Cheerio Confessions

but you can't take the country out of the girl!

So I was doing my morning blog rounds a little bit ago and I found an interesting blog by Heidi, my cousin Sam's best friend. She was talking about the differences between her upbringing and her husband's. She, more so than me, was raised a "country girl". Her husband, much like Rob, was raised a "city boy". (Only her husband lived in a bigger city than Rob.) She makes note of all the things that she figured everyone grew up experiencing. And it got me thinking along the same lines.

Okay, so I technically grew up in a city. Granted, not a large city but a city nonetheless. However, I am a county girl at heart. (Although over the years my affection for dirt and bugs has waned.) My parents lived in the city. My Granny lived on a farm. She and my Po-Po (a name I gave him as a toddler, don't ask me why because I don't know) lived on the farm. They worked the farm. They made their living from the farm. So farm life has always been a huge part of my life.

So here are the things I grew up doing that I thought most people experienced...

1. Riding tractors.
2. Spending the 3rd week of August every year setting up a booth in some part of the county fair/Helping prepare for 4-H competitions.
3. Picking all the fattest blueberries I could carry and taking them home.
4. Herding cattle back into the fenced area because they had escaped (again).
5. Caring for cattle/pigs (tagging ears and transporting sold animals).
6. Getting up with the sun to be at the county fair the moment it opened.
7. Staying at the fair until after it had closed.
8. Running around the fair grounds with the grandkids etc of my Granny's friends.
9. Going to flea markets to sell goods not buy them.
10. Living in a Civil War era home.
11. Watching coal come flying down the coal shoot so we could heat the house in the winter.
12. Pet a sheep, pig or holding a rabbit.
13. Ridden a hayride.
14. Eaten homemade ice cream.
15. Been to a county fair.

(The last four are the one's Heidi makes mention of in her blog.)

I feel like I should explain some of the things on my list. Simply because some of you may not have experienced them so you may not realize the finer points of those experiences.

Riding tractors: My parents used to flat out beg and order my Granny not to allow me on the tractors. They were terrified something would happen to me. As a child, I didn't understand this fear. As a mother, I totally get it. That being said, I'm so happy that my Granny ignored them and allowed me to have this experience. There is nothing quite like riding a tractor. Being that high on a machine that large...you're effectively cut off from the entire world. It's just you, the tractor and the work that needs to be done. For me, there was always something very relaxing about that.

Spending the 3rd week of August every year setting up a booth in some part of the county fair/Helping prepare for 4-H competitions: When I was younger (Gavin and Elliott's ages) it was a 4-H booth. My aunt was involved in 4-H and my Granny was one of the leaders of her group. So when it came time for the fair, we would have to set up their area with their animals and projects. Part of the fun etc of 4-H is in the presentation. So we always took a lot of time to make sure everything looked great and was as comfortable as possible for the 4-H'ers. Then when I was older it was a booth that my Granny sold her crafts in. I admit when I was in middle school and junior high, this booth embarrassed me a little bit. No one else had family selling wares in the fair. So that made it different and I hadn't quite come to embrace all that is wonderful about being unique. But that week spent helping her set up; I loved that week. It was just her and I. It's actually one of the things I miss most now that she's gone.

Picking all the fattest blueberries I could carry and taking them home: Every spring/summer we would go to the neighbor's house and pick as many as we could carry. We didn't have to pay because we were neighbors and that's what neighbors did...share. I love it! It was so amazing to just go and pick every berry that caught my eye. Of course, the fattest and juicies berries usually never made it any farther than my mouth. lol My Granny also had a grape vine on her farm. So at any given moment I could run out and grab some grapes off the vine. It was an experience I wish my boys could have because it honestly just doesn't get much simpler than that.

Caring for cattle/pigs: Tagging ears and transporting sold animals. Herding cattle back into the fenced area because they had escaped (again). Feeding them. Cleaning up after them. Hauling bailed hay to where it needed to be (for bedding, feed etc.). Repairing the fences. Making sure the babies are being cared for. These tasks were by far my least favorite part of being a country girl but they needed to be done. And since I was raised helping with them, it just seems second nature to me that everyone has done them at some point.

Getting up with the sun to be at the county fair the moment it opened/Staying at the fair until after it had closed/Running around the fair grounds with the grandkids etc of my Granny's friends: As I got older I slept in a little more and of course had to go to school but whenever possible, I stayed at the fair all day, everyday. The county fair was as much a part of summer as not having school. It didn't matter how many times I roamed the fair grounds, there was always a booth I hadn't noticed with some freebie treasure to be collected. There were foods I hadn't tried. And foods I loved and wanted to eat again. I knew all the "shortcuts", which were basically hallways the public couldn't use but we could because we were "fair kids". I knew the good games to play. The one's to avoid. Which vendor had the best fries and where you wanted to go for the best "real" food. I knew what time the marching bands were playing and when the Demolition Derby was. The County Fair was a world unto itself; with it's own secrets and treasures.

After my Granny died in 2002, I couldn't bring myself to return to the fair. I couldn't stand to see her booth with someone else sitting there. I went back August of 2005, I was pregnant with Elliott Richard and I didn't want to be carrying around so much hurt and fear when he was born. Now I can't wait to go back. I'm hoping that Tiny makes it full term so we aren't under "contact isolation" and we can all go this summer.

Going to flea markets to sell goods not buy them: For most people you mention Flea Markets and they immediately begin to think of all the deals to be had. When I was a kid, if you said "Kidron Flea Market" to me I knew that meant a few different things. First, I was spending the night at my Granny's farm. Second, we were getting up with the sun. Third, we'd swing through McDonald's for breakfast and "coffee". (She had actual coffee. I had hot chocolate.) And finally, I would spend the day camped out in a booth or in the car while Granny sold cattle or pigs etc. I usually came home with a treasure or two of my own. Once it was a 6 week old pure bred Australian Sheppard puppy. (She didn't last very long since my little brother was also 6 weeks old and my mother was already sleep deprived without the puppy.) Another time it was an antique makeup compact. I still have that somewhere. The flew market was always an all day trip and always an adventure.

Living in a Civil War era home/Watching coal come flying down the coal shoot so we could heat the house in the winter: The farm was my home away from home. I loved the fact that it was old. I loved the Under Ground Railroad hiding spots. I loved the land. I knew growing up that nearly everyone lived in newer homes but I couldn't imagine not having grown up in a house that old. It was second nature for me to run downstairs to the basement when the coal shipments came. Or to run through the house because nearly every room had two doorways. I learned to roller skate in the kitchen. The curtain that we pulled to cut off the stairway from the hallway always terrified me for reasons I still don't understand. And when I was really little I thought everyone used coal to heat their homes. I didn't realize there were other options available. (lol)

Pet a sheep, pig or holding a rabbit/Witnessing a litter of puppies or kittens being born: I can't imagine growing up and never having pet a sheep, pig or holding a rabbit. How do you not experience these things? How do you have pets and not witness the miracle of birth? It amazed me a few years ago when Rob's parents' dogs had puppies because Mom and Dad G let the kids stay home from school to witness it. Was I really the only one it was common place for? Craziness.

Ridden a hayride: Every year my Granny and Po-Po would have a big...I don't know what it was exactly. I know that people I didn't know would come out to the farm. Po-Po would take them on a hay ride around the farm. Granny would cook corn that we had grown. And I would run around with my dogs and cats killing time until I could eat. I still don't know what the purpose of those days was, however, I loved them. It meant fresh corn and hay rides and everything fun about summer turning to fall.

Eaten homemade ice cream: There is a tiny little barn at the county fair where they milk the cows and turn the milk into homemade ice cream. It's delicious! I guess I'd always figured that everyone went to the county fair so everyone had tried the homemade ice cream too.

Been to a county fair: And again, never been to the county fair?! What insanity is this? I practically grew up at the county fair. I told my Granny that Gavin was a boy at the county fair. I had more sugar-highs from fair food than I can count or remember.

This blog started as a list and realization of the differences in up-bringings (is that even a word? lol) and it morphed into a Memorial of sorts to my Granny. Mother's Day, May 11th, was the 6th anniversary of her death. I can't believe I didn't mention it then. I feel like I should have posted something then, however, this feels "right". What better way to post a Memorial than to share all the experiences I was lucky enough to have because of her. So this post is for my Granny.

72 down ~ 63 to go

I am a hormonal mess. Of course, I'm 30 weeks and 6 days pregnant but still. I feel silly for being so filled with all these emotions. I honestly don't know how I am able to hold all of these emotions.

One of my absolute favorite television shows is "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit". I love it because with my history of being abused there's nothing quite like watching a show where the bad guys are caught, justice is swift and "the system" works to protect the right people (rather than protecting the low-lifes). Usually I can handle the cases covered in the show because I know that somehow, some way in the end justice will be had.

Lately, the cases are getting to me. I just watched an episode where a 16 year old girl went to NYC seeking an abortion. By the time she saw the doctor she was 24 weeks and the abortion was illegal. I only half watched the episode, although I've seen it before (there are very few SVU and CI episodes I haven't seen), because I was distracted by my own thoughts. I just don't understand it. And I admit it, I shed a tear for the situation as a whole.

Another show Rob and I really enjoy is "Bones", which is based on the life of an actual woman. Last night was the Season Finale and I cried through the whole thing. I won't say what happened in case anyone watches and hasn't had a chance to watch it yet but it just tore me up emotionally. Rob kept asking me if I was okay because I was so emotional over the whole thing. I didn't feel so bad about being emotional over "Bones" though because at least it's about an actual person, which means these things took place at some point.

It's all just so over-whelming right now. I'm trying to help Xander grow as long as possible. I haven't slept in what seems like forever. My back is killing me. My ex-mother-in-law couldn't seem to care less about the fact that Tiny's life is at risk with her playing these games. (See below for more info.) I'm trying desperately to get my Etsy store up and running but it's slow going and a lot harder than I planned on. "The Leak" has gotten worse and now parts of our walls are actually rotting out completely. We still have no idea how we will be able to afford to fix this. We don't qualify for the city grants that are available because we owe city taxes. And can I just say that I never realized how much Noggin shows could wear down a person's sanity! If I have to hear one more high-pitched cartoonie laugh...well, it won't be pretty.

The Legal Update: My ex-mother-in-law has filed a second contempt motion against me claiming that I refuse to have contact with her and have cut off her visitations with Gavin. Anyone who knows me or knows the situation knows that's a flat out lie. Nick and I exchanged email addresses. He stopped responding to my emails when I told him he was over-stepping boundaries. I'm not refusing to have contact with her, to my knowledge she hasn't tried to contact me. Plus Rob, Nick and I decided a year ago that she would fill the grandparent role and nothing more. That it isn't her job to try and be Gavin's mother, he already has one of those...ME! She's asking to make-up all the visits she missed over the past year. So she basically wants to make up roughly 25 Friday - Sunday unsupervised visits, a few holidays and 2 weeks this summer (on top of the 2 weeks and every other weekend unsupervised visits she feels entitled to). PLUS wants another 30 days of jail time and an additional $250.00 in fines. Apparently she's forgetting that we all signed an agreement stating that they would only have supervised visits and that would only change if/when Gavin's psychologist decided it should change. But it's just that fact that now she filed it. Oh and the continuance we were ranted...it requires me to be in court 8 DAYS after my due date!!!!! That's unreal!

I have been gently reminded that I need to post an update. (You know who you are. :p lol) So here it is...

Let's see...um...I snuck out yesterday with Rob and Elliott Richard. The plan was to get in the car and go for a ride and then come home. That was it. Not really cheating on my bed rest. More of bending the rules on location.

So we went to the store. Rob and Elliott went in. I stayed in the car and gabbed on the phone to my friend, Debbie. When they came back Rob put Elliott in his car seat and Elliott started screaming "Let go!" which has become his latest defence against the car seat. (lol) Then he started coughing and Rob saw him cough up blood. As soon as he brought it up, he swallowed it again. Then he just started to scream and cry. We tried to look inside his mouth to see if he was cutting a tooth or had bit his tongue but Elliott wasn't playing along. Then it dawned on us that over the past few days, Elliott's had not "black and tarry" stools but definitely black and grainy.

We debated going straight to the Emergency Room but decided that since we were so close to his pediatrician's office we would try there first. Rob called and spoke with a nurse and we were able to get in to see someone right then, which was nice. It wasn't Elliott's regular pediatrician but one of his partners in the practice. We spoke with her and told her what was going on. She said that it could have been a nose bleed. But she didn't really see any evidence of that. She asked if he had been coughing long, thinking he had coughed so much that he had irritated things and the blood came from there. He doesn't have a cough. Just coughed up blood the one time. She said there were a few things it "could be" but no evidence of any of them. So now we are playing the "wait and see" game while we do a test here at home that will help them determine if there is blood in his stool. Hopefully we'll have that finished today or tomorrow so we can send it in and get the results. I just hate playing the "wait and see" game. I feel like we should be doing something. Although I know that if we were to be doing more right now, that would mean a bunch of invasive tests for Elliott. So a lot of pain and suffering and tears and maybe no more answers than we have now. So I'll wait.

For now, he hasn't coughed up anymore blood. Which is good. And his stools have gone back to being a little more normal. So for now, he is doing okay.

I just got off the phone with Dr. D's office. I needed a refill on my muscle relaxers for my back. (Since physical therapy was a bust.) Plus my paperwork on my Heparin injections states that I should start recieving weekly NST's and biophysical profiles (ultrasounds) but I wasn't told last week to schedule those for my appointment next week. And I haven't been sleeping. Between the contractions (that are useless and accomplishing nothing but exhausting me), the back ache and my fibro...I'm not sleeping and I can't survive like this much longer. She talked to Dr. D and called me back. She added the NST (I'm not sure about the BPP.) to my appointment next week and called in scripts for my meds. Hopefully tonight I'll get to sleep...ah dare to dream.

Other than that I'm trying to get some cards made for the Etsy Store. While I relax and try to stay sane. On the bright side, Xander is having a grand 'ole time in there. We've been having these daily battles over who gets to claim my ribs. He feels justified in jamming his head, or butt or any other body part right in the middle of my ribs. I, however, feel that with everything else going on I have a right to evict him from my ribs in the name of breathing (which he doesn't seem to feel is very necessary) or not tasting my food a second time (again this doesn't seem to be a big deal to him). So we've taken to doing this little song and dance of him jamming himself up in my ribs. And then me trying as gently as humanly possible to nudge him down and out of my ribs. This dance will probably continue until he makes his official appearance.

Speaking of his appearance, I've decided that I will do everything within my power to make it to 37 weeks, minimum. If we make it to 37 weeks, then odds are HUGE that we will go home together. I can nurse him without any issues like we had with Elliott Richard. We won't have to decide between nursing or bottle feeding and which will get him released sooner. I won't have to pump. We will spend two, maybe three days in the hospital and then come home. So that's my goal...37 weeks.

I had injection #11 this morning. Painless during and buring after, I should be used to it by now but it messes with my back. I think it's from sitting to favor the injection side that throws everything out of whack.


71 days down ~ 64 days to go
10 weeks down ~ 8 weeks to go
11 injections ~ 7 injections left

We came. We saw. We were released. (Yay!)

They think I just have a contraction-happy uterus. I haven't progressed anymore beyond the 1cm/40% effaced from Sat May 3rd. So that's a good thing. The doctor was super nice. So was my nurse, Carol. I think this may have been a record for us. :)

Elliott Richard got to hang out with his Aunt Teri and Uncle Jonny. He had a blast! (Thanks guys! You were a life saver!) So all in all, things turned out well. And I'm back to my plan to wait for Tiny to be waving before I go back in. :)

The Stats
Weight: 180lb (so I gained back the 1.5lb I had lost PLUS 1.5lbs - yay!)
Pulse: 93 bpm
BP: 90/48 (which is low even for me!)
Tiny's Heartrate: 139 bpm
fFN: negative
Cervix: 1cm/40% effaced

Tiny is moving like crazy and I'm waiting for my meds to kick in. I hope I sleep deeply tonight. These contractions may not be the real deal but they are painful and physically exhausting.

Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts. They're working. :)

Stupid phone + contractions = premature posting of blog. Sorry about that. (lol)

Anyway, Rob is freaking. I'm in pain. And he's acting as if we've never done this before. Will post updates as I have them.

Pray. Pray. Pray.

We're off to L&D, everyone's favorite Sunday Night hangout. All the cool kids go there, don't you know. (lol) Talked to the on-call nurse. Bath helped some. Nurse yelled at me to get out of the tub and get in to L&D. Rob is freaking out. You'd think he'd never this before

I've been having contractions between 5 and 15 minutes apart for the past 6 hours or so. Going to take my second bath of the day to try and get them to lighten up or go away. Rob is calling Dr. D's on-call nurse. I really hope they go away soon. I'm so tired and sore. Please pray for some relief. Off to soak...

I've been having contractions 15-20 minutes apart for...what a few weeks now? It feels like forever. Too bad I won't end up with "abs of steel" from all this contracting. (lol) Dr. D didn't check me on Tuesday because he didn't want to stir things up. I haven't had an ultrasound lately. So I don't know if they are accomplishing anything. I do know that some of them are down right painful! However, I have come to the conclusion that I am not returning to L&D unless one of three things happens:

1) My water obviously breaks or leaks.
2) I start bleeding.
3) Tiny waves at me - in which case I will call 911.


Unless one or more of those three things happens, I'm not going. Period. I refuse. I will not go back only to be told that I'm having irritabilities of varying strength and it's nothing to worry about. So if Tiny is breaking out, he better make it obvious! Complete with neon signs if he can arrange it. Other wise, I shall soldier on.


We have a first name picked. Gavin actually picked it. We are debating on a middle name...but we may have a winner. I'm waiting for more entries into The Contest to be sure.


My mom, Rob's mom, my sisters (Kate, Teri and Jenn), and my Auntie Paula are throwing Tiny a Sprinkle on Sunday June 1st. I'm really excited! I told my mom that I didn't need a full shower but it would be nice to have something to celebrate the fact that Tiny and I have made it this far. It was going to be in a tea party theme but I'm not sure if that's still the case. (My mom, God bless her, tends to be a little indecisive at times. lol)


It feels so funny knowing that I can use the proper pronouns for Tiny. I've spent so long sounding silly and formal. lol He's definitely developing his own personality already. He loves PopTarts and dark chocolate. If I haven't felt him move for a while, all I have to do is eat one of those two things and within an hour he's going crazy! lol He hates the hiccups, especially if they drag on for a while. The sad part is that he has them at least once a day - just like Elliott Richard. He hates it when I lay on my stomach but doesn't seem to mind when Elliott Richard lays on my stomach and squishes him just as much. lol


I can't wait to see what he looks like! Elliott Richard had strawberry blonde colored hair when he was born. Although he didn't have very much and then it all fell out. His eyes also never changed from that first deep blue that all babies are born with. Gavin had very light brown/blonde hair, which also fell out pretty quick. Then as it grew back in it just kept getting darker and darker. His eyes also started changing to brown pretty much from the get-go. At one point, he had the coolest "gun metal" gray colored eyes. I really hoped they would stay that color because it was just so cool and unusual. Now granted, Elliott Richard and Gavin have different genetics except for mine so Tiny is going to look more like Elliott. But still it should be cool to see how the genetics mixed all those months ago.

I've dropped hints here and there. Some were obvious. Others were not. But just in case you've missed them and you're still dying to know Tiny's sex...here you go...


glitter-graphics.com

I can't make it much more obvious than that. ;) lol

So I've been MIA for a few days. I didn't realize I hadn't posted anything since Tuesday! Although I really couldn't post because my notebook had died a month ago and it's taken Rob the past few days to get it revived. Now I'm back and ready to rock! :) lol

Rob was kind enough to allow me to sleep in this morning. Although I should have known what kind of day it was going to be when I was woken up by toys falling down the attic stairs. *sigh* I think I was awake a grand total of maybe a half an hour before the drama officially began. I was in the kitchen making my Poptarts (the breakfast of champions, I know lol) when I heard Gavin screaming his head off. It sounded as if he had hurt himself so I ran from the kitchen, scooped Elliott Richard up on the way and ran upstairs. (Word of warning: when your back is already messed up and your' carrying an additional 30+lbs on your front, scooping and running is a horrible idea and generally does more damage to your back. Just so you know.) We got up there to find that it was just Gavin melting down because Rob had commented on the fact that his room wasn't clean. Have I mentioned how much I love my life? *sigh*

68 down ~ 67 to go (half-way through bed rest Hell)

What Tiny is up to this week: The light is visible at the end of the tunnel! Your oversized self and amazing growing baby have finally reached the single digits (in terms of weeks till birth)! The fine lanugo hair that has been growing all over their little monkey-like body is going to start falling off this week in preparation for the big day. But don’t be shocked if they’re hairier than you’d anticipated, some babies keep their lanugo until after birth. Still, it’s not any cause to be concerned as it will fall off eventually. No surprises here: your little porker is getting even cuter with increasingly pudgy arms and legs this week thanks to the ever-growing layers of subcutaneous fat. In terms of numbers, your baby should be weighing in at around 3 pounds 12 ounces (or more!) and be nearly 16 inches long.

It has been mentioned that I'm not blogging about life as much as usual. I feel like all I would be doing is complaining if I were to blog about life right now. But if that's what y'all come here for who am I to deny you that.

As I sit here writing this, Elliott Richard is chasing the cat down with his push toy. Although he's technically outgrown the push toy, he goes through these phases where it's his favorite toy. I think he just enjoys pushing it and having the ability to chase Cleo with it. Cleo is a pretty good sport about it all. Even when Elliott grabs fists-full of fur, she just howls and waits as patiently as she can for him to let go. *knock on wood* She hasn't brought out the claws or tried to bite him in self-defense yet.

There's no doubt in my mind that Elliott Richard loves Cleo. However, he's only two years old and doesn't quite know how to express that love yet. We're working with him on "nice touches" and "nice lovin's" to try and teach him that we don't need to pull her tail and/or fur to show her love.

Gavin is upstairs in his room. Where he wants to be. He has been having more and more horrible days lately. Apparently today he was demanding attention all day. Ended up in the Principal's Office twice. And at one point even tried to shove his own foot in his mouth because he was so angry. I don't know what shoving his foot in his mouth was supposed to accomplish but whatever. We don't know if this is because:

a) his bi-polar is under control for the first time so we are finally seeing the "Autistic Gavin".
b) his meds aren't working.
c) he's been away from home with our parents for too long.

I don't know that we'll ever know which one it is. I would bet money that (a) is a large part of the issue. if not the biggest part of the issue. We've never actually seen what "Autistic Gavin" is like. We've always had the "Unmedicated Bi-Polar Gavin" covering up the "Autistic Gavin". As for (b), well it's kind of difficult to prove without Gavin's psychiatrist who is next to impossible to get a hold of or return phone all from. Forget about actually getting an appointment. And (c), well Gavin's psychologist keeps telling us that it has to be "the needs of the many, over the needs of the few". Rob, Elliott Richard, Tiny and myself being the "many". Gavin being the "few". So as much as we may miss Gavin and want him home, it isn't a viable option for us right now. The stress would make an already difficult, high-risk pregnancy even more dangerous.

And of course, I made Gavin and Elliott Richard dinner. Chicken nuggets and carrots for Gavin. Just chicken nuggets for Elliott - he's been grazing all day since he's currently in a "bird phase". (That's where he just picks at food like a little bird.) Gavin didn't eat his chicken nuggets but decides he has room for dessert. Um...no. That of course led to a melt down. Then he demanded tape. I said not - because that's not how we ask. He stomped his foot and said, "Why not?!" Um...because you are being rude and how about "because I said so". That got me another meltdown. Now he's in his room with his "boring tv" and his "boring toys" and his "boring life".

On the bright side, I appear to be adequately fulfilling my promise to "make my children miserable". You know, that promise that every parent takes when we agree to raise our children to the best of our ability and teach them to be mature, responsible adults etc. etc. So at least the parenting police can't issue a citation for that. *shrug*

64 down ~ 71 to go

I can't believe I've already had 10 17P injections! That's just crazy to me! That also means I've been on strict bed rest for nearly 10 weeks! *shock*

Lisa came at 8:00am just like every other Tuesday morning. Of course, Elliott Richard decided to sleep in this morning. Just my luck. It's so nice to have some human contact, besides Rob and the boys that is. Plus Lisa and I always end up chatting for a bit, which is nice because it makes it feel a little more like a social visit rather than a business/medical one. It was another painless injection, although the site is burning like crazy at the moment. As much as I hate these injections, I'm going to miss Lisa. She was the perfect nurse for me to be paired up with. :)

This weekend is finally over. We had some good times and we had some bad times.
Gavin came home this weekend and it seemed like we went from 1 colossal meltdown to the next. It seemed like they would never end.

We also had some good time. Gavin made Lizze a really nice Mother's Day card and took a lot of time to make it. See the post a few down and Gavin sang her a mothers day song. We are very tired and going to take it easy today. Gavin advances to Yellow belt this week and we are very proud of him....

Lizze is working on getting more cards posted and building up her store. Hopefully this will take off and give us a little breathing room.

Other then that Lizze said it was a good Mother's Day which means we did something right and that's all that matters.

Thanks again for all our thought and prayers. We are keeping all of you in ours...

glitter-graphics.com

I'm all for a big family, although it appears that 5 is as big as our family is going to get. However, I'm nowhere near as into the "big family" idea as these two parents. The Dugger family has fascinated me ever since I first saw them in a Discovery Health special. At that time I believe they had 15 kids and were expecting #16. Since then, they've had #16 and #17. And now, in a press release of sorts they have let the world know that they are currently expecting #18!!!!! I can't imagine having 18 kids! Here's the link for the new article: Lucky #18. Craziness.

Just to give you some more perspective, here are some "fun facts" from the Discovery Health Channel's web page on the Duggers.

Michelle’s been pregnant for 135 months of her life. (That's 11 years!)
Average number of months between Duggar births is 18.
Estimated number of Duggar diapers to date is 90,000.
The Duggars do approximately 200 loads of laundry each month.
The Duggars feed their entire brood for less than $2,000 per month.
The only person in the Duggar family whose name doesn’t start with "J" is Mom —
Michelle.
Every Duggar child learns to play both violin and piano.
The family organizes their household chores by assigning "jurisdictions," so everyone knows exactly what their daily responsibilities are.
The Duggars estimate all the family members combined have worked approximately 39,000 total hours building their new house.
The Duggars are debt free.

Lizze, I wanted to take a minute while you were sleeping to says a few things. I have found over the past few years its sometimes better to write to you instead of telling you face to face. You get very uncomfortable with compliments especially spoken ones. So here it goes.

I am proud to know you, and proud to be your husband. You are the most selfless person I have ever known. You are a role model for me and our children. I am a better person for having known you. No matter how much pain you live through each and every day I never hear you complain. I am amazed how you so willingly you have given up your life and freedom in order to keep Tiny safe and sound. You are my best friend and my hero. You are everything that matters in my life. You are the glue that holds us all together. Please allow us to take care of you today. Just relax and enjoy this very special day, you deserve it, so very much.

Lizze, I know you miss your Granny, especially today. If she were here she would tell you how proud she is of you. Before she died she made me promise her that I would take care of you. She was an amazing woman. I know she is proud of the woman you are and mother you have become. I hope you can find comfort in that. I love you very much and would be completely lost without you. I look forward to growing old with you. Thank you for everything you do for me and our kids... I hope you enjoy today you certainly deserve it!!!!!!

Your Loving Husband





PS: Elliott wrote this for you:
ghjmn n nnnhjjmhkj,k,jkmmjnnbvbbcvcvghbhnj,hjmjmjjhjhjhm r- hhyhmklu,.ljj,bhbvfcfcfrtgftyu.kp[p[popo9oiujhbhggfc gdfhfgjgklhjljhkghhfdgrfhtyikyulutujrthrwatrw3rqakrfkrrrkl,ll;yloooooooool

"Hey!"
This pictures just screams "Yeah, I'm cute. What's your point?" to me. :)

I've been buried in card making supplies since yesterday afternoon. I'm finding it very therapeutic and distracting. The only problems I'm having is that I like my cards simple but I feel like they are too simple. Nevermind the fact that I'm running out of supplies already! lol I've added two new sets and I've got 4 sets of gift tags to list as soon as I have ribbon/sting to complete them with.

Elliott Richard has discovered a few new loves lately. He's really into "fisses" (fish). Most days he'll watch "Finding Nemo" over and over and over again. For Easter Grandma W gave him a set of 4 different books with the "Finding Nemo" theme. He's been asking us to read them to him and then gets all excited when he sees the "fisses". It's really cute. :) Then while Rob was taking pictures of my cards yesterday, Elliott Richard discovered the camera that Nikky had sent me. He's hooked! I'm going to post a few of his pictures in a bit. It's so cute to watch him taking pictures with the camera on the tripod. He moves it up and down and spins it to see different parts of the room. He's very careful about what he takes pictures of too. :) The only problem is that now he tries to sneak the camera off the dinning room table so he can take more pictures. lol

Tiny has been an active little squirt lately. I tried to catch it on video yesterday but of course, being my child he stopped the second I had the video rolling. I stopped recording and away we went! Between Elliott Richard and Tiny, we are in for some serious trouble. lol

61 down ~ 74 to go

Okay, so I've opened my Etsy store and I must admit I am really nervous about this. I'm terrifed that I'm going to end up like those poor people on American Idol. You know the one's that everyone just loves to laugh at in the beginning of every season. They go there and sing their hearts out. They suck and Simon always asks, "Do you honestly think you can sing?" At this point they always reply, "My friends and family said I'm an amazing singer! You just don't know talent when you hear it!" Now it's obvious to you, me and the dog or cat that this person couldn't carry a tune in bucket, however, they are convinced they are amazing because their friends and family said so. Now whether or not the friends and family are simply tone deaf or didn't have the heart to tell this person the truth, we'll never know. But I so desperately do not want to be that person! So I'm trusting that you, my friends and family, would not steer me wrong. :)

Other than that, things are pretty quiet around here. Gavin had a meltdown of massive proportions at Mom and Dad G's last night. Rob just happened to call during the meltdown and it was still going on 20-25 minutes later. It all started because Jenn and her boyfriend, Matt, had bought chinese for dinner and opted not to share. Which they are well within their rights to do. Especially since the last time they got chinese they offered to share with Gavin and he ate it all himself. Well Gavin didn't like this plan of not sharing so he lost it. Finally I had Jenn take over and do what Rob and I have to do. I affectionately call it "channeling our inner teenager". Simply put you have to throw as much attitude as he's dishing out right back at him. You have to get the head wobble and the finger waving and crossed arms going. Then you have to tell him, "We are SO NOT doing this. I'm not having it. It's just not happening." Sometimes it takes a few tries but he usually gets the point and stops. A lot of the time in situations like last night, he starts the fit because he thinks that the fit will get whoever has "wronged" him to give him what he wants. Last night, he got going and was simply building up steam to keep the fit going until Jenn and Matt caved. I'm very proud of them for not caving.

Poor Tiny has been suffering with one case of the hiccups after another for the past few days now. Tiny doesn't seem to mind them at first but after a while I think it gets to be annoying and he begins to take his frustration out on me and whichever organs happen to be within reach. lol They say that the hiccups help the baby's lungs to develop. I'm not sure if it works that way for my kids though. Elliott Richard had hiccups nearly 4 times a day nearly everyday toward the end of my pregnancy and his lungs were still premature. So who knows. Tiny is currently residing in the breech position. Head jammed up under the middle of my ribs and sitting on my poor cervix. At least it's harder to land kicks to the cerivx if he's sitting on it. lol

Well, I'm off to make some more cards and some gift tags for my Etsy store.

60 down ~ 75 to go

It's official I have my Etsy store up and running. WE ARE OPEN FOR BUSINESS! :) I only have a few cards listed so far but I'm going to get some more together and posted soon. I've also got a basic website up and running as well. Please check them out. Send the links on to your friends and family.

Etsy Store

My "Business" Website

59 down ~ 76 to go

I never get tagged! I always end up just swiping these things and doing them anyway but no one ever actually picks me. Apple picked me! Apple picked me! :) Yes, I'm pregnant on bed rest and the little things make my day. lol Now on to the questions! :)

What I was doing ten years ago: Let's see...ten years ago would have been Friday, May 8, 1998. (Yes, I went back to see what day it actually fell on. lol) So I was still a senior in high school with 28 days (give or take) to graduation. Odds are I was in school finishing up those last few assignments. Oh and I believe that I was deciding during school that day that I would in fact go to my Senior Prom completely stag. I went by myself. Not with a group of single friends. Just me. And I had the absolute best time of my life. My dress was borrowed from my cousin Maddy and I was hot! Or so all my guy friends said. I had a lot of fun that day. Ah...good times. Good times. :)

Five things on my to-do list: "Bake a baby". Take potty breaks. Eat. Take my medications/get my injections. Make some cards.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire: I would buy a new house. Pay off my parents' house/buy them a new one. Pay off Rob's parents' house. Set up college funds for the boys. Donate to March of Dimes, Domestic Violence Shelter and Autism Speaks. Donate a large sum to Gavin's school. Pay off our bills. Go on a family friendly cruise. Spend some on Rob and the boys - fun stuff. Build a little "playhouse" sized place for me to create in and stock it with everything I could ever possibly want/need. I think that about covers it for now.

Three bad habits: Pop. Fast food. No exercise (even when I'm not on bed rest).

Five places I've lived: Um...there was a street in my hometown. A different street in my hometown. A third different street in my hometown. An apt in Hell. And my current home. (Sadly, I've only lived in two cities my entire life. Home and Hell. I prefer Home.)

Five jobs I've had: Mother. Wife. Sister. Daughter. Friend. (That's probably not what they meant but oh well. Those are the most important jobs I'll ever have. Period. But if you must have the standard answer here you are: Fuddruckers (bussing tables), Office Max (cashier), Staples (cashier/customer service/copy center), HH Gregg (cashier/customer service), Stark State College (Administrative Assistant to the Dean of Continuing Education) exciting huh?)

Tagged: Nikky, Julie, Slade, Jen, Merrilee

So I spent part of the day making cards. I made 9 thank you's - 6 for Kate and 3 to sell on my Etsy store. (More info about my Etsy store and website in another post.)

While I was buried in my card making supplies Annie came over for her "play date" with Elliott Richard. The jury is still out on how that went. Elliott had fun but at the same time I don't think he appreciated her scheduled/scripted play style. He's a more free spirit and he prefers to play with whatever seems amusing at the time. Understandablly she had things planned out to do because she only had a limited amount of time to play. Elliott had fun but didn't really seem to see the joy in her play style. She also brought him and Tiny 3 books a piece. They got: "Are you my mother?", "Go to bed!", "Shapes" (he picked this one because there is a ball on the cover), "Touch and Feel Baby Animals" (Elliott got a kick out of the different textures.), "If you're happy and you know it...", and "Bearenstine Bears and too much teasing". So by the time Tiny gets here, he and Elliott Richard will have quite the collection of books for story time. I'm excited because maybe then I won't get stuck reading the same book every night for months on end. :)

I took a little nap. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, Lizze! You lead such an exciting life!" lol I know. Some times it's too much even for me.

And now Rob and Elliott are playing hide-and-go-seek. Elliott doesn't quite understand how to play but he enjoys chasing Daddy while Daddy tries to hide. lol

However, I know that I've "slipped" and made reference to Tiny's sex. ;) Rob and I have told a few people on our own. And now that my mother is planning my sprinkle she has mentioned that unless I want everything in the neutral colors of green and yellow (which my sister Kate has assured me that the neutral clothes simply aren't as cute as the other stuff) I need to tell everyone Tiny's sex. But you can't expect me to just come out and say it can you?! ;) lol I mean where's the fun in that?! lol

So if you're burning to know Tiny's sex, start reading! It's mentioned a few different places - blogs, comments etc. There may even be a picture some where. But I'm not telling where! :) lol

Happy hunting!

What Tiny is up to this week: If you’ve been feeling butterflies moving around in your belly, it’s not just your run-of-the-mill pre-birth performance anxiety. No, it’s your amazing baby with a case of the hiccups: a fairly common occurrence at this point resulting from practicing breathing for their big birthday. In addition, to getting a round of butterfly-like hiccups, your little swimmer has arduously managed to accumulate enough baby fat to account for nearly 3.5% of their overall body weight. Yeah, compared to we adults, it’s not a lot, but when they’re little like that—it’s certainly a healthy (and warming) accomplishment in its way. Another fantastic accomplishment: your baby's spleen is now in charge of hematopoiesis—the 10 dollar name for the process involved in building up certain important blood components. Another fantastic-accomplishment: your little monkey has been peeing into their amniotic sac for a little while now (this is why potty training takes a while) and if you didn’t know, actually swallows it along with the rest of the amniotic fluid. Although the concept is nasty, their urine is sterile and as part of the amniotic fluid base, is replaced several times throughout the day. So if you didn’t know before, now you can tell people, that yes, you drank your own urine—you were still in the womb, but nonetheless, you’ve been there.

Tiny has been getting the hiccups more and more frequently lately. Heck, when we were in L&D this past Saturday, he had them 3 different times! I'm glad to know it's tied to Tiny practicing breathing but I'm not sure how much good it does because Elliott Richard had them an average of 3-4 times a day and his lungs were still immature. I feel movement all the time now. I can also tell when Tiny's trying to get comfortable because I feel the sharp point of an elbow or a knee dragging across the inside of my belly. lol It kind of feels like if you were to bend your finger and drag your knuckle across your arm, only it happens on the inside of my belly. If that makes any sense. lol

Let the crazy pregnancy dreams begin. I know I've had a few pregnancy dreams up to this point, however, these are different.

When I was pregnant with Gavin I had a few of the "typical" pregnancy dreams where you leave the house without the baby, drive away with the baby in the carrier on top of the car...that sort of stuff. But the main dreams I had revolved around nursing. I would dream I had had him and was nursing him. These dreams would seem so real that I would wake up devasted when I realized it was all just a dream.

With Elliott Richard my dreams revolved around the "typical" pregnancy dreams with a few nursing dreams thrown in. Mainly though I had dreams about things going horriblly wrong with the pregnancy/labor & delivery because everything with his pregnancy was so crazy and stressful.

This time around I've had a few pregnancy dreams in the beginning. I don't remember what they were about but they've been pretty "vanilla". Mainly I've had "normal" dreams but I'm pregnant in all of them. So I'm dreaming that I'm going about life as usual (or at least what passes for "as usual" in my dreams) only I'm pregnant.

Last night was my first nursing dream so far. I was trying to nurse Tiny at every feeding while in the NICU and then they refused to allow me to take Tiny home until I could produce like 40 oz in addition to what I needed to produce every three hours for feedings! So basically the NICU wanted me to feed Tiny and then immediately following that feeding they wanted me to pump 40 additional ounces before they would release Tiny to come home. At one point I was just sobbing because I kept getting so close but they still refused to release him until I pumped 40 oz. It was so stressful!

58 down ~ 77 to go

Lisa just left a few minutes ago. It was a nice little visit to break up my week. :) I can't say it enough, I just love her. Today was a nother painless injection. Although I'm sure it will hurt later. Tiny was sound asleep when Lisa tried to get his heartrate. We tried shaking my belly and poking but Tiny wasn't having any of it. Here are the stats for the week:

I can't believe it's only Tuesday. I feel like it should be Thursday or Friday.

I'm grumpy today...for a lot of reasons. Some of those reasons are valid and a big deal. Some of those reasons are more of annoyances and the "icing on the cake". I guess this is my way of warning you. I'm going to do some updating but it will likely be heavily sprinkled with whining and pity parties. You have been warned. ;)

I'm still having the contractions/major irritablities every 20 minutes or so. I called Dr. D's office yesterday to make sure that I shouldn't be doing anything differently. The first nurse I talked to tried to reassure me but I persisted because I didn't feel comfortable with the answers I was getting. She finally said she'd talk to Dr. D and then she'd call me back. A few hours later Lori, one of my favorite of all Dr. D's nurses, called me back. She must have talked to me for 5-10 minutes. Answering my questions and just generally reassuring me. I felt so much better after talking to her. She didn't "poo-poo" me or blow me off at all. When I asked her if I should be doing anything differently at home or if there's anything more medically we can do. She said that we are doing everything medically we can right now. She said that there's a chance I may stay dilated to 1 cm for the rest of the pregnancy and I should try not to worry about it but she understands why I would. She said at home I should stay down more than I have been. She said to lay on my left side, push the fluids and only get up to use the bathroom. *sigh* At this point if staying down all day and only getting up to use the bathroom will keep Tiny inside, then that's what I'll do.

I also talked to her about the disaster that was PT last week. She confirmed that Dr. D had intended for them to just do heat and massage, however, she also agrees that going back at this point would be a horrible idea. So the only option I have for my back pain at this point are my pain meds. And while I hate the idea of taking those, the idea of my preterm labor getting worse from the stress caused by the pain is a bigger concern. So I'll take them.

It's only 8:26am and I already had to take my meds for my back. For some unknown reason (at least it's unknown to me) Elliott Richard decided that 3:00am was a good time to wake up. After a half an hour I was finally able to get him back to sleep. Only to have him wake up again at 4:30am and refuse to go back to sleep. Finally at 5:45am I gave up. I woke Rob up and told him that I was done. At some point last night while I was trying desperately to get Elliott Richard back to sleep, I feel asleep with my head at an odd angle on his bed. He didn't sleep. But for the briefest of moments, I did. Unfortunately, that tiny nap gave me a massive crick in my neck. Then I went and took a nice long hot shower.

I love hot showers. For that brief period, I couldn't feel the cramping and contractions. My back didn't hurt quite as bad. And I wasn't completely exhausted and overwhelmed. Sometimes I just wish I could hide in the shower and not worry about anything.

57 down ~ 78 to go
8 weeks down ~ 11 to go

I tried to write this last night but I was just too exhausted. It wasn't happening, sorry.

The good news first: We're home! :) We got home last night at about 11:00pm. I was discharged from L&D at about 10:30pm but we had to go pick Elliott Richard up from Grandma and Grandpa G's. By the time I was discharged, I was exhausted, sore and had a migraine forming.

Now the run down...

We got there at about 8:00-ish, I think. Apparently there was some freak, "full-moon effect" going on last night because triage in L&D was packed! Lucky me, I ended up in one of the antepartum rooms (which are super nice by the way). I asked the nurse if I was in an actual L&D room and she said those were actually a little bigger than the room I was in, which was pretty big all on it's own. (I think Rob may have taken pictures but I'm not sure.)

They hooked me up to the monitors. Well, at least the nurse tried to hook us up. The monitor for my contractions was a piece of cake. However, Tiny was not in the mood to be monitored and kept "running" away. Shawn, my nurse, tried for 15-20 minutes before she gave up and asked another nurse to try. The second nurse tried for another 15-20 minutes before she gave up. They finally just opted to leave the monitor on my belly and catch Tiny's heartrate whenever they could. After they gave up, I shifted to get more comfortable and I was finally able to catch Tiny! (hahaha)

So they monitored me for about 2 and a half hours. Turns out that what I'm having aren't full blown contractions, however, they are bigger irritablities. (Irritablities are like muscle spasms in my uterus.) Then in between the stronger irritablities I was having a lot of tiny irritablities. They ran a few tests. I think they reran my fFN test, which was negative again. And I think they may have checked to make sure I'm not leaking fluid. I'm not. (Yay!) Then they checked to be sure that I'm not dilating. I didn't exactly fail but these irritablities are definitely doing something. Up to this point I've been "long, thick and closed", which is exactly what we want at 28 weeks pregnant. As of last night, I'm now a "fingertip dilated", which is more or less a centimeter dilated. While that's honestly not much and I could very well stay here for the rest of the pregnancy, it's scary for me because it means that while I'm not having full-blown contractions what I am having are actually slowly accomplishing something. (sigh)

In the end, they sent me home to continue what I've been doing. Take my Procardia. Stay off my feet. Rest as much as possible. And now I'm supposed to take my Darvocet as needed for the really painful contractions and general soreness.

Honestly, what getting to me at this point is the exhaustion and soreness. My whole stomach feels like I spent the past few days doing nothing but stomach crunches. It hurts to touch it. It hurts to leave it alone. It's just plain sore. And having a muscle (or a few muscles) constantly contracting is just physically exhausting.


55 down ~ 80 to go

I called Dr. D's on-call nurse. Answered about a zillion questions. And now I'm waiting for Grandma and Grandpa G to come and pick up the boys. Off we go again. On the bright side, she did not poo-poo me. And if anything super bad should happen, at least we made it to 28 weeks.

Prayers much appreciated.

It's been a rocky weekend and it's only Saturday...that can't be good.

I've been having a lot of contractions over the past few days. I'm consistantly having at least 3/hr. Some of them aren't too bad but others HURT. I'm still torn between going in and being the "girl who cried labor" and not going in. At this point, I think I'll just wait it out. My biggest concern is that I'm absolutely exhausted. Not all of the contractions hurt but the act of having them round the clock like this, is physically exhausting. I'm not sleeping very well because of them. So I'm just exhausted.

I know more has happened. I can't remember it. I think I may just go take a nap and let Rob update you on everything later.

I will be sure to post if we decided to call/go in.

54 down ~ 81 to go

I haven't blogged today. I haven't even been online today. I've been having a lot of pain and contractions today. My back is slightly better but not much. I just generally feel "off". I've been told to go in to L&D by friends. Rob is leaning that way. I'm concerned that I'm going to be dubbed the "girl who cried labor".

52 down ~ 83 to go

It's official! We've made it to 28 weeks! Tiny's survival rate has just gone up to 90% if birth were to take place today. Yay!!! I am also now officially in the 3rd Trimester!!! I feel as if we are in the home stretch now.

What Tiny is up to this week: You know how you’ve been feeling a bit like a barn with legs? Well, that feeling won’t subside before… well, you know, when you finally give birth. For the time being, you’ve got yourself a baby in the business of collecting fat and lots of it! In spite of the dubious joys of being a human-barn, this baby fat business is very serious and you’ve got to put up with it because it’s going to keep your little porker warm and healthy after birth. Other good stuff from inside: their eyes are doing lots of blinking this week because they’re now able to respond to light and dark. Also, their industrious little bone marrow is now a major construction site for developing red blood cells, while their super-cute adrenal glands are actually producing androgen and estrogen—which will stimulate your hormones to begin milk production. Can you say, “Moo?”

Tiny has been moving up a storm lately. Especially since I've been recovering from pneumonia. I think the change in my voice (it was super deep and wraspy) scared Tiny. When I would talk movements would stop, almost as if Tiny was confused by this new voice. lol I don't have any belly pictures for 26 or 27 weeks. I was just too sick and out of it. I kept trying to get them done but it was more effort than I had the energy for. I'm sure Tiny will understand someday. :)

Today started out so nicely. Granted I had to literally drag myself out of bed because I've been so exhausted lately but other than that, a good morning.

I had my first (and last) physical therapy appointment today at 12:45pm. There is no way I will be doing that again. Even if I wanted to, I don't Rob would go for it. I thought I was going for heat and massage therapy...wrong! She did a basic exam (bend this way, stretch that way sort of thing), which I know she needed to do to get a baseline and whatnot. What I didn't expect was for it to hurt so badly. All I did was bend and touch my toes a few times, lean back a few times and a stretch 3x for 30 seconds. After I did the stretches she wanted me to get up and try this belt thing. I couldn't do it. I literally could not get off the table.

Now I have a high tolerance for pain but this was un-Godly. On that lovely scale of 1-10, my pain was way past 10. I just laid there and cried. She (the PT) wanted to get heat on it but it was a struggle for me to move. After rolling me on my side (at that point you could have ripped my arms off and I'm not sure I would have noticed), she was able to get the heat on my back. Then after a few minutes (I have no idea how long it was.), I was able to sit up. Then after sitting with the heat for a few minutes, I was finally able to get up.

That was 3 hours ago and I'm still in gobs of pain. I caved in and took a Darvocet and it's not even touching it. I have muscle relaxers but I'm hesitant to take them right now. Mainly because I've been having a lot of cramping with some contractions since the whole ordeal. I'm afraid if I take the muscle relaxer on top of the Darvocet that I'll be so out of it, I wouldn't be able to keep up with the contractions/cramping.

So no more PT for me. I'll have to find another way to cope with the pain for the rest of the pregnancy. *sigh* I have no idea what that other way to cope is, unless it's pain meds and muscle relaxers. Hopefully, Dr. D's office will call with some ideas.

51 down ~ 84 to go

Ah...50 days down. Slowly but surely we're getting there. We'll be 28 weeks tomorrow. The "golden number"...I'm completely thrilled! I already told Rob that I want to celebrate tomorrow. :)

I had my bi-weekly appointment with Dr. D this morning. It was scheduled at 10:30 a.m. and I thought it would be an in-and-out kind of appointment. I was wrong. We didn't have to wait very long to be seen. Although it felt like ages because I had to pee so bad. (lol) The we went back and got the BP, measurements and whatnot out of the way. Chrissy, the nurse, asked if the new Nurse Practitioner, Rhonda, could come in and see me as well as Dr. D. I said that was fine. I really like her. She's very nice and friendly. I felt really comfortable talking to her, which is unusual for me. It usually takes me a while to get comfortable with medical professionals. (Trust issues and all that jazz.)

So we talked about my contractions and the bruised/sore feeling I've had the past few days. So we talked for a while and at first she was talking about how I wasn't having "true contractions". At that point Rob got a confused expression on his face and asked why they weren't "true contractions". So then we had the whole "preterm labor history" discussion blah blah blah. So she went and spoke with Dr. D and they decided to perform and NST just in case. While we were waiting for the NST machine to become available, Lori came in because she had realized that I was due for my fFN test. (Fun fun) So we did that. Dr. D checked to make sure I'm not dilating, which I'm not. (Yippee) Then it was time for the NST.

It took nearly 45 minutes to get the number of good movements we needed. Tiny has been sleeping all day (even after the graduation cake for breakfast!) and was not in the mood to play along and move. We tried poking my belly, shaking my belly and drinking lots of ice water. Nothing. In the end, we got enough movements and only a few contractions. So we were able to come home. We're just waiting on the results of the fFN test.

Yet another 17P injection down. (Yippee!) Lisa just left a little bit a ago. It was nice to actually get to visit with her for a few minutes without having to worry about infecting her. :) All in all, it was a pretty painless visit. Seriously. The shot didn't hurt during or after, I fully expect that to change over time but for now I'm pain-free. The only hiccup was the fact that Tiny was sleeping, apparently very deeply, and unwilling to wake-up so long as we were trying. As soon as we gave up, he kicked a few times very strongly and then went back to sleep. Of course, I just ate a piece of graduation cake so it's only a matter of time before the conga line starts up. lol

BP: 100/70
Tiny's Heartrate: 120 bpm

Current shots in my arms: Freak-out factor of 5 (I hate it. It sucks. But I can turn away and close my eyes and "find my happy place".)
Current shots in my stomach: Freak-out factor of 15 (It terrifies me more than I can say.)
Current shots in my thighs: Freak-out factor of 8.5 (I was so freaked out and terrified that I almost puked. That is how bad my needle phobia is.)

On the list of Ultra-Mega-Super Crappy Things
We just learned that the new dose of Heparin (10,000 units in 1cc of fluid = 1 shot BID) that I need is persona-non-grata. Poof. Gone. None to be had. However, they do have 5,000 units in 1cc of fluid per vial, which means 2 shots to get what I should be getting in 1 shot. That means 4 shots per day!

I'm done at this point. Seriously. Stick a fork in me. I'm done. I want out. I want it to stop. I want to just be left alone with the rest of my pregnancy. No more shots. No more bed rest. No more meds. No more contractions. That's it. I can't take anymore. I've spend the morning crying and trying not to puke because of all of it. If the pharmacy calls and says that there is absolutely nothing that can be done to get around 4 shots per day, I will burst into tears. I was finally starting to get my appetite back. It's gone again. I don't even know that anything sounds good to eat at this point.

I just need a break. Why can't I catch a break? Just a tiny, little break.

Life is slowly returning to "normal". Meaning basically that I am slowly getting over my pneumonia. (But I'm still struggling a bit so please forgive the disjointed thought process of this blog. lol) Gavin is in school and will probably be returning to my mother's this evening. Rob is trying to fight off something similar to what I had. So far he appears to be winning the battle. (Prayers that he beats it quickly would be much appreciated because we really can't afford for Rob to get sick right now.) Other than that it's just life as usual here.

We are trying to find a rhythm and groove for our day-to-day lives. Obviously this is a struggle with Gavin involved to begin with. Then you throw in the bed rest, high risk pregnancy, Elliott Richard, my health, Rob's sanity and the new Spring season. Spring and fall are my favorite seasons because they are so beautiful. They are my least favorite seasons because they mean more housework. We are struggling to stay above water as it is and now we've got yard work to be done. Boys itching to go outside and play. A lilac bush that causes me horrible migraines right outside my window. The list just goes on and on.

Our neighbors have these beautiful landscaped yards that they keep up with meticulous efficiency. And I would love to have those yards but honestly, our lives simply do not afford us that luxury. I told Rob last night that we need to consider scaling down the flowers and whatnot that we do have to the simplest and most attractive option available and leave it at that. The easier the yard and yard work are for Rob...well, it's just one less thing he has to worry about.

In a few hours we have a company coming out to give us an estimate on 6x6ft white vinyl fencing for our yard. Gavin's MRDD SSA, Andrea, thinks she has found funding to get the fence paid for since Gavin is a runner. As soon as the door opens, he off for the car or into the street. Trying to get him to wait on the sidewalk is a complete impossibility at this point because when he grows bored he'll just take off. If one of our neighbors (the few he knows and we are friends with) happen to be outside, off he goes. Too bad she can't find funding to cover "The Leak". :(

Yesterday, was our sister Kate's college graduation. (Technically she's Rob's sister but I don't call them my sisters-in-law too often.) We didn't get to attend the graduation because of the bed rest. :( Kate said it was best that I didn't come though because apparently it was really hot! So while I'm sad and disappointed that I missed the ceremony, it's good that I didn't go. And I feel better knowing that Kate understands. After the ceremony we had a big family party for her at Mom & Dad G's. Rob and I went because I just transplanted myself onto their furniture for a few hours. :) It was so nice to get out of the house. Even if I was sitting in someone else's house. lol The food was delicious! (Fried chicken and pizza - yum!) The cake was even better! (Tiny definitely approved. lol) Overall, it was a pretty good day. (Minus the meltdowns from Gavin and whatnot - but I'm just not in the mood to focus on that at the moment.)

I think I may have overdone things though. Because I started to get this nagging "sore and bruised" feeling in my belly yesterday. Then last night I was having some pretty strong contractions with a lot of cervical pain even though they weren't consistent. Some of them woke me up clutching my belly. I have to call Dr. D in 15 minutes to find out my new Heparin dose anyway so I think I'll mention it then. I haven't had too many since I woke up but I woke up nauseous too, which is unusual. So who knows. Odds are they are going to want me to come in, which will throw Rob's whole day off. :(

49 down ~ 86 to go

I am completely overwhelmed. I now have what Lizze and Elliott have/had (I feel like crap) and Gavin is driving me crazy.... He will not stop talking and repeating himself. He is picking on Elliott and not listening at all.
I made the mistake of getting a game for the 360 that Gavin and I could play together. The first time he was playing it he was doing fine with the game but then Elliott touched him. Gavin completely lost it and started screaming at him and swinging his elbows around in an attempt to make Elliott go away.
All Gavin will talk about is how he wants to play the game again. I told him he doesn't get to play games when he does things like that. He could have really hurt Elliott. Gavin is just not ready for video games, even the very simple ones...
I don't know what we are supposed do. Someone out there has to know what we are supposed to do.. All of our doctors and case workers keep telling us that we have already done so much more then most parents would have done so good advice is hard to come by. We need new ideas..

My huge concerns right now are:
1)Should we let Gavin and Elliott even play together (supervised of course).
2)How do we get through to Gavin???
3) How do we do any of this without feeling guilty.
4) Do we continue to fight Lizze's ex- mother and law to protect Gavin at the expense of the entire family???
5) If we don't let Gavin and Elliott play together how do we keep them separated?
6) How do we secure ourselves financially with all we have going on?????
7) How do we protect Gavin??
8) How do we protect Elliott and Tiny???
9) When do Lizze and myself get to take care of ourselves???
10) Are we trying hard enough, if not, what can we be doing better???

These are just s few of the things I worry about everyday...There probably isn't an answer to these questions....Gavin is melting down right now because he was digging in a hole in the wall with his fingers and Lizze told him to stop. Instead of stopping he just hid around the corner and did it again. She asked him a total of 4 times and finally sent him to his room... Now he is screaming and crying in his room... I am completely lost.....

And this being my blog I am about to subject you to my theories. :) Don't you feel lucky?

Theory #1: Procreation and Fertilization
We need to evolve so that the second there is a fertilized egg that successfully implants, there is a warning. I don't care what this warning is. It could be a literal glow, like our whole belly just *lights up*. Or a light within our belly button. Heck, in keeping with the "pee on a stick" tradition, something could change with our urine. Whatever it is, it needs to be obvious. It needs to scream, "Hey you, lady! You're pregnant!" Perhaps if the pregnancy results in twins (or more) the light within the belly button could be...flashing. Something to say, "Oh and by the way, there's more than one."

Yes, I'm taking the "fun" out of finding out your pregnant. Yes, I'm making it impersonal. But you know what, if you've never struggled with the Hell that is known as "The 2ww" (The 2 Week Wait) then you don't know how much those two weeks hurt. And just how much all of those pee sticks cost! Besides, this is my crazy, messed up list of theories. :) lol

Theory #2: Notification of Sex

No. No. No. I do not mean a notification that you are going to have sex or have had sex. Hopefully you already picked up on those signals and they resulted in Theory #1.

I mean that the sex of the child (fetus/embryo - whatever) is determined at fertilization. Therefore it's perfectly reasonable to want to be notified as soon as possible as to the sex. (For those of you who wish to be "surprised" - sorry surprises have no room in my theories.)

Oh, I know! The light! (Or the urine, whichever option you went with. If you went with urine and you have boy/girl twins then your urine would be purple.) The light will be blue or pink depending upon the sex of the child. And if it does happen to be boy/girl twins it would flash pink and blue, alternating of course. Yes, that's perfect. The light is directly tied to the sex. (And for those of you who don't like "blue for boys and pink for girls" - again I'm sorry. These are my theories and it's just easier to have blue = boys and pink= girls. Nothing sexist about it. It's all about convenience.)

There now we have it established that not only am I pregnant, but the sex and number of fetus(es). The next problem to arise with pregnancy, is naming the child.

Theory #3: The Naming

As some of you know, naming a child can be HELL! Sure, sometimes it works out all nice and neat...You open that baby name book to exactly the right page at that exactly right, cosmic moment and the stars align, the angels sing and the name literally jumps up off the page and does a little jig for while screaming "ME! ME! ME! I'm the perfect name!"

Well, to those of you who are lucky enough to have those moments...pfth on you! :p

The rest of us spend hours upon hours, reading every baby name book ever written (no matter how obscure), searching websites, checking meanings, popularity, spellings...the list goes on and on. We find a name and it feels "sort of right" but not quite there. Kind of like your second favorite pair of jeans. The pair that are your first choice only when your favorite pair is dirty and in the wash. They fit. They feel okay. But they just aren't perfect! So we keep looking. We re-read the baby name books, the websites. We ask friends, family, the telemarketer that dared to call, and the cashier at the grocery store what names they like. We consider every name ever known to man. Literally. No name is too off-the-wall for a brief period...

Cosmo, Tallulah, Nevaeh...the list goes on and on. Just look at the celebrities! Do you think they wanted to name their children "Pilot Inspector" or "Fifi-Trixiebelle"?! No! Of course they didn't. But they couldn't decide. It came down to the wire. Their children were going to have blank birth certificates and go through life as "Baby Boy" or "Baby Girl", which honestly may have been preferable to the chosen names but that's neither here nor there. Now those poor children are saddled with horrible names! That's a lot of pressure on a parent!

There has to be a way to find out what our children are destined to be named without the hours of reading and stressing. Let's see...for the religious (or non-sci-fi inclined) we could go with a dream. A divine intervention if you will. You go to sleep (having already had your pink and/or blue light warning) and the child comes to you and tells you, "My name is..." There you go, problem solved. In the time span of a week tops, you have managed to not only discover that you are pregnant but also learn the pre-destined name for your child(ren). At this point you breathe deep sigh of relief and focus on enjoying your pregnancy. (Ah, life is good.)

But...wait...what's that? You aren't the religious type and don't really believe in "divine intervention dreams"? Okay, fine then. Let's see...we could go sci-fi? Something along the lines of "Battlestar Galactica". I mean we have colored lights in our belly buttons so why not run with that, right? So, you've had you light experience. You now know you are pregnant. You also know the number of fetus(es) and the sex(es). At that point, your body is kind enough to spit out a print out. I'll allow you to use your imagination as to where this print out comes from. (Get your mind out of the gutter! Shame on you. Honestly, this is a family blog!) I was thinking along the lines of mouth, ear, or slit from behind your ear. Whatever. with the name destined for your child.

Either way, you now have the fact that you are definitely pregnant, the sex of the child(ren), and the name(s). Life is good. Life is peaceful. And that's one less thing to stress out over for the next 9 months. Besides think of all the shopping you could get done from the get-go! (Ah, shopping, I miss you so.)

Theory #4: The Warning System

For those of us prone to high risk pregnancies and even for those prone but blissfully unaware of what's looming on the horizon, there should be an advanced warning system. I honestly don't care what it is. A letter from God in the mail would work. Another divine intervention dream. Or in keeping with the light theory, the light could change to RED. Bright, nearly blinding red that simply screams "WARNING". This light would also activate if at any point something goes "wrong" allowing the mother-to-be to know that, "Hey, we need to book it to L&D!" (I can't tell you how many times I've begged for this warning system over the past 6 months.) This warning system would also serve double duty, it would also serve as warning for the OB as well. That way there's no question. It's not the mother-to-be being over-protective or worrying too much. It means there is something off that needs to be explored.

Theory #5: Labor & Delivery

When it comes time for "the big day", again there should be warning. Some of us are lucky enough to have our water obviously break in the very beginning. Thereby forcing us to stop and say, "Uh oh, it's time." However, most of us never get that warning. So we spend hours and days and sleepless nights trying to time contractions and judge on a ridiculous scale of 1-10 what our pain is. (I hate that stupid scale.) When we should be resting. Or not worrying because it's false labor. Or hauling booty to L&D because "it's time" was actually 12 hours ago, which means you are rapidly approaching the land of no return. Other wise known as, "the land of NO EPIDURAL"! (AH! The horror! And for those of you who prefer natural childbirth, bravo for you. However, if God had intended for me to go naturally he would have seen fit to have me born before epidurals were discovered. As I was not born then - at least not that I can recall - I choose to go with the beloved epidural.)

So there needs to be a warning system here as well. Let's see...it can't be the same as Theory #4's warning system. That would be entirely too confusing. So let's just make it completely obvious, shall we?

On the religious/non-sci-fi front, we could yet another divine intervention dream. It's a simple dream. A timer is all we need. So you close your eyes. Go to sleep. And all you dream is a rapidly counting down timer telling you that you have X days, X hours, X minutes, X seconds before "it's time" becomes "Happy Birthday".

For the sci-fi inclined, rather than a dream we still get the timer. (X days, X hours, X minutes, X seconds) Only it shows across our belly. No denying that warning now is there. Either way you have an idea of how long before the end, which gives you plenty of time to haul booty to L&D and get that beloved epidural (if you so choose). Or to wait it out at home before calling your midwife and having a baby.

There we have it. Pregnancy from start to finish. No muss. No fuss. No questioning. No second-guessing. Just in and out, "Pregnancy in a Can" if you will. All the convenience of fast food without the calories! ;) lol

Ah, if only life were so simple...

It worked! I finally got my MP4 videos to upload! Yippee! :)

So here's Elliott Richard washing his feet...

That's right! I said it!

WE'VE GOT SNUGGLING!

As y'all read in Rob's post yesterday Elliott Richard nearly got an elbow to the head for simply touching Gavin and sort of trying to snuggle with him then.

So this morning while Elliott Richard was watching "Finding Nemo" (for what I'm sure is the 100th time this week) and Gavin came downstairs for a bit, I was shocked to see this! :)

It started with Elliott coming up behind Gavin and hugging him. When Gavin didn't throw and elbow and sat on the floor, Elliott went for broke and curled up in his lap! :)

I just love this picture of them together! Okay so Gavin has a pained expression on his face but work with me here. I love how Elliott is snuggling him and looking up at him.

Heck, I just love the fact that it happened at all. Pained expression or not. :)

Today may actually turn out to be a pretty good day. *crosses fingers* God willing.

This is the "Throne".

We just got it out the other day and are still trying to get Elliott Richard used to seeing it, sitting on it etc.

As you can see, he currently thinks it's a really neat place to hide stuff. (lol) While we know we'll have to put a stop to that, for now, while he's "getting to know the potty" we figured it was ok. (I'm sure this will come back to bite me firmly on the butt very soon. lol)

We're pretty certain it's time because he's started hiding when he poops and then he'll tell us when he's done that he pooped. If he pees, he sometimes tells us right afterward and asks for a dry diaper. He's interested in others going potty (which is perfectly normal from what Dr. H (his ped) says). And some nights he stays dry. Some nights he doesn't. But he's definitely going for long periods of time during the day dry. So I'm relatively certain that it's either time now, or it will be very soon.

Now keeping in mind that we haven't had to potty train anyone in...what...nearly 5-6 years I'm very open to any and all tips, tricks and whatnot that y'all have figured out. I honestly don't even remember how we introduced Gavin to the potty. (lol)

Curls, waves and flips...oh my!
The bed highjacker returns to the scene of the crime...again!
He's now taken to scooting up and sitting in my pillow anytime I get up off the bed! (lol)
Elliott Richard washing his feet.
I love this one although you really can't see what's going on. He climbed up onto my bed, pointed to his feet and said "sticky". (He had spilt his juice and walked through it before we got it mopped up.) So I handed him a wipe and he went to town for a good five minutes, washing his feet. I have a really cute video of it...if I could get blogger or photobucket or someone to post it! Argh.

I love my job. I love being a stay-at-home mom, which then affords me the time I need for my other job as the President of the PTA at Gavin's school. It kills me that I can't be at the school everyday doing the simple things like checking my mailbox. (I have a mailbox, how cool is that?! lol) I love working with the staff. I love talking to them. Hearing what they need help with. What sort of things the PTA can do to make their jobs easier. I love the staff at his school. I've said it before and I'll say it again, they are all angels. No one else could do what they do with the style, flair and love that they do it.

It's funny though. Maybe it's because in high school, I wasn't the most popular or the prettiest or the most outgoing (I know, who would have thought! lol) and so I don't see myself as any of those things. I never had a lot of friends. Just one best friend and few acquaintances. Maybe a boyfriend. So when I think of the staff at Gavin's school, I think of them as my friends. All of them. The principal/director, Laura, the teachers, Sensei, each and every one of them have become my friends in my heart and mind. But I just kind of figured that they humored me. (Granted, I can be a humorous girl (haha) but that's not what I meant.) I guess I always figured they talked to me, they laughed with me and then when I was gone they either forgot I was there or were like "thank God, I thought she'd never leave". These are my issues not theirs. I know that. But for better or worse, it's how I feel. I would appear that I am wrong.

I email with a few of the staff every once in a while. It's nice. To "talk" to them outside of school. To hear about their lives. To honestly get to know them as people beyond my child's educators. Well, yesterday I was reminded and shown just how wrong I truly am.

Rob went to school to pick Gavin up and help his teachers with some techno-issue. When he returned home he had a surprise for me. :)

This picture was made and signed by Gavin and his classmates. The flowers are tracings of their hands that they cut out and rolled to make flowers. (How stinking adorable is that?!)

Between my flowers and the collage I was crying like a baby. It was all so sweet.

I feel truly blessed to have so many wonderful, caring people involved in our lives. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Ice!
This was the only way I could get fluids down for a week straight. I had no idea I could cough my throat that raw.

Lip balm
My lips have been dry this entire pregnancy, no matter how much I drink. But that was nothing compared to how dry my lips were with all that hacking, which does not feel any better when your lips are cracked and bleeding. Just for the record.

And that my friends is how I managed to come out on the other side. :)

47 down ~ 88 to go