levels. Then I had an ultrasound. We got to see our little "Ladybug". All ten little fingers and toes. Her ribs. Both hemispheres of the brain. The u/s tech tried to see what the sex was because *sometimes* (not very often) you can see this early. No dice though. So until 20 weeks I will continue to maintain hope and call her "Ladybug". :) She was sleeping and had both hands up by her face. Her feet were crossed at the ankles - so even if we could tell the sex, I don't know that we would have been able to see it. They said everything looked really good except they saw a "band" some where that it shouldn't be but they weren't sure what it was. For now, I have what is medically referred to as a "threatened abortion". I hate that term. It's horrible. It means that if things don't improve then a miscarriage ("spontaneous abortion") will occur. The doctor said that a miscarriage at this stage is not in any way my fault. It wasn't anything I did or didn't do. It's just one of those things. He also said that with their first child, his wife had cramping and bright-red spotting throughout the *whole pregnancy*. Now they have a 20 year old son who was normal until he became a teenager. lol Then he spoke with Dr. D before they could discharge me. Dr. D has put me a few more restrictions - no walking the mall, no exercise (like that was a big part of my life before lol) and that sort of thing. I have to call tomorrow and see Dr. D sometime in the next 3 days.

For now, it's really good that we still have a heartbeat and that Ladybug was moving around during the ultrasound. Granted there wasn't a ton of movement but it was more like "leave me alone and stop pushing on me" kind of movement. At this point, I'll take whatever I can get. So that's my very busy, "exciting" and terrifying Sunday.

On a semi-funny note...when we first got into my room and the ER doc came in he looked at me and said, "I was reviewing your chart. Then I realized that you're pregnant *again* after numerous hospital stays, preterm labor *and* a DVT. You are one *brave* woman." I chuckled and said, "I'm not sure it's bravery so much as it's stupidity." He laughed and said, "I think it's bravery." All I know, is that my Ladybug is only 12 weeks 4 days old and already I can't imagine life without her.

If you are the praying kind, please pray for us - me and Ladybug, that the pregnancy stablizes and everything is okay. And pray for Rob because everything is going to be very reliant on him from now on - me, the boys, everything. He will have a lot of responsibility placed on him that we would otherwise be sharing. Pray that the boys make it through this ordeal in one piece too. Pray that the placenta reattaches and everything moves along as normal.

Lately, I have become accutely aware of the other blogs out there in cyberspace. I always knew they were out there. I just never really happened upon any of them that belonged to people I didn't already know in real life. Then I read a newspaper article about Tiffany, Jason, Hannah and Isaac . So I read her blog, start to finish. Her blog led to the Hummels and Nathan, Tricia and Gwyneth . It's kind of snowballed from there. I now have between 10 and 15 blogs that I check frequently. Most of them I don't even know how I happened upon them! lol I have met some wonderful and amazing people in the blog hopping adventures. When Rob sees me reading them, he always asks me "why". He asks why because more often than not I seem to come across the blogs of parents to preemies. He doesn't understand why I want to remind myself of that period in my life. I read them because they give me hope. I read them because they remind me of what could be. They remind me of what was. They remind me of all the reasons why I can't do the things I want to do. They are my daily dose of "humble pie".

Plus, there is nothing quite like reading through an entire blog and finally getting to that "everyone is home under the same roof" post.

Wednesday morning I woke up early because I had some last minute PTA stuff to type up so I could get them set home with the kids that afternoon. As I was typing, Gavin came over looking very pleased with himself. Here was the exchange...

G: I have a secret for my teachers. They will be so proud of me!
Me: Uh...baby, why don't you tell Mommy the secret first?
G: No. I can't wait to tell my teachers. They'll be SO IMPRESSED!
Me: Seriously, baby. Tell Mommy first, just to be safe.
G: Okay. *pause for dramatic effect* I know how we know when to pee.
Me: Wow. Okay, how do we know when to pee?
G: Well, everyone has "tentacles". (tentacles = testicles) And when your tentacles fill up with pee, you know. Then your pee-pee throws it up.
Me: *trying desperately not to laugh* Oh. Okay. That's a very good theory but I'm pretty sure that's not how it happens.
G: Oh yes, that's how it happens. Your tentacles fill-up and your pee-pee throws it up.
Me: Gavin, that's not how it happens. Daddy can explain it to you tonight after school if you like but that's not how it happens.
G: Oh. Are you sure?

Now could I have tried to explain it to him? Yes. Did I have the time? No. Did I have the slightest clue where to start or how to begin? No. So I pawned it off on Rob. Gavin never did ask by the way.

Now we fast forward about 20-25 minutes. I am at the school separating papers so that each class has the proper number with Miss F. Miss L, one of Gavin's teachers, comes out of the classroom holding a piece of paper. She walks over to me and the following conversation took place...

Miss L: *trying not to laugh* Guess what your son did.
Me: *sighs but keeps counting* I don't think I want to know. Whatever it is, I'm sorry. We will talk to him and it will never happen again.
ML: No. No. No. It's okay.
Me: Okay...
ML: Your son drew this for me. *holds out piece of paper with a confusing drawing on it*
Me: Uh...what is that?
ML: It's me.
Me: Oh that's nice. *confused but still counting papers*
ML: Peeing.
Me: *stops counting* Excuse me? *takes drawing*
ML: Gavin was very proud of himself when he finished this. When he gave it to me, he said I could keep it. Well, I asked him about it. And he said it's me, peeing.
Me: Sweet mother of God. *sighs* I'm SO sorry. (at this point I'm very grateful that his school is understanding and does not suspend for this sort of thing)
ML: Did you see my penis?
Me: *jaw drops* Your what?!
ML: My penis. Gavin said I pee with a penis and he drew it. (Sure enough he had.)
Me: *stunned silent*
(at this point Mrs. C his other teacher comes to the doorway)
Mrs. C: *laughing* So, what did you think?
Me: I'm SO sorry.
MC: It's okay, really. We explained to Gavin that going to the bathroom was a very private thing and it wasn't okay to draw, write or talk about it. I think he understands.
Me: Well, life is definitely never dull with an Autistic son. *laugh*

Thank God, Gavin doesn't still attend the local public school. They would have suspended him for this because it's "protocol". Zero tolerance policy and all that crap. (They tried to suspend him for hugging a female student when he apologized. *sigh*)

On a less embarrassing note, Elliott Richard has learned some new words. The other night Rob asked me if I wanted ice cream. I had no idea Elliott Richard knew exactly what ice cream was. He's never shown any interest in it before unless it was Gavin's. Well, this time he heard Daddy say "ice cream" and it was on. He began jumping up and down (which still takes quite a bit of effort for him) and screaming "i ceam!" "i ceam!" The problem is that even if no one else offers it or asks about it, every night he looks at me and asks "i ceam?" at least once. lol

He's also started calling Kate's dog, Oscar, by name. Of course it sounds more like "ah-car" but he definitely means Oscar. What amuses me about this is the fact that he says Mom, Dad(dy) and Ga (Gavin). He hardly ever sees Oscar and yet his is the next name he says! lol Not something for Grandma or Grandpa or even Kate. Nope, it's Oscar before everyone else. If only I knew how the mind of a toddler worked. :)