My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Shattered....

7:39:00 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
I'm sorry it has been a little while since I posted but things are getting really bad. I don't know how to explain in words how I am feeling right now. We have been dealt a few blows these past few days.

Friday we received a letter (I can't go into much detail at the moment) from our attorney demanding a VERY large sum of money (for us anyway) in order for him to continue fighting to keep Lizze out of jail. This was very unexpected and the timing couldn't have been worse. It felt alot like extortion. Either I came up with the money or Lizze WILL GO TO JAIL. We have spent the past few days scrambling to come up with the money.

Luckily I was able to come up with the money. Our luck also extends outside the hospital and courtroom. Our house has been struck by lighting 3 times in 5 years. I have been waiting for almost 3 years now to replace our crippled tv. We finally were able to replace it around my birthday last month. We got an amazing deal (especially with insurance paying for it) and finally were able to have something nice to watch. I know it probably seems materialistic but I assure you it's not. We have given up everything nice we had over the years in order to get Gavin what he needs. I have sold all the gifts from Microsoft (ranging from laptops to xbox 360s to very expensive software) I received for my work with them. Finally with the tv we had something to cling to. Something to help us feel more normal if that makes sense.
Anyways, we had to return it to keep Lizze out of jail and keep fighting a fight we want nothing to do with. Obviously returning the tv was not a tough decision, family first. Lizze's safety and security is way more important then a tv. But it's demoralizing none-the-less. I know Lizze feels really guilty for all of this but I keep telling her not to because it's not her fault. She has done nothing wrong and everyone knows it. We will have our day and this will forever be put to rest.

Gavin is so exhausting. We are so physically and emotionally bankrupt at this point. Gavin is back to his meltdowns over and over again. Last Friday was his worst day of school in 3 years. I honestly don't know how much more of this we can take. I don't want to go to court again. I just want to be left alone. Gavin just never stops anymore. There is constantly drama, meltdowns and then more drama. He is regressing to the point where I cannot even understand him anymore. He repeats himself over and over and over again. He starts speech therapy again this week so maybe that will help but I don't know anymore.

I was driving my invoices up to the office to get them paid and I heard a song on the radio. I can't remember the name but it struck a chord. They were asking "How many times can break without shattering?". I know we have been broken so many times I and terrified that we will not survive another one. I am so scared that there will be no future for my family. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

Ah...true love...

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