Cheerio Confessions

11lb. 13oz. of absolutely adorable chub and chunk!

Elliott Richard & Emmett John...Brotherly Love

Grandma & Pa-Pa G are on their way to pick-up Elliott Richard & Gavin so that Rob can come and pick Emmett John and I up. The Respiratory Therapist and our apnea monitor should be here in 1 hour at 5:30pm. After we learn how to use it...We are free to go! (Woo who!)

Our only medically related snag today is the fact that our insurance company apparently only pays for an apnea home monitor if the hospital staff witnesses an apnic episode. Since they haven't, insurance is fighting us. They'll pay for it in the end. And if they don't then I'll have a pretty hefty medical bill.

C'est la vie.

Elliott is ready for mommy and emmett to come home. He started cooking dinner.

Ah the joys of blogging from my phone...I accidentally sent the email/blog before I was finished.

Anyway. After using the monitor for a few days we will bring Emmett and monitor back in so they can download the information and review it. At that point Dr. H will decide if Emmett is okay or if he needs to be referred to the Apnea Clinic.

For now we are just hanging out. Emmett John is asleep on my shoulder. I'm watching reruns on bravo and having a pretty crappy day. (Lord knows I didn't have enough to worry about with Emmett in the hospital and having breathing issues - I need some family drama thrown in just for fun.) Thankfully, Emmett is doing really well.

Unfortunately, today is my cousin Sam's daughter, Sofia's 1st birthday party. I really wanted to go and take Elliott Richard and Emmett John. (Gavin and parties with large groups of people - especially with a lot of kids - don't mix well.) However, I obviously can't do that now that Emmett John is in the hospital and having health issues. Such is life the of a parent - so I know Sam will understand.

***Sorry we missed the fun, Sammers. I hope Sofia has a wonderful day. Happy 1st birthday Sofia!***

Honey,

Elliott and I are thinking of you guys.

Love Rob\Elliott

We're still here. Emmett John is doing well. He finally went back to sleep at about 6am, which allowed me tonal a few hours sleep...bringing my total grand to 3hrs! Woo who!

He hasn't had any more episodes of breathing issues. So the current plan of attack is to keep him until late afternoon, early evening. If during that time he still is incident- free they will discharge him with an apnea monitor.

Last night Rob and I made the decision for Rob to go home and be with Elliott Richard so that he could get some sleep and maintain his usual routine. This wasn't an easy choice by any means. I want Rob here with us. He wants to be here with us. However, Elliott Richard needed sleep and as his parents it was our responsibility to see that he got it. So they are at home while Mr. Emmett John and I are here in the hospital.

It's now nearly 3am. Emmett went to sleep at around 9pm. He slept through his 11pm feeding and then he finally woke up at 1:35am starving! I must admit it was nice to get a few hours sleep except he's not going back to sleep as easily as he went to sleep earlier. Of course he keeps setting the super sensitive alarms off, which makes sleep next to impossible. So now...2 hours later ...we are still awake.

Strike that. Our wonderful nurse, Cindy, just came in and turned his monitors down so he could sleep. (Yay!) So now his sleeping. Overall, he's doing really well and I'm thrilled to report that he hasn't had any more breathing issues or periods of gasping for air. Which is amazing and very encouraging.

With that, I leave you with these early morning pictures of our patient. Notice I even managed to catch him smiling (Just barely and yes, I know it's blurry. But he's still too stinking adorable even blurred. lol). And now I'm going to try and get some more sleep.

(Hi Daddy, Elliott Richard & Gavin! We love you! We miss you! We'll be home soon!)

I am writing this from my hospital bed in Emmett John's hospital room. He's been a fussy for few days so his ped, Dr. H increased his zantac dose yesterday. Then today he was still fussy. I actually had to wake him for a few feelings. The biggest concern were the 2 times he was gasping for air...trying to catch his breath.

We saw Dr. H at 4:30pm. Emmett John new weighs 12lb. 11oz! That's nearly a one pound gain since his appointment last week. Dr. H said the fussiness is probably reflux and a little tummy bug, which is giving Emmett John the runs. The missed feelings and gasping were his biggest concerns. Those concerns earned him the admission to the peds unit at the hospital.

So here we are. They are watching him on the monitors for the night. They are also keeping an eye on his intake (times he nurses) and output (diapers) to make sure the tummy bug doesn't dehydrate him. The current plan is to watch him tonight and send us home tomorrow with an apnea monitor. So long as no surprises happen tonight. I don't see a whole lot of sleep in my future tonight so I'll update if anything changes.

Okay, I should try and sleep now; while he's asleep since I don't know how long it will last. Oh and not only is my "Tiny" gaining nearly a pound a week but he's grown 3 inches in a month!!!! He's now 24.5 inches long! I swear he's going to pass Rob up at this rate!

Prayers (even though I'm still boycotting there's no need to punish Emmett John) and positive thoughts would be much appreciated. Thank you.

And here is Mr. Elliott Richard sportin' his new do! (It reminds me of Andy (the kid brother) on the 80's show "Family Ties".)

Smooches!

Er...cheese?

Silly boy!

There's my sweet little Twitterbug! :)

After he was mistaken for girl (again) Rob and I finally decided it was time to take the plunge and get his haircut. These are the pictures during his first haircut. (For before pictures, just click the "Elliott Richard" tag-link in the sidebar. There are even a few pictures just of his curls that I took in January, or there about.)

We took him to a local place that only cuts kids' hair. The inside is brightly decorated. They have toys to play with. Movies to watch. And cute little Merry-Go-Round animals to sit on. When I took Gavin there once (at about the same age - so before he really "changed") he absolutely HATED it. So I really wasn't sure what to expect from Elliott Richard.

He did beautifully! The only snag was that he refused to sit on a little animal. So he sat on my lap. Then he wanted nothing to do with the cape. So we both ended up covered in hair. It was a small price to pay for a hassle-free haircut.

(After shots are coming...)

Before

And away we go....

Okay, so I promised you pictures and an update...three days ago. I have the pictures. They are on my phone. I just haven't gotten around to posting them yet. However, I will give you a quick "driveby" update. Ready? Here we go...

Elliott Richard has recently gone through a pretty big change. He now thinks everyone should go through this change. He also has a slight case of impetigo (ie bacterial rash). While both he and Emmett John were at the ped's office Thursday he said the cutest thing. Here's the convo:

Me: So I shouldn't worry about Emmett's "foaming at the mouth"?
Dr. H (ped): Nah, it's most likely the reflux. Unless of course you think he's rabid?
Me: Nah, I think he's good.
Elliott Richard: (looking very confused) That not rabbit! That baby Ennett!

Gavin started school last Monday. He's doing okay so far. He has a new classmate, which I predict will be disastrous. Only time will tell.

Um....I've added stats for Gavin and Elliott Richard to the sidebar along with Emmett John's stats. Elliott Richard weighs 29lb 11oz!!!!! Emmett John is now 11lb 13oz!!!! I've got two chunky monkeys on my hands!!!

I swallowed my pride and talked to Dr. D about PPD. Turns out that extreme anxiety is a form of PPD. I did not know this. Now I do. He put me on a low-dose anti-depressant for a little while. Hello, placebo effect! I'm already feeling better. Still very jumpy and anxious but not as bad. I'm still adjusting to the meds so I'm tired and napping. A lot. (Which is a big reason the blog has been so desolate lately.)

Emmett John is doing much better. He's now 8 weeks old, which I can't believe! The increase in his Zantac seems to have finally fully taken effect. He's much happier and laid back now. Sleeps really well at night. Not spitting up as much. It's been nice. (I'm waiting for the bottom to fall out.)

The twins are adjusting nicely. Blue is slowly starting to show some interest in actually being a member of the family. He's slowly seeking out attention. Cosmo is still a complete spaz. Elliott Richard loves them both...nearly to death at times. They tolerate him really well. I think they'll fit in nicely....once Cosmo settles down some. lol

Rob threw his back out again. We've been trying to nurse that back to "normal" for the past 5-6 days. He really needs to have major back surgery (he's honestly needed it since the injury in 2001-2002) but that's not an option right now with everything else that's going on.

I'm still acting like a spoilt teenager and ignoring God. Do I believe this is hurting him? Nope. Do I care? Nope. I'm still hurt and pissed off and feeling abandoned.

We still have that major thing going on that I can't elaborate on yet. Rob and I debate just laying all the cards on the table. As long as we stick to the facts, there's nothing anyone can do. I'm still anxious (shocker I know) about it all though. So for the time being we still aren't going to elaborate. However, I will say this...From where I stand, there are some who are seeking to wage war upon me and my family. If a war is what they seek, a war is what they shall get. (For those of you who know me IRL; you know I will wage war on behalf of my family. For those of you who do not know me IRL; I am fiercely loyal and there isn't an angry, protective mamma bear on the planet that holds a candle to me when I'm ticked off and feeling protective.)

Rob's 30th birthday was today (I started this blog on Sunday, August 24th.) and his family threw him a great cookout/party. All of our nearest and dearest came. We ate good food. Laughed. Talked. And generally had a good time. Rob made out like a bandit. The boys had a blast. Plus, my little brother came to the party and I got to "hang out" with him for a bit. It was more me trying to hang out and him looking a mix of confused and amused. But I'll take what I can get at this point. (lol) Overall, I think Rob had a pretty good day.

So that's about the long and the short (more short) of it. I will post all the pictures I've been taking and saving to post as soon as I can.

barely at times but I am alive. I just realized it's been nearly a week since I last posted anything. I apologize. I will post something today. I promise. I have gobs of pictures to share too! (Just wait until you see what changes have been going on in our house!)

I've been asking for your prayers pertaining to some issues that I had not elaborated on here. I am grateful for each and every prayer that is sent up on our behalf. I still cannot elaborate on what is going on for a multitude of reasons. However, I need to know something.

Where is God?

From where I'm sitting, he isn't listening. He isn't paying attention. He isn't helping. I'm a good Christian. I do my best each and every day be a good Christian. I follow God's laws. I follow man's laws. I strive to be a good person and raise my children to be good people. And yet, I am without help.

If I look down into the sand there are no foot prints at all. I'm frozen in place and there is no larger than life, unseen force helping me. I've been left there. Frozen. Terrified. Overwhelmed. And completely alone.

If my wavering faith, my questioning of God, makes me a bad Christian. I'm fine with that right now. I will declare it proudly!

MY NAME IS LIZZE AND I AM A BAD CHRISTIAN!!!

God isn't here. I'm looking. I'm listening. I'm talking. I'm waiting as patiently as I can. But as a mother I can only sit idly by and wait for so long. I've only just now, within the past hour, given up on God. I've only just now turned away. Until that moment an hour ago, I was waiting. I was listening so hard I could hear my own heartbeat. I was talking. I was begging on bended knee for help. And I've been ignored yet again.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really don't.

I do what I'm told. As a mother. A Christian (which I still refuse to be any longer). An American citizen. A basic human being. I am kind to others. I am kind to my children. I am a rule-follower. Never a rule-breaker, at least not the major ones. I go without so others don't have to. And still, I am ignored. My children are ignored. My family is ignored.

Well, I'm done being ignored. If I am meant to go this alone. If God isn't going to listen, talk, answer, help. That's fine. I'll go alone without the delusion that help is on the way. Because you know what, it's not. No white knight on a beautiful white horse is on his way to help us. I get it now. I wish I had understood it then. It would have been easier to live through knowing I was alone without help. I guess I should be grateful that I know it now.

Here are a few pics just to give you an idea of how big our "Tiny" is getting.

The blue outfit with puppies on it (yes, those are puppies) was to be his "Coming Home" outfit. My cousin Sam bought it for him in keeping with the tradition she had set in buying both Gavin and Elliott Richard's "Coming Home" outfits. Only Mr. Emmett John was too small and the weather too hot for him to wear it. :( And now, of course, he's nearly outgrown it. :(

It only took me like a week and a half and 30 quick capture pictures to catch it...but here it is! :) lol

Take 1 sleeping baby

Add 1 bored, silly with sleep deprivation mommy

= Equals =

Fun with Pictures!!! :)

Cool filter

Sepia filter

Negative filter

Black & white

Normal/without filter

Okay, so this isn't a "Binkie Baby" photo. But look at that expression...it's just too cute to resist.

(Notice the sleeping twins in the upper right corner.)

2 hours of sleep makes. I am thrilled to say I got FOUR HOURS of sleep (albeit non-consecutive hours) last night!! It's amazing how two extra...nay additional hours of sleep can fool your body into feeling like you got eight hours. lol

Now we're on our way to a local flea market/farmers' market to pick up some fruit for my dairy-free diet. Even though I'm only supposed to avoid the major milk products (milk, ice cream, yogurt etc.) it still makes meals a little more difficult. So it'll be nice to have a few more options for sides and snacks.

I figure about the time we get home my body will realize I didn't actually have eight hours of sleep. Then I'll crash and burn. lol

***Update***
We came. We saw. We bought gobs of fruit and I'm in Heaven. Elliott Richard is napping. (We wore him out and he didn't even have to walk. lol) Emmett John is in his swing. (I've probably just jinxed myself by telling you that.) Rob is on the phone. (Don't ask.) And I am eating lunch with lots of fruit. (Yum.)

As predicted, my body is slowly figuring out I only got 4 hours of sleep. And I think after my belly is full my brain and body are going to slip into a food coma.

***PS Be sure to take note that Emmett John is smiling in his picture! Not his full on grin mind you but at least I caught his sneaky grin. :) Whereas Elliott Richard was less than thrilled with me for taking his picture. lol

No, I'm not pregnant. Yes, I know the title was misleading. Yes, I did it on purpose. It was fun. :)

Meet Blue and Cosmo, twin Seal Point Siamese kittens. (The names were chosen from two of the boys favorite Nicktoons. Blue = Blue's Clues ad Cosmo = The Fairly Oddparents)

Gavin is deathly afraid of mice. We don't have any, however, our house is 105 years old so at one time we did have a mouse. Gavin remembers this and is convinced the mouse is still here even though it was killed long ago by one of our previous cats. So Rob and I decided to get kitten.

He found free Seal Point Siamese mix kittens in the paper. We picked one and left his twin brother behind because he had been promised to someone else. At around 10-11pm that night she called us wanting to know if we wanted Blue's twin since the other lady never showed up. We figured what's a little more insanity and took Cosmo too. The cool thing is they share a birthday with Mr. Emmett John! :)

What Tiny's up to this week: Has your baby smiled at you yet? If not, he will soon. At 6 weeks, about half of all babies can recognize their parents, and many of those babies are so delighted that they welcome Mom or Dad with an excited, gurgly grin. This is one of the first signs that your baby is developing an ability to socialize.In fact, it's called a "social smile," and it's one of the more emotionally gratifying milestones you'll see your baby reach.

Well, here we are working our way through Week 6 already. I can't believe my Tiny has been here for a month and a half already. Already it's harder to remember life before Emmett John. The memories of labor and delivery are fading fast too. (Memories or not, we will *not* be having any repeat performances. Ever. lol) We had our first smile in Week 5. I can't wait to see the next big milestone.

Just a few pics of Emmett John. (I have no idea why the one is blue.)

What can I say, six plus hours at various doctors' appointments tends to bring out the bored ADHD kid in me. ;)

Okay, for future reference, here's the list. The key is as follows:

Orange ~ Rob
Purple ~ Lizze
Green ~ Gavin
Blue ~ Elliott Richard
Red ~ Emmett John

Our Support Team (family, doctors, therapists, teachers etc.):

The Family
Rob's Side
Grandma G (Rob's Mom)
Pa-Pa G (Rob's Dad)
Uncle Brian (Rob's brother)
Uncle Jon (Rob's brother)
Aunt Teri (married to Uncle Jon)
Aunt Kate (Rob's sister)
Uncle Tim (Rob's brother)
Aunt Jenn (Rob's sister)
Grandma Gene (the Great-Grandma/Pa-Pa G's Mommy)
Grandpa B (the Great-Grandpa/Grandma G's Daddy)
Uncle Rick (the Great-Uncle/Pa-Pa G's Brother/Elliott Richard's Godfather)
Aunt Carol (the Great-Aunt/Pa-Pa G's Sister-in-law/Elliott Richard's Godmother)
Cousin Grace (Uncle Rick & Aunt Carol's older daughter)
Cousin Hannah (Uncle Rick & Aunt Carol's younger daughter)

My Side
Adoptive (I don't differentiate but it can be confusing so just for clarification purposes.)
Grandma W (my mom)
Grandpa W (my dad)
Uncle Zach (my baby brother)
Grammy (the Great-Grandma/Grandma W's Mommy)
Po-Po (the Great-Grandpa/Grandpa W's Daddy)
Biological
Aunt Trisha (my sister)
Uncle John (Trisha's hubby - my brother-in-law)
Cousin Danny (Trisha & John's oldest son)
Cousin Dyvin (Trisha & John's youngest son)
Cousin Payton (Trisha & John's daughter)
Grandma Mary (Trisha & I's mother)

The Medical & Educational Team
Gavin's
Patty ~ Psychologist
Mollie ~ Psychological Testing
Dr. R ~ Psychiatrist
Dr. H ~ Pediatrican
Dr. Jon ~ Pediatric Dentist
Neuro ~ Developmental Neurologist
Mrs. C ~ Teacher
Miss L ~ Teacher's Aide
Miss F ~ Social Skills Teacher
Mrs. S ~ Principal
Andrea M ~ MRDD Special Services Administrator
Kathie W ~ Wraparound Project Coordinator
Lori ~ MST

Elliott Richard
Dr. H ~ Pediatrician
Dr. G ~ Urologist (saw when he was an infant and has since been released from treatment)
Dr. Jon ~ Pediatric Dentist

Emmett John
Dr. H ~ Pediatrician
Dr. Tim ~ Apnea Clinic Pediatrician (saw between birth and 3 months, has since been released from treatment)
Dr. KR ~ Ear Nose & Throat doctor (seen for hoarseness & tubes in his ears)

Misc Pediatricians & Nurses in the Practice
Dr. Beth
Dr. M
Dr. K
Dr. C
Chris ~ Dr. H's main nurse
Linda ~ floating nurse
Mel ~ floating nurse

Lizze's Team
Dr. D ~ OB/GYN
Mollie ~ Therapist
Dr. T ~ Pain Management
Dr. E ~ Primary Care Physician
Dr. L ~ Gastroenterologist
Dr. G ~ Rheumatologist

Rob's Team
Mollie ~ Therapist
Dr. E ~ Primary Care Physician

He's quite a good teacher. ;)

(And I still have no idea why there is a blue hue to some pictures/movies and not others. It's not me. I swear.)

Elliott Richard's been obsessed with circles ever since he learned what they are. Usually he brings his Magnadoodle to either Rob or I and asks us, oh so sweetly, to draw circles. Today I had my hands full with a spitting up Emmett John so I explained that he would have to draw the circles himself. This is the end result. I swear just when I think he's as cute as he can get, he gets cuter.

Dr. H's office called us back. And I'm thrilled to have two pieces of good news (for once)...

First, Emmett John's ultrasound of his hips came back as perfect! Yay! He does not have hip dysplasia!

Second, Dr. H over-ruled Dr. M's no milk and soy protiens order! Yippee! I am now back to my "no main milk products" order, which is much easier to live with.

Here is the list of products with milk or soy proteins...un-flippin-real!!!

How to Read a Milk-Free DietAvoid foods with the following ingredients:
1. artificial butter flavor
2. butter, butter fat, butter oil
3. buttermilk
4. casein
5. caseinates (ammonium, calcium, magnesium, potassium, sodium)
6. cheese
7. cream
8. cottage cheese
9. curds
10. custard
11. Ghee
12. Half and Half
13. hydrolysates (casein, milk protein, protein, whey, whey protein)
14. lacalbumin, lacalbumin-phosphate
15. lactoglobulin
16. lactose
17. lactulose
18. milk (any derivative – powder, protein, solids, malted, condensed, evaporated, dry, whole, low-fat, non-fat, skim, goat’s milk)
19. nougat
20. pudding
21. rennet casein
22. sour cream, sour cream solids
23. whey (including all forms, such as sweet, de-lactosed, protein concentrated)
24. yogurt
25. “D” on a label next to “K” or “U” indicated presence of milk protein

The following may contain milk proteins :
1. flavorings: caramel, barvarian cream, coconut cream, brown sugar, butter, natural
2. chocolate
3. luncheon meats, hot dogs, sausages
4. high protein flour
5. margarine
6. Simplesse®

That's how long it's been since I woke up with Emmett John at 3:00am. 17 incredibly long hours. Here's the Tiny Update from the past few days. I apologize up front if it doesn't exactly make sense. It's completely inadequate for me to say I'm running on less than fumes.

I already posted the update from Emmett's appointment with Dr. H on Monday. You can read it here. Dr. H asked me to call yesterday morning with an update on how Emmett had done through the night. So yesterday morning I called and left a message with the nurse. Yesterday afternoon Dr. H called me back.

We discussed Emmett's spitting up episodes (three in an hour and a half yesterday), his fussy behavior during the day etc. I explained how I had given Emmett the dose of Maalox between doses of Zantac and he spit up it and half of what he'd just eaten all over the both of us. Then I explained how we tried for over half an hour to give him the Pedialyte but Emmett refused to take the bottle. He asked me if I felt Emmett needed to be seen. I said "no". He decided to increase the dose of Zantac from 0.5mL to 0.7mL BID and he wanted me to call this morning with another update.

Last night started off so well. Then he woke up at around 3:00am. I figured he was upset because the side he was nursing on was empty so we switched sides. Nothing doing. He nursed. He fussed. I hed him. He fussed. Put him in the swing. He fussed. You get the idea. He wasn't full-on screaming his head off fussy. It was more a grumpy, generally unhappy kind of fussy. This went on until about 6-6:30am when he finally passed out and I was able to doze.

Then when we were all awake for the morning I nursed him at about 8-9:00am. About 10 minutes later at least half of it came back up. Over the course of the next hour he continued to spit up, leaving little puddles in his wake. So as we were getting ready to leave for his appointment for his hip ultrasound I called the nurse and gave her the run down.

The doctors office called back a little while later because Dr. H felt that Emmett needed to be seen again. He was booked solid yesterday so we saw one of his partners, Dr. M (different from Gavin's ped Dr. M).

In the end, she said that it's most likely just his reflux acting up. Plus although we had increased his dose of Zantac it could take up to 10-14 days before we really see a change. She also sent him for an ultrasound of his stomach to make sure he didn't have any stenosis of the valves in the stomach. Then she informed me that I now have to cut out ALL milk and soy products. No milk or soy proteins what-so-ever!!! (Do y'all have any idea how many products have milk and soy in them?!?! I'll post a list for you later.)

So first, we had the ultrasound done on his hips. Then we saw Dr. M. Then Dr. M sent us for the stomach ultrasound.

The stomach ultrasound turned out perfect. He has no signs or symptoms of stenosis of the valves. So that's awesome. And now we just wait for the Zantac to either kick in or not.

Go on, tell me my boys aren't stinking adorable. I dare you! lol

You can't do it, can you? Nope, that's because he's the cutest darn 2 yr old around. ;)

(Yeah, the quality of the video is pretty crappy. But what do you expect from a video taken in semi-darkness with my phone? lol)