Cheerio Confessions

I started this post a few days ago and I really struggled with this. I don't know if this will make any sense but it has been swimming around in my head and I needed to get it out.....

First of all I wanted to express our many thanks to all you out there that come by and visit us here, or at our card store. I cannot begin to explain to you how good it feels to know there are still caring people out there. Most of you don't know us outside of this blog but still choose to leave kind words and encouragement. Your kindness is so very appreciated. We have been living through some very difficult times for the past 7 or 8 years now. It's comforting to know people care....We will forever be grateful for your thoughts and prayers..Please know we keep all of you in ours....

Secondly I would like to re-emphasize the purpose of this blog. As I said earlier we are living and have been living through some very difficult times. We have been defending ourselves and Gavin (our 8 year old with Autism/bipolar disorder/adhd/ptsd/ocd and sensory integration disorder) from his drug and alcohol addicted father and abusive grandmother. They have been waging war on us for almost 7 years now. Even with EVERY doctor,caseworker and teacher 150% behind us, we still cannot stop the barrage of contempt motions and the psychological warfare from continuing. These attempts never go anywhere but we still have to go to court to address them. Currently there are 2 motions pending to have Lizze put in jail for up to 60 days. Again they CANNOT win but we still have to drive 2 hrs to appear in court in another part of the state and pay our attorney a crap load of money we don't have just to make this go away only for it to happen again. Lizze has been on bed rest for many months now and the stress of all this stuff doesn't help. Our attorney along with her doctor told the court that if forced to appear in court now, it could very well kill her and or the baby. The court then had to force a continuance because her ex mother and law refused to postpone court till after the pregnancy despite knowing what could happened to Lizze or our unborn son. In the end Lizze was granted about 5 days recover from labor and delivery before she must appear in court and deal with this stuff. We are hoping this will be the very last time we are put through this and we intend to close any possible loop hole that may exist to ensure this cannot continue to happen in the future.

Gavin.....

Gavin is a sweet, compassionate child with a huge heart and spirit. Gavin is also Autistic and Bipolar (just to name a few). He is struggling with every single aspect of life right now. He is severely regressed and best we can figure he is somewhere between 2 and 4 years of age emotionally. He cannot handle anything anymore. He is violent to himself and his little brother. We cannot allow them to play together because Gavin can snap in a second. Gavin is a good kid but is troubled. We have exhausted all our resources (physically, emotionally and financially)trying to protect him and ensure early intervention for his disorders. We are doing everything we can to ensure he has a good life and as bright a future as possible. Unfortunately, right now there is nothing more we can do for Gavin because he has so many problems we have to wait until he cycles down and we can pick them apart and see what is what. The most painful part is now our lives have been reduced to "ensuring the health of the healthy". The various Doctors we see have all told us that the only thing we can do at this point and for the foreseeable future is to "Physically Survive". We can no longer pour everything into Gavin because we have other kids to worry about now.

The best way to explain it is like this: Think of all of us as bank accounts. Gavin's account is always in the negative no matter how much we deposit. Elliott has a growing balance and retains anything we can give him. Lizze and I have over the years "spent" or "deposited" all our money into Gavin's account. No matter how much we deposit into Gavin's account it will never have a positive balance (at least at this point). Over the many years we have been doing this we have been beaten down so many times that we have lost all our money. What very little we have left has to be divided up between everyone. However, there isn't enough to go around. So with what little we have left, we have to figure out how to "spend" it. As I stated earlier we have been advised by the doctors to "invest" the money into Elliott and the baby because they will benefit from our efforts. This again is because no matter what we do we cannot fix Gavin. If we continued to pour money into Gavins account then Elliott and the baby would be negatively effected and we cannot allow that.

I know this sounds bad and unless your in our shoes it might not make any sense. I know some of you out there know what we are talking about. All we can do for Gavin at this time is Love him, care for him, keep him from hurting himself or others and keep trudging along. However we are to the point where residential treatment is once again being kicked around. Our family is crumbling under the years of trauma, stress and pressure. Our health is going down the drain. Pattie said she cannot believe we have made it this far for this long. She said we "HAD" to get immediate relief or we would completely fall apart and whats left of our family could be lost. She said it wasn't a matter of "if" but "when".
We had to make one of the most difficult decisions of our life. We sent Gavin to stay with Lizze's parents. My parents picked him up from school and her mom took him after work and then to school in the morning. They have been doing this for 6 or 8 weeks now. This has helped Lizze get through the past 6 or 8 weeks of the pregnancy. Gavin is in a kind loving environment and was shielded from all the stress from the pregnancy and the court things... It was the lesser of 2 evils.However, not a day goes by that we don't feel like complete failures as parents. We are reassured by his therapist Pattie that we have done "absolutely everything we can" and now we have to survive. We are and have been for a while at the point where we are having to choose between our kids. Gavin does not tolerate Elliott very often anymore. Elliott has been hit, pushed, screamed at and kicked across the floor for simply touching Gavin. Elliott is paying a very high and we owe it to him to continue to protect him from that. We have to ensure that Elliott has a safe and loving home and the only way we can do that with Gavin there is to keep them seperated. That is very difficult and not always possible. Elliott still has his toddler bed in the corner of our room because it's not safe for him to be in his own room unless we lock Gavin in his at night.
School is out for the summer this Thursday and Gavin will be back home full time again and I don't know what we are going to do.

If all this wasn't enough all of this has taken its toll on our health. Lizze has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia (due to the extreme amount of long term stress and trauma), ptsd, depression and a few other things. Her body has basically turned on itself. I am suffering from a career ending back injury,ptsd,depression and degenerative disc through out my spine. Lizze and I both live in constant physical pain every single day. It makes things so much more difficult to deal with. However we push through it and do what we need to do for our family...

Wow I got off track...
Sorry about all that the flood gates opened....

SOOOOOOOO, back to the point...

This blog is our ONLY outlet. Over the past few months we have had the honor of meeting some really kind people on our blog. It has been very therapeutic to be able to use this as a forum to vent our frustrations with the major setbacks and share our miracle moments also.. We spent years keeping this all to ourselves and "sugar coating" everything because we knew its was to overwhelming for people to hear about. Since then we have come to the realization that it doesn't help us much to hide all this. So now we use this as a (most of the time) journal of our daily trials. I am sorry if anyone felt like we had different motives (ie looking for free stuff or money or anything else like that). I want to make it clear this blog is here for us to tell our story and that's it...
We have been overwhelmed by all of your thoughts and prayers, and honestly, sometimes that's all that gets us though the day. Through this blog we have found that there are indeed kind, selfless, compassionate people still left in the world and they seem to have migrated here. We are asked many times by people how they can help. Honestly, we aren't looking for anything. Your thoughts and prayers are more then we could ever have asked for or even imagined. But to honestly answer those who are asking to do more, you can feel free to visit our card store. Lizze has opened a greeting card store in an attempt to help us finacially make ends meet. So if you need a card just check her store out or pass the link along. This store is hopefully going to help us to continue to survive. Again, PLEASE don't feel you have to do anything. All we humbly ask for is your continued thoughts and prayers.

My head hurts and I need to make dinner. I hope this made sense. It sounded right in my head but that doesn't mean anything anymore...

Thank You for your support.
Please know that we keep all of you in our thoughts and prayers each day.

What Tiny is up to this week: For all the weight and bulk you’re lugging around these days, you’d think your little champ should weigh much more than a mere 5 lbs and measly 17 inches in height, but nope, that’s about the average size for a baby in its thirty-third week. In terms of appearances, they’re getting cuter and pudgier every minute as they pile on the baby fat for those adorable little wrist rolls and chubby toes. And as we’re sure you’ve already noticed they’re getting stronger with every passing day. Nowadays, it’s possible to observe a well-placed kick just by watching your belly—but you already knew that didn’t you? Although they’re getting stronger, your bigger-by-the-day baby is losing space to move around, so the actual rate of movement will drop off in the last few weeks, despite that powerful drop-kick they’ve been working on. Hey, did you know you’ll continue feeling their movements even during labor?

As you can see from the sidebar, Tiny has gone back to Tiny because we can't decide on a name. Again. *sigh*

It's shaping up to be "one of those days".

I should have known when I woke up 5:30 - 6:00am with a charlie horse so bad that all I could do was cry, that it wasn't likely to be a good day. Poor Rob asking me which leg it was so that he could rub it but I couldn't even talk I was in so much pain. After that charlie horse went away, I had...I'm not sure what it was. It felt like a charlie horse only it was in my uterus not my legs. By the time I worked my way through all of those, it was time to get up and get Gavin ready for school.

That's when the fun really began! When we got up, Gavin was already awake and watching cartoons when I stumbled out of the bedroom at 7:30-ish. When Rob asked him to get dressed and put his socks on, Gavin lost it. He started screaming how we woke him up (we didn't), we were mean (we try not to be), he hated his life (we're doing our jobs as parents then). On and on he went. I can't wait for the last day of school tomorrow. Then he'll be home with us all day, every day. (Um...yay?)

86 down ~ 49 to go

Just got home from my NST, BPP and appointment with Dr. D. Things went well. (Yay!) We had the BPP first. Tiny is looking good. She didn't take measurements because she does those every two weeks and we just measured him on Thursday. So he'll get measured next week at the hospital. He was such a trooper. Breathing as soon as we started and then breathing through the whole BPP. He was moving his hands and fingers around. He's still head down and from what I can tell "locked and loaded". Barb was trying to get us a picture of his profile and it was so cute because the umbilical cord was right in front of his mouth (the cord looks like bubbles on an ultrasound) and Tiny had his lips puckered so it looked like he was blowing bubbles! (lol) Barb tried to get a picture of it for us but she couldn't get a good one because my hip bone was in the way (that's how far "head down" he is!). It was so cute to see though. So Tiny passed his BPP with flying colors again. (Double yay!)

After the BPP we had the NST. I passed even though I had 3 contractions during the half hour test. Tiny was moving around and his heartrate was having all the appropriate decells and whatnot. I think he only moves because the monitors on my belly make him so angry; other wise I don't know that he'd move that much. (lol) Those 3 contractions were kicking my butt though. It was bad enough that I woke up with morning sickness again this morning. Then the contractions were making my back hurt and giving me cramps. It sucked.

Once we finished up with the NST we got to see Dr. D for a minutes. I asked him about the return of the evil morning sickness. He said it was normal. I told him I have been taking my phenergan for it. He said, "Oh the 12.5mg?" I laughed and told him that I was taking the full 25 mg and I was lucky if that took the edge off, forget about getting rid of it. (lol)

Now we just hang out until next week. I have to go to the hospital next Wednesday for my BPP and NST because Barb is on vacation. Then I see Dr. D on Thursday to go over the results. (Yay!) I can't wait to see how much he's grown in two weeks. :)

The Stats
Weight: 179lb
at least I managed to maintain my weight with the return of the morning sickness)BP: 96/63
Tiny's Heartrate: 137bpm
Fundal Height: 33 cm
(right on target which is good considering he's already head down and locked in place)
BPP: Passed
NST: Passed (only 3 contractions)

After we finished up at Dr. D's office we had to stop and pay a bill. Then Rob took me for Chic-Fil-A on our way back to Mom and Dad G's to pick up Elliott Richard. (It was being delivered to Dr. D's office as we were leaving and it smelled heavenly!) We hung out at Mom's for a little while. I finished off my lunch. Elliott Richard took bites from each end of his kickin' strips. Then we headed for school to pick Gavin up.

I admit it. I cheated. I went in to the school and said Hi to everyone. It was so great to be there! I can't even tell you how much I have missed picking Gavin up and seeing everyone 5 days a week. That was by far the best "pick me up" I've had in a while. (Not that the sprinkle wasn't an awesome "pick me up" because it was. It was just different.) Plus, not to sound completely narcissistic here but it was nice just to be missed. (lol)

Now I'm back at home with my feet up. Just like I'm supposed to be. I'm trying to listen to the radio on the internet but they are being difficult! The only one I can get to work is MSN/Pandora's and they don't have a very large selection. It's mostly mainstream rock/pop/r&B stuff, which I don't really care for. I was looking for a good christian pop station but they don't seem to exist. :(

Lisa just left. Only 3 more 17P injections to go! (Woo who!) Apparently since my 18th shot would have fallen on 36 weeks and 6 days my insurance company doesn't see the benefit. Dr. D agrees so it's all good. Plus let's face it, it's one less shot for me! (Yay!)

The Stats
BP: 100/60
Tiny's Heartrate: 130bpm

I've got an appointment at 10:20am for my weekly BPP and NST. I can't wait to see Tiny again! :) Hopefully we pass with flying colors again.

I need to scan last weeks BPP pics and post them. I also have some of the sprinkle pictures ready but I need to upload them before I can post them. Maybe I'll get it all done this afternoon.

You know for a woman on bed rest, you'd think I'd have plenty of time to get all this done. But you'd be surprised how much I have to do. And how difficult it is to do most of it on bed rest.

85 days down ~ 50 to go
13 injections down ~ 4 to go
12 weeks down ~ 6 to go

I had my sprinkle today. It was so much fun. I had an absolute blast just seeing my cousins. As we've all grown up we've each gone our different ways. As we should. But that's definitely made it difficult to hang out etc. I miss them all greatly. And I loved seeing them and catching up with them.

Wonderful company. Good food. What more could a pregnant gal on bed rest ask for?

(I'll post a more detailed update with lots of pictures tomorrow. For now my morning sickness has returnhed and brought a migraine for company. So I'm going to veg and watch "Andromeda strain" with Rob.)

Hi! Welcome to my blog. :)

I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that I have nothing but respect for you guys. And I would have loved to go with the Roto-Rooter guy who came and gave us an estimate, however, it honestly came down to a matter of money. We need to be able to pay the bills and buy diapers so the difference of $200.00 is a HUGE difference to us. If money were no object, I would have loved to have Roto-Rooter snake the line and "make it like new", as well, as had them replace the entire soil stack and plumbing int the full-bath on the 2nd floor. But that just wasn't feasable.

Thank you for your advice and input. I hope you'll come back and visit us again. I have a feeling that this drama will be on-going for quiet a while. :) lol

Seriously. I quit. I'm done. I want out. I want a new life. If anyone knows of any crimes I can witness that will get us into the Witness Protection Program...please let me know. Because right now, that's the only way I see out of this disaster.

So far we have spent $400.00 on trying to fix this disaster that passes for a "house". When last I updated on "The Leak" we were trying to figure out how we were going to afford to replace 2 toilets for an additional $400.00. Apparently, once again, that was the least of our concerns.

After the guy snaked the lines everything was running much better. We breathed a sigh of relief. We dared to think that maybe, just maybe our luck was beginning to turn around. Maybe the rain was going to stop and things were going to get better. *insert insane laughter here* Yeah, right. That might happen if we were talking about someone else's life. But this is MY LIFE. The life where things rarely go as they should. Where the sh*t storms last for weeks and months at a time. This is my life, where "bad" people do bad things and good people get the crap that bad people deserve.

Then we woke up this morning. We used the bathroom because it was fixed, right? WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

We flushed the toilet twice and everything was working fine. After the third person flushed, everything came back up. When I say everything, I mean everything. The toilet over-flowed so there's stuff on the floor, which happens to be carpeted for reasons beyond my understanding. Stuff flowed back up into the bathtub. And we think, although we aren't sure, that stuff came up/down from somewhere in the 1/2 bath on the first floor. Which means that snaking the line didn't help the issue. Granted, it needed done anyway. However, financially we only can "afford" to what absolutely must be done. And I use the term "afford" very loosely here.

We are, quite literally, drowning in crap at the moment.

*side note* Does anyone know where my slightly altered quote in my title of this blog came from? It's a movie that I haven't watched since my partying days but the quote fits. (It's supposed to be "F*ck you." rather than "Forget you" but I'm trying not to cuss anymore. So "forget you" it is.)

No, I did not have a nervous breakdown. Although, truthfully, I prayed for one all day yesterday. I prayed for the chance to breakdown. Shut down. Unplug. I was (and still am to some extent) so incredibly over-whelmed it is absolutely unreal to me.

I spend yesterday with absolutely no appetite and feeling as if I were on the verge of a panic attack (something I haven't had it ages). I kept trying to "let go" just enough so that I could have the panic attack and get it over with. If you've had a panic attack (or many), then you understand what I'm talking about. The build up, the slow decent into the actual panic attack is far worse than the panic attack itself. My whole body feels as if it's electrically charged. My heart feels like it is going to literally beat right out of my chest. It's the whole fight or flight response. Only if I don't have the actual panic attack, I never get the end result, which means I'm stuck in fight or flight. While some people may be adrenaline junks and always chasing that "high", I am not one of those people. I prefer to be calm and laid back. (And yes, I realize that me preferring to be calm and laid back contradicts the fact that I have ADHD and am constantly on the go. But being "driven" by ADHD and being "driven" by adrenaline are two completely different things.) I spent a lot of yesterday crying. Mainly because I didn't know what else to and because of the pain in my back.

Rob, bless his heart, tried so hard to distract me and help me. But there are times when I can't be helped. No one can lead me through the "crap" but me. And I just wasn't in the mood to wade through anymore crap. (Afterall, I have more than enough of that in my walls. ;) lol) He put the window AC in our bedroom window. He went to the store for milk and juice and brought me home a rootbeer and some ice cream. He played "Bio Shock". But I just didn't want anything to do with any of it.

Then to rub some salt in my wounds, my satellite DVR box is fried. Julie and Susan will understand exactly what this means for me. My TV is my main source of sanity at the moment. (And let's face it, sanity is something that seems to be slipping through my fingers at an alarming rate these days.) I have a DVR full of shows that I want to watch. Nothing doing. I can't use any of the DVR features. I have to watch live TV. *shivers at the thought* (lol)

I love my life. I love my life. I love my life....

83 down ~ 52 to go

I'm tired of being strong. I want to breakdown like everyone else. I want to shut down. Shut off. Unplug. I'm tired of being sh*t on. (haha I made a funny. Too bad I don't feel much like laughing.)

"The Leak" was apparently the tip of the iceberg.

After spending $200.00 to fix that, we find out the whole sewage line is clogged. The only reason it's been working (for the past 5 years we've lived here!!!) is because of the 3 ft crack that was allowing "stuff" (use your imagination as to what exactly "stuff" is) out into the walls. Now since the crack is gone, the stuff has no other way out. The line is completely clogged. Rendering everything unusable. Toilets - unusable. Sinks - unusable. Washing machine - unusable. Bath tub/shower - unusable. So we had to pay another $200.00 to have the line snaked. (That's $400.00 total so far, that we didn't have. If you are keeping track.)

For the curious, here's what happens when the soil stack/sewage line is clogged. You flush the toilet in our 2nd floor full bathroom (toilet, sink, tub) - the sewage comes up into the tub. (Nice, huh?) You flush the toilet in the 1/2 bath (toilet and a sink) on the 1st floor - the sewage leaks into the basement. You turn on the washer - all sorts of lovely stuff floods the basement.

So the guy Dad G uses comes out. He taps on the cap to get to the line to snake it. The cap and a piece of pipe just fall off because the pipes are so rusted. He tells Rob that from what he can see, there has never been plumbing upkeep done on our house. The snaking will not hold for long. (The Roto Rooter guy quoted us $600.00 to snake the entire line. Making it "like new". The guy we used snaked a path through the...stuff. I'm sorry but if we don't really have the $400.00...we definitely don't have $800.00!)

The toilets are original to the house. Making them nearly 105 years old if they were put in when then house was built. Now we learn those need replaced as well. They are $200.00 a piece. (Putting the grand total at $800.00 not including tax.)

We need out of this house. This money pit. This Hell-hole!

I don't see how though. We will never get financed for a house. We don't have a down payment. Because of Gavin's "something more" we can't live in an apartment because even if the neighbors are understanding at first. Their patience will wear thin and we will wear out our welcome. I don't know where we will go. Or what we will do.

I'm honestly having a hard time holding my tongue at the moment. But Rob has asked me to do just that, for the sake of sanity...so I will. Out of love and respect for my husband, I hold my tongue.

It's true what they say; ignorance is bliss. I wish I were ignorant too. I could use some bliss right about now...

This will be a pity party post. It will not be happy or upbeat. Most likely, it will be bitter and sarcastic. You have been warned.

So I posted the other day about "The Leak". Rob and Dad G were able to fix it. (Yay!) It cost us around $200.00 (Boo!) but that's still better than the $5,000.00. (Yay!) Of course, they didn't replace everything. They just replaced the busted out portion. They even managed to fix the wiring so that I have power in my upstairs bathroom. (Yay!) Not that it matters now because the whole sewage line is backed up. (Ew!) When you flush the upstairs toilet it comes out in the bathtub. (Double ew!) When you flush the toilet in the half-bath on the first floor, the whole basement backs up. (Triple ew!)

This whole thing is just gross and disgusting. Not to mention so not what I need right now.

My back is killing me. I now have sciatic pain shootin down both legs and up my spine if I dare to move. I've been taking my medications that are supposed to help. They don't help. They dope me up pretty good so I don't care quite as much about the pain. But the pain is still there. I really hope this pain goes away after Tiny is here. It should. Although I already have arthritis in my back so there's a chance that this stirred all that up. *sigh*

Tomorrow is my sprinkle. I can't do laundry. I don't think I can take a shower right now either. On the bright side, the sprinkle is at my Aunties Paula's house and I can take a shower there if need be. The Roto-Rooter guy is coming some time between now (9:56am) and noon to give an estimate on "The Leak Part Deux". Rob has to go to the grocery store. And Gavin needs to come home from my mom's at some point. I love my life. *sigh*

82 down ~ 53 to go

Today "Sex and the City" movie is showing in theaters everywhere. I have been waiting for this movie for...ages! Sadly, I will not get to go. I have seriously over done things this week and my sprinkle is Sunday...so I really need to just stay down for the next few days. Plus there's the added issue of my sciatic pain is now in both legs at the same time. So I don't know that I would even be able to sit for a full movie without crying. Rob offered to watch it for me and report back. He was kidding but I know he'd do it if I asked. But that's not the same thing.

Oh well, just another thing to add to my "Things I've Missed While on Bed Rest" list. *sigh*

Pretty quiet day.

Rob and Dad G worked on "The Leak" until about 11:00pm last night. We had a bit of a scare at one point...While Dad was cutting through the soil stack he found an "electrifying" surprise. Apparently at some point a previous owner had run some electrical wiring up the back of the soil stack. While cutting the soil stack Dad G also cut the wires! Flippin' idiots! (Whoever ran the wires there. Not Dad G.) Then the problem was that now we had this leak and these sliced, exposed wires! Not a good combo. So Rob and Dad went and found the wires and capped them off to remove the risk. We were definitely lucky though.

"The Leak" is also far worse than we originally thought. It's not a "leak" so much as a 3 foot CRACK splitting the side of the pipe! They were concerned at one point that the crack extended farther down into the wall than they could reach. Luckily, it stopped just shy of "the point of no return". Now Dad G is back and hopefully they are going to be able to finish the repairs tonight. Although it won't help me much since the cut wires supplied power to the bathroom. I swear if it's not one thing, it's another.

We had our first BPP today at 3:00pm. I read up on BPP's yesterday but I still kind of figured they were just another ultrasound. Nope. Barb, the ultrasound tech at Dr. D's office, said that Tiny had 30 minutes to practice breathing twice for 30 seconds each time, show us 3 good movements, have some good accelerations in his heartrate and have plenty of fluid. Barb said we would sit there until we'd seen everything or 30 minutes had passed, which ever came first. Unfortunately, Rob missed most of the ultrasound because my mom was late picking up Elliott Richard. He'll get to see the rest of them though.

It was actually really cool. Tiny has just the right amount of fluid. (Yay!) He was breathing when she started and he didn't stop the entire time! (Yay!) She said it isn't breathing like we do but it helps him prep the right muscles for after birth. It was really cool to watch his little chest rise and fall. I'd never seen that before in an ultrasound. And while it's not an indicator of lung development, it's definitely a good sign! :)

Then she measured his belly, head and femur. According to his measurements he is the size of a 34 week old fetus (he's 32 weeks 1 day). She figured out that he weighed 4 lb 11oz!!! The average for a 32 week fetus is 3 lb 12 oz. So he's almost a full pound ahead! And here I was worried because my fundal height hadn't changed and I've been struggling to gain weight that he might measure small. Turns out he's been keeping all the weight for himself. (lol)

After she measured him, she watched for the movements. I think he only moved because she was poking him and he hates that. (lol) She didn't give us his score but she did say that had passed with flying colors.

Then we spent a little bit of time just checking out what Tiny looks like since Rob got a late start. She gave us 3 pictures, which I need to upload. One picture is of his foot, which was planted in my right ribs (he's head down just like we thought but she said there's a chance he may pop back out). The second picture is of his face looking at us. We even got to see his eye moving while we were looking at his face. (Very cool.) And the third picture is just of his nose and lips. You can see his tiny little squishie nose (who knew my squishie nose would turn out to be a dominant trait?! lol) and his lips! Seriously, we could see his lips all puckered up as if he wanted a kiss. It's too freaking cute!

We go back on Tuesday for our next NST and BPP. She said she won't measure his weight every week because there usually isn't much change. But they do these NST's and BPP's because of my thrombo-something (the reason I develop the blood clots and have to have the Heparin injections). She said the thrombo-whatever it is could cause Tiny to not get enough blood and nutrients through the umbilical cord. So once a week we get to see Tiny. I can't wait! :)

While we were spying on Tiny, my mom took Elliott Richard to pickup my Grammy for ice cream. Then she brought him home. He had fun and it was good for him to get out of the house and see his grandmas for a bit.

*Leak Update* Dad just finished cutting the piece out. He showed it to me once they removed it and it's *obvious* that this leak has been going on for *ages*. The crack appears to be 1/4 - 1/2 inch wide in some spots! That's just insanity! I can't wait for them to finish because this pregnant woman has got to pee! (lol) And Tiny's break dancing is NOT helping.

80 down ~ 55 to go (I think...)

Not for us.

Please pray for Angie and her family as they work their way through this difficult time.

Okay so I usually try and take my bed rest very seriously. Really, I do. But I've been struggling this week.

Sunday - I was good.

Monay - Was Memorial Day and we went to Mom & Dad G's house for a family cookout. I behaved. Really, I did. I only got up to pee or change location. I swear I only changed location twice. About 75% of the day was spent in Dad's super comfy Lazy Boy recliner with my feet up watching others play Wii or playing (from the Lazy Boy) with them.

Tuesday - Lisa came. Dropped Elliott Richard at Mom G's. Saw Dr. D. Visited at Mom G's for a while. Again from a reclining chair with my feet up. Came home and hung out in a funky mood. Went to dinner (got up twice to get food but I would have been up that much at home). Went to Pat Catan's (a locally owned craft store) and walked way more than I should have. Came home. Put Elliott to bed. Took my meds for my back and passed out at about 9-10:00pm.

Today - Got up a totally grump from lack of sleep and loads of pain. Took meds at lunch. Took a nap for 2 hours or so. Got up and helped Rob pickup before Dad G got here to investigate "The Leak". Transferred items (food, toys etc) needed for sanity upstairs to the bedroom. Relocated from living room to bedroom with Elliott Richard and Cleo. Oh and Gavin is also home tonight because my little brother has an awards ceremony tonight. So he's all setup in his room. (Thank God we had satellite installed in there!) Once in the bedroom I began refolding laundry that had become unfolded and putting it away. While Elliott has been playing with toys.

So yes, I supposed that's *technically* considered over-doing it. But at least the laundry is folded and put away. Well, the laundry that has been outgrown and now needs packed away.

Every day I *swear* I'm going to stay down all day. And every day I end up doing things that are definitely probably considered "over-doing it".

As I write this (on my phone) Rob and his dad are tearing into my walls. Examining the extent of the damage from "The Leak". It's bad. Real bad. Far worse than we thought. They left for Home Depot a little bit ago to get the part to patch it. Rob is hopeful that even with it beginning as bad as it is, it's still within reach to be patched. I hope so because until it's fixed, we've lost the use of our full bathroom. "Luckily" we have a 1/2 bath (toilet, sink) in our kitchen. (Don't ask. We didn't put it there.) I can't even begin to list all the things I find wrong with using this bathroom. I just pray that they can patch it. And I pray that my back pain doesn't bring me to tears during my u/s tomorrow. Oh and my "over doing it"...I hope and pray that doesn't cause Tiny to come early. (By the way, I talked to Dr. D's office today and my fFN was NEGATIVE! Woo who! So hopefully that will get us another two weeks of baking...that would take us to 34 weeks. Not bad.)

***Not sure when this will post but it was written late, late Wednesday night. Just so you know that the "today" I refer to is Wednesday, not Thursday.***

Okay so I had my weekly 17P injection and my appointment with Dr. D yesterday. I tried to write all about it yesterday but I was exhausted (still am) and it just wasn't happening. Sorry.

So Lisa came at 8:00am, per usual. We sat. We chatted. She took vitals for me and Tiny. Then she gave me my injection. I finally got around to asking her if she knows why some of the injections burn and others don't. She said that's just the way it goes. So nothing to be concerned about. Just one of those things. Overall, it was a rather lovely visit...aside from the whole injection part. :) lol


The we all got dressed and ready and took Elliott Richard to Grandma G's house. Then Rob and I went to my appointment with Dr. D. The appointment was at 10:00am but I didn't take into account the fact that he hadn't seen patients on Monday so the office was PACKED! I swear for every 3 patients they called back another 5 walked through the door. It was craziness.

At 10:45am they finally called me back for my NST. I had a few contractions that seemed to go on forever. But overall it went pretty well. Of course, in keeping with being my son Tiny started moving like a good little boy and then promptly got the hiccups so rather than being done in 10 minutes it took us about a half hour. (lol)

Once that was done, the nurse took me to the exam room. Dr. D came in and did the fFN test, which I guess will be my last one. (woo who!) He said that we are looking good and have done everything we can. Now we wait. He didn't really give any indication of whether he thinks Tiny will come in the next few weeks or not, at least not that I can remember. I asked him about the hot flashes I've been having. He said they were normal. As are the spots within my line of vision during the hot flashes. So all in all, it was a pretty low-key appointment.

Then we had to make an appointment for a BPP on Thursday (I was supposed to have it yesterday but they didn't tell me to schedule it so I have to go back tomorrow.) and an appointment for an NST and BPP for next Tuesday. :) Yup, I now get to see Tiny once a week until he makes his appearance. (Yippee!)

They didn't have the results of my fFN test yesterday when I called. So I have to call in a little bit to find out what they are. Rob still thinks it will come back positive. I'm not sure what I think. All I really know is that I'm sore and exhausted and can't seem to stay awake lately.


After my appointment we went to pick up Elliott Richard from Grandma G's house. We ended up hanging out for a while and just chatting with Mom. Then when it was time to leave we found Elliott passed out on the couch. So we stayed for a while longer. Once we finally got home I was in a funk. No reason really. I think it's just crazy pregnancy hormones.

Rob decided to take me out for one last "hurrah" and we went out for dinner. This is always one of the ways I can tell I'm a mom...Rob offers to take me to dinner and I pass up the places I would typically ask to go for a "kid friendly" place. I finally opted for Golden Corral because it's a buffet and we could get there and get Elliott eating right away. Plus there's the added bonus of I can eat whatever I want and as much as I want. And so can Rob and Elliott. So if Elliott doesn't eat what we picked out the first time, we can just get him something else. All I really cared about was the steak, potatoes, and sauteed mushrooms. :) Yum.

After dinner we made a quick dash to Pat Catan's so I could pick up some card making supplies. I also got to pick up some new stamps which were on sale and some different papers. Now I just have to find the motivation to make the cards. (lol)

What Tiny is up to today: In the latest womb reports, your amazing baby has now developed sensitivity to temperature! This means you’ll probably get a swift kick if you put a hot pad on your ginormous belly. For the Elton John lovers out there-- yes, baby’s got blue eyes. At this point, all babies do, although depending on their chromosomal disposition, this could easily change after birth (or even between now and labor), but for the time being, blue it is. Thanks to their recently matured lungs and a remarkably strong immune system, over 90% of babies born in their 32nd week, survive premature births. So it’s pretty much a done deal. Even if your little monkey’s planning on heading out early, their survival odds are in everyone’s favor. Time to celebrate (no, no, wait until after the birth to crack open the champagne!) We’re talking baby-showers and alcohol-free punch!

Oh and to answer the question some of you have been asking about Tiny's name...I was happy with Alexander. I even thought we may have found a middle name. Then Rob decides that he likes "Reid" and can't live without it. (insert eye roll here) I don't know how I feel about it. As a middle name, maybe. But I don't really care for it as a first name. (Help!)

Good morning. I'm exhausted and still not quite awake, despite having been "awake" for an hour and a half.

Elliott is busy taking my books off my book shelf, stacking them up and knocking them down. I am so sore it is absolutely insane. I woke up at one point last night, as in sat bolt upright from a deep sleep, trying not to scream in pain because I had the worst charlie horse I've had in a while. I felt silly because I was flapping around, trying to smack Rob awake to rub it out for me. (lol) I finally landed a few smacks and woke him up. Although he wasn't exactly awake, he tried to rub it out. He did manage to get it to a tolerable level so I was able to go back to sleep. So now, my leg is still cramped up. My back is cramped up. And for some reason my right arm is killing me!

Today my plan is to work on some things online. Try and make some cards. Eat a lot of food. And generally veg since I seriously over did it on Monday and Tuesday. Fun. Fun.

79 down ~ 56 to go
12 injections down ~ 6 to go
11 weeks down ~ 7 to go

I've been writing blogs on the stories of my boys. So far I've completed the first 3 parts of Elliott Richard's story. Once I finish telling his back story, I will go and write up Gavin's. If you are interested in how my pregnancy, labor and delivery etc with Elliott went...here you go. :)