My Breastfeeding Badges of Honor

Take Me Away......

9:44:00 AM Posted In , , , , , , , , Edit This 3 Comments »
I am completely overwhelmed. I now have what Lizze and Elliott have/had (I feel like crap) and Gavin is driving me crazy.... He will not stop talking and repeating himself. He is picking on Elliott and not listening at all.
I made the mistake of getting a game for the 360 that Gavin and I could play together. The first time he was playing it he was doing fine with the game but then Elliott touched him. Gavin completely lost it and started screaming at him and swinging his elbows around in an attempt to make Elliott go away.
All Gavin will talk about is how he wants to play the game again. I told him he doesn't get to play games when he does things like that. He could have really hurt Elliott. Gavin is just not ready for video games, even the very simple ones...
I don't know what we are supposed do. Someone out there has to know what we are supposed to do.. All of our doctors and case workers keep telling us that we have already done so much more then most parents would have done so good advice is hard to come by. We need new ideas..

My huge concerns right now are:
1)Should we let Gavin and Elliott even play together (supervised of course).
2)How do we get through to Gavin???
3) How do we do any of this without feeling guilty.
4) Do we continue to fight Lizze's ex- mother and law to protect Gavin at the expense of the entire family???
5) If we don't let Gavin and Elliott play together how do we keep them separated?
6) How do we secure ourselves financially with all we have going on?????
7) How do we protect Gavin??
8) How do we protect Elliott and Tiny???
9) When do Lizze and myself get to take care of ourselves???
10) Are we trying hard enough, if not, what can we be doing better???

These are just s few of the things I worry about everyday...There probably isn't an answer to these questions....Gavin is melting down right now because he was digging in a hole in the wall with his fingers and Lizze told him to stop. Instead of stopping he just hid around the corner and did it again. She asked him a total of 4 times and finally sent him to his room... Now he is screaming and crying in his room... I am completely lost.....

3 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Once again, I am only giving advice based on an entirely different situation with a much older child. However, we also faced many of the same questions. Our son was obviously hurting not only himself but the entire family. Our other children had no quality of life. At what point do you say enough? At what point do you say that the good of the whole has to outweigh the good of the one? That point is different for every family in every situation. For us that point came when we realized that our son would never follow our rules and by not following those rules he was endangering every other member of our family. We approached many people for help and were always told that help was unavailable. Boarding schools for his age and his issue ran well over 2,000 a month, something we could not swing. The decision that we ultimately reached (to send him away to live with relatives) cost us dearly on many levels. Our younger sons no longer have an older brother (good and bad in that). My family no longer has anything to do with us, believing that we selfishly just didn't want to deal with our son, financially the school he is attending costs over 600 a month which is hard for us to swing. Not to mention that we miss him terribly. It was the right choice for us and our family but a very hard choice to make. In your case I would ask myself several questions:
Is Gavin capable of controlling these behaviors if he chooses--if so, how can he be helped to control them?
Is there a way to secure the safety of the other children?
Is it fair to the children who are not causing issues to always have all the attention going to Gavin?
What are the emotional consequences on each member of the family if things go on as they are now? If things change?
Can you realistically go on? Can you see yourself doing this for another 10 years?

I hope you find an answer that allows peace in your family while still letting Gavin know you love him.

susanb573

Rob said...

Susan,

Thank you...

I feel like noone understands what this is like. I feel like everyone looks at us like we just don't care or we aren't trying hard enough. I feel like our families think we are over reacting to all of this. I feel like a monster because I am having to choose one child over the other. I feel terrible because the more this goes on the more I feel like a "blended" family. I am resposible for all these people and I just cannot find a way to give each one what they need...It's heart breaking because it's not Gavin's fault. He is a very sweet, compassionate and gentle child by nature but all his disorders lock that away.

You are the second person in the past few days to ask about the future. The truth is I don't see one...

Thank yo for sharing your story. It is rare for me to find people who do understand. Thank you.

Kari said...

I justed wanted you to know that you have a blogger friend in TN praying and thinking about your family...

Ah...true love...

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